catlady11 Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 There's a guy I met through OLD. He lost his wife two months ago. Two months ago I broke up with my ex (obviously his loss is far greater than mine, but I'm still hurting and missing my ex). We've emailed daily and talked on the phone for over 2 hours and have plans to meet this weekend for coffee. He's a really sweet guy-he's told me where he works, how I can find him online to learn more about him (there's a blog for his late wife that's been left up and it has a number of posts by him). He's genuine and honest and I get a good vibe. He's told me that he wants to start out as friends-hang out together and do things and then if we should hit it off romantically fine. He stressed wanting a friend first and not intimacy right away. For me that suits me just fine, I can't imagine being with anyone romantically right now but a friend sounds nice. He had a few years to prepare for his wife's passing, it wasn't sudden. I asked him if it was too soon to meet people and he said they discuss that very thing in the widows support group and everyone is different. Should I be concerned at all? Any red flags to watch out for? Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I understand if this has been something going for years so he was prepared for her death and they likely talked and she had his blessing on finding someone else. I think 2 months is too soon to date after a death. He may be serious about looking for friends/companion first. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueBlood Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Everyone handles grief differently but that first year (first holidays/anniversary/bday without the person there) can be really raw bad hard times. I'm sure he could use all the support and friendship he can get. Does he have close family and friends nearby? Is his support system pretty robust or meager? Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 There are no guarentees of either success or failure with any person you may meet/date etc. There is nothing here that is any obvious signs of him being an ax murderer or a child molester or a puppy kicker so you stand as good a chance with him as anyone else. He has stated his objectives and boundaries (which sound reasonable). If he didn't want to go out, he wouldn't. If he didn't want to meet you and spend time with you, he wouldn't. If he doesn't want to get involved with you or get involved with you too soon, he won't. Don't be a pussy and don't let fear of something possibly being imperfect stop you. If the night before you get together he starts talking about wanting to dress up in a clown costume and chain you up in the basement and try out his new dentist drill and that seems outside your comfort zone, then don't meet him. Both of you are consenting adults and are able to say no or walk away at any point. Don't sweat this or make it more of an issue than it needs to be. Every adult that you encounter as a potential date is going to have some kind of baggage and some kind of history. If you are going to eliminate people because they have had something unpleasant happen to them in their past or they have some kind of baggage, you might as well find some convent in Nepal or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author catlady11 Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 He doesn't have any family nearby. He spent the last few years taking care of her so he's trying to be more social and get out and make friends. I'm going in to this looking to make a friend. I know we all have baggage it's just that I've never come across this. Link to post Share on other sites
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