The Problem with Girls Liking Confidence

[Revan32]

Girls always say they love confidence in guys. Yet at the same time, you constantly have girls complaining about getting pumped and dumped by players, and how they can never find guys who really like them. The funny thing is, the more attracted to a girl a guy is, the less confident he is going to be around them.

 

I've hooked up with some very attractive women in my time. Girls that had bodies that could give a Kardashian girl a run for her money. I approached them acting very confident and sexy and took them home within an hour of meeting them. The thing is, I didn't think they were that attractive. My friends were raging about how hot they were, but I wasn't impressed. They just weren't my type.

 

Now on the other hand, there are girls who I am super attracted to, yet other guys I've talked to don't find them hot at all. When I talk to these girls, I am super awkward, and can barely speak. They probably think I'm a total wimp.

 

Ladies, if a guy comes up to you 100% sure of himself, you should be thinking "wow this ******* doesn't even think I'm hot enough to be nervous around". And when a guy comes up to you noticeably sweaty, you should think "ahhh he must be very attracted to me, I should give him a shot".

 

And yes, if you're wondering, I just screwed up with a girl who I was very attracted to tonight because I acted like a wimp. So I feel very strongly that you all should take my advice.

[chumble]

[mrldii]

Let me make sure I understand...if a guy that we find attractive approaches us and can actually get words out of his mouth, we should know that he's only able to speak to us because he doesn't really find us attractive...

 

ergo, we should only be responsive to those who can not utter a complete sentence in our general direction, if we truly want what's best for us?!?

 

 

 

 

Ladies...have we just been "negged"?

 

 

 

 

Good luck with that, OP...

[Revan32]

Let me make sure I understand...if a guy that we find attractive approaches us and can actually get words out of his mouth, we should know that he's only able to speak to us because he doesn't really find us attractive...

 

ergo, we should only be responsive to those who can not utter a complete sentence in our general direction, if we truly want what's best for us?!?

 

 

 

 

Ladies...have we just been "negged"?

 

 

 

 

Good luck with that, OP...

 

I don't really get what you're saying...

 

But yes, if a guy is super confident around you, then you don't intimidate him and he's probably just going to sleep with you to get his rocks off. If a guy is even a little nervous, then that is a much better sign.

[mrldii]

I don't really get what you're saying...

 

But yes, if a guy is super confident around you, then you don't intimidate him and he's probably just going to sleep with you to get his rocks off. If a guy is even a little nervous, then that is a much better sign.

 

Well, there's just one problem with your theory...it doesn't hold up across the board in the real world.

 

All 4 of the men I've had long-term-relationships with were very attractive (to me - one even used to make a living modeling before we met) and our one night stands (as you've indicated) lasted 2.5, 5, 7, and 10 years. I even married two of 'em, which - of course - means they married me, too.

 

Of course, all 4 of them were "even a little nervous" when they met me...as was I, with them...we both were nervous a few dates into it, even.

 

Nerves get activated when attention is piqued. It's a sign most *normal*, healthy, well-adjusted women look for (in the man AND in themselves) when meeting someone they're interested in.

 

 

You guys are simply going to have to go back to the drawing board to determine why some of you can't seem to close the deal. The conclusions being drawn so far are not accurate, no matter how much better they're (temporarily) making you feel.

[Ruby Slippers]

But yes, if a guy is super confident around you, then you don't intimidate him and he's probably just going to sleep with you to get his rocks off. If a guy is even a little nervous, then that is a much better sign.

I agree with this. In general I think confidence is an overrated virtue of our times. Whatever happened to humility, sincerity, a down to earth nature? Women also are encouraged to flex the ego in constant confidence to get ahead. Overly confident men just sound like salesmen to me now.

[Revan32]

Well, there's just one problem with your theory...it doesn't hold up across the board in the real world.

 

All 4 of the men I've had long-term-relationships with were very attractive (to me - one even used to make a living modeling before we met) and our one night stands (as you've indicated) lasted 2.5, 5, 7, and 10 years. I even married two of 'em, which - of course - means they married me, too.

 

Of course, all 4 of them were "even a little nervous" when they met me...as was I, with them...we both were nervous a few dates into it, even.

 

Nerves get activated when attention is piqued. It's a sign most *normal*, healthy, well-adjusted women look for (in the man AND in themselves) when meeting someone they're interested in.

 

 

You guys are simply going to have to go back to the drawing board to determine why some of you can't seem to close the deal. The conclusions being drawn so far are not accurate, no matter how much better they're (temporarily) making you feel.

 

You literally just said happened what I said should happen. Are you really so combative that you try and argue with someone that is arguing the same thing as you?

