mariekatie Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 (edited) Hi everyone, So basically i had an online 'relationship' with a guy for a year. I'm from Europe and he is from US. Was supposed to meet up on April (he fly down to EU) for the first time but he broke up with me before it happened. His reason was that he no longer loved me. I was in a wreck due to it and after the broke up, he went on a dating spree (something he wouldn't do before me). I was his love and girlfriend but well we didn't meet so i'm sure LS would say it's not real. So next week i am going to US for a business trip for 1 week, which happens to be next to the state that he is living in. I told him i wanted to meet him and he wants to drive 7 hours alone to where i'm at. Note that we have already broken up for 5 months and he's actively dating. Also he have been clear that he does not want to get back with me and there is no chance of reconciliation. I admit i do have feelings for him left... We are still friends though. I'm confused in why he would make such a long drive down and he will only be seeing me for A DAY and he drives back home... He said he loves me but not in the girlfriend way. I know i should move on... I'm not sure what to think or do. Any advice would be welcomed Thank you in advance! P.s We will be meeting in a public place. Edited September 2, 2015 by mariekatie Link to post Share on other sites
Empyrea Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I think I would be really curious to meet him. And I'm sure he's curious to meet you! But you should go in with no expectations as he's said he's not interested in pursuing anything romantic. You were close, so why wouldn't he drive over to meet you when you're in his country. I'd say it would be weird if he didn't at least propose it. But if you feel you're not up for it then just cancel. This situation definitely has the potential of setting you back quite a bit in your recovery. Then again, you could instead discover that you're not attracted to him in real life or that your rapport isn't that great. So it could go either way. Just don't do something you're not up for. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariekatie Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 I think I would be really curious to meet him. And I'm sure he's curious to meet you! But you should go in with no expectations as he's said he's not interested in pursuing anything romantic. You were close, so why wouldn't he drive over to meet you when you're in his country. I'd say it would be weird if he didn't at least propose it. But if you feel you're not up for it then just cancel. This situation definitely has the potential of setting you back quite a bit in your recovery. Then again, you could instead discover that you're not attracted to him in real life or that your rapport isn't that great. So it could go either way. Just don't do something you're not up for. Thanks for the advice! yes i am really curious to see him, afterall i was close to this guy for a whole year. I am not expecting to get back with him (due to the distance as well). But i'm afraid that it will set me back by alot in my recovery. I don't know how i would feel after meeting too. But i guess you're right, it could go either way. And to be honest, i was expecting him to back out on the last minute too (like what he did at april). I guess i was confused as most of my friends said it's a long drive and most wouldn't bother doing that just to see someone for a day. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Why bother? He doesn't feel the same way you do. I wouldn't totally count on him actually showing up, either. If you actually meet, it's going to be hard for you. He doesn't want to be romantically involved, so you will very likely be in for more pain. I'm sorry, I just don't see the benefit here for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Why bother? He doesn't feel the same way you do. I wouldn't totally count on him actually showing up, either. If you actually meet, it's going to be hard for you. He doesn't want to be romantically involved, so you will very likely be in for more pain. I'm sorry, I just don't see the benefit here for you. Neither do I. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Do you often go to bakeries & sit there not eating anything the day you start a diet? What you are planning is the exact same thing. You want what you can't have & you are making it harder for yourself. A guy who doesn't want to date you & who realizes that he can't handle an international LDR who is nevertheless willing to drive 7 hours to see you thinks you will be an easy lay. Since you have feelings for this guy, you will act like this is still a relationship, sleep with him & then up feeling even more hurt & used when you go back home & he continues to date women who are not you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I'm thinking it's just pure curiosity on his part and a desire to finally meet the person he supposedly was in love with at one time. I don't see this as any evil intent on his part at all. I say 'supposedly' because they've never met and it was all online, so there's a fantasy element to this no matter what anyone says. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Hey let me chime in here mariekate. Because i wasnt in a too dissimilar position. Me and girl from europe chatting for 2 months. I really liked her. Before she flew in we had stopped talking. Her interest was going down rather than up. I was in a dilema whether to travel 2 hours to london to meet her. Curiosity of course from her and me probably wanted to see each other. But also i reli liked her and had feelings for her. Well i went to see her. She looked beaitoful like she did in real life. I was nervous amd excited at the same time. She was cold. We went out to a bar and she kissed another guy in front of me. I was heartbroken and when i look back at it i should never have gone even though she insisted she wanted me to come to the bar with her and her friend 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariekatie Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 Hi everyone, thanks for the responses! Sorry for the late response, was busy preparing for my business trip. Just reached NYC, it's amazing. Yes i think it's just gonna set me back even further. Anyway problem solved, he's not coming as he is now down with a bad flu and couldn't drive... I am going to close this chapter and move on as he really wasn't worth the time and effort. He didn't even book his hotels yet so i'm guessing he was just finding excuses. What bothers me is that he couldn't even tell me the truth and kept promising that he would come. He wants to continue being friends but i'm thinking of going NC, what do you girls think? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 So basically i had an online 'relationship' with a guy for a year. I think the bit the OP left out is that she's a 40 year old woman and he's an 11 year old boy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Go NC - forever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mariekatie Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 I think the bit the OP left out is that she's a 40 year old woman and he's an 11 year old boy. Haha yes i would agree that, mindset of a 11 year old boy! By the way we are both 25 but i feel like i'm 40 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Hi everyone, thanks for the responses! Sorry for the late response, was busy preparing for my business trip. Just reached NYC, it's amazing. Yes i think it's just gonna set me back even further. Anyway problem solved, he's not coming as he is now down with a bad flu and couldn't drive... I am going to close this chapter and move on as he really wasn't worth the time and effort. He didn't even book his hotels yet so i'm guessing he was just finding excuses. What bothers me is that he couldn't even tell me the truth and kept promising that he would come. He wants to continue being friends but i'm thinking of going NC, what do you girls think? He doesn't even treat you like a friend. There's no point. That's just him trying not to feel guilty for flaking. Go NC. Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Don't waste your time on what is essentially a pen pal. NC. Link to post Share on other sites
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