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guy I'm dating ignoring me,now wants to talk when I'm ignoring him


roxan

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Sorry about the long thread title

I recently got back with an ex since 2 months. Although it's a long distance,things were ok until 2 weeks ago. We went on a long weekend abroad ,and since we re back,he was kinda distant. Usually we text each other regularly,not every day but almost.I ve not heard from him before a week but I thought it was because he was busy,plus to be honest I didnt text him either because I saw him online on whatsapp whenever I was checking messages/talking to friends (which means he was a lot on whatsapp..) but he would not say "hi" or anything.

When came the weekend,he finally contacted me asking how I was ect..

Then last week,it was basically the same thing,I haven't heard from him since the weekend, so I sent him a short message to say hi on friday.

The next day,he still have not reply,but he had read it in the morning (the blue tick on whatsapp!!), and I saw he used again whatsapp around lunch time. So I sent him "You re ignoring me or what?"

He replied "Sorry but it's not a good time at the moment"

I said "Why? I sent you a text yesterday and you dont reply but you were on whatsapp a multiple times meanwhile"

Then he just said "I'm out with a lot of people.I was out and I'm up early and out again"

So from this,I just stopped talking to him after sending a last angry message telling him to f... lol as he's not worth it and deleted his number on my phone.

Then the next day,he sent me messages like nothing happened"just got it home","really drunk"etc..early morning and then later in the afternoon,some normal messages like"hey are you ok? .Of course,I didnt respond

Yesterday he sent me "So who is ignoring now? and today "So you dont want to talk at all now?"

 

I dont understand why he wants to talk now. I take his behaviour from the past 2 weeks as a sign he wanted to break up,so now I dumped him he got what he wanted,why does he act like he did nothing?

Would like your thoughts

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You've handled it in a way where he won't get the opportunity to do that to you again.

 

Also--you might want to go into your settings and change it to where anyone can see when you last signed on. Of course, you won't be able to see when anyone else signs on, but that wouldn't be a bad thing if you've actually dumped him.

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Sorry about the long thread title

I recently got back with an ex since 2 months. Although it's a long distance,things were ok until 2 weeks ago. We went on a long weekend abroad ,and since we re back,he was kinda distant. Usually we text each other regularly,not every day but almost.I ve not heard from him before a week but I thought it was because he was busy,plus to be honest I didnt text him either because I saw him online on whatsapp whenever I was checking messages/talking to friends (which means he was a lot on whatsapp..) but he would not say "hi" or anything.

When came the weekend,he finally contacted me asking how I was ect..

Then last week,it was basically the same thing,I haven't heard from him since the weekend, so I sent him a short message to say hi on friday.

The next day,he still have not reply,but he had read it in the morning (the blue tick on whatsapp!!), and I saw he used again whatsapp around lunch time. So I sent him "You re ignoring me or what?"

He replied "Sorry but it's not a good time at the moment"

I said "Why? I sent you a text yesterday and you dont reply but you were on whatsapp a multiple times meanwhile"

Then he just said "I'm out with a lot of people.I was out and I'm up early and out again"

So from this,I just stopped talking to him after sending a last angry message telling him to f... lol as he's not worth it and deleted his number on my phone.

Then the next day,he sent me messages like nothing happened"just got it home","really drunk"etc..early morning and then later in the afternoon,some normal messages like"hey are you ok? .Of course,I didnt respond

Yesterday he sent me "So who is ignoring now? and today "So you dont want to talk at all now?"

 

I dont understand why he wants to talk now. I take his behaviour from the past 2 weeks as a sign he wanted to break up,so now I dumped him he got what he wanted,why does he act like he did nothing?

Would like your thoughts

 

Because he doesn't think he was doing anything to worry about. You went into passive-aggressive mode based on texting and without having a real conversation with him.

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StocksnBlondes

Is he 16? That could explain it

 

Anyway ...good for you for setting boundaries and delivering consequences.

 

Sorry your heart is hurting.

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Certain guys get off on "the chase" and lose interest when they "get the girl". He's not worth a single second more of your time or energy. Block contact and move on.

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Is he 16? That could explain it

 

Anyway ...good for you for setting boundaries and delivering consequences.

 

Sorry your heart is hurting.

 

 

No,far from that,he is turning 35 next month

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Because he doesn't think he was doing anything to worry about. You went into passive-aggressive mode based on texting and without having a real conversation with him.

