Should I be worried?

[DeanGirl]

I have a problem, not sure how big. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years and living together for 4 years. I think we have a really good relationship, we rarely fight, have the same taste in music, movies and TV shows, we like each others friends (well, most friends). He is in a big group of friends and they are all hanging out a lot, 5 girls and 3 guys. So, he has this coworker and she likes to flirt in a very obvious way and prefers to hang out with guys, she dances with them, sits with them, she cuts herself off from these other girls and tries constantly to spend time with one of them (all of the guys are in serious relationships, one is even married). She is very pretty IMHO, but I also think that she is mean. I am not a jealous type, he goes out alone with his friends, I trust him 98% (I don't trust anyone a 100%). My boyfriend took to hang out with them a few times, most of them are OK, but this girl annoys me so much. First time I met her, she was asked me 5 times am I sure about leaving my boyfriend alone because he is a catch and someone will snatch him. I just told her that if he gets snatched, he was never mine to begin with. I asked him why did she do that, he said that he has no idea, but there's nothing to be worried about. Next time I saw her she tried to get him to sit with her instead of me, my boyfriend told her: ''I will sit next to my girlfriend'', she said: ''Whatever'' and my boyfriend asked her: ''What's the problem?'' in very rude manner and she said: ''I'm sorry, I just thought you wanted to sit here''. She didn't speak to me anymore that night, but she was talking about the other guys girlfriend and saying so many mean stuff about his girlfriend that he had to tell her:''it's none of your business''. Mean girl. Then we went out to a club and she asked me:''Ask your boyfriend did he see the dancers?'' My boyfriend was next to me and she could've asked him herself, but I think she asked me because she wanted me to think that my boyfriend always looks at the dancers when they go out without me. So I told my boyfriend everything about her behavior and he said that I shouldn't pay attention to her because that is who she is, she does that on purpose and that I am reading too much in to her words. Now, the important thing is that nothing has changed in our relationship, he quit his job there and he is working in another company now, so they don't see each other every day now, they just go out together once in a while, but she still tries to rattle me. My boyfriend is still in love with me, I know, I feel it, there is no problem in our relationship other than me feeling uneasy. It's creating problems in our relationship, I almost broke up with him because I don't like myself like this, jealous and insecure. I told him that I feel bad around her and he asked me why, am I giving you a reason for that. Objectively, he really doesn't, but emotionally I feel bad and sad, depressed, tense. For some reason, she is making me feel uncomfortable and I am worried that this is intuition, that I am ignoring it and that one day I will regret ignoring this. I have no one to talk to, so please help me figure out why do I feel this way when objectively everything is OK and nothing has changed:confused?

[PegNosePete]

I told him that I feel bad around her and he asked me why, am I giving you a reason for that. Objectively, he really doesn't, but emotionally I feel bad and sad, depressed, tense. For some reason, she is making me feel uncomfortable

It's pretty obvious why you're feeling these things. She is totally disrespectful of you and your relationship.

 

I would tell your BF that she is disrespecting you and your relationship, and and tell him how it is making you feel. If he really cares about you, he would not allow that to continue.

 

He needs to tell her in no uncertain terms that this kind of behaviour is NOT acceptable, and that if it does not cease immediately, he will end the friendship.

[DeanGirl]

He needs to tell her in no uncertain terms that this kind of behaviour is NOT acceptable, and that if it does not cease immediately, he will end the friendship.

 

Thank you for replying . I know and I want him to end his relationship with her, but she is a part of a larger group of friends so if he were to stop hanging out with her, it would probably mean stop hanging out with all of them. And my boyfriend doesn't really have many friends, other than them, he only has two more friends. So I don't want to take that away from him just because she annoys me. Plus, she is very smart, she always says things when he is not around to hear anything so to him it might seem like I misunderstood the comment. When he is around, she hugs me, talks to me and she's the sweetest thing . If I were him, I think I would question it too because it seems like I am imagining things.

Also, I don't think they are his friends for real because since he left his old job, they don't call or write as much, just when they want to go out. They go only to clubs, to drink and dance, they never go just to have drinks and talk, it's weird. My friends call me to their houses, clubs, to go out for coffee and he has only two friends who do the same for him. I don't think they are his friends, just buddies. When I was about to break up with him, I realized that he would stay all alone and sad because they wouldn't care enough to help him through it and I have so many people around me so I stayed. Don't get me wrong, I love him, I am glad I stayed, but I think if the situation was different that I would walk away to chill and see if the break did us good or bad. I would have friends to talk to and help me work it out, but he wouldn't. I can't talk to my friends about it because I don't know if that would change their opinion about him and can they be objective.