[Revan32]

You guys are simply going to have to go back to the drawing board to determine why some of you can't seem to close the deal. The conclusions being drawn so far are not accurate, no matter how much better they're (temporarily) making you feel.

 

And like I said in the original post. I know how to close the deal. I got fired from my bouncing job in LA because I hooked up with two girls in the bar's walk in fridge. My problem comes when I actually like a girl and care about how my interaction goes with her. Just for example, I could walk up and hit on a Kim Kardashian look alike without blinking an eye. Yet i'd be nervous as hell just having a casual conversation with an Emma Watson type. The first girl I'd sleep with and forget about, the second I'd want to be in a relationship with. My odds would probably be way higher with sleeping with Kim though because I'd be super cocky while talking to her.

[autumnnight]

It is possible that a girl's desire for confidence might be an issue. That probably isn;t going to change her desire for confidence.

 

So one must operate in reality instead of railing against it.

[mrldii]

OP, if you and I are agreeing (as you claim), why does your title say "The Problem With Girls Liking Confidence" and then your opening post indicates that if a man can talk to you, he doesn't find you attractive and is just going to "sleep with you to get his rocks off"?

 

We can not be agreeing, if I've specifically stated that your title and your opening post is inaccurate and is drawing incorrect conclusions, as it has 0% validity in what I know actually happened in my own little life.

 

 

Perhaps you simply think we're agreeing, as you are talking about girls and what they're doing wrong and I'm talking about women and what we do right.

 

If so, then there's your solution: stop dating girls and start dating women. Stop assuming that females are reading as much MGTOW propaganda as males are.

Best of luck to you, OP...

[thecrucible]

Don't see why you're getting lambasted. There's a lot of truth in what you're saying. I read a similar post in 'The Rules Revisited' blog. The trick for me though is trying to figure out whether a guy is only nervous because he likes me or that he lacks confidence altogether (as that would be off putting). Maybe the argument is to give it more dates? Sometimes you have to give it more time to see the real person. There can be guys who are really confident in many aspects of their lives but would still be flummoxed by a woman they really like. I would want a guy I like to give me a chance rather than go off me if I was slightly nervous/awkward.

[Revan32]

OP, if you and I are agreeing (as you claim), why does your title say "The Problem With Girls Liking Confidence" and then your opening post indicates that if a man can talk to you, he doesn't find you attractive and is just going to "sleep with you to get his rocks off"?

 

We can not be agreeing, if I've specifically stated that your title and your opening post is inaccurate and is drawing incorrect conclusions, as it has 0% validity in what I know actually happened in my own little life.

 

 

Perhaps you simply think we're agreeing, as you are talking about girls and what they're doing wrong and I'm talking about women and what we do right.

 

If so, then there's your solution: stop dating girls and start dating women. Stop assuming that females are reading as much MGTOW propaganda as males are.

Best of luck to you, OP...

 

I never said anything about him not being able to get a word out. I used myself in an obviously exaggerated example about having a hard time finding the right words, but you made up the rest of that stuff. My exact words were "the more attracted to a girl a guy is, the less confident he is going to be around them." and "If a guy is even a little nervous, then that is a much better sign." So you saying your ex's being a little nervous completely contradicts what I am saying makes me think you suck at reading. No offense...

[Revan32]

Don't see why you're getting lambasted. There's a lot of truth in what you're saying. I read a similar post in 'The Rules Revisited' blog. The trick for me though is trying to figure out whether a guy is only nervous because he likes me or that he lacks confidence altogether (as that would be off putting). Maybe the argument is to give it more dates? Sometimes you have to give it more time to see the real person. There can be guys who are really confident in many aspects of their lives but would still be flummoxed by a woman they really like. I would want a guy I like to give me a chance rather than go off me if I was slightly nervous/awkward.

 

Thats a very good point. There is a difference between a guy who has zero confidence, and a guy who is just very nervous in talking to you. And yeah, I really don't know what mrldii's problem is. She really isn't making the point she thinks she is.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Guys are attracted to confidence just as much as women..

 

It's in American and Australian culture. Go to Europe where modesty seems to be more valued in both sexes.

[Revan32]

Guys are attracted to confidence just as much as women..

 

It's in American and Australian culture. Go to Europe where modesty seems to be more valued in both sexes.

 

I don't think so. I have not once heard a guy say anything about confidence when listing his ideal girl. While girls always list confidence and humor as their top traits.

 

Confidence means little to nothing to me personally. I'd actually prefer a girl who isn't very confident to one who is bordering on cockiness.

[SomeDude16]

I don't think so. I have not once heard a guy say anything about confidence when listing his ideal girl. While girls always list confidence and humor as their top traits.

 

Confidence means little to nothing to me personally. I'd actually prefer a girl who isn't very confident to one who is bordering on cockiness.

