JasmineJones Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Offline and online lots of men seem to complain that they struggle to find women who will go on dates with them whether through online dating or in their offline life. But is it really as hard as they say? As a woman it can be hard to find a man you click with to the point where you want to enter into a long term serious relationship with them, but getting dates with guys in general is really easy. I'm not convinced it can be so much harder for men. After all, heterosexual women are not dating each other, we are dating men. So how can men truly be dateless when we women as a whole are dating them? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 getting dates with guys in general is really easy It's not that easy for everyone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Stage5Clinger Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 It is impossible. I go months in between dates. I'm on 3 different dating websites and talk to women in real life when afforded the opportunity. I've been single for nearly 3 years. I'm a good looking guy with a good job. I go crazy thinking about it and the harder I try to meet new women the harder I fail. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Depends where you're located. If you live in a big metropolis men will get dates. Maybe not as many as women get but they'll get a decent amount of dates. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JasmineJones Posted October 3, 2015 Author Share Posted October 3, 2015 It is impossible. I go months in between dates. I'm on 3 different dating websites and talk to women in real life when afforded the opportunity. I've been single for nearly 3 years. I'm a good looking guy with a good job. I go crazy thinking about it and the harder I try to meet new women the harder I fail. That's really strange. Do you message women on dating sites and do they message you back? Do you ever invite them to meet you for a drink etc? Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 You really want to open this Pandora's box can of worms??! lol, OK! Have fun with this thread. I give it two pages before the woman haters come out of the woodwork. (readies popcorn) 5 Link to post Share on other sites
40 Fonzarelli Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Of course it's harder for men. We have to take the take the initiative, be courageous enough to approach out in public, risk rejection, etc. Lots of shy men don't have the confidence, so they remain dateless. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I'm not a man, so there is no way I would presume to understand what they go through, but common sense would tell me that, as others have mentioned, where one lives (i.e., the population of a city - and especially the demographics of it) plays a huge part. Also, failing to utilize OLD as simply A (not the only) tool to assist in meeting someone. If someone (male or female) lives in a large® city with plenty of other singles of their desired age group and they're still not getting dates in real life, it would suggest that it may be time for some serious introspection 'in the mirror' as to what the problem(s) might be. Often, it appears many people might actually be vampires, and find self-reflection to be a waste of time and energy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Stage5Clinger Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 That's really strange. Do you message women on dating sites and do they message you back? Do you ever invite them to meet you for a drink etc? I have messaged hundreds probably thousands of women. Tinder, POF, OkCupid, Zoosk, Facebook, you name it. Been on only a handful of meetups in the past 2 years. None of them were a good match for me. Fell hard for a few girls who didn't like me back (that's always fun). Really in a rut as far as dating is concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Tinder has at least made dates easier to come by, its so much less effort for better reward than the hoops you have to jump through just to get a date with a girl on sites like ok cupid. At least IME. That being said because getting a date is easier it becomes harder to connect with the girl because she goes on so many dates or has so many options. Its ridiculously hard. Some go badly, but even the ones that seem to go well end up in the inevitable result that the girl stops replying whilst trying to set up a second date. I look at all the couples around me and wonder how they do it. Do they have to jump through all these hoops? Its so competitive for guys and thats the problem. Women simply have more options and can be more selective. So of the male population in an area all the women are choosing to go on dates with a subset of those men and then choosing to have a relationship with a subset of those who get dates. You are always going to end up with guys who are marginalised to the point they can't get dates with others unable to move from dates to a relationship. Basically: the 80/20 struggle is real. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Ha, this is easy. 10 guys and ten 10 ladies. 5 guys are attractive to the ladies and five aren't. 5 guys date one or more ladies at the same time, while the other five go dateless. Of course, this is simplified, because I didn't throw in married/LTR men and women who date others as well, at various levels of affairs. The numbers get more challenging when in a demographic like mine, where men outnumber women, 53 to 47 as of our last census. Women have more options and men try harder because they're competing for fewer women and the more attractive men, all else being equal, continue to enjoy their usual poly-dating/mating status at the cost of the dateless crowd, though perhaps less so than otherwise. They do have more competition, compared to if the gender ratio was more equal, since more attractive men are chasing fewer women as well. This of course presumes heterosexual dating dynamics. Before I come across as a negative-Ned whiner guy, I dated for many years and have been married and found, when I relocated to demographics with more equal gender ratios, I had no trouble finding single women who wanted to date me. It just happened that such success was dozens to thousands of miles away. Such is life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Siquijor Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Getting dates wasn't the problem with me. Meeting someone who I found compatible and they felt likewise was the telling issue. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Guyouthere Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 It is finding quality that is an issue 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JasmineJones Posted October 3, 2015 Author Share Posted October 3, 2015 Tinder has at least made dates easier to come by, its so much less effort for better reward than the hoops you have to jump through just to get a date with a girl on sites like ok cupid. At least IME. That being said because getting a date is easier it becomes harder to connect with the girl because she goes on so many dates or has so many options. Its ridiculously hard. Some go badly, but even the ones that seem to go well end up in the inevitable result that the girl stops replying whilst trying to set up a second date. I look at all the couples around me and wonder how they do it. Do they have to jump through all these hoops? Its so competitive for guys and thats the problem. Women simply have more options and can be more selective. So of the male population in an area all the women are choosing to go on dates with a subset of those men and then choosing to have a relationship with a subset of those who get dates. You are always going to end up with guys who are marginalised to the point they can't get dates with others unable to move from dates to a relationship. Basically: the 80/20 struggle is real. The weird thing though is that at least 50% of my single female friends complain constantly about how hard they find it to meet men they really connect with and wish to settle down with. Sure, they get dates and could easily get sex. But not dates that seem to lead to meaningful relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JasmineJones Posted October 3, 2015 Author Share Posted October 3, 2015 Getting dates wasn't the problem with me. Meeting someone who I found compatible and they felt likewise was the telling issue. I think that's the case for any gender. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Hey, Interesting post. I agree - I hope we can keep this civilized and not get into women bashing or men hating. It is harder for men to get dates. As one person already stated, in our culture men are expected to initiate contact, make a move, and play the game while women sick back and wait for dates, make decisions on who they're interested in, etc. That said, it's harder too because as that same poster stated, a lot of sensitive guys or guys who lack motivation and/or self-esteem will be timid in approaching women or don't give off the same vibe - on line or in real life - as the guys who always have dates. I'll say for myself, I'm decent looking, funny, educated, have a supportive family and a good career. Had to move back in with my folks after two really bad relationships where I ended up with women who ultimately didn't respect me or want a healthy, balanced relationship with me. My only fear right now - other than needing to lose some weight, is a successful, attractive woman I'm interested in me and who would otherwise be interested in me, dismissing me the moment she finds out I'm with my folks. I'm hoping that by this time next year I've saved enough to go out and buy a place of my own, I've got time to build my skills/careers, time to enjoy a little bit of fun, and time to really be selective of women too. I just had my first date after my last break up and it went well. Going to talk to her tomorrow, hopefully setup another date for next week or preferably next weekend. That said, I'm also okay with the process now - i.e. I talked to a few women already, got 4 numbers, only 1 date. I'm not going to stop using OLD and asking women out in real life when the chance comes, but I'm also okay with ups and downs in the cycle. It' been a journey and I'm all the better for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 How I wishe it was switch for 6 months where women have to take the lead when it comes to getting dates. Only then will they truly understand east it's like. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Flaking is very frustrating for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 The weird thing though is that at least 50% of my single female friends complain constantly about how hard they find it to meet men they really connect with and wish to settle down with. Sure, they get dates and could easily get sex. But not dates that seem to lead to meaningful relationships. In an Initial meeting they don't know how connected they are with the guy they date and instead next him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 So how can men truly be dateless when we women as a whole are dating them? because only a certain type of man is getting all the women 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Demographics are a huge factor as well. As an Indian male, I'm statistically undesirable in the area I live in. Thus, I have to approach a significantly higher number of women to find those interested in dating me. On the other hand, my female cousins are very desirable and have no trouble getting dates. Just to give you an idea of the difficulty: My current girlfriend was close to the 200th woman I had messaged on Match that month. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JasmineJones Posted October 3, 2015 Author Share Posted October 3, 2015 because only a certain type of man is getting all the women what type is that? Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Offline and online lots of men seem to complain that they struggle to find women who will go on dates with them whether through online dating or in their offline life. But is it really as hard as they say? My guess is we are hearing from the vocal minority. Any decent guy I've known hasn't had a cold bed for long. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
StocksnBlondes Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I have messaged hundreds probably thousands of women. Tinder, POF, OkCupid, Zoosk, Facebook, you name it. Been on only a handful of meetups in the past 2 years. None of them were a good match for me. Fell hard for a few girls who didn't like me back (that's always fun). Really in a rut as far as dating is concerned. S5C Ya know I hear guys lament about this and all I can say is maybe you're a 5 ...think you're a 10 ...and only message girls who are 9-10s? I've been on probably 10 one off dates ...meaning one and done. Half of those I wouldn't go out with again ...the other half just disappear ...I'm attractive educated fit interesting life stable good conversationalist yada yada yada. A few of those guys I wanted to go out with again but crickets. There were a few that we both decided to go on several dates after the initial one but hasn't worked out ...maybe I'm too picky but I'll start a thread about my own neurosis later. Anyway ... I've talked with lots of guys ...I am selective in who I actually go on a date with but maybe there is something with guys who can't get dates in their demeanor or life that doesn't attract a girl to accepting a date ...I've turned down a lot for various reasons. A few shallow reasons come to mind but also some guys get a zero conversation skill score ...they don't get the give and take. Also ...if a guy doesn't have a relationship with his kids ...no way no how am I going out with him. My single friends and I could actually compile a list of reasons that might be helpful for guys. I'll put it on my list right after sorting my sock drawer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Revan32 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Online dating is nearly useless for guys. You have to be well above average to even start getting responses back from below to average girls. I've used it quite extensively and it works great for when I'm just trying to get laid and don't care too much on how the girl looks. I can get 4, 5's, and a few 6's no problem off it. The problem comes in when I'm trying to get the cute and above girls. They get swarmed on those sites so no one ends up getting them. Except maybe the top 1% guys. For example, I had one very cute girl responding to me fast, she eventually asked me to meet up with her. I said sure and asked for her number and when she's free. 5 minutes later I notice she's deleted my messages. Either I said something wrong or she had found someone better looking in those 5 minutes to meet up with. You only get that picky when you're being swarmed with options. I've even had that happen in real life. I'll have girls ask for my number, then the next day never respond to my texts. If girls have so many options they can just toss any guy who they have the smallest issue with, its no wonder no guys are having any luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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