4 dates in. How to approach future dates with this girl.

[python23]

So I've had 4 dates with this absolutely stunning girl over the last 3 weeks. One date each weekend. We text a few times a week but nothing over the top. I've deliberately tried to act cool and just make sure we arrange a date after I've seen her but keep the texting to a minimum.

 

She's 22 and been with her ex for nearly 4 years so she's quite new to the dating game. Last week she said I'm hard to read and I don't give anything away, which is exactly how I felt Untill our recent date.

 

We eventually kissed on the 3rd date. and last night we went out for our 4th. She even tried to arrange a 5th before last night as its my birthday next weekend and she wants to see me over my birthday weekend. She's taking me out for a meal as a surprise. Which I appreciate and really looking forward to.

 

But last night we had a few drinks, and we got talking about different things. She mentioned a few times that she's been talking about me to her friends and she's been asking what I've ment when I've said something confusing to her.

And she feels that she doesn't want to come on too strong and doesn't want to rush things but at the same time doesn't want to act too cold.

She also asked if I was still on the dating site and if I was dating anyone else as to which I replied honesty and said no. She said the same.

She also asked how many people I'd Slept with and said it was kind of important to her as it gives a good idea as to what my intentions were. I reassured her that I like her a lot and that sleeping with her right away doesn't bother me. I'm

Happy for her to set the pace and I just enjoy seeing her, which she really liked, which led to a make out session in the bar.

 

I then asked what she wanted from this in the long run. And she said nothing more than a date a week for now. Shes not ready. So I said fine that's cool. I'm happy with that. Which I am. She admitted to really liking me but had a worry that if she gets intimate with me then I'll disappear. She said she was also worried I wouldn't like how inexperienced she was in the bedroom and thought I'd back off if I thought she was no good. This girl is absolutely stunning and I can't Believe a girl this attractive is so unaware of how amazing she is. She said nobody has ever told her this before, I'm crazy about this girl already.

She mentioned that she'd like me to meet her best friend first before we got intimate?? Why would she say this?

We made out in the taxi all the way home and things got abit steamy. She whispered that if she'd known me for a few weeks longer then she would have booked a hotel for my birthday but it will have to wait a few weeks. I'm totally fine with that. She's a good girl and i respect that.

 

She said that with her meeting me and her starting her new job next week that everything is working out for her and falling into place. This sounds like a great indication to me that she's really interested but every so often she says things that make me doubt it slightly. Maybe overthinking .

 

What do people think? Is she just clueless as to how to date or does she really like me but doesn't know how to take it to the next level? She also said she doesn't know how fast to set the pace and worries that if she comes on too strong then il lose respect for her. and her friends have told her it should be me who sets the pace of the progression.

Edited October 4, 2015 by python23

[JasmineJones]

Seeing each other once a week sounds perfectly reasonable at this stage

[python23]

Seeing each other once a week sounds perfectly reasonable at this stage

 

I'm happy with this. But do you think she's Interested in taking it further? Or is it just a matter of letting her decide how fast we go. I'm certainly not just looking for a hook up, I care too much for this girl already.

[d0nnivain]

She likes you but she's telling her not to push her. Keep it to kissing for now. Do not try for sex for several months, at least the rest of this year. Keep it to a date maybe two per week & don't overwhelm her. She's scared but she's trying. Let her come to you.

[python23]

She likes you but she's telling her not to push her. Keep it to kissing for now. Do not try for sex for several months, at least the rest of this year. Keep it to a date maybe two per week & don't overwhelm her. She's scared but she's trying. Let her come to you.

 

Thanks for the advice, I haven't at any point pushed for sex, I haven't even thought about it, she's he one who has asked if I'm dating anyone else and how many people I've slept with, she has been the one who's brought any questions up about intimacy

[d0nnivain]

she has been the one who's brought any questions up about intimacy

 

 

Based on what she said, she's viewing intimacy from a defensive posture. She doesn't want to have sex with you right now but she is also concerned that her choice will make you leave. She's trying to gauge how you feel about sex; to assure herself you aren't "only after one thing" and she wants to know she can trust you.

 

 

From what you wrote you see like a nice guy so just be cool & things should work out.

[BlueIris]

...

What do people think? Is she just clueless as to how to date or does she really like me but doesn't know how to take it to the next level? She also said she doesn't know how fast to set the pace and worries that if she comes on too strong then il lose respect for her. and her friends have told her it should be me who sets the pace of the progression.

