How should I let him know I want him and him only?

[amkxoxo]

So I had been seeing someone new for the last few months and things were going okay. A while ago my ex came back into my life as well and I kind of started seeing him too. Everything was very casual between both men. I didn't really know what my ex wanted or where it was going, but the new guy wanted to get serious a little while ago, so I knew I needed to talk to my ex about how he felt before I committed to this new man.

 

I talked to my ex and told him I had been talking to someone and the person wanted to see me more regularly. I couldn't gauge his reaction. I then asked him what his thoughts were on it. He told me that he would never want me to not be happy. He told me if this person made me happy then he wouldn't want to interfere. He told me if this person was extending a hand and offering me what I wanted, then he would not want to prevent me from being happy.

 

I asked him again what he thought to gain more insight. He then said "Well I'm not thrilled about it"

 

I was surprised. I then asked him why he was not thrilled.

 

He gave me a look like 'are you crazy?'

 

He told me "You know why."

 

I then just smirked and shrugged. I told him I was "oblivious" sometimes.

 

He continued to give me the 'you really have no idea?' look and the 'you haven't noticed I like you' face

 

He replied "No you're not." To me being oblivious.

 

He then went on to say how he wouldn't want to be with me, and be worried I was wondering about some other guy. He said how he would want to know he was the last choice, the one at the end, the only choice. He said he would like to see me and this guy fizzle out so then he could be the one for me.

 

The next day I told new guy that I didn't know what I wanted, because I don't and that we should remain friends. I can't string him along any further while seeing what my ex wants too.

 

I do like and want my ex back. I just needed clarification that he liked me too, and I feel like that's what he gave me. Its been three days since talking to my ex and I haven't heard from him. I sent him this really nice text message the other day that was complimenting him on something nice he did for me. He hasn't responded. I know he works crazy long hours and is very busy, but I am now worried he is keeping his distance because of another guy. I like my ex. The only reason I hadn't jumped full in with this new guy was because my feelings for my ex were still so prevalent. I liked the new guy a lot too. I just feel like if I don't see where me and my ex go, I will always wonder.

 

I like him. I want to try and be with him. I enjoy his company. I can't believe someone like him notices and likes me.

 

I don't know what to do at this point.

 

I texted him again this morning asking whether or not he wanted to try and hangout this weekend. I'm trying to just think that he is busy. But now I'm worried. The new guy needed to have an answer about being with him, and he put me on the spot, so I felt I needed to get my ex's input. I'm afraid I might have pushed my ex away. He might be stepping back a bit to see what is going on with the new guy in my life. He may be trying to let me be with him for all I know. But I left new guy for him. I planned on telling him next time I saw him.

 

Saying someone casual like "I really want to pursue this with you and I want to see where it goes with us. "

 

This will hopefully let him know that I choose him all while being simple, and not telling him I left someone else for him.

[kendahke]

There's a reason why this guy is your ex. It's a shame you forgot what that was and kicked a new guy to the curb who told you a few weeks ago that he wanted to be your man for someone who has already proved that he has no problem stepping away from you.

 

He lulled you into a stupor and now that your'e back in pocket, things will revert to what they were before you two split up. Unless he'd gone through some intensive therapy to resolve his part in the demise of your relationship, then getting back with him is nothing more than picking up where you last left off with one another.

 

Now he's going incommunicado for days--and no one is so busy that they can't spare 3 minutes to send you a text or a quick phone call. Now the new guy knows to steer clear.

[Maggie4]

What makes you think your ex wants you to tell him you chose him over the other guy, when he hasn't made an effort? You're putting yourself in his shoes. But he's a guy, not a girl. If he wants you, he won't give way to another guy.

[Gary S]

Well, he's probably your ex for a reason.......we call them breakups because they are broken.

[Celeste.Carol]

It seems like you are playing games (fire) with two guys, one who genuinely likes you and the other who is just happy for you to be around when of convenience.

 

 

Men who are totally in awe of their woman, love struck, get JEALOUS when another is moving in on what they perceive as their territory. They do not play puppy dog eyes.

 

 

I saw this with an ex and his hands were visibly shaking and he could barely cough out the words...who is he? Physical symptoms of jealousy.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

What makes you think your ex wants you to tell him you chose him over the other guy, when he hasn't made an effort? You're putting yourself in his shoes. But he's a guy, not a girl. If he wants you, he won't give way to another guy.

