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Is it over? :(


abby_tx

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Quick background: A guy messaged me on an OLD site. He's 27, divorced from a girl he's dated with since he was 18. We had such a great connection online and ended up exchanging many messages back and forth. He asked me out a week later. We exchanged numbers. This turned into texting in bed each night saying goodnight. Good morning in the morning. Talking this much is usually a big 'no' in my book. I made that "is he too tall?" post because that was the one negative (link below).

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/543520-shallow-realistic-he-s-2-feet-taller-than-me

 

We went on a date a week ago today. It was nice. He asked me if I want marriage and kids and where I want to live when I get married. (A little too soon to ask me, but whatever. It's nice to finally date a guy that wants these things)

 

Second date was Thursday. We did our activity and at the end of the night I went back to his place to watch a movie. We kissed for probably an hour. It didn't go further than kissing and clothes on, but it felt really wonderful and passionate. It was the kind of thing where just as I'm about to leave, he pulls me in and we kiss more. So I leave his place. There's a storm and it takes me twice as long to get home. Can barely see the roads. I was expecting a text to see if I made it home. No text. The next morning, I wait for a text to ask if I made it home or to even tell me goodmorning. Nothing. I complain to my friends who say, "JUST TEXT HIM!!!!!" So I do. I make some stupid text about how tired I am. He replies that he's not tired. Nothing more. I can already sense things are different because this guy was ALWAYS texting me prior and using smiley faces like they were going out of style. I wait a few hours and text him this story I'd heard that I thought he'd enjoy. He replies a simple text. I reply. Nothing. I think, "This is odd. I'm just not gonna text and wait for him to come to me." Well, now it's Sunday. He'd mentioned being around my area this weekend and yet he didn't get ahold of me to hang out. No goodmorning or goodnight texts for the last three days.

 

I guess it's safe to assume he's not into me? I'm really bummed out because that kiss Thursday felt like the start of something really good. To be so wrong makes me feel like an idiot. I FEEL like I'm a catch, but to be rejected (especially after two great dates) makes me feel really bad. Do I say anything to him? Just let it go and never text him again? My friends tell me I need to multidate because I focus only on one guy at a time and then get hurt. Maybe I should set up another date with someone else. :(

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ExpatInItaly

I think he's lost interest, for whatever reason. You don't need to text him again. You've already tried to initiate conversation but you're getting very little in return.

 

And I'd agree with your friends that it's a good idea to date around a bit and not focus just on one man. I'd start doing just that!

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I think he's lost interest, for whatever reason. You don't need to text him again. You've already tried to initiate conversation but you're getting very little in return.

 

And I'd agree with your friends that it's a good idea to date around a bit and not focus just on one man. I'd start doing just that!

 

After two dates and 2-3 weeks of daily chat, I think he at least owes me a 'goodbye' or something. This is a dip**** move.

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ExpatInItaly
After two dates and 2-3 weeks of daily chat, I think he at least owes me a 'goodbye' or something. This is a dip**** move.

 

I agree. Unfortunately, it's not terribly uncommon and at least you're seeing him for who he really is now.

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I'm sorry this happened to you. For future reference, don't put too much stock on things men say at the very first dates, such as that they want marriage and kids etc. There are some genuine men but also some who just say things that they think women want to hear so they can speed up getting them to bed.

 

Also, in the future, keep your dates public until you really know a man pretty well and know that he's not faking it. Don't go at their place at the second date. And don't go to their place until you're ready to go all the way and be intimate.

 

He is not the one, don't worry, someone else will come along.

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Yes. Unfortunately, he's lost interest for whatever reason. It's a bummer when you make a connection and it fizzles. But it was just a couple of dates. Try not to take it personally. Since you're getting so emotionally invested up front, I agree with your friends. Date others instead of having a laser focus on one guy from the outset.

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Under The Radar
After two dates and 2-3 weeks of daily chat, I think he at least owes me a 'goodbye' or something. This is a dip**** move.

 

I agree he should have sacked up, called you on the phone, and told you he isn't interested if that's the case.

 

Next time, protect yourself by investing far less in the form of text messages and flirting before a first meet up.

 

I know it hurts, but be thankful it was only a few weeks ...... now you can move on to find someone who will truly appreciate you.