 

Where did that come from? clueless? No, actually, it sounds as though she does know how to date.

What's your hurry and what do you mean by next level?

Are you being dishonest with her about your expectations about sex and pacing?

[python23]

Where did that come from? clueless? No, actually, it sounds as though she does know how to date.

What's your hurry and what do you mean by next level?

Are you being dishonest with her about your expectations about sex and pacing?

 

Not at all. I just think she's been surprisingly open to me which I appreciate but seriously, Untill the 3rd date I had no idea whether or not she liked me. She actually thought the same about me. I haven't brought up sex what so ever, she's the one that asked me how many people I'd slept with. She said she wanted to ask this before we got intimate because it would give her a better idea as to what I was after. I haven't slept with a large amount of people and I told her this which she liked. She said she doesn't feel all this is real and thinks it's too good to be true. Which is funny because I feel the exact same way.

 

I just think once she knows im not going to just jump ship and walk off if we I've sex then I think she will be ok. I'm not rushing at all and she knows this. I think it's just scared of getting used more than anything

[BlueIris]

Then what do you mean about her being clueless?

[python23]

Then what do you mean about her being clueless?

 

That's probably not the correct word to use, I just feel she's being abit too open and honest too early on. I appreciate it because I know she cares but she told me on the 4th date that she nearly asked me on our 3rd date how many people I'd slept with, but realised it would have been abit too soon to ask. Can you imagine it is have asked that. I'd expect the boot! I just don't want to mess things up from this point. It's progressing nicely but I feel she wants me to take the lead abit more. Maybe I should or just continue to arrange dates weekly and see how it goes. If she wants to get intimate then she can bring it up

 

She even said on our 4th date that she's worried il disappear if I think she's not that good in the bedroom as she's not very experienced. Seriously, that really doesn't concern me in the slightest. I feel myself falling for this girl already so I'm not bothered about that. Considering she's that stunning, I can't believe how unaware of her worth she has. She certainly doesn't have a pretty girl ego. She has no clue how beautiful she is,

Edited October 4, 2015 by python23

[d0nnivain]

She is not clueless. But perhaps she is simply not jaded. Her openness is a good thing.

 

 

Guileless is probably the word you are looking for.

[StocksnBlondes]

Sounds like you two have a good thing going.

 

Yes let her set the pace as she's just out of a 4 year relationship and dealing with a lot of emotion with that. She also told you once a week for now feels good for her. If some special event comes up and it turns into 2 times a week that's probably a good thing ...just verify with her and maybe eventually you can start seeing each other 2 times a week.

 

Is this girl clueless? No I think quite the opposite. But ...having been out of the dating world for a while and spending most of her dating life with one person (she's 22 and dated someone for 4 years) she may not have the confidence in her player avoider picker ...even if she likes you and seem nice she might be fooled ...which is why she wants to have her BFF meet you and check you out first. So if that happens be attentive to your date but be as polite and engaging as possible with the friend ...if you want to form a good impression. Also ...buy the friend a drink if you're out ...be the gentleman:)

 

You seem like a really nice guy and hope it works out for you. Keep us posted.

 

Extra tips: Oh ...make sure you find out things your date likes to do (plays, art shows, roller coasters, sushi restaurant, art painting with wine places etc etc etc) and make plans that take into account who she is while showing her your interests.

[BlueIris]

That's probably not the correct word to use, I just feel she's being abit too open and honest too early on. I appreciate it because I know she cares but she told me on the 4th date that she nearly asked me on our 3rd date how many people I'd slept with, but realised it would have been abit too soon to ask. Can you imagine it is have asked that. I'd expect the boot! I just don't want to mess things up from this point. It's progressing nicely but I feel she wants me to take the lead abit more. Maybe I should or just continue to arrange dates weekly and see how it goes. If she wants to get intimate then she can bring it up

 

She even said on our 4th date that she's worried il disappear if I think she's not that good in the bedroom as she's not very experienced. Seriously, that really doesn't concern me in the slightest. I feel myself falling for this girl already so I'm not bothered about that. Considering she's that stunning, I can't believe how unaware of her worth she has. She certainly doesn't have a pretty girl ego. She has no clue how beautiful she is,

 

Her beauty has great value to you. Maybe not so much value to her.