 

Gotta disagree with you RH.

 

 

OP you handled it perfectly!

 

 

He was behaving like an a**, hot/cold, ignoring... and she dumped him.

 

 

Good for her!

 

 

OP -- he likes the chase. When you're available, he's cold and aloof. When you pull away...his interest piques again and he chases.

 

 

Him trying to flip the script and make you the bad guy for ignoring him, after HE essentially ignored you, not once but twice in the short time you've been back together.... makes him an even bigger a** IMO.

 

 

Again, you did absolutely the right thing...

 

 

He was an ex for a reason, he should have stayed that way.

Edited by katiegrl
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Because he doesn't think he was doing anything to worry about. You went into passive-aggressive mode based on texting and without having a real conversation with him.

 

Hmm I dont think I was overeacting

Like I said he suddenly became distant and quiet after we came back from a weekend in Spain,2 weeks ago.

Usually we talk to each other almost every day or 2 days. The first week,I havent heard from him before 5 days later,I know-no big deal for most people but it was a bit unusual from him. I didnt really worry then as I thought he was just busy or needed space. I saw he was often online on whatsapp when I checked messages though. Then he contacted me at the weekend so I thought things were ok.

But last week,same thing again and when I sent him a message on friday evening he didnt reply,even though he used whatsapp later that night.

Saturday morning same thing,he signed on a multiple times on it but didnt reply until I texted him again to ask if he's ignoring me.

And he reply tp me that its'not a good time to talk because he's out with lot of people and he was out the night before...Sorry but what a pathetic excuse,it takes 2 second to respond when someone asks you "how was your week",plus the fact that he checked his messages on whatsapp a multiple times meanwhile showed that he has time to talk to other people,but not to his girlfriend?Weird!

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Gotta disagree with you RH.

 

 

OP you handled it perfectly!

 

 

He was behaving like an a**, hot/cold, ignoring... and she dumped him.

 

 

Good for her!

 

 

OP -- he likes the chase. When you're available, he's cold and aloof. When you pull away...his interest piques again and he chases.

 

 

Him trying to flip the script and make you the bad guy for ignoring him, after HE essentially ignored you, not once but twice in the short time you've been back together.... makes him an even bigger a** IMO.

 

 

Again, you did absolutely the right thing...

 

 

He was an ex for a reason, he should have stayed that way.

 

Yes,exactly lesson learnt for me. Never get back with an ex

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This is the way he behaves. He doesn't make you a priority. And he's immature. You showed him you won't accept that behavior. He needs to grow up and treat women properly. You were smart to dump him IMO.

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Hes the sort of guy that wants what he can't have and doesn't want what comes easy. If you get back with him that same behavior will resurface and it will always be a cat and mouse game.

 

Totally not worth it.

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StocksnBlondes
No,far from that,he is turning 35 next month

 

Ya I was being sarcastic:)

 

I thought maybe young college age ...holy stunted maturity ...35?!!

 

I didn't want to tell you to dump him because that's not my style ...in his case I'll make an exception

Edited by StocksnBlondes
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The whole mess seems like game playing BS on both sides to me. Why did you break up originally? Were any of the things that caused you to break up fixed before you "got back together" 2 months ago? If not, there is your answer. You rekindled an already broken & dysfunctional relationship not acknowledging that a reconciliation was simply going to be more of the same.

 

 

I can't imagine grown adults trying to conduct a relationship over whatsapp. That may be part of your problem.

 

 

I'd leave this alone if I were you & move forward without him. Try dating somebody more local.

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I take his behaviour from the past 2 weeks as a sign he wanted to break up,so now I dumped him he got what he wanted,why does he act like he did nothing?

Would like your thoughts

 

My thoughts are you should not get back with exes because they always bring back the same old problems that you had the first time around. My next thought is maybe you should get a hobby besides waiting for txts to be answered and stalking your bf on the internet.

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"I said "Why? I sent you a text yesterday and you dont reply but you were on whatsapp a multiple times meanwhile"

Then he just said "I'm out with a lot of people.I was out and I'm up early and out again"

So from this,I just stopped talking to him after sending a last angry message telling him to f... lol as he's not worth it and deleted his number on my phone."

