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Unofficial long distance ?


soulseek

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I've spent the last month with this guy who lives about 10 hours away from me. We get along great, however school is starting soon and therefore opportunities to see him will greatly reduce.

 

Has anyone had any luck with long distance dating ?

Edited by soulseek
Cut to the chase!
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Disclaimer: My response was written in response to your longer post but it looks like it has been edited shorter. I'm not going to rewrite this so if it looks like I know more information, that's why.

 

If you were a laid back person I would say just go with the flow but you said you are an emotional person at times so my advice is different. Firstly I don’t think you are overthinking it at all. What you are doing is sensible. You need to think over all the factors involved, and most importantly, what you can cope with emotionally.

 

Not many people can cope with long distance relationships, for obvious reasons but in saying that it is not impossible, as long as you are realistic with your expectations and on the same page.

 

You may not have had a conversation about where this is going but his actions speak volumes when you consider the amount of time you have spent together and the plans he has made. It is essential you talk to him about what he wants, after you have decided what you want yourself. Be brutally honest with yourself, if you want to make this work then you need to tell him that.

 

Sadly there are no guarantees with love, there will always be the possibility of rejection, even by someone who lives locally. What it comes down to is how you feel about him, and whether you can cope with the distance and inconveniences that may pose. There is no shame in admitting you can’t handle it but it is worth trying to figure that out before you get more attached (although it sounds like you are both heading that way already).

 

Good luck!

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Disclaimer: My response was written in response to your longer post but it looks like it has been edited shorter. I'm not going to rewrite this so if it looks like I know more information, that's why.

 

If you were a laid back person I would say just go with the flow but you said you are an emotional person at times so my advice is different. Firstly I don’t think you are overthinking it at all. What you are doing is sensible. You need to think over all the factors involved, and most importantly, what you can cope with emotionally.

 

Not many people can cope with long distance relationships, for obvious reasons but in saying that it is not impossible, as long as you are realistic with your expectations and on the same page.

 

You may not have had a conversation about where this is going but his actions speak volumes when you consider the amount of time you have spent together and the plans he has made. It is essential you talk to him about what he wants, after you have decided what you want yourself. Be brutally honest with yourself, if you want to make this work then you need to tell him that.

 

Sadly there are no guarantees with love, there will always be the possibility of rejection, even by someone who lives locally. What it comes down to is how you feel about him, and whether you can cope with the distance and inconveniences that may pose. There is no shame in admitting you can’t handle it but it is worth trying to figure that out before you get more attached (although it sounds like you are both heading that way already).

 

Good luck!

 

I really appreciate the response. Given that it's been a month (minus 3-4 days here and there) that we literally been hanging out.. Would you say it's too soon to be asking what he thinks/ where this is going to go? Previously, I've said things about the future and he says "we will figure it out". I not sure if that's an answer to avoid answering or what.. He has mentioned that he will fly to see me, however, I'm really not down for that if our relationship is open to him sleeping/ seeing other people..

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I've spent the last month with this guy who lives about 10 hours away from me. We get along great, however school is starting soon and therefore opportunities to see him will greatly reduce.

 

Has anyone had any luck with long distance dating ?

 

In order to have a "successful" long distance relationship, both parties must be strong, emotionally secure and independent people. In addition, the foundation for the relationship must be firmly rooted by sufficient time spent together in person. The connection has to be very strong to support the time and distance between.

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"unofficially" dating long- distance is what . . . all in your head? Sorry but I don't understand the Q, please clarify your situation. In another post you said you absolutely didn't want an LDR.

 

What ever happened with your mom when he came to town.

 

As for your Q about successful LDRs in grad school my BF moved from the east coast to Southern California. We dated for another almost 2 years. At the time Northwest Airlines had a deal with American Express. Students with the card got vouchers for 2 RT tickets anywhere in the US for $99 & 2 for $119 so we were able to see each other 3x per year. We survived on daily snail mail letters 1 weekly phone call for 1 hour on Wednesday nights after 11 p.m. EST when the rates dropped. There was no internet or cell phones. The Distance did not break us up.

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"unofficially" dating long- distance is what . . . all in your head? Sorry but I don't understand the Q, please clarify your situation. In another post you said you absolutely didn't want an LDR.

 

What ever happened with your mom when he came to town.

 

As for your Q about successful LDRs in grad school my BF moved from the east coast to Southern California. We dated for another almost 2 years. At the time Northwest Airlines had a deal with American Express. Students with the card got vouchers for 2 RT tickets anywhere in the US for $99 & 2 for $119 so we were able to see each other 3x per year. We survived on daily snail mail letters 1 weekly phone call for 1 hour on Wednesday nights after 11 p.m. EST when the rates dropped. There was no internet or cell phones. The Distance did not break us up.

 

Unofficial long distance to me, basically means the future hasn't been discussed.

 

When we went on vacation, things went good. My mom ending up allowing him to stay at our house. However, I've spent a lot of time travelling with him while he works across different cities for work.. can't say my mother was happy about that, but I am working towards moving out of the house. (I should add after I left vacation, he flew me to his city for 10 days. Came home for four days, and he drove three hours from another city he was working at to pick me up for the weekend. And in one week he drives back across the country, will see me for a week, then heads back home).

 

As for me saying I didn't want to do long distance is still true. I mentioned in my previous unedited post that we were both hoping that we didn't hit it off for the exact reason. Now a full month later of a lot of adventures, it's hard to just end things. I am open to see where it goes, however struggling with understanding where the boundaries now are ....

Edited by soulseek
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I really appreciate the response. Given that it's been a month (minus 3-4 days here and there) that we literally been hanging out.. Would you say it's too soon to be asking what he thinks/ where this is going to go? Previously, I've said things about the future and he says "we will figure it out". I not sure if that's an answer to avoid answering or what.. He has mentioned that he will fly to see me, however, I'm really not down for that if our relationship is open to him sleeping/ seeing other people..

 

There is nothing wrong with asking him what he thinks and feels. After all communication is the only way this is going to work out successfully. Talking about the future and where it is going to go might be a bit much at this point though.

 

I do think it is essential that you clarify what you want right now ie: being exclusive, as soon as possible. You should always be open about those sorts of things and make sure you are on the same page. :)

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