kenmore Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Hi Everyone, I have started a new career and it involves a lot of travel! It's the polar opposite of my previous lives where I either A: worked a very strict 9-5 Mon-Fri schedule, B: was a stay-at-home husband or C: worked retail hours, often weekends and possibly getting home just in time to bring my step-daughter to school. Now, I have not seen "home" for almost three weeks and expect that to be somewhat the norm. What has made this job a good fit for me IS the fact that I was recently divorced so have no family unit anymore. While that frees me up to do as I please, I happen to like family units. I have been single, married, widowed and now divorced and I prefer married by a long shot! I intend to marry again someday. So far, my dating experience with this job has been limited but it has created logistical problems a few times already. I love my new job and intend to keep it so in other words, I want it all! I truly miss sex and I'm not the type to pay someone for it. Getting sex through normal channels typically requires trust and time. In my experience, the lady needs to feel committed to the relationship and feel I am too and has to trust me. Obviously that's not the case with all women. I have known some who would be happy to jump into bed with me right away but often they aren't my type and I won't go there unless I feel there's a real relationship too (at least I hadn't, I may have to re-think that perspective.) I think getting to that point in a relationship will be much more difficult if I'm only home a weekend a month or so. That scenario may well change how the participants view things. Being away all the time may cause stress on a marriage if and when I'm ever able to get to that point but on the other hand, it may take some stress off in other ways. Certainly me making money will take stress off of it! So I created this thread looking for thoughts on this subject. Do people here think my new lifestyle will hinder my dating excessively, minimally or even help it, and the same question for a marriage later? I know it depends on the people involved and from my perspective (half of "us"), I prefer to spend lots of time together but I don't have a choice. I guess the question boils down to how the readers here would feel about it if they were the ones in the relationship / marriage. Would you hate it, love it or is it all the same to you? Very curious. I guess I'm trying to get a feel for how difficult this will be for me. Thanks!! Ken 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 It depends on the woman, her schedule, her emotional needs. This is not a relationship I would go for. I met someone lately and he was in your situation. He was in town 1 weekend per month, sometimes 2 weekends. I told him this was not enough for me. What you have to offer is the same as a long distance relationship with 1 weekend a month. How can you build a connection with someone under these conditions? I know you love your job but at some point something will have to give if you want a job and a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 You are going to have trouble dating given how littke time you are home. Are you traveling to the same city or different cities? If you are going to the same city you may have better luck there. In all honesty if this travel going to be constant you aren't going to be happy with a love life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 It depends on the woman, her schedule, her emotional needs. This is not a relationship I would go for. I met someone lately and he was in your situation. He was in town 1 weekend per month, sometimes 2 weekends. I told him this was not enough for me. What you have to offer is the same as a long distance relationship with 1 weekend a month. How can you build a connection with someone under these conditions? I know you love your job but at some point something will have to give if you want a job and a relationship. Hi Gaeta, thanks for your reply! It's not quite as bad as a long distance relationship. I had one of those, it lasted for months and I never met her! Somehow it ended badly LOL! I appreciate your perspective so much! It's kinda what I have been thinking. It DOES depend on the person involved though. What made me post this is the weird thought of my ex who really did not want to be married. I wondered why she did not want to be married? The answer was (as far as I could imagine) that she wanted her independence, valued her freedom, liked her "me time"...in short she was selfish but I get that! I have had the thought so often that if she had stuck it out, I'd have the job she always wanted me to have plus her freedom and independence...plus great sex once or twice a month! To me, the real value comes at retirement. That's when we would be able to travel the world and be together. That's the culmination! I can see where it can work for some people but I understand what you say, and sadly for me,. I think your perspective will be most people's Ken 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 You are going to have trouble dating given how littke time you are home. Are you traveling to the same city or different cities? If you are going to the same city you may have better luck there. In all honesty if this travel going to be constant you aren't going to be happy with a love life. Hi Ami1uwant! I also appreciate your reply very much! I know it will be trouble. It was already trouble just being an insurance agent from home so this will be really tough! I do feel there is a woman out there for me though! To answer your question, aside from being "home" (which BTW will be changing soon), I am supposed to be in most of these places every six months, regularly. That's an ideal number but the reality is it won't be that frequently...but yes, I will be in the same cities "regularly." I have already met women I like at some of these places but to imagine seeing them grow older with each passing visit and to hear about their dates, lives, marriages, I just hate to go there so I just enjoy their company while I see them, and move on. Now there is a woman I know and have never met yet, and she is right near a customer's plant. We have been talking and I like her a lot. I assume she likes me too since she talks to me and has not stopped it; in fact she reaches out to me every now and then. I am looking forward to this job taking me to her, but again it will be so infrequent. It would require a woman who is willing to move to live at my "home" or near it. I just realized how hopeless this is looking. That really saddens me. I need a lot and it's a dead end for most women. That said, I won't resign myself to a life alone! Suggestions anyone? Thanks again Ami1uwant, I appreciate your response! Ken 1 Link to post Share on other sites