 

I have to disagree, but not because of your merit,

In fact, its simply because he's already an ex and had to bear it,

I DON'T know the history, but if he's already an ex,

He doesn't want to put his eggs in the basket he may in the future regret.

 

That sounds awful, I know, but possibly look at it this way:

He's already had his chance, he knows this, so now he backs away,

He wants to give her a shot at happiness, one she found while he was gone,

He wants to be chosen by her, not to be a choice because a different one was wrong!

 

I bet if you tell him that you broke it off with this new guy just because of him,

That you broke it off because you feel like your shot with him is a win,

That you chose him instead of the other guy because you're in love and that's that,

His response at that very moment will tell you exactly where is heart is at.

[Gary S]

She's not playing games, she's just circular dating. Having two suitors is good, it's nice to be able to pick and choose. If one rejects her, she has another to fall back on, so the rejection stings less. It's a good problem to have!

 

But it's a waste of time to date an ex, as I said above. If it did not work out before, what does that suggest the future will hold? Sometimes you have to use common sense.

 

And the other rule about circular dating is, you don't tell your suitors that you are dating another, that can sabotage things.... they might run because they are jealous, you might turn them off.

 

You can't lie to people....if they ask if you are seeing someone, you have to tell. But you don't offer information. If they want to be exclusive, you have to make a quick decision on who to keep and who to drop.

 

That's where she's at....she spilled the beans......it looks like the ex is pulling away, he might be planning his escape. But she still has the new guy to fall back on so it's not that big of a blow to her.

 

Circular dating can be a little tricky. In reality, it might only work for a few weeks, a couple months, tops.....if you don't have a good foundation for a relationship with someone at two months, it's probably not going to happen with that prospect. And with internet dating, multi-dating might not be necessary for some......a savvy, beautiful person could put up a profile and be talking to a new prospect within a week.

[Celeste.Carol]

Hi and sorry had no clue about circular dating! What I was trying to present was this ex has her around for convenience, he has to do no work, there is no stress, and it sounds like she is letting him get away with nonsense.

 

 

It does not sound like he is giving much fight...if you are THE ONE, a man is not going to say, "Hey go try that other relationship and come back to me if it does not work for you."

[Redhead14]

So I had been seeing someone new for the last few months and things were going okay. A while ago my ex came back into my life as well and I kind of started seeing him too. Everything was very casual between both men. I didn't really know what my ex wanted or where it was going, but the new guy wanted to get serious a little while ago, so I knew I needed to talk to my ex about how he felt before I committed to this new man.

 

I talked to my ex and told him I had been talking to someone and the person wanted to see me more regularly. I couldn't gauge his reaction. I then asked him what his thoughts were on it. He told me that he would never want me to not be happy. He told me if this person made me happy then he wouldn't want to interfere. He told me if this person was extending a hand and offering me what I wanted, then he would not want to prevent me from being happy.

 

I asked him again what he thought to gain more insight. He then said "Well I'm not thrilled about it"

 

I was surprised. I then asked him why he was not thrilled.

 

He gave me a look like 'are you crazy?'

 

He told me "You know why."

 

I then just smirked and shrugged. I told him I was "oblivious" sometimes.

 

He continued to give me the 'you really have no idea?' look and the 'you haven't noticed I like you' face

 

He replied "No you're not." To me being oblivious.

 

He then went on to say how he wouldn't want to be with me, and be worried I was wondering about some other guy. He said how he would want to know he was the last choice, the one at the end, the only choice. He said he would like to see me and this guy fizzle out so then he could be the one for me.

 

The next day I told new guy that I didn't know what I wanted, because I don't and that we should remain friends. I can't string him along any further while seeing what my ex wants too.

 

I do like and want my ex back. I just needed clarification that he liked me too, and I feel like that's what he gave me. Its been three days since talking to my ex and I haven't heard from him. I sent him this really nice text message the other day that was complimenting him on something nice he did for me. He hasn't responded. I know he works crazy long hours and is very busy, but I am now worried he is keeping his distance because of another guy. I like my ex. The only reason I hadn't jumped full in with this new guy was because my feelings for my ex were still so prevalent. I liked the new guy a lot too. I just feel like if I don't see where me and my ex go, I will always wonder.

