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Persistence - cute or obnoxious


centaur of attention

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centaur of attention

I like this girl who I have been friends with for a while but this spring the door seemed to open for something more romantic. I stupidly didn't act on it then and we drifted a little apart over the summer as she was in a different city for the summer.

 

Soon we are going to be in the same city again and I have been trying to make plans to do something (before she comes back, I might need to go there one weekend). The thing is It has been very difficult to plan something, she is busy, I am busy and she is pretty bad a remembering to text people back (I have known her for years and I know her family, it must be genetic, I know it's not bacause she's not interested). So we tried to make two different plans, the first she had a conflict with, she suggested the second but then realized that she had been mistaken about the week she had off, it's actually later than she thought. Now I'm not sure if I should suggest something else or just wait until we are back in the same place and try to do something then.

 

The thing is, I texted her once, she didn't respond, then I texted her again and she did respond, but also thanked me for being persistent. is this an all clear signal that I can be a little more persistent about trying to make plans or should I back off at least for a while?

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I like this girl who I have been friends with for a while but this spring the door seemed to open for something more romantic. I stupidly didn't act on it then and we drifted a little apart over the summer as she was in a different city for the summer.

 

Soon we are going to be in the same city again and I have been trying to make plans to do something (before she comes back, I might need to go there one weekend). The thing is It has been very difficult to plan something, she is busy, I am busy and she is pretty bad a remembering to text people back (I have known her for years and I know her family, it must be genetic, I know it's not bacause she's not interested). So we tried to make two different plans, the first she had a conflict with, she suggested the second but then realized that she had been mistaken about the week she had off, it's actually later than she thought. Now I'm not sure if I should suggest something else or just wait until we are back in the same place and try to do something then.

 

The thing is, I texted her once, she didn't respond, then I texted her again and she did respond, but also thanked me for being persistent. is this an all clear signal that I can be a little more persistent about trying to make plans or should I back off at least for a while?

 

What else did she say before or after thanking you for your persistence?

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Because she thanked you for your persistence, you can continue. Make sure you tell her that if she wants you to back off she merely has to say the word

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What else did she say before or after thanking you for your persistence?

 

if you are going to be persistent, reply to her, but offer her something now. Don't just text, "hey, how are ya" stuff. Get tickets to a concert, something to tempt her. Persistence becomes annoying if it's done often and "empty". Unless she flat out tells you she's not interested now, reach out.

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DrReplyInRhymes

You could use this to your advantage, turn it into a flirt!

Tell her you are a man who goes for what he wants, regardless of the hurt!

Tell her you find her amazing, and interesting as well,

That if she'll allow it, you'll be able to show it rather than just tell!

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Whoa! Slow down with getting tickets to a concert. She might not be that interested.

 

Get to know a little and ask. Find out if she would like to go with you and then get tickets.

 

Problem is getting tickets and she doesnt want to later as she might have a change of mind which means you`ll have to sell the tickets.

 

Just go with the flow for now.

 

Cute or obnoxious? Depends entirely on the woman and what level you mean as persistence.

 

My mum thinks men who are persistent are cute.

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centaur of attention

@redhead14 her message was basically: sorry, thanks for being presistant. That date won't work but how about x? I have time off of work then.

 

That was when she suggested the later date then came back today saying that she had misread her calendar and couldn't actually do something then.

 

To update I haven't suggested anything else but I did text back poking fun at both of our horrible person plan making skills

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@redhead14 her message was basically: sorry, thanks for being presistant. That date won't work but how about x? I have time off of work then.

 

That was when she suggested the later date then came back today saying that she had misread her calendar and couldn't actually do something then.

 

To update I haven't suggested anything else but I did text back poking fun at both of our horrible person plan making skills

 

Respond and let her know you are available X day at X time and to please let you know by X day. If she doesn't do that, stop trying.

 

I would have very little patience with someone who can't even read a calendar. Even if I had done that myself, I would have offered another alternate date. She didn't. Mistakes happen, it's how you recover them that shows that you simply made a mistake . . .

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centaur of attention

I originally suggested that we do something this weekend, she was busy, then she suggested sometime during the week after next, then she later came back saying that she actually didn't have that week off. We are going to be in the same city on weekends starting in two weeks (I'm taking a class in her city).

 

I'd originally hoped to do something with her before then so I could get a clear read on her/ask her out. At this point (since there is really only one weekend before then that we both might be free) I'm just leaning toward asking her to a soccer game once I'm in her city and not try to make a special trip before then.

