Dating Lesson 1: Keep Compliments To Yourself

[Lovelorn00]

So I guess I need to throw the whole “be yourself” stuff out the window.

I mistakenly told him (during a text convo) that I thought he was incredibly handsome and that he made me feel giddy when we kissed.

Haven’t heard a word from him since, and we had plans tonight. It's been 24 hours.

 

Wow. I can’t believe I broke the #1 rule: never let a guy know that you actually like him.

[ScienceGal]

How many dates had you been on?

[mrldii]

Ahhhh, now...you don't KNOW that for a fact; you're applying some Ergo-Ipso-Facto logic, there.

 

Because it was simply texting, the chances are just as likely that:

 

* the girl he's really been interested in and has been pursuing, finally responded to his last text;

 

* he was run over by a car on his daily jog and is lying in a ditch somewhere, hoping someone will notice his absence;

 

* his wife got ahold of his cell phone and discovered his membership on a dating site; or

 

* his mom came in and unplugged the computer of her 13-YO son as punishment for being on an adult dating site.

 

 

Personally, I wouldn't draw any overgeneralized conclusions and change who I am/what I do over such an insignificant event.

 

 

 

Best of luck to you, OP...

[Yummm]

So I guess I need to throw the whole “be yourself” stuff out the window.

I mistakenly told him (during a text convo) that I thought he was incredibly handsome and that he made me feel giddy when we kissed.

Haven’t heard a word from him since, and we had plans tonight. It's been 24 hours.

 

Wow. I can’t believe I broke the #1 rule: never let a guy know that you actually like him.

 

If he runs because of that he's a douche. DO NOT play games. Making your intentions clear in a non scary way is best. Heck, the amount of girls i've been dating recently who don't make their intentions clear shocks me, so hard to read.

 

Be yourself.

[Gaeta]

So I guess I need to throw the whole “be yourself” stuff out the window.

I mistakenly told him (during a text convo) that I thought he was incredibly handsome and that he made me feel giddy when we kissed.

Haven’t heard a word from him since, and we had plans tonight. It's been 24 hours.

 

Wow. I can’t believe I broke the #1 rule: never let a guy know that you actually like him.

 

And was this your first compliment to him?

 

I think he picked up on this anxiety and cligniness you were talking about in your last thread.

 

Reminds me of this last man I met who told me he loved me after 1 date. I tried real hard to see past his cligniness but to no avail, he ended up pushing me away with his constant adoration.

[Trane]

So I guess I need to throw the whole “be yourself” stuff out the window.

I mistakenly told him (during a text convo) that I thought he was incredibly handsome and that he made me feel giddy when we kissed.

Haven’t heard a word from him since, and we had plans tonight. It's been 24 hours.

 

Wow. I can’t believe I broke the #1 rule: never let a guy know that you actually like him.

 

That's BS to me. Too many women DON'T let a guy know that they actually like him and leave him in the dark. I personally like it when a woman gives me a thoughtful compliment. I don't fish for them either or pass judgement on her if she does.

 

Even though it's in my natural self, I try my best not to compliment a woman unless the timing is right and the situation presents itself. Women seem to love the word "creep" in this day and age. They have no qualms whatsoever about attaching it to innocent guys who they feel aren't attractive or worthy enough for their attention.

[Lovelorn00]

How many dates had you been on?

 

I've lost count at this point, but maybe 7 or 8?

[Lovelorn00]

Ahhhh, now...you don't KNOW that for a fact; you're applying some Ergo-Ipso-Facto logic, there.

 

Because it was simply texting, the chances are just as likely that:

 

* the girl he's really been interested in and has been pursuing, finally responded to his last text;

 

* he was run over by a car on his daily jog and is lying in a ditch somewhere, hoping someone will notice his absence;

 

* his wife got ahold of his cell phone and discovered his membership on a dating site; or

 

* his mom came in and unplugged the computer of her 13-YO son as punishment for being on an adult dating site.

 

 

Personally, I wouldn't draw any overgeneralized conclusions and change who I am/what I do over such an insignificant event.

 

 

 

Best of luck to you, OP...

 

Ha! True. It could be any of these things. It's just very strange, since we were getting a little hot and heavy with the text flirting right before I made that comment.

[Lovelorn00]

If he runs because of that he's a douche. DO NOT play games. Making your intentions clear in a non scary way is best. Heck, the amount of girls i've been dating recently who don't make their intentions clear shocks me, so hard to read.

 

Be yourself.

 

I made it clear that I liked him, which took the "chase" away from him. I guess all those books and blogs and magazine articles that I've read were true.

[Lovelorn00]

And was this your first compliment to him?

 

I think he picked up on this anxiety and cligniness you were talking about in your last thread.

 

Reminds me of this last man I met who told me he loved me after 1 date. I tried real hard to see past his cligniness but to no avail, he ended up pushing me away with his constant adoration.

 

 

No, I make sure to compliment him every now and then. Not too much, though. That's been the case since the first date. Maybe I'm a little too honest with guys by telling them that I think they're attractive.

[d0nnivain]

When people are hot & heavy with the texting in the beginning, any drop from that is viewed as doom & gloom. Any man would would run after you told him in essence that you found him attractive & were turned on by him is not a man worth keeping. It's not like you offered to have kids or something.

[losangelena]

Don't generalize, OP. Most men love to be complimented. It has nothing to do with "the chase."

 

He's starting to sound squirrelier and squirrelier. Please, it will not be the end of the world if he drops out.

