If a guy doesn't make plans for a second date within __ ...

[edgygirl]

Is it normal for a man to not make plans for a second date shortly after if he enjoyed the first one?

 

And how long is it acceptable to wait for a guy to at least hint at meeting plans (in case he's too busy for some reason), or make concrete plans?

 

I went on a date last Friday and we had instant chemistry, time flied, we talked non-stop, there was attraction and we did end up making out. Unfortunately we also got really drunk and I am not sure about what has been said before the goodbyes, I recall though him saying something about meeting again.

 

We texted a bit the next day but he didn't make any plans with me. On Sunday morning he texts me saying he went out with someone the night before and all he could think of was that she was about 1% as hot or smart as me. I was not offended, (he doesn't owe me anything, we just met and makes sense he'd keep going on dates) I was actually flattered as I feel the same about him in comparison with some other guy I've been dating.

 

He had told me about an exhibition he saw and I mentioned I was going to another one during this week and he could join. He pointed he'd love to but is busy this week for family stuff. He's (long-time) divorced with a son and early 50s.

 

He had texted me lightly in the next 4-5 days after our date, but nothing since yesterday in the morning.

 

So we haven't talked for over 24 hours and he hasn't made plans. I understand Monday is a holiday and he has a son etc... but I am a little meh that he hasn't mentioned making plans at all. Am I to assume he's not that into me after all? Or am I overthinking as it's a long holiday weekend and it makes sense for him to be busy with his son?

 

I am feeling a bit... shall I say... disrespected (?) but maybe I'm just overthinking? What do you guys think?

 

For the record, I do not initiate texts but I always respond him when he does. It's just my experience that whenever I show a lot of interest, it cools men off.

[kilgore]

Is it normal for a man to not make plans for a second date shortly after if he enjoyed the first one?

 

And how long is it acceptable to wait for a guy to at least hint at meeting plans (in case he's too busy for some reason), or make concrete plans?

 

I went on a date last Friday and we had instant chemistry, time flied, we talked non-stop, there was attraction and we did end up making out. Unfortunately we also got really drunk and I am not sure about what has been said before the goodbyes, I recall though him saying something about meeting again.

 

We texted a bit the next day but he didn't make any plans with me. On Sunday morning he texts me saying he went out with someone the night before and all he could think of was that she was about 1% as hot or smart as me. I was not offended, (he doesn't owe me anything, we just met and makes sense he'd keep going on dates) I was actually flattered as I feel the same about him in comparison with some other guy I've been dating.

 

He had told me about an exhibition he saw and I mentioned I was going to another one during this week and he could join. He pointed he'd love to but is busy this week for family stuff. He's (long-time) divorced with a son and early 50s.

 

He had texted me lightly in the next 4-5 days after our date, but nothing since yesterday in the morning.

 

So we haven't talked for over 24 hours and he hasn't made plans. I understand Monday is a holiday and he has a son etc... but I am a little meh that he hasn't mentioned making plans at all. Am I to assume he's not that into me after all? Or am I overthinking as it's a long holiday weekend and it makes sense for him to be busy with his son?

 

I am feeling a bit... shall I say... disrespected (?) but maybe I'm just overthinking? What do you guys think?

 

For the record, I do not initiate texts but I always respond him when he does. It's just my experience that whenever I show a lot of interest, it cools men off.

 

Maybe he just wants to focus on his son and their time together. Maybe wait for him to make the next communication?

[edgygirl]

Yes that was my first thought. But I think when a guy likes a woman and wants to pursue her, he won't leave it in the air like this... it shows disinterest I think?

 

With guys who seem interested but are legitimately busy for some reason, they usually say something like: hey I am really busy with family/my son until after the holiday, but we should make plans to meet the week after, are you free on ______?

 

No? I don't know, maybe I'm expecting too much as everyone has a different style, but it's hard to find someone we connect so easily to, so I'm wondering.

 

Maybe he just wants to focus on his son and their time together. Maybe wait for him to make the next communication?

[kilgore]

Yes that was my first thought. But I think when a guy likes a woman and wants to pursue her, he won't leave it in the air like this... it shows disinterest I think?

