Why do women give false hope?

[Coup La-La]

I went to a friend's birthday party 2 weeks ago, met a girl there that I spoke to all night, she and I have a million things in common and could practically finish each other's sentences.

 

She kept saying: "Let's hang out and do this, or go to this place" , "you need to come to job next week so we can have a drink afterwards". She and I have connected on Facebook that night and since then she's ignored my messages and comments on her pictures/status (commenting on everyone else's)

 

I don't understand why do women bring up the idea of us going out if they have no intention on following through? I know for a fact that she's single, and she's the one who steered the conversation in that direction in the first place.

 

So 2 questions 1. What possible benefit could she get from giving me false hope? 2. What can I do to spot something like this in the future?

[PaperCrane]

1. She felt a connection at first but on a revisit she didn't want to follow through.
   
2. You can't really, just chalk it up as a rejection and move on.
   

 

Sorry bud, I know it's rough.

[40 Fonzarelli]

An ego boost.

 

There's nothing you can do. I learned to not have any expectations.

[BlueIris]

She kept saying: "Let's hang out and do this, or go to this place" , "you need to come to job next week so we can have a drink afterwards".

 

Did you ever invite her to hang out and do this, go to this place, or ask her to meet you after work to have a drink- giving an exact day and time? If you didn't, then maybe she thinks you're timid or not interested in dating her.

[normal person]

 

So 2 questions 1. What possible benefit could she get from giving me false hope? 2. What can I do to spot something like this in the future?

 

1). Giving false hope to someone in person and rejecting them online is a lot less uncomfortable than rejecting them in person. That's why women give men fake phone numbers rather than saying "No thanks, I just don't like you."

 

2). You can't, unless the women is the one initiating. Take it with a grain of salt.

[jam.over.jelly]

Men do this too, not just women. From what I've learned, when they say "Let's hang out again soon" or "let's do abc or xyz", I'd just nod and smile, without expecting too much, unless they ACTUALLY follow up on their offer. It's not their words that you should believe, it's their actions.

[thecrucible]

Could be she just said that stuff for conversation. I've learnt the hard way that people do this sometimes, annoying though it is. Or perhaps there is someone else already in the picture or something else happening in her life? I doubt it's anything you can control.

 

What kind of comments did you leave on her pictures anyway?

[carhill]

Emotional energy hoover.

 

Drilled a lot of those holes. Almost there. Just about.

 

Short version is they like that you like them, OP. 'Nuf said.

[d0nnivain]

Posting & liking things on social media is a far cry from accepting a date.

 

Do you have her phone #? If not get it from her. Then call her on the phone, talk to her & invite her out.

 

She's not a mind reader. Simply because you liked something she posted does not mean she understands that to mean you want to meet for a drink.

[shet]

She was slightly drunk and was overly friendly, not into you. She remembered after and is embarrassed, so won't even acknowledge you. I've faced this dozens of times. If you get her number and text, she won't reply either. If you do establish communication, you'll find she flakes perpetually... and then stops replying.

 

Lessons to learn include not caring and moving on.

[cessna]

I've had this happen many many times. Just the other week a girl gave me her number without me even asking for it, got in contact with her the next day and never heard back from her. Best thing to do is delete the number and move on.

 

I agree that girls do this to make it easier to deal with. But not easier for you, easier for them. It makes them feel less bitchy if they let you down gently or ignore you. They don't care about your feelings they're only protecting their own.

[Stage5Clinger]

So 2 questions 1. What possible benefit could she get from giving me false hope? 2. What can I do to spot something like this in the future?

 

1. Feels good to flirt. Feels good to be wanted by someone. Feels good to have options. Most people don't burn bridges just in case.

 

2. Same thing you did this time. You did spot it. She just didn't show her true light for a few days or whatever. That's how you find out! Can't bunch people together because everyone is different.

[crosswordfiend]

I will state the obvious and say that this sort of thing happens in non-dating scenarios as well. People are just flakey these days.

[TunaInTheBrine]

Because people can be narcissistic. It feels good to her, and she is not empathic to how it feels to you. I would seriously forget her.

[Buddhist]

I don't understand why do women bring up the idea of us going out if they have no intention on following through? I know for a fact that she's single, and she's the one who steered the conversation in that direction in the first place.

 

So 2 questions 1. What possible benefit could she get from giving me false hope? 2. What can I do to spot something like this in the future?

 

First of all how old is she? early 20's? Well here's your answer. Because young women can be really stupid and let their anxieties get in the way of everything. They can start telling themselves they imagined all of it. That they can't seem too eager or they will lose the connection, that they have to wait x number of days before replying. That you have to send them x number of texts before they'll agree.

 

In short, because their heads are all over the place and they haven't got enough self esteem to just go for what they want.

[Zippy2000]

If you mentioned birthday party. Woud there be alcohol involved?

 

If so alcohol and girls dont mix. People in general open up more.

 

Alcohol is a great social lubricant. It helps people open up and bond and she may have been more susceptable to you.