 

I like him. I want to try and be with him. I enjoy his company. I can't believe someone like him notices and likes me.

 

I don't know what to do at this point.

 

I texted him again this morning asking whether or not he wanted to try and hangout this weekend. I'm trying to just think that he is busy. But now I'm worried. The new guy needed to have an answer about being with him, and he put me on the spot, so I felt I needed to get my ex's input. I'm afraid I might have pushed my ex away. He might be stepping back a bit to see what is going on with the new guy in my life. He may be trying to let me be with him for all I know. But I left new guy for him. I planned on telling him next time I saw him.

 

Saying someone casual like "I really want to pursue this with you and I want to see where it goes with us. "

 

This will hopefully let him know that I choose him all while being simple, and not telling him I left someone else for him.

 

If he doesn't know that you haven't left the other one behind, he will always be wondering . . . which is what he mentioned at the top of your thread: He then went on to say how he wouldn't want to be with me, and be worried I was wondering about some other guy.

[RebelWithoutACause]

My take is that he has gone quiet because he's not too sure about how he feels about you, and about getting more serious with you.

 

Plus he's being very head game-y. Why not be straightforward with you about what he wants instead of implying he *might* want more and leading you to break it off with the new guy (you know, the guy that actually liked you and wanted to be with you...)

 

Unfortunately I don't think there is a genuine interest from him to get back together but maybe i'm wrong.

[RoseVille]

Your feelings for the new guy shouldn't be dependent on how your ex feels. Period, end of story.

[amkxoxo]

My ex and I had a complicated past. He had just gotten dumped by his girlfriend of one year. She was keeping him around on the side while she was pursuing another man. He and I were seeing each other and he was heartbroken and not in a good place in his life. We were in college. We both didn't have lots of money, cars, or any plan. He graduated and moved back in with his parents working as a waiter. I continued an hour away at school for a year. We dated for 3 months in person until he moved away. He would tell me I was perfect, and I should never change myself. He would tell me how I am someone he could see himself with seriously. But he also kept telling me he wasn't ready for a relationship again and had nothing to offer.

 

We talked over the phone often. He would call me at midnight or later all the time after he got out of work. I would get frustrated asking him why it was always so late. He would sometimes not call me for over a week. Some of the conversations were great and we would talk and chat and laugh. He would flirt with me. Then some of the conversations were dry and sad. It was like I was pulling words out of him. It was like talking to a brick wall.

 

Eventually he told me how he just wasn't ready and he didn't have anything to offer me and I was upset we were pretty much over. We didn't talk for a extended period of time, and then he started calling again and seeming to like me.

 

He came to visit me one weekend at school. I had been injured playing a sport and was on crutches. He was very nice to me and I figured we could be friends. He broke the friends barrier by taking me out to dinner, kissing me, cuddling with me. I thought things were going to be great. That maybe he changed his mind. When he went back home he didn't contact me for two weeks until I finally contacted him. I was upset over my injury and mad at him for not really caring to contact me. The conversation was weird. He was nice and everything and was trying to give me advice, but he couldn't have called me weeks ago to give me advice. After that I decided I had to be done with him. It wasn't good for me or my recovery.

 

I got better. I made new friends. Got and internship and now a job. I am doing pretty well. He tried to text me once and I didn't respond. I thought he would come after me but he never did. A good 9 months went by where we didn't talk. I finally reached out when I was in his area. I was stable in my life where I thought I could handle it.

 

Months back from now, he reached out to me to tell me he was moving here. We started talking. A few weeks ago he told me he has a lot of regrets. He said he regrets spending so much time and energy on his ex-girlfriend (the one who dumped him). He told me how he was so fixated on her even after she dumped him. She kept him around and he went for it. He said he wished he moved on from her and ignored her. He said he wished he did that stuff and he could have had something with me. He could have even tried the long distance with me and we could have been something because now we were back living in the same place anyway. I was shocked by his admission. He regrets not being with me.

 

He told me how he felt like he messed up my life. I denied it, but then came out and said that he kind of did. He told me he feels like I am slightly mad at him all the time. I asked him if he feels he did things where I should be mad at him. He said "yes", meaning the past things he did. I told him that as much as he did mess up my life at the time, we were both here sitting eating, drinking, and laughing, and he wasn't messing up my life anymore. Here we were years later reconnecting. He agreed.

