Date locations and distance

[sb6052]

My question concerns where I should set dates up, especially first dates, if there is a moderate amount of distance between us. I live on one edge of a large metro area. Whether meeting ladies online or through a group or at school, a fair amount of them tend to be on other sides of the metro area. Purely distance-wise, it may not be that far, but accounting for traffic and less than ideal roads it can take anywhere from half an hour to an hour to get to their areas.

 

For first dates, should I make the date in their area, closer to my area, or somewhere in between us? Many of them may not have cars and instead use public transport to get downtown the city, which is often in the middle between our two opposite sides of the metro area.

 

Does making a date really close to their home make you come across as too eager to please and go out of the way for your date? Or almost like you expect them to invite you to their place afterward?

 

On the other hand, does making it too close to your area and farther from theirs make you seem like you're lazy and don't care about making efforts to meet them? They may feel inconvenienced about taking a 45 min+ trip just to meet a relative stranger that may or may not turn out to be compatible. Or if it's really close to your home it may make it seem like you're trying to get them to come over to your place afterward?

 

Some may say you can pick them up by car, but I have a feeling the vast majority of women today don't want that on their first date, especially if they never met the person in person before.

 

I'm thinking meeting downtown in between our areas is the best compromise, but it's very difficult to find adequate parking in that area, meaning we will both likely have to take the metro or bus or cab to get there. And there's little chance of something happening afterward as we're both fairly far from either of our homes (not that that's a big deal on a first date). Also, on weekdays public transport shuts down fair early, before midnight, so if a date happens to go well and we stick together while exploring other places for a few hours, there may be a problem getting back home without shelling out a lot of dough for a cab or uber...

[d0nnivain]

Somewhere in the middle is fine. If you want to deviate from that have a good reason . . . best margaritas in the city for example.

 

 

It can be a bit of negotiation but within confined parameters: I was thinking we could meet at Mid-Way Café unless you have a better suggestion. Notice that is a statement, not a question. Shows you have a plan but are flexible.

[Gary S]

Are you talking about women you have already met in real life or internet dating?

 

Edit: Okay, after reading your post again, it's online dating. The best thing to do is to suggest a public place in their area to meet....usually a bar, coffee shop, or resturant. Check the place out beforehand and make sure it's not too loud so you can talk. Shoot for a 45 minute meet.

 

You take separate cars and meet them.....most women won't want a stranger coming to their house until date two or three. It's better for you too, there are scams out there where men get mugged.

Edited September 3, 2015 by Gary S

[Vintage79]

I'm with Gaeta - meet in the middle, but by all means use it as an excuse to check out places you've been wanting to see, in particular if they're closer to her. Generally you won't run into any major issues with an online date if you propose meeting in the middle - if they're opposed to that, they're likely not super jazzed about meeting you.

[Ami1uwant]

Meeting then fir a first date...it's about timing.

 

It's not so much as where they live but where they work if it's on a Monday-Friday evening.

 

I will pick an area that is an easy place to find even if they haven't been there before. I'll pick SN area they are familiar with but not necessarily near where they live to in essence respect their privacy/space.

[sb6052]

Okay, so in the middle is what I thought. This one time I hesitated because when I wanted to go to her neck of the woods, which is relatively far from mine, this girl texted me something like "do you REALLY still want to come all the way out here to see me, especially at this hour?" She may have been just testing my resolve, and it cost me when I hesitated. It made me almost get the impression she didn't think herself worthwhile to come all the way out there like that, but it also put a lot of pressure on me. But then again maybe by that point she just wasn't feeling it anymore (despite being the one to initiate) and changed her mind so tried dissuading/discouraging me by saying that.

 

Meeting then fir a first date...it's about timing.

 

It's not so much as where they live but where they work if it's on a Monday-Friday evening.

 

Regarding the timing issue, I realize I tend to schedule mine at potentially inconvenient times, like not right after work but around 7 or 8, because I'd expect they'd want to have time to get home, relax a bit, freshen up and get ready, etc. But maybe that's not as great of an idea? I also do it in the evening because I notice women seem more relaxed and amenable to things then as opposed to earlier in the day.

 

It can be a bit of negotiation but within confined parameters: I was thinking we could meet at Mid-Way Café unless you have a better suggestion. Notice that is a statement, not a question. Shows you have a plan but are flexible.

 

That's a good suggestion, with that statement... I was worried about sounding too wishy-washy by giving them too many options, asking where they'd prefer to go first, or asking them if such and such was okay with them, so I would often just pick something based off Yelp reviews, friend suggestions, or if I'd been there before, and tell them to meet me there. This works sometimes and other times they agree but may not be all that thrilled about it if I read between the lines. Giving them that extra bit about them having other suggestions may be useful in that case to seem flexible.

 

I also don't want to bring all my random dates to the same place over and over and have the staff there give me looks as if to say "tisk, tisk" lol. In addition, I want to check out more places anyway, so I prefer trying different, new places most times. It can be a gamble though. One time, I really screwed up because I had to reschedule a date for an earlier time last minute and didn't have the time to properly look up a place. And it ended up being a really crappy, dirty hole in the wall in a kind of grimy or creepy neighborhood. I simply looked at Google maps and thought it was close enough to a nice area that I kinda know, but was wrong, since the neighborhood apparently changed dramatically past this one street haha.