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Has anyone felt this way in their relationships?


Zehra

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I find myself constantly doubting ALL decisions/choices I make during my relationships. I feel like I constantly need to go either on internet forums, friends or family to validate whether what I feel is justified or not. Of course, sometimes things in relationships make me feel sad or upset, so I cannot control the emotions I feel as a result but I do seek help from others to determine whether my feelings of sadness, disappointment, anger etc are justified or not. At the end of each relationship, I’m left feeling with a huge amount of guilt, and I constantly self-blame and hold myself responsible for the relationship of the failure completely. I obsess and see myself as this horrible person – and it obviously doesn’t help if your partner reaffirms everything you already believe about yourself, and tells you that you are responsible for all the failures within the relationship.

 

Sometimes, I can’t even determine HOW I feel about someone. I can’t determine whether I do love them or not, because I see myself as incapable of it. Maybe it’s a lack of experience or my past history, I don’t know. But it leads me to a very self-destructive state. Does anyone else feel this way? Or has felt this way, how did you overcome it?

Thank you for reading 

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I find myself constantly doubting ALL decisions/choices I make during my relationships. I feel like I constantly need to go either on internet forums, friends or family to validate whether what I feel is justified or not. Of course, sometimes things in relationships make me feel sad or upset, so I cannot control the emotions I feel as a result but I do seek help from others to determine whether my feelings of sadness, disappointment, anger etc are justified or not. At the end of each relationship, I’m left feeling with a huge amount of guilt, and I constantly self-blame and hold myself responsible for the relationship of the failure completely. I obsess and see myself as this horrible person – and it obviously doesn’t help if your partner reaffirms everything you already believe about yourself, and tells you that you are responsible for all the failures within the relationship.

 

Sometimes, I can’t even determine HOW I feel about someone. I can’t determine whether I do love them or not, because I see myself as incapable of it. Maybe it’s a lack of experience or my past history, I don’t know. But it leads me to a very self-destructive state. Does anyone else feel this way? Or has felt this way, how did you overcome it?

Thank you for reading 

 

I can tell you unequivocably that the root of all this lies in your past. How do YOU overcome it. You take the leap of faith and delve into your past, face the fears you have with a qualified therapist. You are wasting time going online. You need to TALK to a real live person and as soon as possible. Don't waste another minute. Do it now.

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Ditto what Redhead said...I am in a 5yr LTR and lately I am on a cycle of sabotage apparently, and can't figure out why I am so unsure of everything. It sucks going to friends and family all the time and getting their opinions. Like, is the truth what I'm feeling, or what they're seeing (or hearing from me, which is inherently biased in the direction of whatever I'm feeling at the moment)?? My SO hasn't really changed, but my reaction to things he does HAS, and I don't understand why one day something will launch me into insecurity when last week I could brush it off like nothing. So I found a therapist and had my first appointment this week. Already I'm seeing that while I thought I'd be delving right into the topic of my relationship with SO, the therapist asked all sorts of background questions about the rest of my life, family, upbringing etc, dredging up old feelings & thoughts I thought were handled long ago and buried for good. And I'm getting a vague feeling that my current issues have root, not in my interactions with this great guy, but with sh*t not truly dealt with years ago. It's looking like it won't be a few months' fix like I thought :(:(

 

Definitely look into professional help...a totally objective observer is going to be much more effective than family & friends for you!

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Erm no - I don't feel like it any more. But I used to.

 

What you are suffering from is what I call the inadequacy complex.

 

Go get help.

 

Go through all your old relationships, you will probably find one that you thought was great but actually wasn't and its affected your decisions since.

 

For me it was learning to face my daemons and face the man that broke me. Ironically not my recent ex who was to put it bluntly an complete ass and was just as bad... I realised that if I wanted to be with a certain sort of man I would have to be a certain type of woman. Basically the woman I was before I was broken. It was not up to anyone else to fix me. I had to fix myself. I pushed myself.

 

Learning to let go and actually doing it was liberating I can tell you.

 

I read every self help book possible, even if I didn't think they were applicable. I sat and analysed every aspect of my behaviour both now and in the past and at different phases of my past. I still do a bit but now I am stronger again not so much.

 

Good luck.

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Yes, I've felt that way every so often. Need validation, question am I in a good relationship, feel insecure... In my case it is partially my lack of example of a good relationship (my family was a book-case example of an unhealthy one), and partially the fact that I start dating late in life (teens, early to mid 20s I would not even consider it as a possibility; my first experiences were in late 20s and were unfortunately abusive ones).

 

Take some time to self-evaluate, and find a good therapist. Cognitive-behavioral therapy may work for you well. I'm trying these both + talking openly to my current partner, an so far I think I see a positive change. I believe it can work for you too, just takes time :)

 

I find myself constantly doubting ALL decisions/choices I make during my relationships. I feel like I constantly need to go either on internet forums, friends or family to validate whether what I feel is justified or not. Of course, sometimes things in relationships make me feel sad or upset, so I cannot control the emotions I feel as a result but I do seek help from others to determine whether my feelings of sadness, disappointment, anger etc are justified or not. At the end of each relationship, I’m left feeling with a huge amount of guilt, and I constantly self-blame and hold myself responsible for the relationship of the failure completely. I obsess and see myself as this horrible person – and it obviously doesn’t help if your partner reaffirms everything you already believe about yourself, and tells you that you are responsible for all the failures within the relationship.

 

Sometimes, I can’t even determine HOW I feel about someone. I can’t determine whether I do love them or not, because I see myself as incapable of it. Maybe it’s a lack of experience or my past history, I don’t know. But it leads me to a very self-destructive state. Does anyone else feel this way? Or has felt this way, how did you overcome it?

Thank you for reading 

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Thanks to everyone for sharing, op you have some good models to follow above.

I too sought therapy while feeling like I was going crazy in a relationship. In my case, yes the relationship was bad but I mostly uncovered a lot of childhood issues as part of the therapy. I really recommend it.

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