She hasn't been in a RS before?

[Yummm]

Hey all, would like some advice on a girl i'm dating at the moment.

 

So I went on a great first date last night. There was an attraction there and we got on really well, laughed and joked etc. She seemed interested but very reserved. I managed to get a kiss in after the date.

 

Once again, there wasn't any 'sparks' when we kissed, but there was a nice attraction and I would like to see her again and she said the same about me.

 

The thing is, she is 23 and hasn't ever been in a serious relationship before, is this a cause for concern? She said that she was never really in a position to have a RS before, has never been 'in love' and therefore likes to live life in the moment alot of the time.

 

Obviously i'll take things slow and with caution, but is this something I should be wary of?

 

Yes it's way too early to be thinking things intensely right now, but I don't want to get more invested into somebody who doesn't know what being in a seriously RS is about.

 

As I haven't been intimate with anyone since my ex and I got a kiss on the first date, I know that if other dates go well it will most likely get more intimate, I will definitely feel like I would get emotionally invested if I do get more intimate with her as I don't think i'm the sort of person who does 'casual' hookups!

 

Much appreciated for reading!

Edited September 3, 2015 by Yummm

[d0nnivain]

You need to take people as they are now, not judge them too harshly on their pasts. If she is ready to have a relationship now & you like her, there do not seem to be any impediments.

[Yummm]

You need to take people as they are now, not judge them too harshly on their pasts. If she is ready to have a relationship now & you like her, there do not seem to be any impediments.

 

Thank you. What you say is true, but i'm still unsure as I couldn't get much out of her. She kept asking me about my RS past and told me she is inexperienced in dating and doesn't know what she's looking for right now hence why I was saying she loves to live in the moment.

 

Nevertheless I will take things slow and as you said take her as she is now. Just don't want to get hurt again by opening up to someone unavailable.

[Gaeta]

There is no 'relationship school' people need to graduate from to be relationship employable.

 

What makes a good person relationship material is their qualities. Is she honest, considerate, forgiving, communicative, etc. That will make her a good partner, not the fact she has previous relationships.

 

When she says she doesn't know what she wants, believe her. It has nothing to do with her never having a relationship. Plenty of people on here posting about never having a relationship before and serious looking for their first gf or bf.

[angel.eyes]

She's 23! Tons of early 20's folks have little or no relationship experience. If she were 40, 50 or 60, yes. Then I would be on the look out for red flags and would proceed with caution.

[Yummm]

Okay, thanks for the advice!

 

I'll take it slowly and just see how it goes, I didn't exactly make judgement on her based on what she said, but I saw it as something I should be cautious about.

 

Thanks!

[SawtoothMars]

You need to take people as they are now, not judge them too harshly on their pasts. If she is ready to have a relationship now & you like her, there do not seem to be any impediments.

 

The greatest single indicator of future behavior is past behavior. So, I would call this very poor advice.

[Gary S]

A good percentage of women under 28 have never been in love. Don't take the young ones too seriously, at least not until they take you seriously.

 

Other than that, you will just have to date her to find out where it will go......dating/love is a process, you don't have a solid foundation for a relationship until two months.

[Redhead14]

Hey all, would like some advice on a girl i'm dating at the moment.

 

So I went on a great first date last night. There was an attraction there and we got on really well, laughed and joked etc. She seemed interested but very reserved. I managed to get a kiss in after the date.

 

Once again, there wasn't any 'sparks' when we kissed, but there was a nice attraction and I would like to see her again and she said the same about me.

 

The thing is, she is 23 and hasn't ever been in a serious relationship before, is this a cause for concern? She said that she was never really in a position to have a RS before, has never been 'in love' and therefore likes to live life in the moment alot of the time.

 

Obviously i'll take things slow and with caution, but is this something I should be wary of?

 

Yes it's way too early to be thinking things intensely right now, but I don't want to get more invested into somebody who doesn't know what being in a seriously RS is about.

 

As I haven't been intimate with anyone since my ex and I got a kiss on the first date, I know that if other dates go well it will most likely get more intimate, I will definitely feel like I would get emotionally invested if I do get more intimate with her as I don't think i'm the sort of person who does 'casual' hookups!

 

Much appreciated for reading!

 

She is only 23 years old. She needs to start somewhere if she actually wants to. She may have chosen not to be in a committed relationship because she is intelligent, secure in her own right, focused on securing a satisfying future for herself and waiting for just the right guy . . .

 

Would you prefer that she's had 5 dead end relationships, carrying around hurt and anger towards men and being emotionally unavailable and distrusting?

 

If you do get the opportunity to explore the possibility of a relationship with her, you and she will be working with a clean slate, so to speak.

[Yummm]

Once again thanks guys.

 

I'm 22 and thought that I was a 'late bloomer' by only having 1 serious relationship that ended almost 4 months ago, so that's why I was quite interested that she's never been in one before.

 

Of course that doesn't put me off, it's interesting and I like that she doesn't have emotional baggage behind her, but I couldn't quite read her and her responses w/regards to a relationship was very vague, hence why I came on here to post and get some valid responses.

 

I think d0nnivain gives some good advice, making rational judgments based on her past when at face value she is lovely and kind is not correct, obviously if past traits come out after spending some time with her then that's some red flags and I can make better judgement.

 

In the meantime it's just been a single date, I guess the fact that I managed to get a kiss got me thinking that things will perhaps progress, so as I said i'll take things slow and see where it goes. When she said 'I don't know what i'm looking for at the moment', said 'I don't tend to think about my future alot and live in the moment' and seemed so blasé about it is the only thing that made me skeptical.

[Gary S]

 

Would you prefer that she's had 5 dead end relationships, carrying around hurt and anger towards men and being emotionally unavailable and distrusting?

 

If you do get the opportunity to explore the possibility of a relationship with her, you and she will be working with a clean slate, so to speak.

 

- This is true also, and a positive........ it means she does not have excess emotional baggage, at least not from previous relationships.

[SawtoothMars]

- This is true also, and a positive........ it means she does not have excess emotional baggage, at least not from previous relationships.

 

Don't forget that all relationships create their own baggage too.

[angel.eyes]

It's possible she was concerned that if she said outright that she wanted a relationship, you would misinterpret that and run for the hills. With experience comes the confidence to state exactly what you want, without worrying about the other person's reaction.

 

My advice: stop analyzing every minor point. You're both very inexperienced. One data point is not that different from zero data points. Relax a little and enjoy dating. It will go well...until it doesn't. That's just life. Fretting won't change the outcome--unless of course, it causes you to self-sabotage and, out of fear, to deep six a perfectly good start.

 

Once again thanks guys.

 

I'm 22 and thought that I was a 'late bloomer' by only having 1 serious relationship that ended almost 4 months ago, so that's why I was quite interested that she's never been in one before.

 

Of course that doesn't put me off, it's interesting and I like that she doesn't have emotional baggage behind her, but I couldn't quite read her and her responses w/regards to a relationship was very vague, hence why I came on here to post and get some valid responses.

 

I think d0nnivain gives some good advice, making rational judgments based on her past when at face value she is lovely and kind is not correct, obviously if past traits come out after spending some time with her then that's some red flags and I can make better judgement.

 

In the meantime it's just been a single date, I guess the fact that I managed to get a kiss got me thinking that things will perhaps progress, so as I said i'll take things slow and see where it goes. When she said 'I don't know what i'm looking for at the moment', said 'I don't tend to think about my future alot and live in the moment' and seemed so blasé about it is the only thing that made me skeptical.