 

The next day when she has re-thought what was disussed. Shes probably changed her mind. The way she isnt responding to your comments is a small hint maybe she isnt interested. However it depends what you have commented on and i would not rely on Facebook comments to guage interest.

 

Did you not get her number or have you messaged her directly?

[joseb]

Yeah the other night this really pretty girl starts talking to me (!) and after a while she suggested we should meet up and gave me her fb details. Turns out she is in a relationship. Just looking for validation she is still hot I guess.

 

Maybe in your case you were a bit eager with the fb liking/messaging? Were you liking old photos or sending several messages without a reply? If not, then yeah just chalk it up to her looking for attention and/or change of mind in the cold light of day.

[Zippy2000]

Yeah the other night this really pretty girl starts talking to me (!) and after a while she suggested we should meet up and gave me her fb details. Turns out she is in a relationship. Just looking for validation she is still hot I guess.

 

Maybe in your case you were a bit eager with the fb liking/messaging? Were you liking old photos or sending several messages without a reply? If not, then yeah just chalk it up to her looking for attention and/or change of mind in the cold light of day.

 

 

Same with me. In my previous post I aksed this bartender out. When I added her on Facebook it turns out she was ain a relationship!!!!!

 

I called her out on it but I NEVER gave her grief but I still stayed frieds with her. Tow months later she ends up in hospital.

 

I text her and she tells me she is single

 

So I asked her out and here we are but still moving VERY slowly. Sometimes staying in touch pays off.

[ZA Dater]

Well my opinion isn't going to be popular here.

 

Chances are she simply didn't care and found something better the next day and its easier to say nothing to face up to someone and say "oh you know I did meet ABC, I am sorry but I don't think we should meet up".

 

Instead if you don't get the silent treatment you will get the ambiguous "There is no chemistry".

 

I have absolutely no sympathy for ladies who cannot be honest, yet its often these self same females who moan 'he slept with me and now he doesn't speak to me, yet the well meaning good guy isn't even worth replying to.

 

At the end of the day, I don't think anyone really understands dating and dynamics of it, those who are good at it, are simply good at it, those who aren't need to try harder but may eventually never overcome some inherent problem.

 

Life: Those who have and those who don't.

[jmiller1991]

We do it because we like to flirt. We don't mean to give false hope, but you guys are always thinking about sex, and so instead of seeing that it is just having fun, you guys begin falsely hoping that you are going to get some.

 

It's not our fault that you guys are usually thinking with your penises! lol

 

Quit hoping for something you're not supposed to have, and you won't have any hope that is false. And don't try to blame us and say we give false hope. You guys give it to yourselves by expecting something just because we flirt or tease you a little bit.

[Trane]

It's the infatuation of the situation that leads to false hope.

 

When she realizes she's in too deep by her own admission, false hope means she flake out on you.

[Frank2thepoint]

I don't understand why do women bring up the idea of us going out if they have no intention on following through?

 

From what I've learned, when they say "Let's hang out again soon" or "let's do abc or xyz", I'd just nod and smile, without expecting too much, unless they ACTUALLY follow up on their offer. It's not their words that you should believe, it's their actions.

 

Read what jam.over.jelly just wrote. Most women expect the men to initiate. Yeah she gave the advice that you should pay attention to a person's actions aligning with their words, but the truth is most women will talk about hanging out, but expect the man to take the initiative.

 

Since you didn't mention you offered to hang out and make plans, I'm assuming you were just going along with what she was saying as a good sign. Meanwhile she thought you would get the hint to ask her out. Also don't rely on getting a woman's Facebook invite as a means to getting a date. Get her number and call her. Show her you mean business. Now if you do secure her number, call her, ask her out, and then before the date she flakes, then you know for sure she is not worth it.

[jam.over.jelly]

the truth is most women will talk about hanging out, but expect the man to take the initiative.

 

Since you didn't mention you offered to hang out and make plans, I'm assuming you were just going along with what she was saying as a good sign. Meanwhile she thought you would get the hint to ask her out

 

^this! Yes!

[Mendalore]

Didn't read the majority of the thread, but in my experience they will say "yeah, yeah, let's do something" and never do it because they think they're being nice by not saying "no." In reality it just makes things worse, obviously, but you know...

[Coup La-La]

We do it because we like to flirt. We don't mean to give false hope, but you guys are always thinking about sex, and so instead of seeing that it is just having fun, you guys begin falsely hoping that you are going to get some.

 

It's not our fault that you guys are usually thinking with your penises! lol

 

Quit hoping for something you're not supposed to have, and you won't have any hope that is false. And don't try to blame us and say we give false hope. You guys give it to yourselves by expecting something just because we flirt or tease you a little bit.

 

How am I to blame for her words, and her intentionally directing the conversation in that direction?? I wasn't even taking it there until she brought it up 2X first.

 

If a woman tells me that I look nice, or smell great I don't assume that I'm going to sleep with her or even go on a date, but I think there is a difference between harmless flirtation "you look cute" and inciting someone to make specific plans.