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I originally suggested that we do something this weekend, she was busy, then she suggested sometime during the week after next, then she later came back saying that she actually didn't have that week off. We are going to be in the same city on weekends starting in two weeks (I'm taking a class in her city).

 

I'd originally hoped to do something with her before then so I could get a clear read on her/ask her out. At this point (since there is really only one weekend before then that we both might be free) I'm just leaning toward asking her to a soccer game once I'm in her city and not try to make a special trip before then.

 

 

I'm changing my stance on this one . . .

 

You can't get a clear read on her because she's playing games. I've counted, what, 3 times where she herself suggested a particular day/time, etc. and then came back to say it won't work for her.

 

3 strikes, you're out. Find one who actually can read a calendar and or actually makes an effort to see you if she is that busy.

 

It's one thing when a woman has a busy, fulfilling life and is actually hard to get and she makes a sincere attempt to fit you into it, it's another thing when she's playing hard to get.

 

Ask her to the soccer game in her city because that will be convenient for you. But don't buy the tickets yet . . .

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lol, she thanked you for being persistent? We call that high maintenance. Go ahead and peruse her if you want to be her stooge and live a life of quiet desperation.......and exhaustion.

 

Good women help you when they like you........you don't have to text twice with them.

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The thing is, I texted her once, she didn't respond, then I texted her again and she did respond, but also thanked me for being persistent. is this an all clear signal that I can be a little more persistent about trying to make plans or should I back off at least for a while?

 

IMO, behavior training. Move on.

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Sounds like she's going to have you spinning all over the place trying to set something up. Find someone who isn't so "busy" and who actually wants to go on a date with you.

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If it were a guy she was excited about romantically, I guarantee you he would get a text back! Sorry. The flakiness and flightiness would miraculously vanish. Ditto for finding time in her busy summer vacation schedule.

 

She wants to remain friends or friendly, and is trying to avoid the potential awkwardness that would arise were she to outright reject you. Thus trying to get a date with her feels a lot like nailing jello to the wall.

 

When you're looking to date someone, this behavior is your cue to move on. You would be wasting your time if you continued your pursuit. OTOH, if you're okay with nothing more than platonic friendship, stick around. You can be her BFF.

 

I like this girl who I have been friends with for a while but this spring the door seemed to open for something more romantic. I stupidly didn't act on it then and we drifted a little apart over the summer as she was in a different city for the summer.

 

Soon we are going to be in the same city again and I have been trying to make plans to do something (before she comes back, I might need to go there one weekend). The thing is It has been very difficult to plan something, she is busy, I am busy and she is pretty bad a remembering to text people back (I have known her for years and I know her family, it must be genetic, I know it's not bacause she's not interested). So we tried to make two different plans, the first she had a conflict with, she suggested the second but then realized that she had been mistaken about the week she had off, it's actually later than she thought. Now I'm not sure if I should suggest something else or just wait until we are back in the same place and try to do something then.

 

The thing is, I texted her once, she didn't respond, then I texted her again and she did respond, but also thanked me for being persistent. is this an all clear signal that I can be a little more persistent about trying to make plans or should I back off at least for a while?

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centaur of attention

I was unclear in my explanation. The first instance, I was in her city on a very last minute visit (I didn't know until the day of) she wanted to meet the evening I had to leave after she finished work, I wanted to but the people I drove with wanted to get home (me not having been the driver got outvoted) so in that case I had to call it off. The second instance I suggested something for a weekend that she was already booked. She came back from that and suggested another time but then corrected herself when she discovered that she had misread her calendar.

 

To summarize it's not a case of her stringing me along 3 times, once it was my fault, once it was hers and the third time was never a thing because our schedules didn't work.

 

I think I'm going to proceed with plans to invite her to the soccer game but I might give it a few days before I ask her

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centaur of attention

@angel.eyes I do agree that if someone is interested they will suddenly become much more responsive. In fact that has happened with this girl. Earlier this spring she was much more on it but with her going to another city things cooled down (on both sides).

 

It seemed rediculous to me to try to start something that would be long distance from the get go and in hindsight I can see that I gave off mixed signals. Anyway over the summer I have grown to regret not doing something (though I'm not sure what) and I want to rekindle things now that it is slightly more realistic (with being in the same city). That being said, I think it's natural for me to be the slightly more interested party at this juncture.

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