My BF's new apartment

[losangelena]

Guys, I'd like a little advice, please.

 

My BF put in notice at his apartment complex because they're raising his rent at the end of September. He has to be out by the 22nd.

 

Thing is, he's got like three weeks, and he has barely started LOOKING for places. I know he dreads it. He dreads moving, a potentially longer commute, packing, the uncertainty of a new place, etc. He's pessimistic about it, feels like he's not going to find anything he likes that's nearby and in his budget. Rents in this part of town are going sky high because of so-called "Silicon Beach."

 

That's all totally understandable. But what concerns me is that he's not doing anything about it. My fear is that he's going to end up living somewhere that's too expensive or that he doesn't like because he didn't do the work now, no matter how uncomfortable.

 

So my question is, is there anything I can do?

 

SIDE NOTE: don't bother asking about us moving in together. This thread is not headed in that direction. I am pretty firmly against the notion of moving in with a BF unless properly engaged, and that's not on the table here.

 

I don't want to be mothery. I don't want to look for him. I don't want to nag. I did ask in a totally non-judgey way yesterday if he wanted help looking, but didn't really get a clear answer.

 

Is there a way to be encouraging and to actually get him to be proactive without being bossy or overbearing or just doing it myself? I want to respect his process, however last-minute it is, it just concerns me.

 

I can already bet that most of you will say there isn't anything I can do. But I'm just curious. Thanks.

[BluEyeL]

Yes, I'm sorry there is nothing you should do. He's a big boy. Try very hard to ignore . Tell him to let you know if he needs any help and then just step back and let him do it .

[Gaeta]

NOPE! but you expected it.

 

How is it logical to leave an apartment that will have a raise when everything else around will ALSO be getting a raise? If he wants to pay less then he has to accept it won't be as nice.

 

Stand by and let him find his own solution. If he needs your help to search for a new place he will ask you.

[RoseVille]

Get him an account for Westside Rentals, and give him the login info.

[losangelena]

NOPE! but you expected it.

 

How is it logical to leave an apartment that will have a raise when everything else around will ALSO be getting a raise? If he wants to pay less then he has to accept it won't be as nice.

 

Stand by and let him find his own solution. If he needs your help to search for a new place he will ask you.

 

Yeah, I know. It's really just in this particular part of L.A. Other parts are not dealing with this same demographic shift. But for him it will mean a longer commute, which he does not want.

 

Between us, I think his expectations are a bit unrealistic.

 

Anyway, thanks. That's what I have been doing—standing by him—and what I will continue to do.

[losangelena]

Get him an account for Westside Rentals, and give him the login info.

 

Heh. He's got one already.

[writergal]

Losangelena,

 

If I recall from your previous threads about your boyfriend he's not the proactive type of person which has irritated you before. Tell him he's a grown adult and needs to find a new place, because he can't fall back on you to live with.

 

My guess is, he will wait until the last week to start looking for a new place, and then couch surf on yours and other friends couches until he finds a place. I hope that I am wrong.

[losangelena]

Losangelena,

 

If I recall from your previous threads about your boyfriend he's not the proactive type of person which has irritated you before. Tell him he's a grown adult and needs to find a new place, because he can't fall back on you to live with.

 

My guess is, he will wait until the last week to start looking for a new place, and then couch surf on yours and other friends couches until he finds a place. I hope that I am wrong.

 

Oh, he knows he can't live with me. I have multiple roommates, and besides I live much too far away for it to be feasible.

 

I can understand the foot-dragging; I do it too when it comes to things I don't want to do. In this situation though where a deadline is imminent, I would be using all of my spare time to look for a place.

 

My guess is he'll find something, but it'll be last-minute and he'll stress himself out over it. At this point it's not annoying, just a part of who he is.

[Versacehottie]

ooh, this is a tough one. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do except support him and/or help him when he is ready to look. I'm nervous for him too, as I am losangelenapart2 and if he ends up living too far away because he's left in until last minute, that will definitely impact the time you guys get to spend together with the traffic here. Ugh, so difficult to find a place.

 

I agree with you about not living together now. Wondering would you consider letting him be a house guest for like a month if it would help him find a westside place? That way he could find a place that's in a convenient area for his life, work and you without rushing it. I agree knowing the area and how it is now that 3 weeks is cutting it REALLY close!!!! Chances are he may have to settle for a place that isn't cheaper or is in not an ideal area for him (and thus you guys). I get your dilemma. I wish there was some way you could push him but I don't think you can as it's mothery, pushy (even if you do your best to not handle it like that) and he will probably resent it or it will cause problems for you guys. What I think you could do is query friends and acquaintances in case they know of a place or have something to rent? I think it's normal if you have a bf to help him this way and not pushy. It's the same way friends would help each other. Then if your friends have places they know of you give him the info and let him follow through.

[losangelena]

ooh, this is a tough one. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do except support him and/or help him when he is ready to look. I'm nervous for him too, as I am losangelenapart2 and if he ends up living too far away because he's left in until last minute, that will definitely impact the time you guys get to spend together with the traffic here. Ugh, so difficult to find a place.

