onelove89 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Hey everyone seems like I keep meeting the wrong people or was messing things up hahh well now I have a huge problem! I finally met a girl with an amazing heart. She is 22 with a 2 year old and is not with the ex anymore. She is very sweet and I am starting to like her. Well we hung out a few times and I admitted to her I have Obsessive compulsive disorder. About a week later she decided she wanted to tell me but she was very closed off about telling me so after another week she finally told me she likes me but she has genital herpes and I thought it was a joke at first! I was thinking there is no ****ing way this girl has herpes! but she is serious and I respect the fact that she told me before I even did anything with her. Here is the real issue. I have OCD about diseases and stds scare the hell out of me. At first I wanted to not talk to here anymore but that seems so wrong and I am starting to like her but I don't want no stds and that **** is for life so what If I caught it and things didn't work out. What are the chances fo getting this? I would never go down on her or have sex unprotected but I have no clue what to do. She is awesome but I don't wanna get a virus. Thanks for any advice! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Are you actually diagnosed as having OCD? Are you under a counsellor/therapist? Is it something you're living with as a diagnosed condition? If so, that is one direction advice will take. If not, advice will flow in a different course.... Link to post Share on other sites
Winterina Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 God sent you the women to cure your OCD. If you are afraid of it, jump into it. Kidding aside... I have a herpes but only on my mouth, and as rarely as once a year or once is two years when I catch cold. I do not know anything about genital herpes but if she has it now and then and she told you about it, all you need to do is educate yourself about it to not catch it... Outbreaks are usually rare for many people with my type of herpes. Do not throw away a perfectly good person for something she might have had since childhood... Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 If she has it for a couple of years if she is on daily antiviral the chances of you catching it are very very slim. BUT if you are obsessive and you cannot fully accept her condition you have to move on for yourself AND also for her because she deserves a man that will be 100% comfortable with her condition and not be with someone that will constantly need reassurance he is not gonna catch it. I carry hsv so I know there are plenty of men out there that are 100% ok with it. Let her find one. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author onelove89 Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 Thanks all of you. Yes I am actually diagnosed with real OCD and she seems like a great girl I guess I am just worried I would catch it. Maybe its more common than I thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 I have the "oral herpes" antibodies. I had cold sores when I was a kid (my mother had them too) but I haven't had a cold sore in more than 30 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onelove89 Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 ok so can you catch it even if you don't have an active breakout? Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 At least she told you. Knowledge gives you more safety. Imagine the irony if you dumped this girl, find another, and the new girl also has std but doesn't tell you or doesn't know herself, or doesn't care to protect you, and you catch it. Then what? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 It would be beneficial for you to educate yourself about herpes. Approx 1 and 4 women carry the virus. Nearly 90% of the people who have it do not know they have it. You are probably more like to get it from someone who does not know they have it than someone who knowing has it and is openly talking / working with it. First class of her to share this with you. It means she cares and is being open with you. Sounds like this has more to do with you than her. Look at your part....seems your issue is the problem here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 ok so can you catch it even if you don't have an active breakout? It is possible but unlikely. Like Gaeta said, if she's on antivirals and it's well controlled then the odds are low that you would. And even if you did, the impact is more about the stigma than the virus itself. Nobody wants to get it, obviously. So the question is, could you accept the risk to be with an amazing person... and if so, do you consider her to be that amazing person? You may want to date long enough (before having sex) to figure it out... or if you know that it's just not something you can deal with then cut your losses before getting any more attached. I've never faced that dilemma so not sure what I'd do. Thinking about it hypothetically isn't the same. You should thoroughly educate yourself and make the decision you're least likely to regret. Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 She sounds pretty classy to me. I imagine she got it because someone was not honest with her but she chose to do the right thing. For someone who has ocd about diseases, it's surprising you have no knowledge of them and apparently no ability to research them yourself. You could probably learn a lot from just talking to her about it considering she lives with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onelove89 Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 Wow first off this is not meant to be an attack against her at all because I am simply asking a question. And my problem is not the problem because there is no problem not hers or mine I was simply asking peoples opinions. Its funny how people attack others and assume they don't know how to do research. Yes I do have ocd and I am aware of how many people have hsv1 and hsv2 and I have educated myself. I also am the type of person that likes to ask opinions. I didn't mean to come off as if this is a problem or as if I am a complete idiot and don't know how to do a google search I just mean to ask what others would do. Yes she is an awesome person and I would not want to lose someone really amazing over something like this but I am also a little scared but I like the opinion of waiting to have sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author onelove89 Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 It would be beneficial for you to educate yourself about herpes. Approx 1 and 4 women carry the virus. Nearly 90% of the people who have it do not know they have it. You are probably more like to get it from someone who does not know they have it than someone who knowing has it and is openly talking / working with it. First class of her to share this with you. It means she cares and is being open with you. Sounds like this has more to do with you than her. Look at your part....seems your issue is the problem here. I never said she was the issue I admitted my issue was part of the problem. If I was like any other guy I would dip out asap. But I put myself in her shoes and realized that it must be hard and that's why I am looking for advice. Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 (edited) That's a tough break. Your OCD aside I think you made some valid points about not wanting to go down on her and your concern that it may not work out. I'd bail as politely as possible. Edited September 17, 2015 by sid3 Link to post Share on other sites
pleasedtomeetyou Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Is it HSV-1 or HSV-2? if it's HSV-1, then I think it would be silly to dismiss somebody because of it since about 70% of the U.S. population has it. If it's HSV-2, well then that's a different story because it's only about 25% that have it. Still a large amount, but it is the minority. Also, unless you have specifically had a blood test, it would be foolish of you to assume that you don't have HSV-1. The majority of people in the country have HSV-1 and most of those never get cold sores. They are asymptomatic carriers. And don't assume that just because you said, "test me for STD's" to your doctor that they tested for HSV-1 or HSV-2. The medical community will only provide that test if you specifically ask for it. Since HSV-1 isn't officially an STD, it isn't part of the test. Just a few things to consider as you make your decision. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Thanks all of you. Yes I am actually diagnosed with real OCD and she seems like a great girl I guess I am just worried I would catch it. Maybe its more common than I thought. Okay, then I would also discuss this with your therapist/counsellor. This is why I asked whether you were simply describing an extreme characteristic as defined by you, or diagnosed by a qualified medic... people sometimes use these terms (psycho, narcissist, BPD,) without the person in question actually being any of those things, officially, as it were... This is not going to be an easy thing for you to deal with, but at least she has been up-front - and so have you. I hope you can come to some positive understanding, and resolve this satisfactorily. It's easy to sit here and tell you that you're making a mountain out of a molehill, your chances of contamination are slim, forewarned is forearmed, that sort of thing... And I agree some were hasty in assuming you had no education or knowledge on the matter.... But you're the one with OCD. I hate to say it, but the determining factor is going to be your obvious liking for the lady, Vs. your compulsive aversion to the issue. You and only you, can determine which one will 'win'.... best of luck. Be good to yourself, whatever that entails. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 What you could do is ask your own family doctor about it or you and her visit her doctor and then you have all the facts. Maybe this way that would calm down your OCD. I can spend all day telling how it's not a big deal but I'm just a dog avatar on the net to you. If she is this amazing she is worth a visit to your doctor. Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Ask yourself, what's the big deal if you caught it? Surely you've had all kinds of sicknesses in your life. What makes this one special? At worst you have an irritating rash for one week out of the year? Is that any worse than catching the flu every winter? Actually, if I could get HSV once a year in exchange for never having another cold or flu, I'd probably do it. Link to post Share on other sites
