Jump to content

Resurrecting communication after a hiatus following the first date


honest_lover

Recommended Posts

honest_lover

Hi,

 

I'm a late 30s guy. I went out on date with a girl who I met online. The date went well and we exchanged emails for the next 3 days. She gave every hint of looking forward to the second date. After that I stopped communicating with her. It's been 5 weeks. In hind sight this was a terrible decision. Past is past and I cant go back change it. Call me a fool for that, but now I want to revive it and want to give it the best shot. What can I say that can convince her. I dont mind cooking up a story if that's what's needed. I need to dig myself out. I like her. Please help.

Edited by honest_lover
Link to post
Share on other sites

"cooking up a story" is a nice colorful way of saying you'd be willing to lie to this woman. That's a heck of a way to try to start what might be the beginning of a relationship.

 

How about the truth? Tell her why you stopped contacting her after the first date?

 

It can't be THAT bad.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
jam.over.jelly
Hi,

 

I'm a late 30s guy. I went out on date with a girl who I met online. The date went well and we exchanged emails for the next 3 days. She gave every hint of looking forward to the second date. After that I stopped communicating with her. It's been 5 weeks. In hind sight this was a terrible decision. Past is past and I cant go back change it. Call me a fool for that, but now I want to revive it and want to give it the best shot. What can I say that can convince her. I dont mind cooking up a story if that's what's needed. I need to dig myself out. I like her. Please help.

 

I want to understand something here. If you liked her, why did you stop communicating with her? As far as I'm concerned you probably left her scratching her head what happened. You expressed interest in her then just vanished?

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Yea...I, myself would just ignore your attempts. Lemme guess, you wana come back around because you're going through a dry spell (bored) or the girl(s) you really like or tried to lay aren't into you anymore and now you want to take her off the back burner. Good luck with that. Whatever story you make up she's going to know its BS.

 

However, You may get lucky and she may be happy to hear from you. Some girls sit and wonder for weeks over one good date and SOME do thrive off of that drama. Let us know how it turns out!

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
honest_lover

The above comments are indeed true. I was hoping to find somebody better but no luck.

5 years ago I was on the other side of this story. She disappeared after a really good first date. Some 5 weeks later she texted out of the blue that she wanted to go clubbing that night. We met every other day and soon we were bf/gf many years. I take these type of mis-steps lightly. She probably did fish around and felt I was the best deal but that motivated her to give her best to the relationship.

I agree the whole situation is a turn off for most girls. I dont fancy my chances.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin
The above comments are indeed true. I was hoping to find somebody better but no luck.

Yeah, I figured that was the reason. The candy store mentality from online dating - you cant just pick ONE treat because the candy on the next shelf might be better, and so on and so on.

 

Also known as holding out for the BBD - the Bigger, Better Deal.

 

I guess that didn't work for ya.

 

Contacting her now will make it painfully obvious that you'd been shot down and are coming back because you're out of options. Makes you look like a fool to her.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
jam.over.jelly

please do me a favor and leave this woman alone, she deserves so much better than someone who treats her like a third or even fourth option

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Hi,

 

I'm a late 30s guy. I went out on date with a girl who I met online. The date went well and we exchanged emails for the next 3 days. She gave every hint of looking forward to the second date. After that I stopped communicating with her. It's been 5 weeks. In hind sight this was a terrible decision. Past is past and I cant go back change it. Call me a fool for that, but now I want to revive it and want to give it the best shot. What can I say that can convince her. I dont mind cooking up a story if that's what's needed. I need to dig myself out. I like her. Please help.

 

If I indicated interest in a man for a second date and he took 5 weeks to call me back, I'd be gone. The message to me would be "eh, he's not very interested and now he's calling me because he struck out with others and he's desperate now and I'm an after thought". Bu, bye.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Fletch Lives

You will probably walk right into rejection if you try to contact her now, it's been a long time.....in dating terms.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't tell her you were looking for someone better...

 

How about saying that you really enjoyed your time together and you were a little un-nerved by it. You don't know why and you didn't know how to restart the conversation again...

 

If your lucky someone else will not have snapped her up yet.

 

Good luck.

 

The grass isn't always greener - in fact its rarely green at all...

Link to post
Share on other sites
The above comments are indeed true. I was hoping to find somebody better but no luck.

5 years ago I was on the other side of this story. She disappeared after a really good first date. Some 5 weeks later she texted out of the blue that she wanted to go clubbing that night. We met every other day and soon we were bf/gf many years. I take these type of mis-steps lightly. She probably did fish around and felt I was the best deal but that motivated her to give her best to the relationship.

I agree the whole situation is a turn off for most girls. I dont fancy my chances.

