Mizz Layta Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 One of my co workers has been chasing me for a while now. We don't directly work together since we work in different departments. We ran to each other sometimes during the day in the elevators, lunch rooms etc Furthermore, he had made it clear that he likes me and wants to take me out to the movies. The first time he approached me was the basement and I kind of blew him off . Then few months later, he asked if I would like to go to the movies with him. At that time I was seeing someone else so I politely told him that I was not available. He backed off for while and would only say hi, how are you whenever I ran into him inside the work building. I also see him sometimes at the gym. However, recently he came and used a treadmill beside mine and started talking to me. He told me that he's is still interested in me , I am the only one that he wants and he will wait for me. I now feel knowing uncomfortable he's still interested in me so I now go to different location/gym to avoid him. Last time when he saw me at work, he asked if I was going to gym later that evening...I said I wasn't sure then he was like "I still want you". The thing is, I don't feel the attraction or fire works towards him . he is not bad looking but its just not there. Generally when I meet guys I am interested in, I just know it, Everything feels right. I also don't want to date co workers and there isn't an attraction for me to go for it. What should I do? Should I give him a chance?I have been single for almost a year now but I am not sure Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 One of my co workers has been chasing me for a while now. We don't directly work together since we work in different departments. We ran to each other sometimes during the day in the elevators, lunch rooms etc Furthermore, he had made it clear that he likes me and wants to take me out to the movies. The first time he approached me was the basement and I kind of blew him off . Then few months later, he asked if I would like to go to the movies with him. At that time I was seeing someone else so I politely told him that I was not available. He backed off for while and would only say hi, how are you whenever I ran into him inside the work building. I also see him sometimes at the gym. However, recently he came and used a treadmill beside mine and started talking to me. He told me that he's is still interested in me , I am the only one that he wants and he will wait for me. I now feel knowing uncomfortable he's still interested in me so I now go to different location/gym to avoid him. Last time when he saw me at work, he asked if I was going to gym later that evening...I said I wasn't sure then he was like "I still want you". The thing is, I don't feel the attraction or fire works towards him . he is not bad looking but its just not there. Generally when I meet guys I am interested in, I just know it, Everything feels right. I also don't want to date co workers and there isn't an attraction for me to go for it. What should I do? Should I give him a chance?I have been single for almost a year now but I am not sure Tell him you don't date coworkers Link to post Share on other sites
MetalGear Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I'm a little surprised that you are considering saying yes to him based on what you've said. Normally I'm all for giving a guy a chance if you aren't sure how you feel about him, but I don't like his language. "He told me that he's is still interested in me , I am the only one that he wants and he will wait for me." "I still want you". Nope. Best to stay away from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Um this is sexual harassment. You don't have to think anything more about it. The things this guy says and his actions suggest that he's either to stupid and cocky to realize what he's doing is completely innapropriate OR he has a deeper problem and can't handle being rejected by you or ks infatuated by you and will not stop no matter how many times you tell him to. Your best move....contact the HR department or HR manager at your job. Anything you tell him/her will be confidential and they are legally not allowed to reveal who made the complaint when they confront him about it. So you don't need to worry about any backlash. Simply play dumb. I'm sure you're not the first co worker he has asked out so it's likely that multiple women could have reported him. You can send an email or even mail a letter and outline what has transpired with this man in your time there just like you did in your Op. Would it make you feel more comfortable at work if this man no longer worked there? Or do you not mind him as a friend but don't want to date him? If it's the latter then the next time he says something or makes a pass at you, you confidently and seriously say "listen, I've said no multiple times already. Maybe you don't realize it and think it's playful but this is starting to make me feel uncomfortable. I had to change gyms in order to avoid your pestering. Can you accept that I don't want to go out with you or do I need to contact HR and have them tell you?" If that doesn't scare the **** out of him and he does it again, go directly to your boss or manager with detailed info on the times and events in which he's hit on your or harassed you. Odds are it will cost him his job. If he's not fired then your company runs the risk of being liable for not taking proper action to ensure a safe and healthy work environment and will have to settle for a large amount of money in court to pay you for having to go through it. Hey, look at the bright side... You could end up a millionaire if it happens ^ way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I'd simply give him a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 (edited) The thing is, I don't feel the attraction or fire works towards him . he is not bad looking but its just not there. Generally when I meet guys I am interested in, I just know it, Everything feels right. - Exactly......you have seen him enough times....if you were ever going to develop a crush for this guy, it would have happened already. Tell him a little white lie and say you are seeing someone......it worked before. Edited September 3, 2015 by Gary S 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Hmmm, lets recap. He makes you uncomfortable, you feel no spark and your not interested. Contrary to ZAdater. Hes got two chances...............SLIM and NONE! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 He's not your type. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 He sounds like a stalker one that does not take no for an answer. A dangerous combination. He flat out randomly blurted "I still want you"? My first thought was Psycho!! The fact that you are considering giving this guy a chance makes it almost certain you will wind up locked in his basemen 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Sounds as if he has poor dating/social skills. Why not let him take you to lunch one day at work? I know lots of people that met their spouse at work. Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Sounds as if he has poor dating/social skills. So do serial killers Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 If he said, you know where to reach me should you change your mind, I would have cut him a break if you were on the fence. But BAD idea here! He makes you uncomfortable and...red flag...he refuses to accept that you're not interested, instead escalating his behavior and becoming more aggressive in his approach. In other words, he refuses to respect your wishes or take no for an answer Chica, imagine the nightmare of trying to break up with him should you make the mistake of actually dating him!! No thank you! Since you've already tried the "I have a boyfriend" approach without success, the "I don't date co-workers" tact will be just as ineffective. He refuses to accept the polite "no thanks" message,. So be direct, firm, and clear that you just don't want to date him. Period. Regardless of the conditions, the answer will be no. Send him an email firmly telling him that you're not interested in dating him. Detail the other times you declined and tell him that his comment that he still wanted you made you very uncomfortable. Should he bother you at work again, head to HR with your email and a summary of the incidents both on and away from work. Explain that he's made you so uncomfortable that you've had to start going to another gym to try and avoid him. Persistent, unwanted romantic advances can create a hostile work environment and constitute harassment. You've had to change your behavior patterns in order to avoid him since he won't get a simple message. That's a problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 You need to CLEARLY tell him no. After that if he STILL doesn't take your NO then I would talk to HR. Nothing worse than a guy who you are NOT attracted to hounding you to the point where it's creepy. If he doesn't listen to you now what do you think is going to happen when you two are alone? He want's one thing and he will keep pushing and pushing and pushing you until you get to a point where you either call the police or you feel threaten and give him what he wants. When I broke up with my wife a pushy guy met her at a bar. She had low self-esteem and no boundaries and was a people pleaser. She gave this guy her number and a few days later he called and said he was on his way to her town. Didn't ask - told her. He said I wanted to see her. My wife having just broke up with me after two years claimed she was weak and couldn't stand up for herself. She said yes and met him - just to appease him. After that he followed her home. She claimed he was controlling and extremely pushy and wanted him to leave. She was upset that he coming to her house but in her mental state she couldn't say no. Hours later he said it's late I don't want to drive home. She let him stay not only in her apartment but in her bed with her. He made his move she claims she said no several times but he kept coming after he and wouldn't take no for an answer. She said at that point she was so exhausted and scared of him she allowed him to do whatever he wanted and they had sex several times that night. She never saw him again. Moral of the story is there are pushy guys looking for certain girls who they think they can get into bed and they won't stop until they succeed. Don't let yourself become a victim just because he is overstepping his bounds - a big red flag. Tell him you are not interested and to leave you along. If he continues his quest contact HR immediately! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mizz Layta Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 - Exactly......you have seen him enough times....if you were ever going to develop a crush for this guy, it would have happened already. Tell him a little white lie and say you are seeing someone......it worked before. That's what I did before when I was seeing someone else and didn't make a pass at me for a while. Then he recently asked me if I was still seeing someone else...I told him yes even though its not true. Then he was like"I still want you and I will wait for you" I might have to be blunt with with him.A little lie won't work Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I agree. You telling him you can't because you're seeing someone gives him hope that if you were not seeing someone, you'd go out with him. Just tell him straight out that you're not interested otherwise this thing will continue. It's absurd that you had to change gym because of this clueless stalker. I like assertive guys but this is bordering on stalker psycho behavior. Eww. That's what I did before when I was seeing someone else and didn't make a pass at me for a while. Then he recently asked me if I was still seeing someone else...I told him yes even though its not true. Then he was like"I still want you and I will wait for you" I might have to be blunt with with him.A little lie won't work 2 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 And if being blunt doesn't work - yes, go to HR. What's going on is harassment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 One of my co workers has been chasing me for a while now. We don't directly work together since we work in different departments. We ran to each other sometimes during the day in the elevators, lunch rooms etc Furthermore, he had made it clear that he likes me and wants to take me out to the movies. The first time he approached me was the basement and I kind of blew him off . Then few months later, he asked if I would like to go to the movies with him. At that time I was seeing someone else so I politely told him that I was not available. He backed off for while and would only say hi, how are you whenever I ran into him inside the work building. I also see him sometimes at the gym. However, recently he came and used a treadmill beside mine and started talking to me. He told me that he's is still interested in me , I am the only one that he wants and he will wait for me. I now feel knowing uncomfortable he's still interested in me so I now go to different location/gym to avoid him. Last time when he saw me at work, he asked if I was going to gym later that evening...I said I wasn't sure then he was like "I still want you". The thing is, I don't feel the attraction or fire works towards him . he is not bad looking but its just not there. Generally when I meet guys I am interested in, I just know it, Everything feels right. I also don't want to date co workers and there isn't an attraction for me to go for it. What should I do? Should I give him a chance?I have been single for almost a year now but I am not sure The thing is, I don't feel the attraction or fire works towards him . he is not bad looking but its just not there. Generally when I meet guys I am interested in, I just know it, Everything feels right. I also don't want to date co workers and there isn't an attraction for me to go for it. -- This answers your question. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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