Ghosted after three good dates

[cookiemonster26]

Had three really good dates with a guy, even told me he likes me. Now he dissapeared. Not sure what I did wrong. I can't help but feel so upset about this. Everyone I date either just wants me for sex or ghosts me after three or four dates. I feel like I'm going to die alone and miserable. I also hate dating. Sigh. Any tips or support would be much appreciated. I'm wondering if I need a break?

[Zippy2000]

I`m really sorry to learn about your experience. Its happened to me a few times.

 

Its not a reflection in you but about the character of the men you are attracting.

 

He has no social skill set to tell you to your face he doesnt feel any connection,

 

Its nothing to do with you but the act of a cowardly man. Youll probably hear from him again just to check on you and then, poof. He ll disappear all over again.

 

Protect yourself. This is a huge red flag.

[Gaeta]

Had three really good dates with a guy, even told me he likes me. Now he dissapeared. Not sure what I did wrong. I can't help but feel so upset about this. Everyone I date either just wants me for sex or ghosts me after three or four dates. I feel like I'm going to die alone and miserable. I also hate dating. Sigh. Any tips or support would be much appreciated. I'm wondering if I need a break?

 

That's what I have been through the past 3 years, over and over again. That's how online dating is. You've got to have a thick skin and not take it too seriously.

 

The difference with me is I am not miserable because I'm alone. I have fun in every other way possible and when a guy disappear it's just another story to share by the water cooler.

 

Yes a break is good, I take breaks often and I come back when I'm motivated. Men can feel you're bitter and it's not a good vibe to send out on a date.

[Revan32]

Have you actually texted or called him? Or are you just waiting for him to make the move?

[Eighty_nine]

That's really hard. I was "ghosted" once, and another time I learned after a second date that the guy wasn't interested. My experience was so confusing because he set up and paid for 5-6 dates, even introduced me to his friends on a couple of occasions. Then I didn't hear anything from him, and I never reached out either. Months later he messaged me asking how I was & if I wanted to hang out (not a booty call, because we hadn't even come close to having sex on our 5 or 6 dates). I called him out on disappearing on me, and after that he stopped trying to set up another date.

 

Another time a guy invited me to a play as a second date, and then after, said we should just be friends. I thought... Why did you invite me to this play, then??it's a bad feeling especially since, if a guy tries to set up a second date with me, I assume that means he's interested. Apparently that's not necessarily true.

[newmoon]

it happened to me a few months back as well. 3 excellent dates and then.. nothing. it's ok, though, it's a reflection of who they are, not us. the best advice - if the guy does happen to resurface, don't give him a chance. he's already shown you a character flaw.

[Guyouthere]

Had three really good dates with a guy, even told me he likes me. Now he dissapeared. Not sure what I did wrong. I can't help but feel so upset about this. Everyone I date either just wants me for sex or ghosts me after three or four dates. I feel like I'm going to die alone and miserable. I also hate dating. Sigh. Any tips or support would be much appreciated. I'm wondering if I need a break?

 

Send resume, we will go out for a date

 

Bring fishing pole and shark boots.

[cookiemonster26]

Have you actually texted or called him? Or are you just waiting for him to make the move?

 

Ya I texted him today and no reply

[Guyouthere]

Ya I texted him today and no reply

 

If a guy is interested, he will make it known he is.

 

Considering he hasn't….

 

It is safe to say he isn't.

[Revan32]

Ya I texted him today and no reply

 

One day is hardly enough time to freak out about it. Maybe he's just been really busy or doesn't feel like talking to anyone.

 

He'll probably text you in the next day or two thinking nothing is wrong. You of course will be freaking out and cut him off, leaving him standing around scratching his head wondering what happened.

[katiegrl]

Ya I texted him today and no reply

 

What did you say in your text?

 

My guess is since it's Saturday night, he has another date, so did not want to text back for fear you might ask him what he's doing tonight.....

 

Anyway, one day no response could hardly be considered ghosting.

 

Get back to us in a week, if he still hasn't responded, THAT is ghosting.

 

By the way, just read your other thread discussing your fear of ghosting.

 

Please try and get over this fear, as you might create a self-fulfilling prophecy (subconsciously facilitating the very thing your fear the most).

[Terry8889]

I think maybe you should try and not come to strong on the guy like not being TOO nice. And not keep your hopes up with anybody, play it cool. If they stay great if not f** them their loss. Let the guy chase you for the first 5+ dates, dont text them let them do it 80- 85% of the time. Play a little hard to get at least for the first month, make them work hard to get you, then you will know if they are really interested.

[Gaeta]

I think maybe you should try and not come to strong on the guy like not being TOO nice. And not keep your hopes up with anybody, play it cool. If they stay great if not f** them their loss. Let the guy chase you for the first 5+ dates, dont text them let them do it 80- 85% of the time. Play a little hard to get at least for the first month, make them work hard to get you, then you will know if they are really interested.

