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She just ended without much reason


Troydama

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Hello all!

 

First time poster, and an interesting site! Hopefully I can get some advice :).

 

So, been seeing a for girl for close to 3 months (I know still early). We see each other twice a week now, became exclusive, deleted dating accounts. Planned things for a few months down the line and etc ... I'm quite traditional in the sense I pay for things and like to do things. Within reason, of course.

 

So, we're out Wednesday evening, and prior to that I knew I had to transfer some money across accounts. Now the drive to her house is an hour, and when we met, we were talking and laughing. So I forgot to do that. The bill came and I immediately knew I had to do that, but whilst getting out the car and getting my jacket on asked her to hold my wallet. Thinking she still had it, I asked she said no. Found it, forgetting I had no cash, said and paid the tip as I had change, she then paid the bill. Things became a little weird. But nothing noticable - drop her home we kissed, talked, laughed, said goodnight, she told me to text when home I did, she called the following morning. No real sign of any issue other than when asking if she wanted to go see a film friday ....

 

Thursday evening she drops the dreaded I have to get something of my chest. I knew I just knew, so asked to call, to which she tells me - She felt I was arrogant with regards to the bill, not making an effort, but I explained everything and it was a slight, I honestly had money in my savings and just simply forgot, having seen her get her card out I slightly she was ok with paying for it but she never mentioned after that it was an issue. A 1 off incident in 3 months and countless of dates that I've paid majority for, one saturday we went out and she paid for nothing. She then tells me she's "seen things as a person she cannot accept", don't ask me what because she hasn't said. She's accused me of having 3 outburts lol?!!? One I know was when we were driving in her area over 18 miles from me which I drive to and drop her home to, with no question of petrol. She was reading a SATNAV and got the directions wrong or my phone updated late and we missed the truning, but it was more of an ARRRGGGHHH blah blah no swearing and anyone in the car would've seen or heard it .... Second time was after she interruptedme 5 times it may have been a joke to her, but I didn't think so, so was like in a raised voice "can you let me talk" .. From what she's saying to me that's it, and now sh'es just dismmising everything.

 

Anyway, that is the jist of what I've got from her, wanna try and have a normal conversation, it's been a couple of days since we spoke, shall I try and call or just leave ...

 

Sorry for the long winded first post.:o

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Two Pump Chump

Seems like she either lost interest or another guy is in the picture.

 

The rest just sounds like her pulling crap out of her butt to justify one of the two above.

 

Regardless, whatever she is saying and her reasons don't really matter. Agree to the break up and let this little fish go. Don't be "that" guy that makes a girl break up and reconfirm she really did break up over and over again.

 

Being that it was only 3 months, shouldn't take very long to get over it and on a date with a new one.

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Sunshine2016
Hello all!

 

First time poster, and an interesting site! Hopefully I can get some advice :).

 

So, been seeing a for girl for close to 3 months (I know still early). We see each other twice a week now, became exclusive, deleted dating accounts. Planned things for a few months down the line and etc ... I'm quite traditional in the sense I pay for things and like to do things. Within reason, of course.

 

So, we're out Wednesday evening, and prior to that I knew I had to transfer some money across accounts. Now the drive to her house is an hour, and when we met, we were talking and laughing. So I forgot to do that. The bill came and I immediately knew I had to do that, but whilst getting out the car and getting my jacket on asked her to hold my wallet. Thinking she still had it, I asked she said no. Found it, forgetting I had no cash, said and paid the tip as I had change, she then paid the bill. Things became a little weird. But nothing noticable - drop her home we kissed, talked, laughed, said goodnight, she told me to text when home I did, she called the following morning. No real sign of any issue other than when asking if she wanted to go see a film friday ....

 

Thursday evening she drops the dreaded I have to get something of my chest. I knew I just knew, so asked to call, to which she tells me - She felt I was arrogant with regards to the bill, not making an effort, but I explained everything and it was a slight, I honestly had money in my savings and just simply forgot, having seen her get her card out I slightly she was ok with paying for it but she never mentioned after that it was an issue. A 1 off incident in 3 months and countless of dates that I've paid majority for, one saturday we went out and she paid for nothing. She then tells me she's "seen things as a person she cannot accept", don't ask me what because she hasn't said. She's accused me of having 3 outburts lol?!!? One I know was when we were driving in her area over 18 miles from me which I drive to and drop her home to, with no question of petrol. She was reading a SATNAV and got the directions wrong or my phone updated late and we missed the truning, but it was more of an ARRRGGGHHH blah blah no swearing and anyone in the car would've seen or heard it .... Second time was after she interruptedme 5 times it may have been a joke to her, but I didn't think so, so was like in a raised voice "can you let me talk" .. From what she's saying to me that's it, and now sh'es just dismmising everything.

