Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I have been confused lately and am in the I have no idea what I want. Being in the ~I do not know what I want,~ is lonely because I cannot accept a date and no matter how perfect, gorgeous, have it together, I feel an indifference after a few conversations. One great guy asked for a fantastic night on the town, play, opera, you name it, and my answer, was "It is a possibility, maybe," and he disappeared and never replied back! I have just experienced weird stuff with OLD, a few men straight out accused me of being a fake, there was no way my profile was real, and refused to speak to me again, when I asked them what the heck they were talking about, they never replied. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Online is a place to make contact, not a place to build attraction and interest. After a first contact if he looks good on paper than kick your little tush out the door and go meet him. The real thing is out there not behind your pc. Too often I went on dates I didn't care to go and ended up having an amazing time. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 One great guy asked for a fantastic night on the town, play, opera, you name it, and my answer, was "It is a possibility, maybe," and he disappeared and never replied back! I'm not surprised. If someone told me that, I would disappear too. If you show so little interest or enthusiasm then why would he waste more time speaking to you? Next time a great guy asks you to meet, I would recommend saying "yes". 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 One great guy asked for a fantastic night on the town, play, opera, you name it, and my answer, was "It is a possibility, maybe," and he disappeared and never replied back! To be brutal I can't say I blame him. These guys you are talking to have been there and seen it all. They are not going to waste time on a woman who appears to be flakey or not particularly bothered about them. They are probably sick and tired of the behaviour you are displaying and they get it all the time. It gets very boring and very hurtful after a short time. To be honest I think you should stop dating. Take time out, decide what you do actually want then go for that rather than mess these guys about. They have emotions too. Its not fair to go messing with them because your bored and feeling lonely... 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 Yes, I am not overly enthusiastic at the moment. It may have to do with the fact of my bad experience with the sociopath player. We really had an OK Coral beat down, last convo, straight out of a Quentin Tarantino movie, I being the Uma, Kill Bill character, and I am emotionally exhausted. Thankfully we are in indefinite NC. I am off OLD as of today. The one guy, I also mentioned in adjacent that I felt we needed to speak some more. I have to warm up to someone before jumping to a date. I guess that is not how it works in OLD. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 As others said you have all backwards...... You need to use OLD as a way to meet people...not find the love of your life. It doesn't matter how great online communication is....you never know till you meet face to face. If a guy asks you out, you say maybe, he says $&@) it..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Yes, I am not overly enthusiastic at the moment. It may have to do with the fact of my bad experience with the sociopath player. I am emotionally exhausted. Thankfully we are in indefinite NC. I am off OLD as of today. Good. A partner should be just that and compliment your life not be a necessity. Take some time out and heal. Let yourself get to the point where you can get excited about meeting people again then try again. But also remember that OLD while very popular is just a tool the same as going out, joining clubs and going to classes etc are. Give yourself time and look after yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 I'm not surprised. If someone told me that, I would disappear too. If you show so little interest or enthusiasm then why would he waste more time speaking to you? Next time a great guy asks you to meet, I would recommend saying "yes". But how do I know he is a great guy if we do not communicate more and go from there. I was picturing myself, as insert here, at concert, and looking over to stranger I barely know. Is it too much to ask to get to know someone better first? I suppose my dating style may not work for OLD. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 But how do I know he is a great guy if we do not communicate more and go from there. I was picturing myself, as insert here, at concert, and looking over to stranger I barely know. Is it too much to ask to get to know someone better first? I suppose my dating style may not work for OLD. To be honest, you're not in the head space to receive what it is you say you want. As long as you couldn't really give a rip, you shouldn't be trying to figure out who is or isn't a great guy. You need to be figuring out the demise of your last relationship if it is too fresh in your memory that you're still linking back to it. It just might be too soon for you to even be trying to date--OLD or not. And it's not a matter of you getting to know someone better--you're not interested in giving anyone a chance as long as you're sparkling with indifference as has come across in your posts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 But how do I know he is a great guy if we do not communicate more and go from there. Well you said he was a great guy, in the last bit I quoted. So you thought he was great, but you gave a totally luke-warm response. That is going to put any guy right off. After effectively getting rejected what guy is going to go back for more? Especially since you say he is a great guy, he probably can find other women who will say "yes". I was picturing myself, as insert here, at concert, and looking over to stranger I barely know. Is it too much to ask to get to know someone better first? I suppose my dating style may not work for OLD. Well yes, a concert is not a good place for a first meeting from OLD, for the reasons you point out. It's normally better to have a quick meet and greet for a drink/coffee/beer first to see if you get on in real life. If you do, have a "proper" first date. If not, don't see each other again. That is the best way to meet people on OLD. Your strategy, of getting