 

With guys who seem interested but are legitimately busy for some reason, they usually say something like: hey I am really busy with family/my son until after the holiday, but we should make plans to meet the week after, are you free on ______?

 

No? I don't know, maybe I'm expecting too much as everyone has a different style, but it's hard to find someone we connect so easily to, so I'm wondering.

 

Everybody is a little different. I would be more like what you just described. But maybe he just tread his time with his son as sacred

[edgygirl]

Could be. I'll keep that in mind and watch out for the signs.

 

I'm with you, I would be a bit put off by the fact that he says he is into you, but makes no effort to see you again. My guess? Player. He keeps texting, but it's easy to keep a few women on strings via text. When he wants to get laid, he just pulls one of the strings.

[lgspot]

I'm with you, I would be a bit put off by the fact that he says he is into you, but makes no effort to see you again. My guess? ((((Player)))). He keeps texting, but it's easy to keep a few women on strings via text. When he wants to get laid, he just pulls one of the strings.

 

Could be. I'll keep that in mind and watch out for the signs.

He's a fisherman with several lines in the water...

It takes 10 seconds to text.

For someone 99% better, you deserved better communication.

((((PLAYER))))

[edgygirl]

LOLOL. Interesting. Maybe I'm naive but it's kind of sad if a man still feels the need to be a player in his 50s.

 

I agree though - my 99% brains and looks deserve better communication

 

He's a fisherman with several lines in the water...

It takes 10 seconds to text.

For someone 99% better, you deserved better communication.

((((PLAYER))))

[kilgore]

LOLOL. Interesting. Maybe I'm naive but it's kind of sad if a man still feels the need to be a player in his 50s.

 

I agree though - my 99% brains and looks deserve better communication

 

I wouldn't toss him aside but don't reach out until he does

[lgspot]

LOLOL. Interesting. Maybe I'm naive but it's kind of sad if a man still feels the need to be a player in his 50s.

 

I agree though - my 99% brains and looks deserve better communication

I became single in my 50's.

Like all the other old farts, I tried to catch up.

Sad, yes..... Can be fun though.

[edgygirl]

I was going to ask that here to make sure as I don't want to seem too aloof/cold to him, so thanks for the tip - you are prob right.

 

I wouldn't toss him aside but don't reach out until he does

[kilgore]

I was going to ask that here to make sure as I don't want to seem too aloof/cold to him, so thanks for the tip - you are prob right.

 

But I haven't dated in over 10 yrs so what the heck do I know

[edgygirl]

Oh... interesting. I think he's been divorced for a while though. Around 6 years or so. Isn't that enough time to get bored of the fun then?

 

I think he mentioned he was about to marry someone a year ago. Not sure he's a player. But maybe he just said that to not seem like a player

 

I became single in my 50's.

Like all the other old farts, I tried to catch up.

Sad, yes..... Can be fun though.

 

[lgspot]

Oh... interesting. I think he's been divorced for a while though. Around 6 years or so. Isn't that enough time to get bored of the fun then?

 

I think he mentioned he was about to marry someone a year ago. Not sure he's a player. But maybe he just said that to not seem like a player

 

 

 

Hard to say. I played hard until I met someone I wanted to spend additional quality time with.

One thing that struck me was the info about going out the night before and her only being 1%.

That sounded like TMI and a player line.

just saying....

 

He has a kid, and players can be tamed....

Still------only takes a second to text a 99%er.....

If I were you, I'd be miffed.

[edgygirl]

He did not strike me as a player to be honest... the attraction was very strong so I was not surprised by the 99% comment, it just made sense as I kind of felt the same about him. I don't think it was a player kind of comment just to win me, although I see why you'd think that. I am not being naive here, I date a LOT and the chemistry was really unusually strong, that kind of chemistry you get once a year if you date a lot. But oh well. Not worried, in any case he said he doesn't want additional kids so I went on the date without great expectations as we don't match in that area. As luck has it, of course I ended up liking him although I was expecting not to.

 

Hard to say. I played hard until I met someone I wanted to spend additional quality time with.

One thing that struck me was the info about going out the night before and her only being 1%.

That sounded like TMI and a player line.

just saying....

 

He has a kid, and players can be tamed....

