Does anybody worry that as they get older they will not find so many people attracive

[siriusp]

I have noticed that the older I get - I do not find men of my age or older attractive. I'm finding this a bit of a problem as it limits me to younger guys. (I am 41 although I look and behave much younger)!

 

I had one relationship with someone ten years older than I am and it took me time to get used to him (being older) but I never fell in love anyway - despite all the fun we had.

 

I am just not attracted to older and it is something I don't have control over - it's at a deeper level than I am really conscious of. I am not sure if I am explaining myself very well. If I continue like this - what hope do I have in another ten years!

 

Just wondering how common this problem is....

[Siquijor]

Not for me.

 

 

Maybe you're just basing this on a solitary relationship.

[Jj66]

Maybe that's why men our age are going for younger women and cougaring has become a thing. I dunno.

 

It's ok with me that guys my age want the younger ones. Less competition. In my area I pretty much have my pick of the 40-50 crowd (at least the ones who aren't cougars). And some of those women are freaking awesome even if they have a wrinkle here and there.

 

Would I rather have the smooth-skinned 28 year old I banged a couple of years ago or the 44 year old nymphomanic with a few wrinkles around her eyes that I am seeing now? Give me the 44 year old sex-crazed woman, any time . There's a lot more to attraction than meets the eyes.

[Buddhist]

Pretty common. 40yr old men complain all the time they don't find women their own age attractive as well. Lets face it, ageing isn't pretty on anyone. And a lot of middle aged people (not all, but a lot) just don't care for their health or appearance. It's not just men that get turned off by a flabby belly and wide butt.

 

I'm in my 40's and date younger, I'm really not into the divorcee scene or the dad with kidlets scene either. However if I found a guy my age who also looked after himself the way I do, then I wouldn't be averse to going there at all. But it's just not the majority of people unfortunately. Even amoung young guys a lot of them aren't great at keeping their health. They've just got youth on their side to hide their sins. 40yr olds display all the bad habits upfront.

[siriusp]

Definitely there is a lot more to attraction that the physical. When I think about it - I don't really date or show interest in anybody. I have been very busy with work. Mostly younger guys hit on me and if I like them.......

 

But then recently I met someone and it really knocked me off balance. I need to get out of LS and do some work instead of wondering what on earth happened my brain!

[Gaeta]

I will turn 50 in less than a month and l find plenty of attractive men to date of all age. Maybe depends where you live, i'm in a big city known for people keeping up with their appearance.

[siriusp]

LOL>>> maybe I should move there!

 

Come to think about it - I often see attractive women that are my age and much older..... . just not men!

[Gaeta]

You should all experience Montreal once in your life ;-)

 

I don't think l would find many prospect l like if l lived in Flin Flon Saskatchewan.

[Toodaloo]

I find all ages attractive. Sometimes it scares me when you see a young chap and think "phawr" to yourself then realise he is young enough to be your son... bit of a turn off that thank goodness!

[LoveRefreshed]

The female version of Matthew McConaughey "The best thing about high school chicks man... I get older and they stay the saaaaame age..."

 

 

 

 

You find attractive what you find attractive, but maybe the reason why you're 41 and single is because you're shallow?

[Jj66]

LOL>>> maybe I should move there!

 

Come to think about it - I often see attractive women that are my age and much older..... . just not men!

 

And I'm just fine with that!!! Less competition

 

I've been called "hot" several times in the past few years and constantly have people tell me I look like Javier Bardem. I don't see it but I will take it.

 

I have more dating success in my 40s than I could have dreamed in my 20s when I was just a "cute" somewhat scrawny geeky shy guy. Now I've filled out, have a badass active hobby that keeps me in shape, am successful in my career, more confident, less shy, still tall, still have my hair, and didn't let myself become obese.

[siriusp]

The female version of Matthew McConaughey "The best thing about high school chicks man... I get older and they stay the saaaaame age..."

 

 

 

 

You find attractive what you find attractive, but maybe the reason why you're 41 and single is because you're shallow?

 

Being 41 and single makes me shallow??

[Jj66]

Being 41 and single makes me shallow??

 

Welcome to the club. I'm in my 40s and single (therefore shallow). I have dated several awesome 50+ yr old women. But I probably only date such geriatric women because I am shallow, I guess.

[mrldii]

Do I "worry" about it? Nahhhh. Am I aware of the factual reality of it? Sure.

