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My ex boyfriend just returned and ????


natashalove

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I met him a year ago. He came all the way from Macedonia and he was close friends with my brother (who studied at a Uni in Macedonia) and he was the hottest guy I had ever encountered in my life. I have crushed on many really good looking guys but this one was the most intense one. He had beautiful smouldering brown eyes and long lashes, dark hair, sculpted cheeks, defined jawline and had this beautiful light olive skintone. He was drop dead gorgeous. And had a great shape and was pretty tall.

 

I was capitivated by him the moment I saw him. He never spoke much. He was always called the quiet and mysterious one and he let his eyes do the talking. His eyes were so expressive that you could instantly tell what he wanted or how he was feeling.

 

We had a strange connection. We never spoke much but exchanged looks a lot. And our eyes would meet very often. I was so shy in front of him that I would just stand and stare at him while he talked. I felt he liked me because he never looked at other girls the way he looked at me. But he never said it and I was so conscious that I couldnt say anything either!

 

But just a week before he was about to leave for his home country, he said he wanted something from me and that was I had to spend the entire week with him at his house. I agreed as I was extremely crazy about him and I shifted with him for the week where we had sex almost non stop for the entire week.

 

I was attached to him after all those moments but he had to leave. Even before leaving he did everything he could with me. I was really broken after he left.

 

Now I am with a guy I met 5 months ago. He is really sweet and nice and I like him as he is very funny and witty. Just when I was starting to feel good about my new relationship, my ex fling appeared two days ago and he clearly told me that he's back to take what is his and he is not going to leave me again.

 

I am at wits end. My current boyfriend is sweet and I don't know how to break it to him. And I am still attracted to my ex fling. I don't really love my boyfriend. I still think of my ex.

 

What do I do? Also please give your thoughts on my ex flame.

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I met him a year ago. He came all the way from Macedonia and he was close friends with my brother (who studied at a Uni in Macedonia) and he was the hottest guy I had ever encountered in my life. I have crushed on many really good looking guys but this one was the most intense one. He had beautiful smouldering brown eyes and long lashes, dark hair, sculpted cheeks, defined jawline and had this beautiful light olive skintone. He was drop dead gorgeous. And had a great shape and was pretty tall.

 

I was capitivated by him the moment I saw him. He never spoke much. He was always called the quiet and mysterious one and he let his eyes do the talking. His eyes were so expressive that you could instantly tell what he wanted or how he was feeling.

 

We had a strange connection. We never spoke much but exchanged looks a lot. And our eyes would meet very often. I was so shy in front of him that I would just stand and stare at him while he talked. I felt he liked me because he never looked at other girls the way he looked at me. But he never said it and I was so conscious that I couldnt say anything either!

 

But just a week before he was about to leave for his home country, he said he wanted something from me and that was I had to spend the entire week with him at his house. I agreed as I was extremely crazy about him and I shifted with him for the week where we had sex almost non stop for the entire week.

 

I was attached to him after all those moments but he had to leave. Even before leaving he did everything he could with me. I was really broken after he left.

 

Now I am with a guy I met 5 months ago. He is really sweet and nice and I like him as he is very funny and witty. Just when I was starting to feel good about my new relationship, my ex fling appeared two days ago and he clearly told me that he's back to take what is his and he is not going to leave me again.

 

I am at wits end. My current boyfriend is sweet and I don't know how to break it to him. And I am still attracted to my ex fling. I don't really love my boyfriend. I still think of my ex.

 

What do I do? Also please give your thoughts on my ex flame.

 

Sure, dump something that is, at least more of a sure thing, for some guy who left, probably didn't communicate with you afterward or at least very little, and returned months later, and is now more or less telling you he owns you -- take what is his.

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So to clarify, what is it that the old flame wants? A week-long sex romp, or a real-deal relationship?

 

You know he's capable of the week-long sex romp. Whether he's capable of a relationship is unknown right now.

 

Sometimes old flames can turn into new ones. But sometimes those wicked hot limited-term encounters are only wicked and hot because they are short term.

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Now I am with a guy I met 5 months ago. He is really sweet and nice and I like him as he is very funny and witty.

 

Please break up with your current bf, who deserves to be with someone who will appreciate him and care for him. This holds regardless whether you get back together with your fling.

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So to clarify, what is it that the old flame wants? A week-long sex romp, or a real-deal relationship?

 

You know he's capable of the week-long sex romp. Whether he's capable of a relationship is unknown right now.

 

Sometimes old flames can turn into new ones. But sometimes those wicked hot limited-term encounters are only wicked and hot because they are short term.

 

He said he wants me back and we need to get into a relationship asap.