 

Anyway, that is the jist of what I've got from her, wanna try and have a normal conversation, it's been a couple of days since we spoke, shall I try and call or just leave ...

 

Sorry for the long winded first post.:o

 

 

What's her ethnic background? I asked because traditional and gender roles are deeply entrenched in the minds of women who stem from certain cultural backgrounds. Men are required to be cover the cost of most things and to "take care of the woman".

 

That said, in spite of this and in view of the fact that you had covered the cost of most of your dates/ outings etc, and the incident described above was an exception to your normal paying habits, I really don't think your omission to pay on this ONE occasion nor the arguments cited above warrant the termination of an otherwise healthy and loving relationship or a fledging relationship.

 

Are you happy to continue footing the bills? I mean do you have a problem with assuming that traditional make role ? If you don't, then speak to her and explain the situation to her ie why you didn't pay on that occasion. Assure her that you didn't intend to be arrogant and understand her expectations. Personally, I think it was pretty extreme of her to end a relationship over something so trivial. I strongly believe in gender roles but I'm happy to contribute sometimes and to also "treat" my partner occasionally.

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ExpatInItaly

Eh, honestly I think she was losing interest and this was the perfect excuse to end it. Any girl who is really into you wouldn't have considered that a dealbreaker, in my opinion. (And yes, I'm female too)

 

Just let it go. She isn't into it anymore and was looking for reasons to end it.

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I think she just isn't really feeling it and this incident maybe pushed her over the edge to deciding to end it.

on it's own it's not an issue really.

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She was round mine on Saturday evening and wanted to stay only she couldn't and she deleted her POF account - for "us" this week. By all means she could've lost interest but I honestly think that isn't the case. Nothing dropped in calls, talking, messaging, even upon seeing each other Weds, we were "all over each other" only after the night ended it went sour ....

 

Which is what's making this weird, not gonna hound someone or chase soeone, but that is extreme if this is all it was?!

 

Thanks for your comments :)

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ExpatInItaly
She was round mine on Saturday evening and wanted to stay only she couldn't and she deleted her POF account - for "us" this week. By all means she could've lost interest but I honestly think that isn't the case. Nothing dropped in calls, talking, messaging, even upon seeing each other Weds, we were "all over each other" only after the night ended it went sour ....

 

Which is what's making this weird, not gonna hound someone or chase soeone, but that is extreme if this is all it was?!

 

Thanks for your comments :)

 

Exactly. She let you know she's no longer interested so that's that. I still think there's more to it on her end, but it doesn't really matter.

 

If the situation played out just as you described, then yes, it was an extreme reaction on her part. As a woman, I wouldn't have broken it off with a guy I was really into if that's all that happened.

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I think it was three strikes and you were out.

Angry outbursts to some women, are huge red flags.

 

She may not be used to dealing with angry men in her family and it is not something she wants to get involved in, or she has had previous experience of abuse, sees the signs and is sensitive to them.

 

YOU may not think you were that angry or annoyed, but that may not be the impression you give to to others.

She didn't like it anyway, I guess it made her feel uncomfortable with you, and she ended it, as she is entitled to do.

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I think it was three strikes and you were out.

Angry outbursts to some women, are huge red flags.

 

She may not be used to dealing with angry men in her family and it is not something she wants to get involved in, or she has had previous experience of abuse, sees the signs and is sensitive to them.

 

YOU may not think you were that angry or annoyed, but that may not be the impression you give to to others.

She didn't like it anyway, I guess it made her feel uncomfortable with you, and she ended it, as she is entitled to do.

 

I agree with Elaine. I think the anger is more likely what made her start to have doubts. Some women, whether from past experiences or not, have a very low tolerance for anger.