 

 

 

 

Some people on here think you handled this perfectly. I don`t. This could have been handled more sensitively and with more decorum.

 

You could have comunicated to him how you felt and why you were not happy with his actions. From the other persons view point. Think how he/she feel?

 

He/she would be confused and ask whats wrong and start asking qutions why you are not responding.

 

I wont be surpised if you find your other half OP on a dating forum asking what he`d done wrong as some people have no idea what they are doing wrong until someone like YOU tells them!

 

Stop this non communicating and deleting people and start working in relationships and not disposing them as soon as something goes wrong.

Edited by Zippy2000
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Some people on here think you handled this perfectly. I don`t. This could have been handled more sensitively and with more decorum.

 

You could have comunicated to him how you felt and why you were not happy with his actions. From the other persons view point. Think how he/she feel?

 

He/she would be confused and ask whats wrong and start asking qutions why you are not responding.

 

Yeah because it is normal for you that a guy reads his girlfriend's message,and does not reply at all,while at the same being on whatsapp a multiples times??

 

If he had not read my message,I would not have say anything...but he has read it on friday evening,and I saw his "last seen at..."status hour time changing many times. Same thing on saturday morning,he was on there at least 10 times-probably more . Not that I spent my morning only looking at his stuff,I was talking to friends as well but still I saw his status at the same time

 

If that does not seems to you like he was deliberatly ignoring me, then I dont know what it is??!!

So obviously he was talking to other people both on friday evening and saturday morning.

If he has time for that, why he did not have time to reply to my text??

I had not heard from him the whole week, and my first text was to asking how he was and how his week been...You tell how long it takes to do that?

No more than 30 seconds!

 

And that's when I message him again in the afternoon to ask him if he's ignoring or what,that he finally reply. To say what?? "Sorry,it s not a good time to talk,I'm out with lots of people. I was out last night and I'm out again early". Next time,I heard from was on saturday morning when he sent me a series of drunk texts at 5am...If you cant see what was wrong then you're blind

Talk about priorities...maybe you think I should apologize to him for disturbing him that weekend,huh?

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He sent me another message today,to say "I only didnt reply to your message because I had a lot of my uni mates staying over at the weekend.I was busy with them all friday evening and all day saturday"

 

Such a gentleman!

Edited by roxan
it was posted twice
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I wouldn't communicate with him anymore - at all.

 

 

He had a chance to plan a date with you on the weekend - yet he didn't.

 

You're not his priority - you are his after thought. That means it's going no where.

 

 

He planned to be with friends over dating you. That's when you know absolutely that he's not 'that' interested.

 

 

I wouldn't waste one more second on a guy who doesn't ask out for a planned date ahead of time. This guy isn't that guy.

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StocksnBlondes
"I said "Why? I sent you a text yesterday and you dont reply but you were on whatsapp a multiple times meanwhile"

Then he just said "I'm out with a lot of people.I was out and I'm up early and out again"

So from this,I just stopped talking to him after sending a last angry message telling him to f... lol as he's not worth it and deleted his number on my phone."

 

 

 

 

Some people on here think you handled this perfectly. I don`t. This could have been handled more sensitively and with more decorum.

 

You could have comunicated to him how you felt and why you were not happy with his actions. From the other persons view point. Think how he/she feel?

 

He/she would be confused and ask whats wrong and start asking qutions why you are not responding.

 

I wont be surpised if you find your other half OP on a dating forum asking what he`d done wrong as some people have no idea what they are doing wrong until someone like YOU tells them!

 

Stop this non communicating and deleting people and start working in relationships and not disposing them as soon as something goes wrong.

 

He sent me another message today,to say "I only didnt reply to your message because I had a lot of my uni mates staying over at the weekend.I was busy with them all friday evening and all day saturday"

 

Such a gentleman!

 

 

His "uni" mates? Ya like I said ...he sounds like a callous college age kid instead of a man. Guys don't do this ...when I was married a dozen years and hubby off on a business trip we didn't need to talk all the time. But dating? Ya we talked every day even if we were traveling for our jobs. Sure it's nice to try to work things out like Zippy suggested ...and I usually am on that side of the fence ...but this guys behavior stinks. It doesn't sit right and I don't know you or him but something is rotten in the state of Denmark as shakespeare would say.