 

As someone already mentioned, aging bodies aren't meant to be as attractive as young, supple child-bearing/child-producing ones; that's sort of the way Mother Nature intended it to be.

 

Add to it the fact that as both sexes age, there's less and less similarly-aged others TO pick from, and the odds go down. Add to that the fact that many people as we age accumulate a LOT of baggage that we claim we don't want but feel compelled to carry around with us anyway, and the odds go down even further. Then add the fact that as we age, we know even better what we will and will not put up from someone with whom we're intimately relating, and the odds [seemingly] plummet.

 

But, knowing the facts of the matter and giving up completely just isn't an acceptable reality for me, so I'll keep plugging away at it...

 

[LoveRefreshed]

Being 41 and single makes me shallow??

 

No being 41 and single doesn't make you shallow. Being shallow can make you 41 and single though. Just tossing it out there that maybe you should re-evaluate what you are looking for. At 41, the rock hard abs, weight lifting, and care-free life is what is important for you, then so be it. I'd look more for emotional maturity, responsibility, and health. I already do and I'm only 30.

 

 

@Jj66, I didn't say you were. You've dated 51 year olds and have your own set of deal breakers and turn ons. Just like OP. It was a question is all and maybe if you have evaluated what you are looking for and it doesn't equate to something good to look at while I'm ****ing it, then you're probably not shallow.

[siriusp]

No being 41 and single doesn't make you shallow. Being shallow can make you 41 and single though. Just tossing it out there that maybe you should re-evaluate what you are looking for. At 41, the rock hard abs, weight lifting, and care-free life is what is important for you, then so be it. I'd look more for emotional maturity, responsibility, and health. I already do and I'm only 30.

 

 

@Jj66, I didn't say you were. You've dated 51 year olds and have your own set of deal breakers and turn ons. Just like OP. It was a question is all and maybe if you have evaluated what you are looking for and it doesn't equate to something good to look at while I'm ****ing it, then you're probably not shallow.

 

I guess my flippancy is lost on you....... but anyway

 

So what you are saying is that you have control over what you feel? Personally I control my thoughts but my feelings happen all on their own.

 

I am not attracted to men of my age or older. I have tried but it didn't work out.....

 

 

 

 

I am certainly not a shallow person and find it funny that someone would suggest it.

[LoveRefreshed]

I guess my flippancy is lost on you....... but anyway

 

So what you are saying is that you have control over what you feel? Personally I control my thoughts but my feelings happen all on their own.

 

I am not attracted to men of my age or older. I have tried but it didn't work out.....

 

 

So you're not being serious about this or you are? Shame on me for being sincere.

 

 

I have some control over what I feel. Right now, I am working a temp job in customer service. If I look at the 18-24 year olds that walk into the store, yes, I want to bang them. Hell, I'd even date a few of them, but the most of them couldn't be anything more. We wouldn't connect on emotional levels, on interests, importance, priorities.... It would be a lost cause to date them. Around 27-40 the priorities are right for me. They care about experiencing new things, having a family, and the energy to start new things and live life. Older than that and people tend to be more about finishing things and hobbies than a trip to a new country. It's not where I am in life. However, a lot of them I'm not as physically attracted too, so I understand you.

 

 

However, am I deciding on what I find attractive? I don't think so, it's just more realizing and knowing what I want out of life and my partner as opposed to letting the natural reaction to do everything. I think it's a sliding scale. Maximizing overlap of goals + physical attraction + personality.

 

 

What do you mean you have tried? Why didn't it work out? What is wrong with older men you find unattractive? There are fit older men, there are certainly teddy bears. Responsible men and partiers. What is it about younger men that you like? The playfulness? The naivety? Physical Fitness? Hair? What is it that you're bringing to the table to these 26 year old men that a 22 year old woman is bringing?

 

 

Did you come here for validation or a discussion? You don't need to argue with me, and we can just discuss freely. If you came for validation, then we needn't waste our time.

 

 

I am certainly not a shallow person and find it funny that someone would suggest it.

 

 

Right, it's such a leap... Alas, you and Hugh Heffner are just misunderstood.

[ChicagoSparty]

Like somebody else said, it really depends on where you're at.

 

My xw moved back to a small town after our divorce. Her pool was limited. The guy she ended up with is nice dude, but nobody is trying to put him on a magazine cover.