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He said he wants me back and we need to get into a relationship asap.

 

Please forgive me, but this guy sounds like a controlling dick. Are you a trophy to him? What is this, one of those romance novels where the guy uses the girl in a very controlling way but she knows deep down inside she can change him into a sensitive, genuine person?

 

 

I feel bad for your boyfriend. He has no idea the storm that's brewing...and he didn't do a thing to deserve it.

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Wait so a guy asks you to spend a week with him at his house and you say yes and fuxk him all week?!

If i asked you to do that you would say " err no you pervert" and then go on LS and complain that guys just want sex etc etc.

You would make me feel bad but why didnt you get disgusted with this guy?

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I vote for the Macedonian. The guy you are currently seeing, you said you don't love him, so why are you together? There is no future there.

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Wait so a guy asks you to spend a week with him at his house and you say yes and fuxk him all week?!

If i asked you to do that you would say " err no you pervert" and then go on LS and complain that guys just want sex etc etc.

You would make me feel bad but why didnt you get disgusted with this guy?

 

Disgusted? Why?

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Despite what you might think or want to think... You can't get to know someone or be sure what they're thinking or feeling just because their "eyes say so". That's one of the wildest things I've heard. His eyes told you that he had a crush on you and liked you as much as you liked him? Wtf.... You have no idea what he was thinking or feeling.

 

And you had never spoken to the guy and out of the blue he says "come stay at my house for a week" and you did it? Wtf... What if he was a psychopath?

 

If you like and enjoy being his property then by all means break up with ur BF and start dating him. Doesn't seem like you'll get over him anytime soon.

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Did i do something wrong?

 

 

I wouldn't classify anything you did as "wrong".... However I'd say that you didn't think things through and were naive to going to spend a week at that guys place and having sex with him the entire time.

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A guy came into your life and wooed you into sex, then left. now he is back to

be in a relationship, huh?.. I wonder how true that is, or if he intends to use you and leave again.

 

seems like if you never got over this guy from your past, you shouldn't have gotten into a relationship. that is now a problem you are putting on your current bf, and that is not very kind of you, imo.

 

you don't seem like a very loyal girlfriend. you seem like you are immature and easily swayed by a seducer. but for all I know, your current boyfriend just doesn't show you love so you must go back to a time you felt more loved.

 

Either way, it seems like the only one who will get out of this without scars is Mr. Love'em and Leave'em.

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A guy came into your life and wooed you into sex, then left. now he is back to

be in a relationship, huh?.. I wonder how true that is, or if he intends to use you and leave again.

 

seems like if you never got over this guy from your past, you shouldn't have gotten into a relationship. that is now a problem you are putting on your current bf, and that is not very kind of you, imo.

 

you don't seem like a very loyal girlfriend. you seem like you are immature and easily swayed by a seducer. but for all I know, your current boyfriend just doesn't show you love so you must go back to a time you felt more loved.

 

Either way, it seems like the only one who will get out of this without scars is Mr. Love'em and Leave'em.

 

Mr Love'em Leave'em?? Does he love me?

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Forget the guy old flame. He just used you for sex pretty much, if he loved you he would not have left the first time. But I agree you are being an idiot for stringing this new guy along. Either forget old flame and be loyal to your new bf. Or break up with your current bf and stay single. Looks like you have a lot of deeper issues if you are this easily persuaded. If I had a good boyfriend I would not be talking to any old flames. Good boyfriends are rare to find.

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Forget the guy old flame. He just used you for sex pretty much, if he loved you he would not have left the first time. But I agree you are being an idiot for stringing this new guy along. Either forget old flame and be loyal to your new bf. Or break up with your current bf and stay single. Looks like you have a lot of deeper issues if you are this easily persuaded. If I had a good boyfriend I would not be talking to any old flames. Good boyfriends are rare to find.

 

If he used me, why did he come back? He still thought about me

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If he used me, why did he come back? He still thought about me

 

If he used me, why did he come back? -- To use you again. Don't put your trust in him, yet. If you want to try with him, sit back and observe carefully how he treats you.

 

He still thought about me -- It is likely he started thinking about you when he got on the plane to come back to the US. "Oh yeah, that one. I bet I can have sex when I get there".

 

Did this guy keep in touch with you at all while he was gone?

 

Did he tell you he came back for you specifically, or was he coming here anyway for some other purpose?

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Dear god, do your current boyfriend a favor and dump him.

He deserves a chance to be with someone who'll actually value him.

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Natasha.

 

The one person you need to think about is yourself.

 

Take it from someone a heck of a lot older who has made the mistakes and learnt her lessons.

 

Fling guy is a total prick and if you dump your boyfriend for him you will be regretting it for the rest of your life.