 

I agree with you about not living together now. Wondering would you consider letting him be a house guest for like a month if it would help him find a westside place? That way he could find a place that's in a convenient area for his life, work and you without rushing it. I agree knowing the area and how it is now that 3 weeks is cutting it REALLY close!!!! Chances are he may have to settle for a place that isn't cheaper or is in not an ideal area for him (and thus you guys). I get your dilemma. I wish there was some way you could push him but I don't think you can as it's mothery, pushy (even if you do your best to not handle it like that) and he will probably resent it or it will cause problems for you guys. What I think you could do is query friends and acquaintances in case they know of a place or have something to rent? I think it's normal if you have a bf to help him this way and not pushy. It's the same way friends would help each other. Then if your friends have places they know of you give him the info and let him follow through.

 

Oh are you a local? I didn't realize that.

 

Well, he lives/works near the airport/Playa Vista. He's willing to go anywhere in the Palms/Culver/Mar Vista area, which would actually be closer for me, and so far are not AS expensive as Playa/Venice/Santa Monica. Friends have suggested that he move to the South Bay, but he doesn't want to and says that that's too far for me.

 

I live near Dodger's Stadium. I personally wouldn't mind him staying with me for a little while, but between the daily commute distance, and a complicated roommate situation, I don't think that's feasible, or something he'd want to do.

 

We have a friend who lives in Santa Monica and has a guest house. Maybe he could stay there until he finds something.

 

I personally is glad he's leaving this area. It's boring and far away from everything, so I'll really be quite glad when he's somewhere even slightly more central.

[Versacehottie]

Oh are you a local? I didn't realize that.

 

Well, he lives/works near the airport/Playa Vista. He's willing to go anywhere in the Palms/Culver/Mar Vista area, which would actually be closer for me, and so far are not AS expensive as Playa/Venice/Santa Monica. Friends have suggested that he move to the South Bay, but he doesn't want to and says that that's too far for me.

 

I live near Dodger's Stadium. I personally wouldn't mind him staying with me for a little while, but between the daily commute distance, and a complicated roommate situation, I don't think that's feasible, or something he'd want to do.

 

We have a friend who lives in Santa Monica and has a guest house. Maybe he could stay there until he finds something.

 

I personally is glad he's leaving this area. It's boring and far away from everything, so I'll really be quite glad when he's somewhere even slightly more central.

 

yeah LA is home. Well actually you could tell him your "friend" suggested korea town. Actually I have a few friends who are moving there from westside. It's affordable and there are some good places there now. It's increasing in popularity and it would even be closer to you. And it is, to my knowledge, the way it used to be easier to find an apartment in a day or two on westside, still like that in korea town. The downside, if you consider it one, is a lot of it is still a very mixed socio-economic and/or rundown area which makes it significantly different than the westside. Lots of cool places there now and central enough for all. The friends that have moved there still work on westside. The guest house idea sounds perfect even as a permanent place unless it was too little.

[Ruby Slippers]

I don't get why you're worried about how and when your boyfriend is planning his move. It's his problem and he'll solve it.

 

Incidentally, I just went apartment browsing today in a high-demand area and found the perfect place in less than 4 hours. I'm moving in next weekend. I was worried it was going to take forever, but it worked out perfectly.

[RoseVille]

I don't get why you're worried about how and when your boyfriend is planning his move. It's his problem and he'll solve it.

 

Because she cares about her boyfriend and his comfort and living situation?

 

I cannot support a move to Korea Town, however.

[Versacehottie]

Because she cares about her boyfriend and his comfort and living situation?

 

I cannot support a move to Korea Town, however.

 

LOL, good one! My friends are totally happy but I agree with you. If cost of the apartment is an issue, it's one of the last remaining areas that's not horribly far from playa or OP.

 

westside til I die.

[Gary S]

 

SIDE NOTE: don't bother asking about us moving in together. This thread is not headed in that direction. I am pretty firmly against the notion of moving in with a BF unless properly engaged, and that's not on the table here.

 

.

 

- I like that! If he wants it, he has to put a ring on it..........you go girl!

 

Not nagging is a good idea........ nagging and rejection are the two things guys hate the most. Unfortunately, some guys probably deserve to be nagged.

 

If you can, help him - with suggestions. Just back off it he does not like it. The bottom line? - do what you would do with a friend - a relationship is a friendship on fire.

 

However, some people only get going when necessary.........necessity is the mother of invention. He might wait until the last minute, and that's okay, if that's his style. Ultimately, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink - oftentimes, it has to be their own idea to act.

[losangelena]

I don't get why you're worried about how and when your boyfriend is planning his move. It's his problem and he'll solve it.

 

Incidentally, I just went apartment browsing today in a high-demand area and found the perfect place in less than 4 hours. I'm moving in next weekend. I was worried it was going to take forever, but it worked out perfectly.

 

I'm not "worried" as in I'm wringing my hands or anything. As Roseville said, I care about my BF and want him to have a good place to live that he's happy with, and I don't see him being proactive about his own situation. I don't know why I need to explain this.

 

I realize it's his problem.

 

I started this thread to get some feedback on how I can possibly be supportive without being a nag.