 

Then with his admission to me the other night about not being thrilled that I was talking to someone else. It seems like he likes me, so I don't know what his problem is. Why doesn't he try and make plans with me. He is very insecure and I know it hinders him being social with people. I always have to text him and see what his schedule is to make plans. I have to ask to hangout. He jumps at the chance when I do, but its always me. Then when I ask what we should do, he and I go back and forth for sometimes more than a half an hour, with " I don't know, what do you think?" I feel like he does this because he is insecure and doesn't want to make anyone mad, so he tries to let them pick everything.

 

I like him a lot. I think about him all the time. A big chunk of the time he is a great guy with a great personality that any girl would love. The guy I love to be around. But sometimes he is hard to read. I wasn't sure he liked me so I kept my options open. I'm not sure he likes me because he never calls me to ask to take me out. Or he never texts me to see how my day is, or to wish me luck at work.

[Celeste.Carol]

Think about it like this and I am not being harsh. You are young and have the world in your palms. There is going to be a man out there that is going to wow you and be wowed and mesmerized by you!

 

 

All relationships are a gamble, but do you want to settle for a man that is meh about you. And the meh has nothing to do with you, your beauty and strengths. You marry and he becomes one of these grass is greener, the passion was quite not there and then he becomes a habitual cheater?!

 

 

You deserve better.

[Vyliss]

Agree. I don't think this guy is all that into you. Sorry. He may act like it some of the time, but I don't think he knows what he wants and he certainly isn't sure about you.

 

Please stop wasting any more emotional energy on this guy and just disappear from his life ... forever. lol

 

You're still holding onto some hope that he will want you in the same way you want him, but in my experience, there's little you can do to make a guy crazy about you. He either is, or he isn't. He knows you, he knows who you are by now, he also knows you still like him.

 

If he's still not willing to grab you for himself, then he never will.

 

Time to move on for good.

[smackie9]

You are holding back on how you really feel about your ex.....stop being so guarded. If you want this bad enough, tell him straight you want a future with him.

 

It's like a Mexican stand off with the both of you.....just get on with it.

[amkxoxo]

Things have ended up not how I thought. I left my new guy for my ex after his admission that he wasn't thrilled I might be seeing someone else. I planned on telling my ex that I want to pursue him next time I saw him. I texted him on a Thursday about making weekend plans. He never responded. I waited all weekend, making my own plans because I never heard from him. Eventually he texted me on Monday. I was surprised. I answered him and then didn't hear from him again. I texted him on Tuesday and asked him if he wanted to do something. He responded that "I am so sorry, I was in quite the mood when we last spoke."

 

I was figuring he meant why he didn't respond to me. I asked him if he wanted to hangout, because I felt we really needed to talk.

 

I went over his place around 9pm that night. The issue was that his roommate was there. So the three of us sat together hanging out and talking. I was panicking inside because I knew I couldn't talk to him with his roommate there. Things got awkward when he and his roommate got into an argument with each other. I just sat there. I felt bad, and I didn't say anything, but everything his roommate was saying seemed right and logical. His roommate wasn't trying to say he was right and my ex was wrong, his roommate was trying to say that he had helped my ex in a certain instance. My ex did not take it well.

 

Things simmered and my ex texted me to say he was sorry, meaning the argument. A while later my ex was complaining about finding someone for this project he was working on. He had someone already, but he made it seem like he wanted someone else than who he already had.

 

I thought of someone perfect for it. His roommate subsequently knew the same person. We started telling my ex all about this girl and how she could help him out. She was nice and had what he was looking for. He got defensive and angry that we were selling this girl to him. He sounded crazy. We were just trying to help him and give him a possible viable contact to work with. Whether he took her name and ran with it, or never contacted her, we were just trying to help him. He felt like we were attacking him. I didn't get it. I was only trying to help. We argued. I backed off. His roommate, still heated from the first argument kept going. It ended.

 

I decided to leave. He walked me out. He was still sort of mad. I apologized and told him I didn't mean to hurt his feelings, I was just trying to help him. He calmed down. I almost didn't want to mention anything about us, but I knew if I left, I wouldn't have any answers and I would be still stuck where I was.