healingsoul Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 Hi Ken, In reading your post, one comment that stuck out is that you noted that marriage was by far your best relationship experience. If you really believe this I would focus on finding a person that you can really enjoy as a person and someone that wants to invest time in getting to know you also. Many people want to rush into physical part of a relationship--sex--but in the end it isn't lasting and needs to be continually fed. You have been through a lot of relationships in your life and you might be given the perfect time to develop yourself more and become fully satisified in who you are without needing another person. I often think people use relationships to feel emptiness or in search of personal satisfaction. You might be able to expereince during all of this travel time that your new job affords you that you can focus. Are there some things in life that you have always wanted to learn to do or to explore but have not had time to do? This could be a great opportunity, and in the end, you may feel more complete and able to give parts of your that you had not yet had time to developed or discovered when a new relationship comes. Natural relationships are the best, so if and when the right person for you enters your life it will not matter to her if you spend time traveling for your job if she knows your are totally committed to her and loyal. And especially since you seened to hope to marry again some day, this would be the best road to follow to find that special relationship that could lead to marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 I just realized that there are legions of traveling salesmen who 99% of women would view them as incompatible with them for relationships. These guys are prisoners to their own testosterone. You seem to be enjoying your job Ken. Are you good at making friends on the road? Food for thought: In my country, truckers sometimes truck all over with their wives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted October 10, 2015 Author Share Posted October 10, 2015 Hi healingsoul, thanks for your perspective! Yes, it makes a lot of sense to use this time to get more used to being alone, if for no other reason than not "needing" a woman in my life. I think a marriage would be nicer if it wasn't a necessity but a pleasure. That said, I'm not sure I will ever get that way and don't want to wait another ten years to fulfill that part of my life. I'm not going to grab some lady out of desperation but I'm sure going to keep my eyes open. ManyDissapoint, it's true that many women would find my job "incompatible" with their lives. What made me post this was the train of thought that if my ex had stuck with me, not only would I have the employment (ignoring the fact for now that I got the job because she was divorcing me), but if she really wanted to "be alone", she would be a lot! The small amount of time I would be around would hopefully have been a pleasure for her in many ways, then I would go and she would be alone again. It may have been a perfect compromise for her between being really alone and being married. Also, I would have felt an obligation to send some money to help support the household. The problem is not every woman is like that, but I keep hearing women say they don't want a relationship or they want to be alone (or don't need a man which I think really means they don't want to put up with a man.) This lifestyle might be just the ticket for them. To answer your question, yes I do make friends easily and in fact met a woman on the flight to Florida last week. We hit it off really well and became facebook friends. We are keeping in touch and I'm hoping to take her out to dinner next weekend! Ken Link to post Share on other sites
Giggle Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 I'd like it. Lol. I have done the military wife thing and the independence of having my partner away much of the time was kind of nice. I am leery actually of getting involved with someone who is really available.. Geographically close and has a lot of time to be together because I have so much going on and with 5 kids, I fear getting consumed by wanting to be together all that available time. I'm weird, don't mind me. It is going to take a special kind of girl and you may find that as ok as she is with it..bothers you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted October 10, 2015 Author Share Posted October 10, 2015 Thanks Giggle, I knew there must be someone out there who thought that way LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 I'd like it. Lol. I have done the military wife thing and the independence of having my partner away much of the time was kind of nice. I am leery actually of getting involved with someone who is really available.. Geographically close and has a lot of time to be together because I have so much going on and with 5 kids, I fear getting consumed by wanting to be together all that available time. I'm weird, don't mind me. It is going to take a special kind of girl and you may find that as ok as she is with it..bothers you. I agree! Not ideal, but hell if I REALLY fell for you or any man with that schedule, I would consider making an exception. It would all depend on how strong my feelings were, and if there was long term potential. I am extremely independent and love my lone time! I have a friend who is married to a professional fisherman. He is gone like nine months out of the year! This works for them! There is someone for everyone!!!! Good luck k! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Vintage79 Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 It will likely be a major challenge - generally people want to see the person they're dating, and I don't know how you'll get the family unit feeling if you only can see the person/family unit once or twice a month... Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 Thanks Katie, that's two! LOL Vintage, I agree. It will be difficult to get that feeling and honestly even knowing there is a potential future for me, I mourn my loss. I'm the kind of guy who likes being with my wife, but no matter what, I can't have that and this job; and this job means so much to me now. In fact, I just got done messaging that lady friend on Facebook; the one I met on the flight last week and further cemented plans for a date next week, and while I was doing so, the thought crossed my mind how hopeless anything with her is. She won't even be in my territory. That said, I will be in her area next week and I'll be damned if I'm going to let an opportunity to see her just slip by because of negativity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted November 9, 2015 Share Posted November 9, 2015 .... this job means so much to me now. ... and I'll be damned if I'm going to let an opportunity to see her just slip by because of negativity. EXACTLY ^^^^. You've NAILED it Ken. You have your job. It's doing GREAT things for you; money, travel, AND widening your opportunities. We're ALL guilty of predicting the outcome of everything based on our limited perceptions of everything. Sometimes we just have to LET IT GO and really get into it. Every part of life and any presenting opportunities. You (and I included) really have NO IDEA what life has got in store for us. My father and I had far fewer conversations than I would've liked but one I remember with a chuckle. He said I was a born optimist. I disagreed. So we came up with I'm a pessimistic optimist lol. Look on the dark side of the bright side. Or expect the best and prepare for the worst. As far as I'm concerned, knowing as little about your life as I do, you've pretty much had the worst. At least I hope so! I'd love to think you'll only get the very best from now on. Well we know life's not quite like that BUT I think you've got the groove of being a pessimistic optimist down pat. Lol. Your next girl is out there somewhere and you may have met her already for all you know. Best wishes Lion Heart. Link to post Share on other sites
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