[kpl]

Is that really a rule?

[losangelena]

Is that really a rule?

 

Methinks she's being sarcastic ...

[ScienceGal]

I've lost count at this point, but maybe 7 or 8?

 

Oh, geez. You did nothing wrong! What you said is something he should want to hear after that many dates. You made your attraction clear, which is the right thing to do.

 

Do you want to be with someone who you need to filter yourself with or engage in "game playing"? I know you like him, but if he really is flaking because of you being open and honest, it's better to learn this now rather than later. You deserve better.

[Redhead14]

So I guess I need to throw the whole “be yourself” stuff out the window.

I mistakenly told him (during a text convo) that I thought he was incredibly handsome and that he made me feel giddy when we kissed.

Haven’t heard a word from him since, and we had plans tonight. It's been 24 hours.

 

Wow. I can’t believe I broke the #1 rule: never let a guy know that you actually like him.

 

First of all, you don't know that's why he hasn't contacted you. Second, it's only 24 hours. If you have plans tonight though, he should have at least confirmed yesterday. Maybe he will reach out shortly. Just sit back and don't mind-read.

[ManyDissapoint]

So I guess I need to throw the whole “be yourself” stuff out the window.

I mistakenly told him (during a text convo) that I thought he was incredibly handsome and that he made me feel giddy when we kissed.

Haven’t heard a word from him since, and we had plans tonight. It's been 24 hours.

 

Wow. I can’t believe I broke the #1 rule: never let a guy know that you actually like him.

 

If a girl sent me that text after our first kiss, that would be an excellent sign for me. You did very well in making your feelings known. The only problem is that he didn't reciprocate. Men do NOT lose interest in you because you are clear about your feelings in that way.

 

Don't stop doing what you're doing, please.

[losangelena]

If a girl sent me that text after our first kiss, that would be an excellent sign for me. You did very well in making your feelings known. The only problem is that he didn't reciprocate. Men do NOT lose interest in you because you are clear about your feelings in that way.

 

Don't stop doing what you're doing, please.

 

THANK YOU

 

Yes, exactly. Up until the very end of my relationship, my BF would get a huge, involuntary smile on his face whenever I complimented him, said he was sexy, handsome, etc. He couldn't help it, it just tickled him, made him feel good.

 

A woman showing interest/attraction is an ego boost for a guy—even if he's not that into her, probably!

 

OP, time to reign in the anxious conclusion-jumping/overgeneralizing/self-blaming. Jeebus. You're doing good, considering.

[Lovelorn00]

It's not like you offered to have kids or something.

 

Exactly. That's what's so frustrating about dating. Men are so easily frightened off. All it takes is a hair out of place or the wrong word in a sentence. They scurry like traumatized squirrels being chased by a dog or something.

[ManyDissapoint]

A woman showing interest/attraction is an ego boost for a guy—even if he's not that into her, probably!

.

 

Yes it feels good to be hit on by women that you are not interested in, but once you get to a certain age and experience, it's really a very short lasting tingle. You are much more unhappy that it's hard to find a mutually strong connection.

[Lovelorn00]

He's starting to sound squirrelier and squirrelier. Please, it will not be the end of the world if he drops out.

 

Right?! Perhaps I should’ve listened to my anxiety? It hasn’t always been correct, though. Especially in these situations.

[Lovelorn00]

Methinks she's being sarcastic ...

 

I was. Haha! I'm just kind of irritated.

[kpl]

Methinks she's being sarcastic ...

 

ha! ok :-)

[Lovelorn00]

THANK YOU

 

Yes, exactly. Up until the very end of my relationship, my BF would get a huge, involuntary smile on his face whenever I complimented him, said he was sexy, handsome, etc. He couldn't help it, it just tickled him, made him feel good.

 

A woman showing interest/attraction is an ego boost for a guy—even if he's not that into her, probably!

 

OP, time to reign in the anxious conclusion-jumping/overgeneralizing/self-blaming. Jeebus. You're doing good, considering.

 

Okay, okay. Haha! Losangelena, you are beginning to know me TOO well!! Perhaps I need to use some of my newfound “rational thinkining” skills here.

 

- Has he done this before? Yes, but only a couple of times in the two months we’ve been dating, and there were valid reasons (not that he needed any).

- He’s been fairly busy at work and had an event last night that he was hosting.

- My last text to him didn’t contain a question that necessarily needed a response from him.

-We’re not supposed to meet until tonight. Perhaps he’ll reach out in the next few hours to confirm, especially since he never gave me the address for the event tonight.

 

If he doesn’t reach out, I’m finding something else to do with my Friday so that I’m not crying on my couch tonight.

[kpl]

Okay, okay. Haha! Losangelena, you are beginning to know me TOO well!! Perhaps I need to use some of my newfound “rational thinkining” skills here.

 

- Has he done this before? Yes, but only a couple of times in the two months we’ve been dating, and there were valid reasons (not that he needed any).

- He’s been fairly busy at work and had an event last night that he was hosting.

- My last text to him didn’t contain a question that necessarily needed a response from him.

-We’re not supposed to meet until tonight. Perhaps he’ll reach out in the next few hours to confirm, especially since he never gave me the address for the event tonight.

 

If he doesn’t reach out, I’m finding something else to do with my Friday so that I’m not crying on my couch tonight.

 

Would it be weird to reach out to him and ask where you are meeting? I am genuinely asking, I tend to be more forward so I never know the "right" thing to do.