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Quite possibly, but the examples I gave happened over the 3 month period, not in a week or whatever. And it was a raised voice, nothing more Either way you guys could be right, but I guess I'm just trying to find answer when ultimately I may never get one. I just find it extreme and cowardly to do it over a text, and not give the real reasons, at least I'd know for next time!

 

Thanks for your comments guys, very impartial! :)

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LookAtThisPOst
don't ask me what because she hasn't said.

 

I'm taking a guess that you never asked? You would have asked. One someone gets into a conversation with me and they use the word "things" in a sentence, I usually as, "What things are you referring to?"

 

It seems some people that are dating seem to not be so desiring of asking further what they mean.

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Quite possibly, but the examples I gave happened over the 3 month period, not in a week or whatever. And it was a raised voice, nothing more Either way you guys could be right, but I guess I'm just trying to find answer when ultimately I may never get one. I just find it extreme and cowardly to do it over a text, and not give the real reasons, at least I'd know for next time!

 

Thanks for your comments guys, very impartial! :)

 

You will find, few give "real reasons". Our egos will not accept them if they do. She gave you a reason i.e. your angry outbursts but you are ignoring that, and are now still wanting "real reasons".

 

The truth is, apart from reasons that stem from real events like cheating or abuse or stealing or lying or finding someone else, most times it is just that the reasons to leave stack up higher than the reasons to stay and they then say "Thats it! I am out."

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fitnessfan365

There has to be something else going on.

 

It would be unreal if she broke up w-you because she had to pay once in three months.

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LookAtThisPOst
And it was a raised voice, nothing more

 

Funny, I know of married or just relationship couples that have raised voiced with each other on occasion. I noticed it happens moreso after 20 or so years of marriage. lol

 

She was likely finding any reason to break up with you. Most days, relationships are rather disposable, and people tend to find reasons to break up with people as opposed to working on it.

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There has to be something else going on.

It would be unreal if she broke up w-you because she had to pay once in three months.

 

Appears to be his "angry outbursts", and she's "seen things as a person she cannot accept".

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Appears to be his "angry outbursts", and she's "seen things as a person she cannot accept".

 

I'm not an angry person and an outburst to me is swearing getting volatile insisting on hearing the sound of your own voice. It was nothing like that. A heated moment of me missing a turn on a 3 way motorway, I'm a new driver hence my small reaction. And if she won't tell me what "these things are" then that's a bit unfair. I know there are 2 sides to every story and I'm giving you what has happened, she has told me nothing else so how am I to make anything out of it?! I merely would like to know what "these things" are, is that so bad?!?! What if I do them again to someone else? I've been nothing but a gentleman hence why I'm racking my brain ...

 

Anyway, probably best to just move an leave it be, she has her reasons of which she isn't prepared to say ... So what can I do.

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Anyway, probably best to just move an leave it be, she has her reasons of which she isn't prepared to say ... So what can I do.

 

Correct. Thats what you gotta do.

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She just ended without much reason

 

Once you become comfortable with that and it becomes unremarkable, life gets easier.

 

Feelings change, relationship ends. Try it yourself. It's empowering.

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I'm not an angry person and an outburst to me is swearing getting volatile insisting on hearing the sound of your own voice. It was nothing like that. A heated moment of me missing a turn on a 3 way motorway, I'm a new driver hence my small reaction. And if she won't tell me what "these things are" then that's a bit unfair. I know there are 2 sides to every story and I'm giving you what has happened, she has told me nothing else so how am I to make anything out of it?! I merely would like to know what "these things" are, is that so bad?!?! What if I do them again to someone else? I've been nothing but a gentleman hence why I'm racking my brain ...

 

Anyway, probably best to just move an leave it be, she has her reasons of which she isn't prepared to say ... So what can I do.

 

She really did tell you. Some are less comfortable with outbursts or getting heated than others. It isn’t that they’re wrong, they’re just different. I think it’s really good that she told you why, but if you think that it’s not a good enough reason for breaking up, you’re definitely not a good match.

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I honestly think it's the angry outbursts. You missed a turn and you got mad, at her or just at yourself? I hope not at her. When my bf drives he throw all kind of expletives out at other drivers and it slightly concerns me but if he was raging that would annoy me heaps.

 

You told her to " let you talk"??? That just came off really condescending,I'm not surprised she has an issue with that.

 

Overall I get the impression that u don't have a very good temper. Raising your voice at a girl you've only been dating for 3 months... You should be on ur best behaviour it's not like u been married 3 yrs.