 

I live in a major city. Im 41, and feel like I'm decent looking, have all my hair and and am in good shape. If I were in my xw's area, I could get whatever woman I wanted...including half the married ones. But here, I don't stand out too much. There are tons of guys who are better looking than me at my age.

 

I will say, though....being the above at my age is nice because you appeal to all age groups. If I wanted 22 year olds (I don't), I could get them easily. 32 year olds? All day. 42 year olds? Easy breezy.

[siriusp]

So you're not being serious about this or you are? Shame on me for being sincere.

 

 

I have some control over what I feel. Right now, I am working a temp job in customer service. If I look at the 18-24 year olds that walk into the store, yes, I want to bang them. Hell, I'd even date a few of them, but the most of them couldn't be anything more. We wouldn't connect on emotional levels, on interests, importance, priorities.... It would be a lost cause to date them. Around 27-40 the priorities are right for me. They care about experiencing new things, having a family, and the energy to start new things and live life. Older than that and people tend to be more about finishing things and hobbies than a trip to a new country. It's not where I am in life. However, a lot of them I'm not as physically attracted too, so I understand you.

 

 

However, am I deciding on what I find attractive? I don't think so, it's just more realizing and knowing what I want out of life and my partner as opposed to letting the natural reaction to do everything. I think it's a sliding scale. Maximizing overlap of goals + physical attraction + personality.

 

 

What do you mean you have tried? Why didn't it work out? What is wrong with older men you find unattractive? There are fit older men, there are certainly teddy bears. Responsible men and partiers. What is it about younger men that you like? The playfulness? The naivety? Physical Fitness? Hair? What is it that you're bringing to the table to these 26 year old men that a 22 year old woman is bringing?

 

 

Did you come here for validation or a discussion? You don't need to argue with me, and we can just discuss freely. If you came for validation, then we needn't waste our time.

 

 

 

 

 

Right, it's such a leap... Alas, you and Hugh Heffner are just misunderstood.

 

Validation for what?

 

In my post I was talking about attractiveness - the sort of men I find attractive are not my age or older. As for qualities in a person that I'd like - well they could be found in anybody...... but I guess I'm not really looking for a partner. Maybe I am and I'm not aware of it.

 

I don't normally spend time reading about dating or go on forums like this - except I met someone recently and fell for him. He didn't feel the same so I started reading and looking for answers as to why I fell so hard.

 

Then I began to think about attractiveness. I realise that I am not physically attracted to older guys.

 

You say you are attracted to many people that enter your store - so how do you control that attraction? You can decide not to be attracted to certain people?

[Trane]

I have noticed that the older I get - I do not find men of my age or older attractive. I'm finding this a bit of a problem as it limits me to younger guys. (I am 41 although I look and behave much younger)!

 

I had one relationship with someone ten years older than I am and it took me time to get used to him (being older) but I never fell in love anyway - despite all the fun we had.

 

I am just not attracted to older and it is something I don't have control over - it's at a deeper level than I am really conscious of. I am not sure if I am explaining myself very well. If I continue like this - what hope do I have in another ten years!

 

Just wondering how common this problem is....

 

I don't worry about it but it is funny, now that I've hit the 40 mark and kept fit with a good body, I just don't find many attractive women within a five year range of mine above or below. 35 - 45 that is.

 

Too many fine lines, wrinkles, cellulite and a bad attitude carried over from the divorce courts have turned me off of a lot them. Granted, some women age better than others. I appreciate those who have paid attention to their diet over the years, have some semblance of physical fitness and actually know what it means to be in shape.

 

Some women in their mid to late 20's are so swollen in the head with narcissism that they don't even realize their own fecal matter stinks too. Some women who have just turned the 30 corner are dangerous, manipulative and desperate to lock a guy down and pop out a few kids before Mother Nature and Father Time say NO CAN DO.

 

There are some hidden gems in the ruffage of the dating world but they are few. I'm not one of those older guys who dates women 20 years or more younger than me either. Not like I could attract them anyways lol. Most youngins' have no concept of "less is more" and "taste without haste."

[kendahke]

I have noticed that the older I get - I do not find men of my age or older attractive. I'm finding this a bit of a problem as it limits me to younger guys. (I am 41 although I look and behave much younger)!

 

I had one relationship with someone ten years older than I am and it took me time to get used to him (being older) but I never fell in love anyway - despite all the fun we had.