to know someone online... puts you into a category familiar to most guys, that is called "time vampire". They will chat for hours and never meet. When asked to meet they will say vague things like "maybe" etc. Even if you are not a time vampire yourself, acting like one will cause guys to lose interest very quickly. If you want to meet, you need to say "yes" to a meeting. Even if the guy suggests something like a concert, just reply that you'd rather meet for a quick drink to see if you get on first, then go for a proper date next time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 But how do I know he is a great guy if we do not communicate more and go from there. I was picturing myself, as insert here, at concert, and looking over to stranger I barely know. Is it too much to ask to get to know someone better first? I suppose my dating style may not work for OLD. Well your going to have to get used to it at some point. Because at some point someone you don't yet know will wind up being your partner. OLD and all other forms of dating are to get to know a person. You can't do that by endless messaging and never meeting. What if you are chatting to a guy for ages and really like him then meet him and wham - you really are not physically attracted to him AT ALL... Yes it does happen! Like I say, take some time out. Get yourself into a better frame of mind then try. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 Well your going to have to get used to it at some point. Because at some point someone you don't yet know will wind up being your partner. OLD and all other forms of dating are to get to know a person. You can't do that by endless messaging and never meeting. What if you are chatting to a guy for ages and really like him then meet him and wham - you really are not physically attracted to him AT ALL... Yes it does happen! Like I say, take some time out. Get yourself into a better frame of mind then try. It really might not be my venue, I may try again later before my subscription runs out. I also went through many asking me to send pictures of my body, legs, etc. When I told them I thought that was weird and all my pictures are real and updated on profile with full body shots included, they freaked out demanding me send them, strangers, more pics etc. It is all bizarre! Link to post Share on other sites
TunaInTheBrine Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I have been confused lately and am in the I have no idea what I want. Being in the ~I do not know what I want,~ is lonely because I cannot accept a date and no matter how perfect, gorgeous, have it together, I feel an indifference after a few conversations. One great guy asked for a fantastic night on the town, play, opera, you name it, and my answer, was "It is a possibility, maybe," and he disappeared and never replied back! I have just experienced weird stuff with OLD, a few men straight out accused me of being a fake, there was no way my profile was real, and refused to speak to me again, when I asked them what the heck they were talking about, they never replied. "It is a possibility, maybe"? Why would you even bother to reply with that to someone? And you're shocked that you don't get a response? Seriously. No one is perfect and has it together, and despite how gorgeous someone might appear, there are always imperfections and age will take looks away. Stop deluding yourself. You will not find the apple at the top of the tree. I am not sure what you want, neither in OLD or in your post here, so maybe there is a common theme to be found in your online behavior after all. Are you filling some empty void with attention? I know this all sounds harsh, but really, I have difficulty understanding your logic here because there is no logic. I think you need a dose of reality and to learn what it means to connect genuinely with other people before you can begin to date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 "It is a possibility, maybe"? Why would you even bother to reply with that to someone? And you're shocked that you don't get a response? Seriously. No one is perfect and has it together, and despite how gorgeous someone might appear, there are always imperfections and age will take looks away. Stop deluding yourself. You will not find the apple at the top of the tree. I am not sure what you want, neither in OLD or in your post here, so maybe there is a common theme to be found in your online behavior after all. Are you filling some empty void with attention? I know this all sounds harsh, but really, I have difficulty understanding your logic here because there is no logic. I think you need a dose of reality and to learn what it means to connect genuinely with other people before you can begin to date. I do not know why it would seem not genuine to want to get to know someone, a stranger better, before meeting them. It may not be their dating style, but it is mine. I could work on being more comfortable with the prospect of meeting someone after two short emails..it just has not come to that now. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 It really might not be my venue, I may try again later before my subscription runs out. I also went through many asking me to send pictures of my body, legs, etc. When I told them I thought that was weird and all my pictures are real and updated on profile with full body shots included, they freaked out demanding me send them, strangers, more pics etc. It is all bizarre! Tip - those are the ones you say a simple - no thanks to... LOADS of women and men exchange pictures all the time. We are the weird ones for not doing it, but I prefer our way These ones are the ones who just want to masturbate over pictures. Ignore them you get loads of them. Take some time out from it and put yourself back together again. You will be better able to deal with all the rubbish you get with OLD and better able to make good choices. It does take practice but you get there in the end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I do not know why it would seem not genuine to want to get to know someone, a stranger better, before meeting them. It may not be their dating style, but it is mine. I could work on being more comfortable with the prospect of meeting someone after two short emails..it just has not come to that now. If after a couple of days of exchanging messages I have not been asked out I move on these days... There has to be some conversation but equally the rule is meet asap and don't waste time. Those that I have got into long lengthy discussions with I have never ended up meeting. Oh tell a lie I met one and he was a pillock. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Online is a place to make contact, not a place to build attraction and interest. After a first contact if he looks good on paper than kick your little tush out the door and go meet him. The real thing is out there not behind your pc. Too often I went on dates I didn't care to go and ended up having an amazing time. I agree with this 100%. If everyone followed this rule, then there wouldn't be so many complains of people flaking, catfishing, text pals, friend zoning, and all around confusion. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 I agree with this 100%. If everyone followed this rule, then there wouldn't be so many complains of people flaking, catfishing, text pals, friend zoning, and all around confusion. It is just not the right venue for some. I am selective and am not meeting a complete stranger after a few verses. I feel those that push too hard may have an agenda, afraid you may back out once you get a feel of them better through verbal exchange. I am attracted also to the brilliant mind types, so if I cannot get a feel for their ability to engage in deep convo...then my attraction wanes. Plus asking a few to speak further, led to the sex talk..and they were all about sex. had I not further instigated convos on those men, it would have been a bad date of a man only looking for sex. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Well, if you keep doing what you've been doing, you will keep getting what you've been getting. Or you can try a different way, and maybe get some different results. It's up to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I am selective and am not meeting a complete stranger after a few verses. In this context, the word "selective" equals impossible. Men who know what they're doing will pass on that crap faster than you pass on a guy who looks good on paper and offers you an outstanding date. It pretty much takes a fool to woo a profile pic for weeks on end hoping to get a date someday. You need to adjust your thinking, imho. Dating is how you get to know someone, not having deep conversations via online messaging. The woman I'm dating now is the best prospect I've had in years, and here's how it went... she liked my profile, I send her a nice message (about two paragraphs) ending with me asking her to meet. Next message, she accepted. Count'em- two short messages. We are talking zero bull$hit. And as it turns out, she's feminine, attractive, highly intelligent... and zero bull$hit 2 Link to post Share on other sites
StocksnBlondes Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 It really might not be my venue, I may try again later before my subscription runs out. I also went through many asking me to send pictures of my body, legs, etc. When I told them I thought that was weird and all my pictures are real and updated on profile with full body shots included, they freaked out demanding me send them, strangers, more pics etc. It is all bizarre! If they're that into specific appearance they're not a gentleman and I personally wouldn't pursue and I'd say tell them exactly why ...that's just creepy to be asked about legs etc. You're not some commodity. Also ...sending pix like that ...you don't know if they'll end up being used in some scam later on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 One great guy asked for a fantastic night on the town, play, opera, you name it, and my answer, was "It is a possibility, maybe," and he disappeared and never replied back! "That sounds like a wonderful idea. How about we meet for coffee and share our interest in XXXX? (my personal favorite is live theater)" If they don't take that opening and run with it, well, mark it down to another of the billions you'll never know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 "That sounds like a wonderful idea. How about we meet for coffee and share our interest in XXXX? (my personal favorite is live theater)" If they don't take that opening and run with it, well, mark it down to another of the billions you'll never know. I wish, I did not have that enthusiasm in me to write that. I believe right now is not a good time for me. I believe going through that mess with the charming socio, put me off for awhile. Our last convo going like this, Him: you know you want me and for me to own you. Me: I would rather chew on drywall for hours. I am going to take a break and focus my energy elsewhere and hopefully will bounce back soon with a much better attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 In this context, the word "selective" equals impossible. Men who know what they're doing will pass on that crap faster than you pass on a guy who looks good on paper and offers you an outstanding date. It pretty much takes a fool to woo a profile pic for weeks on end hoping to get a date someday. You need to adjust your thinking, imho. Dating is how you get to know someone, not having deep conversations via online messaging. The woman I'm dating now is the best prospect I've had in years, and here's how it went... she liked my profile, I send her a nice message (about two paragraphs) ending with me asking her to meet. Next message, she accepted. Count'em- two short messages. We are talking zero bull$hit. And as it turns out, she's feminine, attractive, highly intelligent... and zero bull$hit IMHO, this is the gold standard of online dating interaction. Maybe two message volleys before asking to meet, but two back-and-forths, tops. And obviously, OP, if someone is speaking to you in an abusive manner, you GTFO as soon as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
chapter44 Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 If you were in a relationship with a sociopath or any cluster B personality disordered person I would highly recommend not dating for awhile. Relationships with PD individuals are very damaging and can be very difficult to break free of. I think people in a healthy place can sense someone who is working through stuff and usually disappear pretty quick when the feel something is "off". I think taking a break from OL or any other dating for a bit is a wise choice. Just take care of yourself right now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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