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After two dates and 2-3 weeks of daily chat, I think he at least owes me a 'goodbye' or something. This is a dip**** move.

 

People break up how they want to break up. Getting angry serves no purpose and doesn't help you. Be thankful you got a clear message (ignoring is a clear message), rather than being strung along with a slow fade over weeks. Let this go.

 

Don't reach out.

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I agree he should have sacked up, called you on the phone, and told you he isn't interested if that's the case.

 

Next time, protect yourself by investing far less in the form of text messages and flirting before a first meet up.

 

I know it hurts, but be thankful it was only a few weeks ...... now you can move on to find someone who will truly appreciate you.

 

That's the thing. I have kept communication to an extreme minimum. To the point where if the guy isn't doing the same, I wait several hours to reply just to slow his roll. Of course I break my rule this time and it ends up hurting me.

 

But you're right. I do have to move on to find someone who will appreciate me. I know I can't take a wrong fit personally, but when you haven't found the right fit in so long, it's hard!

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But you're right. I do have to move on to find someone who will appreciate me. I know I can't take a wrong fit personally, but when you haven't found the right fit in so long, it's hard!

 

It is hard and I am sorry it happened to you. What happened to you happens to me on regular basis. I am left there after 3-4 dates wondering what the heck went wrong he was so into me. Knowing why they do this would be nice but it would not change the fact they aren't there anymore. I also try to remind myself that when I feel this great chemistry with a man it doesn't mean he is feeling it as intense as I do even if he seems really into it. Men tend to live in the moment much more than we do. They can have a very intense moment with you then once you're gone they decide you're not the right girl for them.

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Was your answer to his question, by any chance, "I hate kids"? (Nothing wrong with saying that if it's the truth.) Doesn't matter, you need a few dates to know if you're compatible. Maybe he needed to pull back cos he thought he moved too fast asking that question. Or maybe he's busy seeing other women (that's allowed at this stage). Maybe he's not over his ex. It could be anything.

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It is hard and I am sorry it happened to you. What happened to you happens to me on regular basis. I am left there after 3-4 dates wondering what the heck went wrong he was so into me. Knowing why they do this would be nice but it would not change the fact they aren't there anymore. I also try to remind myself that when I feel this great chemistry with a man it doesn't mean he is feeling it as intense as I do even if he seems really into it. Men tend to live in the moment much more than we do. They can have a very intense moment with you then once you're gone they decide you're not the right girl for them.

 

Ugh. That seems so cruel. For me, if I even make it on that first date in the first place it means I like you. It's very rare I make it on that second date, so if I do it means I think you're special. How do you have the energy to keep going after that?!

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Was your answer to his question, by any chance, "I hate kids"? (Nothing wrong with saying that if it's the truth.) Doesn't matter, you need a few dates to know if you're compatible. Maybe he needed to pull back cos he thought he moved too fast asking that question. Or maybe he's busy seeing other women (that's allowed at this stage). Maybe he's not over his ex. It could be anything.

 

I told him I wanted to get married and have kids which he does too, so I doubt it was that. The thing that irritates me is I did see some differences pop up but I was trying to be more open-minded. I feel like I should go back to being uber picky to avoid getting rejected by guys I might not have given a first date to back in the day.

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Ugh. That seems so cruel. For me, if I even make it on that first date in the first place it means I like you. It's very rare I make it on that second date, so if I do it means I think you're special. How do you have the energy to keep going after that?!

 

People ask me often how I can keep going with all the disappointments. I think it's my personality. I am very goal oriented and when I want something I don't give up. That's how I got to where I am career wise, that's how I lost 125lbs and it's with that same will power I will find myself the right man to share my life with. I'm not a quitter.

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I should go back to being uber picky to avoid getting rejected by guys I might not have given a first date to back in the day.

 

One more thing. When a man doesn't want to pursue with me I don't take it as a rejection. I am simply not the one for him. It has no incidence on how I value myself. I know what I am worth and it's not some joe blow that saw me twice that will shake my confidence.

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He lost interest or was only after sex. Not worth any more thought or energy.

 

Unless I missed something, they did not have sex. Heavy kissing for an hour, clothes on...