 

It means nothing. Some men will chase you really hard and still disappear after a few dates. All you can do is to not invest yourself too much till you are exclusive. I have had men disappear after 3 dates, 5 dates, 10 dates. There are stories on here of men (women too) disappearing after 2 months and sometimes 3 months dating.

[Jules Dash]

If you have someone just disappearing after several date or a few months of dating, you really have to give yourself a good, honest self-evaluation. This should not be happening unless there are some behavioral complications that are being ignored.

 

I mean this as nothing personal but as general genuine advice. You have to really sit down and consider some things that you can improve with yourself.

[Gaeta]

If you have someone just disappearing after several date or a few months of dating, you really have to give yourself a good, honest self-evaluation. This should not be happening unless there are some behavioral complications that are being ignored.

 

I mean this as nothing personal but as general genuine advice. You have to really sit down and consider some things that you can improve with yourself.

 

If someone disappear after several dates it has nothing to do with you !! It's all about the person who disappears who has no integrity, no moral values, no personal behavioral guide, no respect for others.

 

I have never disappeared on someone, ever!! I respect people around me, when it doesn't work for me I TELL THEM. I gather my courage and I let them know it's not working for me. It doesn't matter if we only had 1 date, I never disappear because I have respect for people.

 

Last man that disappeared on me we had 5 dates. Last thing he told me was I was an amazing woman and he'd like we go away on a weekend together. I never heard from him ever again after that and he didn't answer my communication. It's all about HIM. He was weak !!

[cookiemonster26]

If someone disappear after several dates it has nothing to do with you !! It's all about the person who disappears who has no integrity, no moral values, no personal behavioral guide, no respect for others.

 

I have never disappeared on someone, ever!! I respect people around me, when it doesn't work for me I TELL THEM. I gather my courage and I let them know it's not working for me. It doesn't matter if we only had 1 date, I never disappear because I have respect for people.

 

Last man that disappeared on me we had 5 dates. Last thing he told me was I was an amazing woman and he'd like we go away on a weekend together. I never heard from him ever again after that and he didn't answer my communication. It's all about HIM. He was weak !!

 

I agree. Ghosting is cowardly and rude. I don't think it has anything to do with oneself. People just have no respect anymore

[jam.over.jelly]

What if they did apologize and tell you that you deserved to hear the truth why they started acting the way they did, and disappeared for a couple days? Would any of you consider giving the guy another chance after he sort out everything that's going on with his life? Or it will always be a bad idea? I'm sorry OP for using this thread to ask my question, but it can be sort of relevant...

[Jules Dash]

If someone disappear after several dates it has nothing to do with you !! It's all about the person who disappears who has no integrity, no moral values, no personal behavioral guide, no respect for others.

 

I have never disappeared on someone, ever!! I respect people around me, when it doesn't work for me I TELL THEM. I gather my courage and I let them know it's not working for me. It doesn't matter if we only had 1 date, I never disappear because I have respect for people.

 

Last man that disappeared on me we had 5 dates. Last thing he told me was I was an amazing woman and he'd like we go away on a weekend together. I never heard from him ever again after that and he didn't answer my communication. It's all about HIM. He was weak !!

 

 

 

 

Maybe I should clarify by saying that if there is a recurring theme in your dating life of someone ghosting you after going out on several dates with you then you have to do a self-assessment. Someone knowing you for months then just disappearing on you should cause you to really evaluate yourself for something that you are doing to cause this.

 

After 5 or so dates, you should have really gained some respect from an individual to at least send you some kind of message. I think that if you just look at it as it has to be something wrong with the other person then you may be missing an opportunity to self-refllect and improve yourself.

[Gaeta]

Maybe I should clarify by saying that if there is a recurring theme in your dating life of someone ghosting you after going out on several dates with you then you have to do a self-assessment. Someone knowing you for months then just disappearing on you should cause you to really evaluate yourself for something that you are doing to cause this.

 

After 5 or so dates, you should have really gained some respect from an individual to at least send you some kind of message. I think if you just look at it as it has to be something wrong with the other person then you may be missing an opportunity to self-refllect and improve yourself.

 

And I am telling you. If you go through several failed relationship YES you may want to look inward BUT this is not about failed relationship.This is about people DISAPPEARING without a word. There is nothing to justify someone just disappearing without saying first : sorry it's not working for me.

 

This thread is not about repetitive failed relationship. This thread is about people leaving relationship without the basic courtesy of saying sorry it's not working for me.

[kpl]

One day isn't a long time, but I think ppl typically have a sixth sense about this stuff if you think something is wrong it probably is.

 

Also, ghosting isn't about the person getting ghosted on. i had someone disappear after 5 dates, meeting my friends, telling my friends how happy he was to meet me and he would take good care of me. Had nothing to do with me and something people need to believe b/c they will end up miserable trying to rack their brain about what they did wrong.