pleasedtomeetyou Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Ask yourself, what's the big deal if you caught it? Surely you've had all kinds of sicknesses in your life. What makes this one special? At worst you have an irritating rash for one week out of the year? Is that any worse than catching the flu every winter? Actually, if I could get HSV once a year in exchange for never having another cold or flu, I'd probably do it. I don't know, the stigma is really terrible. Why should the OP have to deal with this when they can simply avoid it? Imagine if somebody the OP was dating was having this very conversation with one of their friends...it seems an unnecessary thing to add to someone's life. What I said only goes for HSV-2 btw. The majority of the population has HSV-1 and it was not acquired by sexual means by most of those people, so it is a different animal entirely. Plus, the stigma behind HSV-1 simply doesn't have that much of an affect on one's dating life. Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I have a good friend that fell head over heels in love with a girl in college. They were not intimate with one another, as they were both stating their intention to wait until marriage to have sex. After about 3 months of dating, she told him that she had genital herpes. He really struggled with this, a lot. He decided, she was worth it. They got married about 10 years ago. They have three beautiful daughters. Life is good. He made the right choice. Sticking around may not be the right choice for you, but this girl may just be worth it. The wait and see approach sounds like a plan to me. Good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 I don't know, the stigma is really terrible. . meh....look at how many people on here think it's not a big deal versus those who think it's a deal breaker. It's not that much of a stigma any longer. We're not in the 70s anymore. I'd say about 90% of men I met were ok with my hsv-2. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Hi OP, Good for you coming here and talking about it to rather than just running away. That was pretty openminded of you. I don't think many people understand how big of a deal this can be (any kind of virus or sickness) to someone diagnosed with OCD. Good for her for not running when she found this out about you. This can be hard for many people to be in a relationship with due to in the ways you must live your life, and how germs and order rule everything. First of all, talk to your Therapist about the things that worry you most. Then, if you can, go talk to your GP and be tested....specifically ask for both herpes tests...this could take much worry off your mind if you see that negative result. The worry...the contact...this may cause you to feel like it is rubbing off on you. Then decide if you can handle thinking about her virus and being intimate with her. There is no shame if you can't. That just means you have to gently, and with kindness, let her go. You may not be able to deal with it and have an intimate life....again, not your fault....OCD is very real and very difficult. If you do decide you can deal with it, be open and honest with her so you two can work through this in a healthy, mature way....sharing concerns and growing as a couple. Good luck, Grumps 1 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Hey everyone seems like I keep meeting the wrong people or was messing things up hahh well now I have a huge problem! I finally met a girl with an amazing heart. She is 22 with a 2 year old and is not with the ex anymore. She is very sweet and I am starting to like her. Well we hung out a few times and I admitted to her I have Obsessive compulsive disorder. About a week later she decided she wanted to tell me but she was very closed off about telling me so after another week she finally told me she likes me but she has genital herpes and I thought it was a joke at first! I was thinking there is no ****ing way this girl has herpes! but she is serious and I respect the fact that she told me before I even did anything with her. Here is the real issue. I have OCD about diseases and stds scare the hell out of me. At first I wanted to not talk to here anymore but that seems so wrong and I am starting to like her but I don't want no stds and that **** is for life so what If I caught it and things didn't work out. What are the chances fo getting this? I would never go down on her or have sex unprotected but I have no clue what to do. She is awesome but I don't wanna get a virus. Thanks for any advice! She gave you this info because she cares -- this means she'll understand if you don't want to continue. I carry a strain of an STD virus and honestly, the physical factor was really easy to treat. The psychological distress was a lot greater because of the stigma ("how can this girl have an STD?! She doesn't look promiscuous!"). I wouldn't want someone else to go through this, especially someone I care about. If someone doesn't care or had the same thing in the past then that's great! Now, there is a chance of catching it from her but there is the chance of catching it from a future woman who may not be aware she has it or chooses not to disclose the info. You may catch it and show symptoms and you may catch it and never show anything. You can't know. You're the one to decide and weigh the situation. Does she take any medication? I had read here on LS that if a carrier of HSV takes oral medication then the chances of transmitting it are really slim. Link to post Share on other sites
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