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Versacehottie

This goes for everyone that finds themselves in this type of situation. I wouldn't keep blaming the guys. The ones that are outright assho*es and manwh*res are in the minority of guys. So why do some girls repeatedly have success and others repeatedly don't? You can do the little tricks (playing games, waiting to call back, etc, etc) and those will work with limited success for a short while. This is really what you need to do:

 

Change your intention. Your underlying intention has to be one not as someone who has something to sell. But as someone who is a cautious buyer.

 

If you are saying HUH??? to my statement, let it sink in. Let that theme run through your dating and it will change your results.

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Versacehottie
Unless I missed something, they did not have sex. Heavy kissing for an hour, clothes on...

 

Yep. I still stand by that she shouldn't have gone over to his house. It's not the sex in itself (she didn't have it anyway) or willing to be physical. It's rolling over on her initial decision about going there. He knew she was too available for a relationship which causes guys to lose interest and scares them (it couldn't have helped bringing up kids and marriage either). Sorry if I being blunt to OP.

 

Calling these guys asshol*s and thinking something is wrong with them is not going to get you further to your goal of a relationship either. It will just turn you into a cynical manhater. Then there will be two problems to deal with: desperate and manhater combo.

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Unless I missed something, they did not have sex. Heavy kissing for an hour, clothes on...

 

I didn't suggest they did.

 

He wanted it. She didn't give it. He moved on, because that's what he was after and he wasn't gonna get it. "Ugh, she's gonna make me work for it? Not worth it. Next."

Edited by RoseVille
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This goes for everyone that finds themselves in this type of situation. I wouldn't keep blaming the guys. The ones that are outright assho*es and manwh*res are in the minority of guys. So why do some girls repeatedly have success and others repeatedly don't? You can do the little tricks (playing games, waiting to call back, etc, etc) and those will work with limited success for a short while. This is really what you need to do:

 

Change your intention. Your underlying intention has to be one not as someone who has something to sell. But as someone who is a cautious buyer.

 

If you are saying HUH??? to my statement, let it sink in. Let that theme run through your dating and it will change your results.

 

I agree and I don't think this guy is an @sshole, in fact I give him credit for NOT taking it further (sex) when he realized it wasn't the *right* situation for him.

 

I don't even think he *owes* abby an explanation, they had two dates.

 

I think she is hurt, and so naturally she's gonna the blame the guy.

 

Gaeta has the right attitude.... you rock girl!

 

abby, listen to Gaeta ...and learn to DETACH.

 

Dating will be a lot more fun that way!

 

I am sorry you feel hurt though, but hell at least he didn't chase you until he got sex, and THEN drop you ....

 

Your attitude should be ....next! He is not the right guy for me.

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Versacehottie
I agree and I don't think this guy is an @sshole, in fact I give him credit for NOT taking it further (sex) when he realized it wasn't the *right* situation for him.

 

I don't even think he *owes* abby an explanation, they had two dates.

 

I think she is hurt, and so naturally she's gonna the blame the guy.

 

 

Yep, yep.:bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny:

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I disagree. I don't necessarily think he's an *******, but I do think it's rude to disappear off the face of the earth after 3(ish) weeks of talking and two dates. A simple text like "I had a nice time, but we're not a good match" is all I need.

 

Don't be a jerk. It just feels so wrong to go from something so intimate to "I can't be bothered to say goodbye." I will admit to ignoring guys I'm not into if it's just been one date, but for anything more than that I send a very nice 'goodbye' text.

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I disagree. I don't necessarily think he's an *******, but I do think it's rude to disappear off the face of the earth after 3(ish) weeks of talking and two dates. A simple text like "I had a nice time, but we're not a good match" is all I need.

 

Don't be a jerk. It just feels so wrong to go from something so intimate to "I can't be bothered to say goodbye." I will admit to ignoring guys I'm not into if it's just been one date, but for anything more than that I send a very nice 'goodbye' text.

 

Is it your first time someone does that to you?

 

I remember being so mad the first time someone did this to me and it's normal when it's the first time we experience this we're shocked because this is something we would never do. I never once faded on a man. I gather my little courage and tell him I don't feel we were a match. I wish men had he same courtesy but fading is the norm now, it's the new dating reality.

 

I promise you next time a man fades on you it won't feel that shocking to you and when 20 of them will have faded on you you'll be like me 'meh lets see who else is out there'.

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