 

An adult who respects you will take the time to say hey so sorry I'm not interested any more or even just say "let's be friends" it is childish and cowardly to not be able to handle confrontation and if someone can't handle difficult conversations what kind of partner will they be in the long run when real life events happen. I've ghosted on ppl in the past when i was much younger and dealing with my own insecurities, only until i really loved myself could i understand how that hurt other ppl.

 

I do think sometimes ppl misread red flags but that is something you really only learn after dating for a long time and understanding ppl's behavior.

[edgygirl]

You're obviously not on OLD, and you are probably not a woman.

 

Why guilt trip these women when the truth is... that's how OLD is today? That's what people do... I mean cowards do.

 

Unfortunately they can get away with it because of the OLD dynamics, they don't have friends in common and therefore won't be bad mouthed. Just goes to show that many men, when they don't have to be accountable for their behavior, show their true s**** personality.

 

It's a blessing in disguise to be ghosted. Would you want a partner who's so coward he'd do that to you or any other woman?

 

I loved when that site Lulu had women post reviews of fb contacts they dated. Men got really angry as mostly their true dating style was uncovered.

 

Maybe I should clarify by saying that if there is a recurring theme in your dating life of someone ghosting you after going out on several dates with you then you have to do a self-assessment. Someone knowing you for months then just disappearing on you should cause you to really evaluate yourself for something that you are doing to cause this.

 

After 5 or so dates, you should have really gained some respect from an individual to at least send you some kind of message. I think that if you just look at it as it has to be something wrong with the other person then you may be missing an opportunity to self-refllect and improve yourself.

[Jules Dash]

And I am telling you. If you go through several failed relationship YES you may want to look inward BUT this is not about failed relationship.This is about people DISAPPEARING without a word. There is nothing to justify someone just disappearing without saying first : sorry it's not working for me.

 

This thread is not about repetitive failed relationship. This thread is about people leaving relationship without the basic courtesy of saying sorry it's not working for me.

 

Gaeta, no need to get defensive. I know what the thread is about but we all know threads often branch into related interesting concepts related to the topic of the thread.

 

My response was no personal attack. To be open about it, you have always been my favorite member on here because you represent a real, down-to-Earth person rather than a self-righteous, social justice type.

 

Yes, it can be cowardly to just disappear in a lot of situations but there is two sides to every story and sometimes people should really look at what they could have possibly done to make someone want to just disappear. If someone was very disrespectful to that person or did awful things to that person then maybe that could have made the person feel very comfortable about just disappearing. I disagree that nothing can justify it. Some people do awful things to others and expect no repercussions.

[Gaeta]

Gaeta, no need to get defensive. I know what the thread is about but we all know threads often branch into related interesting concepts related to the topic of the thread.

 

My response was no personal attack. To be open about it, you have always been my favorite member on here because you represent a real, down-to-Earth person rather than a self-righteous, social justice type.

 

Yes, it can be cowardly to just disappear in a lot of situations but there is two sides to every story and sometimes people should really look at what they could have possibly done to make someone want to just disappear. If someone was very disrespectful to that person or did awful things to that person then maybe that could have made the person feel very comfortable about just disappearing. I disagree that nothing can justify it. Some people do awful things to others and expect no repercussions.

 

I was not being defensive, I don't think so. I wanted to bring your attention on something very specific.

 

Like Edgy girl said you are probably not used to online dating. Disappearing acts happen too often. I had it done to me countless times and I am a normal person. I don't disrespect men I date. I am not dramatic, not hysteric, not cligny, so there is no reasons to disappear on me. If you tell me it's not working for you I will simply say : it's alright I understand and wish you the best.

 

Every day we have on here thread about men disappearing after a few dates or a few weeks. I can't imagine all of those women are weirdos deserving of being dropped like yesterday's newspaper.

 

And by the way, even the weirdos, I tell them I am moving on.

[thecrucible]

Probably some people fade because sometimes you tell someone you're moving on, and they keep clinging on and trying to get you to change your mind. Not that that justifies it...

[katiegrl]

I am NOT justifying or excusing a guy pulling the disappearing act, but I wonder if the reason they disappear, rather than saying "sorry, this isn't working for me," is to keep the door OPEN for them to come back into your life at a later date. With some sorry ass excuse as to why they disappeared.

 

Telling a woman "it''s not working out for me" is more final, and would make it more difficult for him to call and ask her out again, should he change his mind later or whatever....

 

Nearly every woman who's ever dated knows how often guys DO reach out again, whether it be weeks, months or even years after disappearing. Gaeta you can attest to that no doubt!

 

Old boyfriends or guys you've dated in the past often contact you again at some point, don't they?

 

I dunno, I was just thinking about that and offering it up as a possibility.

 

Again, NOT excusing it cause it's definitely cowardly and weak! For sure!