 

What I suggest you do is;

1. tell fling guy to hoik his pearly else where.

2. tell your boyfriend that you feel sparks are missing and you want to work on that - then do just that and forget about fling guy.

 

If the above doesn't sound all that great then go screw fling guy as well as screwing up your life and shout at us all that we don't understand and have no clue when you come back here in a total mess because fling guy has done what fling guy does and buggared off.

 

Harsh but that is what will happen.

 

You need to get into your head that fling guy was about nothing more than sex. He was disposable and treated you as such.

 

You need to get into your head that your current beau does not deserve to be treated like this. So you either knuckle down and work on your relationship with him or you up sticks and leave him free for someone who does appropriate him.

 

Your choices. Your life.

 

Oh and No - fling guys doesn't love you he just wants a handy hole to poke his penis into.

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If he used me, why did he come back? -- To use you again. Don't put your trust in him, yet. If you want to try with him, sit back and observe carefully how he treats you.

 

He still thought about me -- It is likely he started thinking about you when he got on the plane to come back to the US. "Oh yeah, that one. I bet I can have sex when I get there".

 

Did this guy keep in touch with you at all while he was gone?

 

Did he tell you he came back for you specifically, or was he coming here anyway for some other purpose?

 

He did keep in touch. And came exclusively for me, he has nothing to do here.

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He did keep in touch. And came exclusively for me, he has nothing to do here.

 

Ok, then tread lightly. I don't like that he said "take what is his". That is a glaring statement to me. Please keep in mind that in certain cultures, men view women as objects of ownership . . . and don't have the same values and respect for women that most of the rest of the world does.

 

And, don't say "well, he never treated me badly or like that when he was with me." He wouldn't. He's in Rome, he'll do as the Romans do. In other words, he would know that that view or treatment wouldn't sit well with American women . . . it's not a good selling point if you want sex or simply to be with an American woman (and, does he intend to get a permanent visa for residency in the US? Marrying an American woman would facilitate that process. Food for thought).

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Ok, then tread lightly. I don't like that he said "take what is his". That is a glaring statement to me. Please keep in mind that in certain cultures, men view women as objects of ownership . . . and don't have the same values and respect for women that most of the rest of the world does.

 

And, don't say "well, he never treated me badly or like that when he was with me." He wouldn't. He's in Rome, he'll do as the Romans do. In other words, he would know that that view or treatment wouldn't sit well with American women . . . it's not a good selling point if you want sex or simply to be with an American woman (and, does he intend to get a permanent visa for residency in the US? Marrying an American woman would facilitate that process. Food for thought).

 

He wants me to go back with him and stay with him or keep a long distance relationship which isnt acceptable to me. I can barely keep away from him if hes near me.

 

At this I dont know what to do

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This is an example of how people can read different things into a post.

 

How I read her story: The first guy does not live in her country. He was visiting, he can't stay. He is not a random guy off the street, he is her brother's good friend, and he goes/went to university. There was mutual attraction. They had a fling before he had to go, she didn't expect him to return. He did not leave her as in "dump her", he went back to his country. How much or how little sex they should or shouldn't have had, is not for me to judge.

 

And now he is back, maybe he graduated? I had the impression he was Macedonian and English not his first language and also the different culture, so what he said about reclaiming her may sound weird to us? If I read her story right (maybe I didn't?), there should be questions about visa, i.e. how long can he stay this time. And if it works out then there should be discussion about jobs and relocation. That all remains to be seen.

 

My advice is don't stay with someone you don't love. I'd rather be single but I understand people do it for companionship. OP's current relationship is only 5 months, maybe their feelings (or should I say, lack thereof) are mutual.

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I think OP's lack of consideration for her current bf is pretty callous. I also suspect that if the genders were reversed we'd be hearing a lot more outcry.

 

Ye, we all owe it to ourselves to choose the partners we will be happiest with, but we should do so while causing a minimum of harm to others.

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He wants me to go back with him and stay with him or keep a long distance relationship which isnt acceptable to me. I can barely keep away from him if hes near me.

 

At this I dont know what to do

 

The rule of thumb is if you don't know or aren't sure about what to do in a situation, the best thing to do is nothing. Stay centered and focused on your needs.

 

From what I'm getting out of your posts, you are in no position emotionally to be able to handle moving overseas and being engulfed in an entirely different culture/language. So, I would certainly advise against that.

 

You already know you couldn't deal with a long distance relationship. So that's out.

 

Don't do anything. If he cares for you THAT much, he'll move here. He already knows the American culture and language. Why would he expect you to go to such great lengths for him? Especially at this point.

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