 

I'm the opposite. I like some confidence in a woman because it tells me she is independent, isn't needy, and driven.

[chumble]

And I straight-up like girls with low self-esteem.

[bluefeather]

There seem to be many threads around this forum that make blanket statements. I think a lot of these opinions are generalized. There is more to it than what you just said.

 

For example, in response to:

 

The funny thing is, the more attracted to a girl a guy is, the less confident he is going to be around them.

 

That is just not true. Confidence is dependent on many other things besides attraction to another person. Overall state of self-image, one's manners (which can appear as confident or not, depending on your own societal views), mood for that particular day, and alcohol are just some factors listed off the top of my head.

 

I will delve into overall state of self-image just a little bit using an example from my own personal experience. I have approached girls who were moderately attractive to me in my earlier years with less confidence. And I have approached girls who were as attractive as mythical nymphs with much more confidence in my later years. In this case, my confidence was based on the level of development of my self-image and had little, if anything, to do with how deeply I was attracted to someone. This doesn't necessarily have to do with age, because one's self-image can be changed in either direction at any time in life.

[Revan32]

There seem to be many threads around this forum that make blanket statements. I think a lot of these opinions are generalized. There is more to it than what you just said.

 

For example, in response to:

 

 

 

That is just not true. Confidence is dependent on many other things besides attraction to another person. Overall state of self-image, one's manners (which can appear as confident or not, depending on your own societal views), mood for that particular day, and alcohol are just some factors listed off the top of my head.

 

I will delve into overall state of self-image just a little bit using an example from my own personal experience. I have approached girls who were moderately attractive to me in my earlier years with less confidence. And I have approached girls who were as attractive as mythical nymphs with much more confidence in my later years. In this case, my confidence was based on the level of development of my self-image and had little, if anything, to do with how deeply I was attracted to someone. This doesn't necessarily have to do with age, because one's self-image can be changed in either direction at any time in life.

 

 

Everything involving human nature and actions have exceptions. Of course there is more at work than what I outlined in my 2 paragraph thread. But in very generalized terms, the more someone cares about an outcome, the more nervous about it they'll be while attempting to obtain it.

 

Its not just about attraction either. In your earlier years, you may have cared more about scoring with those average girls than you do while older with the hotter ones. My principle still applies.

[Buddhist]

Hilarious but actually true. I won't touch a guy who doesn't at least gulp in my presence.Lol!

[LilaMarie]

I don't think I've made anyone nervous...maybe a guy has gotten nervous but I would assume because it's the first time meeting in person. I always give guys a chance by going on three dates at least (that's if they give me a chance as well) and then determine if I want to see them again.

[joseb]

Well, there's just one problem with your theory...it doesn't hold up across the board in the real world.

 

All 4 of the men I've had long-term-relationships with were very attractive (to me - one even used to make a living modeling before we met) and our one night stands (as you've indicated) lasted 2.5, 5, 7, and 10 years. I even married two of 'em, which - of course - means they married me, too.

 

Of course, all 4 of them were "even a little nervous" when they met me...as was I, with them...we both were nervous a few dates into it, even.

 

Nerves get activated when attention is piqued. It's a sign most *normal*, healthy, well-adjusted women look for (in the man AND in themselves) when meeting someone they're interested in.

.

 

Mrydii, you really do seem to be missing the OPs point on this one.

He is not talking about whether he is attractive or not.

He is saying that if a guy is really attracted to a girl, then he is naturally going to be a bit more nervous (less confident) hitting on her than if his attraction to her is minimal.

 

You even say yourself "nerves get activated when attention is piqued". This is the OPs point. Women who overvalue confidence would be put off by such display of nerves.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I don't think so. I have not once heard a guy say anything about confidence when listing his ideal girl. While girls always list confidence and humor as their top traits.

 

Confidence means little to nothing to me personally. I'd actually prefer a girl who isn't very confident to one who is bordering on cockiness.

 

Confidence is listed as the most desirable trait for both sexes. I have heard just about every single guy I know say that confidence is a "must". There is quite a few perma-single shy girls that guys constantly overlook in favor of more extroverted and confident ones.

 

My experience is that not being confident is a disadvantage in dating in both sexes.

[Buddhist]

My experience is that not being confident is a disadvantage in dating in both sexes.

 

Yep. No-one wants to spend an evening trying to coax someone out of their shell.

[MrMeh]

This post really clicked with me. Though I'm not tall ( 5' 9"), I have a decent face and a good body, but it's really really difficult to approach a woman that intimidates me. I instantly presume that she'll start looking past me once I approach her and I'll just look like an idiot, but just like what everybody says on here, have confidence and ignore your assumptions.