 

I am just not attracted to older and it is something I don't have control over - it's at a deeper level than I am really conscious of. I am not sure if I am explaining myself very well. If I continue like this - what hope do I have in another ten years!

 

Just wondering how common this problem is....

 

Define attractive.

 

When I was in my 20's and 30's, yes, I thought the same way.

 

Now that I'm 55, what I'm finding attractive has more to do with their mind and their personality than the shape of their body---to a degree. I prefer bald or grey/white hair and I dont' mind a little belly... but I do mind obvious signs of someone who doesn't take care of their health, does not exercise and eats horribly. I think that the idea of mature love is sexy and sensuous and I'm glad I'm at this age because I find a lot of men in my age bracket to be quite delightful.

[xxoo]

I guess my flippancy is lost on you....... but anyway

 

So what you are saying is that you have control over what you feel? Personally I control my thoughts but my feelings happen all on their own.

 

I am not attracted to men of my age or older. I have tried but it didn't work out.....

 

 

 

 

I am certainly not a shallow person and find it funny that someone would suggest it.

 

How are you not attracted to 40 year old men?? I'm about your age, and while I still can find the 25 year olds sexy, a hot 40 year old man is WAY hotter to me now than a hot 25 year old. Rawr!

 

And no, of course I didn't feel that way when I was 25.

[BluEyeL]

If you're looking for long term, that shouldn't be your main concern. Even if they were the most attractive person in the Universe, after 10 or 20 years together, you'll get acclimated and they'll just be your partner. But if they are an arse, it's gonna be bad. So, imo, worry much less about that, unless you want just flings, because they can be an arse, if you only need to put up with them for a little while.

 

As for control over your feelings, I think we have more control over our feelings than we sometimes say and not having control is a bit of a cop out to go with instant gratification instead of deeper. Having some control is called being rational.

[LoveRefreshed]

Validation for what?

 

In my post I was talking about attractiveness - the sort of men I find attractive are not my age or older. As for qualities in a person that I'd like - well they could be found in anybody...... but I guess I'm not really looking for a partner. Maybe I am and I'm not aware of it.

 

I don't normally spend time reading about dating or go on forums like this - except I met someone recently and fell for him. He didn't feel the same so I started reading and looking for answers as to why I fell so hard.

 

Then I began to think about attractiveness. I realise that I am not physically attracted to older guys.

 

You say you are attracted to many people that enter your store - so how do you control that attraction? You can decide not to be attracted to certain people?

 

 

Validation that it's okay that you don't find men your age attractive. Which frankly astonishes me. There are few things at 40 year old man doesn't have that a 25 year old man would have. Other than being more physically fit and young (and there are plenty for 40 year old men that are in better shape than 25 year old boys).

 

 

I'm not attracted to 50 year old women, but a 40 year old could swing it for sure. You have to buck up and accept reality. You're 40, you're not going to pull in 25 year old dudes... as if they are fitting your standards (since you must have high ones that 40 year old dudes don't meet), they probably have high standards too, like women their own age or younger.

 

 

Seriously, back to what I met, what is it you find attractive? Just physical aspects? Then to spite the importance of it, I'm going to call a spade a spade and say that is shallow. If your sole factor is JUST looks.

 

 

I don't choose to not be attracted or to be attracted. It does just happen, but I've realized their is a difference in attraction between someone that has my goals, connects on my level of thinking, my wavelength, that gets me and an attraction to some warm nice place to put my dick with a great set of tits that can nurse my offspring.

 

 

Like I said, evaluate what is important to you and you're fine. If it is solely a solid core that makes you feel protected, then go for it. Good luck! If it's companionship, seek someone with qualities of a good companion... which let me venture a hypothesis- these qualities extend beyond youth. But it seems you're not looking for a partner, so then who am I to say what you want to ****? I want to bang hot 22 year old girls all the time. They just aren't what I look for when seeking a serious relationship.

Edited September 17, 2015 by LoveRefreshed

[preraph]

Of course it's a problem. Hence, dirty old men and women chasing people half their age who think they're a joke or just want money or something from them. I figured I'd have a real problem, but I surprised myself a little by just wanting someone from my generation that could fully appreciate who I am and my little accomplishments like no other generation could. But that comes with problems too. My main issue wasn't so much about being attracted physically as mentally. I miss my subculture.