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You have only been dating 3 months and she interrupted you 5 times? She's a nut, you are better off that she dropped you. I can see if you had been married ten years, but if she can't hold it together in the honeymoon phase, she she has screw loose.

 

When you are doing things right, the bad apples will disappear, weed themselves out, all by themselves.

 

Just because a person is beautiful and breathing does not mean they are sane.

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BlackOpsZombieGirl
Quite possibly, but the examples I gave happened over the 3 month period, not in a week or whatever. And it was a raised voice, nothing more Either way you guys could be right, but I guess I'm just trying to find answer when ultimately I may never get one. I just find it extreme and cowardly to do it over a text, and not give the real reasons, at least I'd know for next time!

 

Thanks for your comments guys, very impartial! :)

 

It was a raised voice and nothing more? What do you mean by 'nothing more'? Do you mean like, you didn't punch the dashboard, shake your fists in the air or something physical like that?

 

I DO NOT like it when a guy raises his voice...and when/if he ever does, he had better have a damn GOOD reason for doing so. I was in a verbally abusive relationship in the past; and my ex would say, "Well, I was 'only yelling'! And yelling when I'm frustrated at $hit is 'part of who I am', so just deal with it..." That was one of the final nails in the coffin of our relationship. If I can hold my temper when something angers or frustrates me, so can the guy I'm with - and if he can't, then he can go and date another woman and yell at her whenever he's angered by something.

 

Most women want a man who can keep his $hit together when an undesirable or stressful situation arises. I, personally, want a man who is calm, mature and capable of handling himself when a particularly stressful situation presents itself. If he flies off the handle and starts yelling and swearing - I'm OUTTIE. I don't need to be around someone like that.

 

Your GF told you why she broke up with you. I doubt it had anything to do with her having to pay for that ONE date when you paid for the majority of the other dates you two went on.

 

Next time, learn to keep your temper IN CHECK. And yes, even if it's "just yelling". NO ONE wants to be around someone like that. Even if you're 'the quintessential gentleman' the rest of the time, just one or a few outbursts can turn someone OFF.

 

Now, once you've been in a relationship with someone for a few years, and you go and lose your temper and yell and shake your fists (or flip the bird) at a driver who cuts you off, THAT'S different. Because if a person can keep their temper in check for the majority of the relationship, the other person can (and SHOULD be able to) forgive their significant other for being a human being and being imperfect sometimes. But in the early stages of a relationship, one should be at their best...and behave in a way that they'd want their SO to behave with regard to tempers and such.

 

Sorry things didn't work out for you, OP. Next time you're in a new relationship, try to keep your temper/outbursts in check. And not just because of them, but because it's always best to not react too angrily during any stressful situation. Being and staying calm and finding a solution or just letting the moment roll off of your back is ALWAYS better than getting upset and yelling or screaming.

 

 

 

.

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I am sorry it didn't work out too, OP. I agree with the posters above - it is never as simple as the unpaid check. Little things like that are unfortunately just an excuse for something bigger, or even for something she can't explain in words - maybe you are a great guy, and still she doesn't feel it. It's best that she left then, and that you move on. Good luck!

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Stage5Clinger

Narcissists usually make you feel you're walking on eggshells and one slip up they bounce be they feel superior to everyone. Just be glad it came out so early on and not deep into a marriage or something..

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I'm not an angry person and an outburst to me is swearing getting volatile insisting on hearing the sound of your own voice. It was nothing like that. A heated moment of me missing a turn on a 3 way motorway, I'm a new driver hence my small reaction. And if she won't tell me what "these things are" then that's a bit unfair. I know there are 2 sides to every story and I'm giving you what has happened, she has told me nothing else so how am I to make anything out of it?! I merely would like to know what "these things" are, is that so bad?!?! What if I do them again to someone else? I've been nothing but a gentleman hence why I'm racking my brain ...

 

Anyway, probably best to just move an leave it be, she has her reasons of which she isn't prepared to say ... So what can I do.

 

You need to have her explain what the issues are. Until you know it's hard to explain what's going on.

 

It doesn't sound like she lost interest....it sems something was triggered in the last date.

 

Unsure how old you guys are...it's possible she having to pay may have trigger some issues from prior relationships that are peeves of hers.

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