Still------only takes a second to text a 99%er.....

If I were you, I'd be miffed.

 

[lgspot]

He did not strike me as a player to be honest... the attraction was very strong so I was not surprised by the 99% comment, it just made sense as I kind of felt the same about him. I don't think it was a player kind of comment just to win me, although I see why you'd think that. I am not being naive here, I date a LOT and the chemistry was really unusually strong, that kind of chemistry you get once a year if you date a lot. But oh well. Not worried, in any case he said he doesn't want additional kids so I went on the date without great expectations as we don't match in that area. As luck has it, of course I ended up liking him although I was expecting not to.

 

 

 

Hard to beat chemistry....

edgygirl, I'm just giving you another viewpoint. Not voting either way.

I'm sure he'll have an explanation, but his communication style sounds like early push/pull...

[Leigh 87]

The instant chemistry is often one sided I am afraid. YOU felt it but he probably didn't.

 

If he felt that excited about you, he would have shown is and guy wouldn't have to guess.

 

You're very wise to not just believe everything a man says ; it's a great sign that you're at least questioning his lukewarm behaviour ( which is a stark contrast to your date and post date texts!)

 

It's easy to assume you were both feeling the infant chemistry and that he's just as into it as you are, but chance are he isn't and he is just saying what you want to hear in order to keep you on the hook until it's convenient.

 

Assume he's not that I to you. Date the other guy and see if he grows on you, or if it were me l, I'd drop the guy you're less into and continues searching for another instant chemistry guy that also returns your level of excitement.

 

There's a small chance he's very into you, however, we both know how rare it is to meet an instant chemistry guy and for the feelings flip he mutual; it's incredibly rare to have a mutual connection.

 

So I always assume a guy aint into me unless he proves otherwise. I date other and it's served me well lately.....I've had kne who seemed VERY into me at first, only to fade out slowly... Luckily for me, I know most men will fade, ghost or pretend to like me in order to get sex, so I was dating another that I liked which I turned age attention to after guy one lost interest.

 

Keep searching. I get a bad gut feeling about this guy. I am sure he lied you but I don't think he was feeling the chemistry as much as you did. Men who say one thing and the act the other way, are rarely genuine

[Gaeta]

He did not strike me as a player to be honest... the attraction was very strong so I was not surprised by the 99% comment, it just made sense as I kind of felt the same about him. I don't think it was a player kind of comment just to win me, although I see why you'd think that. I am not being naive here, I date a LOT and the chemistry was really unusually strong, that kind of chemistry you get once a year if you date a lot. But oh well. Not worried, in any case he said he doesn't want additional kids so I went on the date without great expectations as we don't match in that area. As luck has it, of course I ended up liking him although I was expecting not to.

 

I got my lesson with believing in instant chemistry. I've had some pretty intense chemistry with men, the kind that makes your heart pound and your head spin. They had all the sings of feeling it as intense as I was feeling it. Still their real interest in me wasn't there. They were acting out on physical attraction nothing else.

 

Your guy's behavior is indicative of someone looking for something VERY casual. The type of casual to call you at 8 pm on a Saturday cause he has nothing else on his agenda.

[edgygirl]

LOL. Sorry Leigh - he did feel the same chemistry, I am a 100% positive that this is not the issue and I am not sure where did you get this insight from. Other things might be the issue, if there are issues at all on his view - he knows I want a baby and he doesn't, etc. If anything, I might have more issues with this relationship than he does. I was initially reluctant to even go on a date because of the above and he knows that. Chemistry was not the problem.

 

You know this is about dating in the age bracket of 40s and 50s, right?

 

The instant chemistry is often one sided I am afraid. YOU felt it but he probably didn't.

 

If he felt that excited about you, he would have shown is and guy wouldn't have to guess.

 

You're very wise to not just believe everything a man says ; it's a great sign that you're at least questioning his lukewarm behaviour ( which is a stark contrast to your date and post date texts!)

 

It's easy to assume you were both feeling the infant chemistry and that he's just as into it as you are, but chance are he isn't and he is just saying what you want to hear in order to keep you on the hook until it's convenient.