 

I brought up us. I told him I was interested in pursuing us and where we could go. He told me I shouldn't pursue him. He started telling me how he was so busy and that it is why he doesn't ask me to do anything with him and he doesn't text me. He said he was in a horrible mood and didn't want to talk to anyone, and that is why he didn't text me back days before. He said he has been trying to give me what he can give me, but the occasional dinner and hangout session isn't enough, and he knows that. He told me he sees me more than he sees his family and his friends. He wishes he could give me more but he can't. I told him I deserved more, and he agreed and said I did. He told me he hates his two jobs, and wants to quit. He wants better hours.

 

He told me he is miserable and he is negative about everything and he is so unhappy. He has depression and he seems to be suffering with an episode for the last two years. He feels I shouldn't be involved with that. I questioned him caring about me. He was taken back. He told me of course he cares about me, and he thought I knew that. I told him, that he sometimes seems to care, but other times when he doesn't make plans with me or talk to me it feels like he doesn't care. He told me he does care for me, and he is always there when I need him.

 

We talked about our past and he admitted to hurting me. He said that it bothers him, what he did to me, all the time. I told him that I wouldn't forget what he did to me, but I forgave and moved on from it. He claimed that he hadn't. He was still fawning over a situation that happened that hurt me, that wasn't hurting me anymore. I told him that if he felt he hurt me so much then why didn't he try to change it and try to make it better. Why wouldn't he try to make up for what he did in the past. He says he feels like he can't and he already caused damage. He feels he has nothing to offer me. He is so down and low about his life, its unbelievable.

 

He has had the same mindset for the last two years. It's sad. I am sad for him. I asked him why he said he wasn't thrilled about me talking to someone else. He said it was because he does care about me, but if this person can make me happy and give me what he can't, then I should take it if I want to. He made it seem like as much as he cares about me, its halted by his negative mindset. He has so much going on that he can't care about me. He has no room to. He has lost his passion for life.

 

I told him he would lose me, and if he cared about me why would he want to risk losing me to someone else. Why wouldn't he want to pin me down. He again told me he felt he had nothing to offer me, because he was so unhappy with his life. He almost said something to the fact that if he got his life in order and wanted me, that "you don't know how I would be", almost like he could win me back, even after time, even after losing me.

 

I worked 9-5 most days and he works 4-11 most of those days. He only has two full days off a month. He barely has time to talk to his parents. He then went on to show me texting conversations with his parents which were left unanswered by him.

 

He told me how he would love to have me come in and take me to his room and cuddle with me in his bed like we used to do, but he realizes it was what he did to me years ago, and it lead to no commitment and me being hurt, and he wasn't going to do that again. I agreed that we could not repeat the past and that I would not let him do that to me again.

 

I love him, but truly I worry for him. I think he needs to talk to someone outside of his life, to help him sort of what haunts him in the past. He needs to get over things and move on. Not to be with me, but for himself. He talks about making his life better, but I don't see much of that going on. I want to suggest to him that he should talk to someone and how it might benefit him, but I don't want to insult him. Plus, it could be a little weird to just text someone out of the blue "Hey I think you should talk to someone about your life."

 

I don't know how that would play out. He told me that I set the bar so high. I asked him what he was talking about. He told me that I restored some faith in humanity. I set the bar so high for other people. I showed him an extreme amount of kindness and how I was so considerate to those around me and cared so much, and he rarely meets people anymore who show him that type of gratitude. I appreciated he admitted that. I appreciate he openly admits he hurt me in the past.

 

I told him that I wanted to be the girl that made him happy, but that I tried everything I could possibly try at this point. I felt like I fought the good fight, and now I must walk away.

 

I don't know if he and I will be friends. I don't know if I will get back with the other guy who pursued me so steadily and made me happy. I know he will take me back. He likes me a lot. I don't know. I feel hurt and I don't want to make a rash decision of getting with someone else immediately. I don't feel ready to be with him quite yet. The other guy knows me well, and I know he will sense I am hurt and I cannot explain to him why.

 

As of right now, I am sad. I am hurt. I am not mad at my ex, but disappointed that even after all this time his issues still prevent us from being together. He needs to prioritize and get his act together. It is not my fault. It is his. He admits that.

 

When I got home that night, we started texting. I told him that I was sorry if I put him on the spot. And how I felt we were up in the air and I needed clarity about the situation, which wasn't a bad thing. He said it was fine, and how "I am sorry I am so conflicted. At any given moment I could burn a bridge or have my way with you."