 

Had you guys ever talked about how much communication you desire? Have you expressed to him your needs for feeling connected? In any case, I would feel blown off with regard to this instance ... But that's me ...I like to communicate so would express my desires and needs.

Edited by StocksnBlondes
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The whole mess seems like game playing BS on both sides to me. Why did you break up originally? Were any of the things that caused you to break up fixed before you "got back together" 2 months ago? If not, there is your answer. You rekindled an already broken & dysfunctional relationship not acknowledging that a reconciliation was simply going to be more of the same.

 

 

I can't imagine grown adults trying to conduct a relationship over whatsapp. That may be part of your problem.

 

 

I'd leave this alone if I were you & move forward without him. Try dating somebody more local.

 

The reason why we broke up the first time?

We were together since more than 1 year.One day,he tells me randomly that his housemate and another friend(one of his friends from university) are going to travel for a few of months in Asia. One week after,he tell me "Guess,what? I decided to go on the trip with my friends". I was surprised by the sudden decision asked him "When?How?And your job?When did you decide?How long?".Basically he told me he just decided,and that he was going to quit his job,and he would in 5-6weeks if I remember correctly.

I wasn't impress,he made his plans at the last time and of course it didnt include me. We were living in the same city back then. He told me"Are you upset because I'm going away? It will only be 2-3months and we'll talk on skype every day". The funny thing is that at first,I was patient.But his trip never seemed to going to be ending. Every time,I'd ask "when do you come back?",he's say "I dont' know,maybe next month".Instead of the "only 2-3months"like he initially said,it ended up to be more than a 6 month trip!

I had enough and split up after 3-4month of his trip. But then he would beg me/pester me every day to take him back saying he would make things right this time blablabla...

Typical of him

Edited by roxan
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I didn't need the explanation but since you offered it. You broke up previously because you were not a priority for him & he failed to communicate with you. You took him back but you're still not a priority. What does that tell you?

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His "uni" mates? Ya like I said ...he sounds like a callous college age kid instead of a man. Guys don't do this ...when I was married a dozen years and hubby off on a business trip we didn't need to talk all the time. But dating? Ya we talked every day even if we were traveling for our jobs. Sure it's nice to try to work things out like Zippy suggested ...and I usually am on that side of the fence ...but this guys behavior stinks. It doesn't sit right and I don't know you or him but something is rotten in the state of Denmark as shakespeare would say.

 

Had you guys ever talked about how much communication you desire? Have you expressed to him your needs for feeling connected? In any case, I would feel blown off with regard to this instance ... But that's me ...I like to communicate so would express my desires and needs.

 

You perfectly described him. A college age kid,not a man.

He just lives for the weekend,drinking and clubbing,spends his time with his friends at the pubs/bars.

Sure,it's good to spend time with your friends and have your own hobbies...but he always prioritised everything else before me.

All his friends are single,I mean the guys he hangs out with all the time,and they all seemed pretty much immature like him,think they are "players" and brag about sleeping with many girls or share stories on how they were so drunk they wake up in the morning next to a ugly girl ....

I wonder if the fact that his best friends are single,that make him act like that in a relationship?

 

Yes we talked about that,he said he'd make everything to keep me inform about what he's up to etc..,until I move back to London

I'm not asking to hear from him every day,I know people can get busy at times,but every 2-3days isnt asking too much I think.

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Good for you! you stood up for yourself I wish I was more like you Lol. I had an ex bf like him, he never changed no matter how many times he said he would.

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Good for you! you stood up for yourself I wish I was more like you Lol. I had an ex bf like him, he never changed no matter how many times he said he would.

 

Yep! Guys like that never change. It's all talk and fake promises.

It was funny how the first time we split up,he would send long messages almost every day,telling me how he was lost without me,will do everything to make things work blablabla... And when we're back together,nothing changed,he was only nice the first weeks but then back to his old self!

I regret giving him a second chance,but I learnt the lesson. Never again!!!

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My thoughts are you should not get back with exes because they always bring back the same old problems that you had the first time around. My next thought is maybe you should get a hobby besides waiting for txts to be answered and stalking your bf on the internet.

 

First you dont know me or anything about life or hobbies!

Second,if after not hearing from my boyfriend during a whole week and seeing that he cant be bothered to reply to a short text simply asking how he was despite having read it and obviously having time to talk to other people, it is in my right to know what's going on!

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