 

Guileless is right. I completely agree with d0nnivain on this.

 

OP, you might find that people who ARE aware of their worth and who have true confidence are more open and honest. That’s what I’ve found. They don’t play games, act coy, edit and second-guess. That’s how fearful or manipulative people tend to act. Also, she might not consider her beauty to be the most important element of her worth, especially since she clearly has other strengths.

[python23]

Sounds like you two have a good thing going.

 

Yes let her set the pace as she's just out of a 4 year relationship and dealing with a lot of emotion with that. She also told you once a week for now feels good for her. If some special event comes up and it turns into 2 times a week that's probably a good thing ...just verify with her and maybe eventually you can start seeing each other 2 times a week.

 

Is this girl clueless? No I think quite the opposite. But ...having been out of the dating world for a while and spending most of her dating life with one person (she's 22 and dated someone for 4 years) she may not have the confidence in her player avoider picker ...even if she likes you and seem nice she might be fooled ...which is why she wants to have her BFF meet you and check you out first. So if that happens be attentive to your date but be as polite and engaging as possible with the friend ...if you want to form a good impression. Also ...buy the friend a drink if you're out ...be the gentleman:)

 

You seem like a really nice guy and hope it works out for you. Keep us posted.

 

Extra tips: Oh ...make sure you find out things your date likes to do (plays, art shows, roller coasters, sushi restaurant, art painting with wine places etc etc etc) and make plans that take into account who she is while showing her your interests.

 

What a great post thank you! Last Wednesday she was told that she had got a job she went for and she starts in two weeks. So I decided to get her flowers with a note saying congratulations on getting the job, see you tonight ( Friday)

 

She was amazed and over the moon by this and told me on our date thay nobody is ever done that for her, I told her I think she's worth it and I got abit soppy if I'm honest. And told her I could stare at her for ever, she nearly started crying and said nobody has been so kind to her ever. So I think I'm doing it right, that was the first time I've been abit upfront and honest. I've acted cool so far but the thing she doesn't know is, is that I'm desperate for this to work and I literally don't stop thinking about her all day already. Maybe she's the type of girl that would love to hear all this but I'm going to take it easy and just enjoy our dates. If it goes anywhere il let her know that at a later date

[python23]

Her beauty has great value to you. Maybe not so much value to her.

 

Guileless is right. I completely agree with d0nnivain on this.

 

OP, you might find that people who ARE aware of their worth and who have true confidence are more open and honest. That’s what I’ve found. They don’t play games, act coy, edit and second-guess. That’s how fearful or manipulative people tend to act. Also, she might not consider her beauty to be the most important element of her worth, especially since she clearly has other strengths.

 

She's got so many other strengths. She's thoughtful, caring, funny and so easy to talk to and also has a strong family bond and the fact that she's asking for me to save a date over my birthday weekend next week just makes me melt inside. I've opened up too soon in the past with someone else who didn't deserve a second of my time so I've learnt to just take it easy. It's nice to be able to open up to someone though on here. It all feels like a dream right now. It just seems too good to be true

Edited October 4, 2015 by python23

[StocksnBlondes]

She's got so many other strengths. She's thoughtful, caring, funny and so easy to talk to and also has a strong family bond and the fact that she's asking for me to save a date over my birthday weekend next week just makes me melt inside. I've opened up too soon in the past with someone else who didn't deserve a second of my time so I've learnt to just take it easy. It's nice to be able to open up to someone though on here. It all feels like a dream right now. It just seems too good to be true

 

Python you're the man getting those flowers! Nice job??

 

Good to open up here and not explode too much on the dates ...slow and steady wins the race...but it sounds like you're tempering it well without seeming aloof. You sound like you've got a good picker too ...She's got lots of great qualities and family values and it's good that you recognize what she has to offer ...Happy Birthday in case you're not on here next week?

[python23]

Thank you, I've got a great weekend planned but if I'm honest I'm looking forward to the night out with her more than anything. She sent me a picture of her flowers on Saturday afternoon telling me how much she liked them so I text her later on saying goodnight and that she's not left my head all day. To which she replied something like glad I'm not the only one, I've been thinking about you.

 

I'm seriously getting mentally attached to this girl and I'm trying not to, I always wonder if she's thinking about me as much as I am, I'm trying my best to just act cool and make sure the dates and texts are light hearted.