 

I wasn't sure how to take that. I then told him that I would hope he wouldn't burn bridges with me. And that if he was kind and considerate to me, we wouldn't have any problems. I then responded with "as for having your way with me...no comment. "

 

I thought it was funny.

 

I then left it with "I know your conflicted. I don't want to pressure you. It is hard to just be your friend when I want to reach out and hold your hand etc.. But we cannot have a repeat of the past. "

 

He has not responded since. I am sad, but not about the no response, about the situation. I am working on getting over it. I feel like I said all I could say to him, which I needed to do.

[RoseVille]

I told him he would lose me, and if he cared about me why would he want to risk losing me to someone else.

 

Sometimes, love, or in your case, "like," isn't enough.

 

Sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone you care about is to let them go, because you know you don't want or cannot offer them what they want or deserve.

 

He doesn't want to be with you. He knows you want him. He cares about you, but he does not want to rehash or relive your relationship. The old one, or a new one.

[Jj66]

 

Sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone you care about is to let them go, because you know you don't want or cannot offer them what they want or deserve.

 

I had to do just that with a girlfriend today. I could have selfishly kept her on the hook and used her whenever I felt like it but I let her go because I knew it was best for her. Ordinarily, I want people to make their own decisions about what's best for them but I could tell she was too attached to let go voluntarily in spite of me telling her I couldn't give her what she wanted and deserved.

[empresario]

I had to do just that with a girlfriend today. I could have selfishly kept her on the hook and used her whenever I felt like it but I let her go because I knew it was best for her. Ordinarily, I want people to make their own decisions about what's best for them but I could tell she was too attached to let go voluntarily in spite of me telling her I couldn't give her what she wanted and deserved.

 

Been there as well. Sometimes it's all you can do. I miss one of my exes every day and wish we could spend time together...but I know for her it was all or nothing. Sad but now she's better off (2 years later).

 

 

And @OP, you obviously bet on the wrong horse. That's a fact. But the good news out of this is that you identified that you weren't ready to date someone new, which wouldn't have been fair to them. You let the other person go before the conversation, and I respect that whole-heartedly.

 

 

This guy does not care for you. He is over your relationship...and probably started getting over it long before it ended. For you it's fresh, for him probably not so much. That's the hard part in that type of breakup. One person moves on emotionally way faster than the other.

 

 

Take some time off. If I were you, decide right now you're going NC. It will be best when he changes his mind someday and wants to get in contact (which won't last...trust me). You will save yourself a lot of heart-ache by making a decision that you're done and taking some time off from dating until you feel healthy again.

 

 

Pick up a new hobby. Do something to improve your life. Break-ups are often times the most productive times of your life. I know I always get into the best shape right after a breakup because all that angst goes into my workouts and I have time to better plan meals.

 

 

Good luck! I hope everything works out for you.

[amkxoxo]

I just hope it might happen one day. Maybe if he gets his life together. I don't want to believe that there's not chemistry and feelings between us. There is, we have acted on them in the last few weeks. He has acted on them. He has told me in the past that he has a hard time staying away from me. Just the other night he told me he would love for me to curl up with him in his bed.

 

But he cannot give me more than random acts of that. Random dinners every other week and random texting because of his job. I want to be enough. I want him to fight for me and be there for me. To see that I am a great girl and he needs me in his life. He has issues. I accept them, but I realize that I don't want to get involved in them until he gets some of them in check, because I will end up hurt.

 

I don't think I want anything unreasonable. I want to date and see where it goes. I realize he has a lot going on. I don't want to scare him away. He is a good guy.

[Qboro90]

Just for future reference.... It's not a good idea to bring up the other guy(s) you're dating in front of a ex or other partner. The way you brought him up in every instance was pretty clear that you were doing it to gain "leverage" over your ex and either push or scare him into confessing his love and desire to be with you.

 

If my ex girlfriend told me "this other guy really likes me... You know you might end up losing me if you don't come to a decision" or something to that degree... I would see right through it. I'd also feel sorry for that other guy because clearly you like your ex more than him so why should he be threatened or scared? He knows you want him and knows this other guy is just a fill in to keep you occupied. It's also disrespectful to your ex (it is to both guys actually) and for lack of a better word, desperate sounding.