 

I understand that sometimes you need to go on a few bad dates to realize you had a good one. The thing is though that you may be one of those guys that think you like her but then sneaking around her back viewing other profiles looking for a bigger better deal while she thinks everything is going well. If you are one of those guys, do her a favor and just leave her alone.

 

But if you genuinely think you are letting s good one slip through the cracks I see no harm in trying. Be prepared for her answer though lol

 

Good luck!!

Link to post
Share on other sites

If she had any self-respect at all, she wouldn't give you the time of day.

 

Geez, 5 weeks....you could have just dated others (including her) until you were sure. No excuse to not even contact her for all that time. Hope you don't make that same mistake again.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I wouldn't tell her you were looking for someone better...

 

How about saying that you really enjoyed your time together and you were a little un-nerved by it. You don't know why and you didn't know how to restart the conversation again...

 

If your lucky someone else will not have snapped her up yet.

 

Good luck.

 

The grass isn't always greener - in fact its rarely green at all...

 

 

So you're advocating that women accept men who were lukewarm about them and wanted to see if he could find a woman who knocked their socks off, before coming back?

 

Sad.

 

I only date men who are enamoured by me and wouldn't dream of looking for better and then only revisiting me as a second or even third option......

 

Any cute woman with self respect should hold out for a man who's wowed by them.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
If she had any self-respect at all, she wouldn't give you the time of day.

 

Geez, 5 weeks....you could have just dated others (including her) until you were sure. No excuse to not even contact her for all that time. Hope you don't make that same mistake again.

 

She can do so much better.

 

She deserves a man who can't get her off her mind. Not a guy that just forgot her for five weeks.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...
  • Author

I emailed her and said I had been wrong, discourteous, disrespectful, and apologized. Promised her it wont happen again and that I was still interested in her and liked her. No reply so I think it's case closed.

After that I sent a text message to another girl who also I had dropped. She did reply and said whatsup this and that, but her level of interest is clearly much lower. I'll have to make some big and painful moves to woo her back. Not doing that. I'm better off finding another.

 

I think the lesson learnt here is to be smart and predict 3 to 6 months down the line as to what the odds are, of getting another better date. In my case I should've known it's low and stuck to the ones I had gotten lucky with. To try to optimize to the brink, and get the best result is a fools errand. If it's in the ballpark you just bite the bullet. Applies to many other things in life too. In the big picture these small deviations wont matter.

 

I hope this thread helps somebody else.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I emailed her and said I had been wrong, discourteous, disrespectful, and apologized. Promised her it wont happen again and that I was still interested in her and liked her. No reply so I think it's case closed.

After that I sent a text message to another girl who also I had dropped. She did reply and said whatsup this and that, but her level of interest is clearly much lower. I'll have to make some big and painful moves to woo her back. Not doing that. I'm better off finding another.

 

I think the lesson learnt here is to be smart and predict 3 to 6 months down the line as to what the odds are, of getting another better date. In my case I should've known it's low and stuck to the ones I had gotten lucky with. To try to optimize to the brink, and get the best result is a fools errand. If it's in the ballpark you just bite the bullet. Applies to many other things in life too. In the big picture these small deviations wont matter.

 

I hope this thread helps somebody else.

 

Are you likening dating to statistics? "Optimize to the brink?" "Small deviations?" "In the ballpark?"

 

Here's another lame sports metaphor for you—it sounds like you tried punching above your weight class. Guess that didn't go so well.

 

Just saw this thread for the first time. Have something to add about your OP. You say you're willing to lie "cook up a story" to get a woman back, yet your username is "honest_lover?" Oh, the irony is strong with this one.

Edited by losangelena
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
FeelingFireworks

Well OP, I like you're honesty @ least in the sense of telling us why you dropped contact. Even under the veil of anonymity, some other posters aren't as forthcoming.

 

I think we've all at some point wondered if the grass is greener. I know I have.

 

One thing you need to ask yourself is was there a 'better' quality you were seeking? For example, Did this particular girl not meet certain important requirements of yours Or is this a problem you have whereby you're always just looking to see if you can better your current date? The former is perhaps understandable and means you should screen your dates better. The latter can be a huge problem which will affect any relationship you have.

 

While I think you ghosting was sh*tty behaviour, it's good you left her early on rather than string her along with lukewarm interest and date others behind her back.

 

Any relationship takes time to truly develop, so you don't want to shoot yourself in the foot prematurely. At least you've learned how to go about things better next time. Experience is a good teacher.

Link to post
Share on other sites
"cooking up a story" is a nice colorful way of saying you'd be willing to lie to this woman. That's a heck of a way to try to start what might be the beginning of a relationship.

 

How about the truth? Tell her why you stopped contacting her after the first date?

 

It can't be THAT bad.

 

Agree with this

 

[edited- duplicated others posts]

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...