 

Assume he's not that I to you. Date the other guy and see if he grows on you, or if it were me l, I'd drop the guy you're less into and continues searching for another instant chemistry guy that also returns your level of excitement.

 

There's a small chance he's very into you, however, we both know how rare it is to meet an instant chemistry guy and for the feelings flip he mutual; it's incredibly rare to have a mutual connection.

 

So I always assume a guy aint into me unless he proves otherwise. I date other and it's served me well lately.....I've had kne who seemed VERY into me at first, only to fade out slowly... Luckily for me, I know most men will fade, ghost or pretend to like me in order to get sex, so I was dating another that I liked which I turned age attention to after guy one lost interest.

 

Keep searching. I get a bad gut feeling about this guy. I am sure he lied you but I don't think he was feeling the chemistry as much as you did. Men who say one thing and the act the other way, are rarely genuine

 

[edgygirl]

Interesting that you have this impression too. I will look for clues into this. Might be he is just looking for something casual, who knows. As I said above, I am not head over hills as we don't have the same goals, but his brains caught me off guard as I swoon over intelligent guys.

 

Truth be told he did tell me this week will be busy with family, so it's not like he's being totally aloof about it.

 

I got my lesson with believing in instant chemistry. I've had some pretty intense chemistry with men, the kind that makes your heart pound and your head spin. They had all the sings of feeling it as intense as I was feeling it. Still their real interest in me wasn't there. They were acting out on physical attraction nothing else.

 

Your guy's behavior is indicative of someone looking for something VERY casual. The type of casual to call you at 8 pm on a Saturday cause he has nothing else on his agenda.

[jam.over.jelly]

If a guy is interested, he would definitely ask you out again, and again. It's very simple. However, if a guy is only a little interested, he would still keep in contact with you, while searching for a better connection, and if that doesn't work out, he will ask you out. I had a guy do this to me before. I thought we had one of THE best dates I ever went on, he even texted me right after he dropped me off, saying how much he enjoyed his time with me, and that he wanted to see me again, we even kissed. He kept texting me for another 2 weeks without asking me out again. Then bam, one day he just never texted me back. Lol

[carhill]

Is it normal for a man to not make plans for a second date shortly after if he enjoyed the first one?

I don't know about in general but I always asked a lady out for a second date before the first one ended if I was interested and got the impression she was too and we were having a good time. Set up a continuance while the feel-good juices were flowing.

[fitnessfan365]

What happened to that one lawyer you were seeing that was texting you 50x a day?

 

BTW - I think you're old enough now to stop playing games. So drop the mindset that initiating "cools men off" and reach out to him. Send this - "You were on my mind. Looking forward to what u plan for our next date. ;)"

[katiegrl]

LOL. Sorry Leigh - he did feel the same chemistry, I am a 100% positive that this is not the issue and I am not sure where did you get this insight from. Other things might be the issue, if there are issues at all on his view - he knows I want a baby and he doesn't, etc. If anything, I might have more issues with this relationship than he does. I was initially reluctant to even go on a date because of the above and he knows that. Chemistry was not the problem.

 

You know this is about dating in the age bracket of 40s and 50s, right?

 

 

 

 

edgy, unless you are psychic, you really have no idea how he was (or is) feeling.

 

I have been on dates, where I was having a really good time, laughing, joking, easy conversation, even made out at the end (too much to drink), just like in your case.

 

But I felt zero *romantic* chemistry with the guy! But hell, with all we had in common, he could have been a great friend. We had friendship chemistry.

 

Bottom line, has he asked you out again? It's the weekend now, surely if he had felt the same *chemistry* you did, he would have, don't you think?

 

I realize you're beautiful and awesome, but that does not guarantee a guy is gonna feel the same romantic chemistry you did.

[katiegrl]

What happened to that one lawyer you were seeing that was texting you 50x a day?

 

BTW - I think you're old enough now to stop playing games. So drop the mindset that initiating "cools men off" and reach out to him. Send this - "You were on my mind. Looking forward to what u plan for our next date. ;)"

 

Don't you think that is a little presumptuous being that he has never expressed an interest in having a second date?

 

It's pretty bold, but hey what the hell.

[jam.over.jelly]

^duly noted.