 

"Heyyy look there's another guy that likes and treats me nice.... Aren't you mad? You know you can lose me right?"...... Are you sure you don't care? You can tell me if it bothers you."....... Cmon now... That's childish behavior.

[amkxoxo]

I haven't told my ex one thing about the other guy. I actually told him that I was keeping my options open because I didn't the last time around. I don't flash this new guy in his face, and of course I would pick him. I have known him way longer and much better than new guy.

 

I wasn't using it to be desperate. When I told him he could lose me, I didn't even mention the other guy. I didn't mean it like that at all. I meant it in the way that says, if you care for me like you say you do, why would you let me run off with others. I didn't ask him to come to a decision because of some other guy. I asked him his thoughts on someone else wanting to go out with me, because we weren't sure on anything and were not serious or even dating.

[Qboro90]

I haven't told my ex one thing about the other guy. I actually told him that I was keeping my options open because I didn't the last time around. I don't flash this new guy in his face, and of course I would pick him. I have known him way longer and much better than new guy.

 

I wasn't using it to be desperate. When I told him he could lose me, I didn't even mention the other guy. I didn't mean it like that at all. I meant it in the way that says, if you care for me like you say you do, why would you let me run off with others. I didn't ask him to come to a decision because of some other guy. I asked him his thoughts on someone else wanting to go out with me, because we weren't sure on anything and were not serious or even dating.

 

 

While you might not think or intend it to come out that way, I'm just giving you a male in his mid-late 20's opinion on how it appears. I've had girls infer or just offhandedly remark about being asked out, or just enjoying single life and it's pretty transparent that they're doing it, perhaps subconsciously to show him that "hey, I'm a catch, guys will hit on me and want me soooo, better hope I don't fall for one of them".

 

Basically your ex is just calling your bluff. And you said "if you care for me like you say you do, then why would you let me run off with others?". First of all, he's not letting you or not letting you do anything. You're an adult... You make your own choices and decisions. If your goal is to spark some emotion out of him so he fights for you and takes charge then you'll be waiting forever.

 

You can play naive all you want.... But asking your ex boyfriend who you still flirt with and have some unresolved feelings still present, what his thoughts are on someone else wanting to go out with you? We both know that you're not dumb enough to think that's something an ex BF would be thrilled about.

 

But he probably sees how pointless and baiting that question is. You might be a showing body language when you ask that makes it obvious you're just trying to get him to reveal his feelings for you.

 

If you and him hadn't seen each other in a while and then hung out one day and were playful and having fun, and then he asked you "soo... Would you be mad or upset if I went out with another girl or was seeing someone?""

 

- Um, no f^#*in ****. Is he supposed to be thrilled and jumping for joy?

 

Your ex did the neutral thing and just simply said "do what makes you happy". That answer clearly didn't satisfy you and you wanted more so you then asked again which you outlines in your Op.

 

I get what you're trying to do and it's not the worst thing in the world, but if you think guys are that blind or can't see through that kind of discussion their ex gf brings up, then you're gonna be let down a whole lot more in the future.

 

Sexiest thing a girl can do to get a guy back..... Disappear. Go out with other guys, or be single or do anything to occupy your time. But if an ex gf hangs around even as friends after I ended things with her, that just tells me I can get her back if I really felt like it by turning in a little charm and emotion. But you've lost the allure and mystery of a challenge to him at this point.

[amkxoxo]

I understand what you are saying and I appreciate an opinion from someone around our age. I definitely didn't mean it to come across that way. We hadn't just hung out one time. We had hung out a bunch of times. He kissed me and cuddled with me and flirted with me. I needed to know if I should be seeing someone else, because I was seeing someone else, and that someone else wanted me to be his girlfriend.

 

I feel like, I never get any answers from him and I just needed to know for sure. I waited around from him so much in the past and I know I cannot do that again this time. I need to know how he felt about us.

 

I understand you saying I should just move on and that should be how I appear confident and sexy. I feel bad not talking to him. When I don't talk to him, he barely reaches out because of him being insecure and then he thinks I'm mad at him or I don't like him.

 

Like his roommate, who is a friend of mine, is having a birthday in a month. I will most likely be invited. I want to go. But do I go at all? Do I go single? Do I go with the guy I am still casually kind of seeing?

 

What if he texts me? Should I respond? I feel bad not responding.

Edited September 11, 2015 by amkxoxo

[kendahke]

You should not have let the new guy go.