[losangelena]

LOL, good one! My friends are totally happy but I agree with you. If cost of the apartment is an issue, it's one of the last remaining areas that's not horribly far from playa or OP.

 

westside til I die.

 

I personally don't mind Koreatown. I live in the kind of a**-end of Silver Lake, myself so the sketchiness doesn't bother me so much; plus there are a lot of good bars and restaurants in K-Town.

 

BF is used to like a 10-minute commute right now, though. Anything more than a 20/25-minute one would probably make his head explode (he hasn't lived here long enough for the reality to settle in, lol), so K-Town would really be too far. Culver City is about his easterly limit, I'm afraid.

[Versacehottie]

All i can say (until new developments occur) is my fingers are crossed for him. I feel your pain. Unless he has a stroke of luck, it's going to be hard.

[losangelena]

It's interesting that you say "stroke of luck." We were just at a friend's house party last night, and he just moved a few months ago to a one-bedroom near the SM airport. I asked how much he paid, and he said $1600, which is great for that area. He said though that he and his then-BF had gone to look at a place in Palms that was like $2200, and way more than they wanted to spend. While they were there, the guy showing it to them was like, "I have another property that's not even listed if you want to look at that one," and that was the SM place.

 

So yes, they totally lucked out. But that's the thing—they were going out and looking, and looking at places they knew weren't good fits, because you never know who you're going to meet or what opportunities are going to come up in conversation. That is precisely what I feel like my BF is missing out on by dragging his feet and just relying on prices on websites. He'd get so much more traction if he was actually out and looking, and he's not going to have that luxury when he's down to two weeks and has found nothing.

[RoseVille]

It's interesting that you say "stroke of luck." We were just at a friend's house party last night, and he just moved a few months ago to a one-bedroom near the SM airport. I asked how much he paid, and he said $1600, which is great for that area. He said though that he and his then-BF had gone to look at a place in Palms that was like $2200, and way more than they wanted to spend. While they were there, the guy showing it to them was like, "I have another property that's not even listed if you want to look at that one," and that was the SM place.

 

So yes, they totally lucked out. But that's the thing—they were going out and looking, and looking at places they knew weren't good fits, because you never know who you're going to meet or what opportunities are going to come up in conversation. That is precisely what I feel like my BF is missing out on by dragging his feet and just relying on prices on websites. He'd get so much more traction if he was actually out and looking, and he's not going to have that luxury when he's down to two weeks and has found nothing.

 

When I did my stint in LA, my apartment came from connection. A work friend's boyfriend was the building manager. She knew it was coming up, it was ideally located, he discounted it $200/month because it was a friend-of-a-friend, and threw in free parking... deal. And that was after two months of that dang website searching. Came up quite randomly over a cafeteria lunch.

[Versacehottie]

Yes the connection thing is what will really help!!! Ps westside til I die is not a put down on east side (silverlake, Los Feliz) . Just a note to the eastside/westside rivalry that I'm guessing you're aware of. Lots of my cool friends live in your area and I've had to spend years defending westside since before silcon beach it was known as more boring. I'm presuming you know this just realized afterward if you didn't what I said would be rude?

[losangelena]

Yes the connection thing is what will really help!!! Ps westside til I die is not a put down on east side (silverlake, Los Feliz) . Just a note to the eastside/westside rivalry that I'm guessing you're aware of. Lots of my cool friends live in your area and I've had to spend years defending westside since before silcon beach it was known as more boring. I'm presuming you know this just realized afterward if you didn't what I said would be rude?

 

Haha, no worries! I have friends who are vehemently in one camp or the other, so I understand. Some of them made fun of me when I decided to date a "westsider," lol.

 

I've lived all over—West Hollywood, Venice, Beverly Hills, Culver City and now Silver Lake, so I'm pretty neutral. Not having a car though make eastside living more feasible. I'm dependent on Uber when I'm on the westside and that adds up.

[d0nnivain]

I'd take a proactive approach on your side. You do some looking OL & send him links to potential places. No nagging . . . just I saw this listing & thought you should check it out. If he goes, he goes. If he doesn't, you tried

[SoftViolin]

Sadly when someone is procrastinating, they are usually aware of that, and until they themselves realize the urgency, they will not do anything about it. Nothing you can do about it, but a character trait like that is also something to note for the future.

 

It's funny, but your post made me remember a situation with an ex years ago when he agonized over moving out from an apartment that was raising the rent and spent months not looking, but stressing out over it close to 100% of the time. At the time I was young and of the mindset that I needed to help if he was stressed, so I looked for him, sent him links, sent him friend referrals and got very little feedback in return. In the end he ended up renewing his old, and now more expensive lease, and the stressing out went from looking for an apartment to "I am now paying too much money for this one".

[menyou]

I'd take a proactive approach on your side. You do some looking OL & send him links to potential places. No nagging . . . just I saw this listing & thought you should check it out. If he goes, he goes. If he doesn't, you tried

 

This is what I'd do. I am a natural helper so I wouldn't mind doing leg work. If you are in a serious relationship with the guy id think you'd want to give input on where he resides anyway.