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Too soon to go to the guy's house?


abby_tx

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So my second date is coming up with a guy I meet online and I'm wondering if it's too soon to go to his house. Our first date was dinner and drinks and usually I don't kiss on the first date because the comfort level isn't there, but things really felt good with this guy. We'd talked so much prior to meeting that I felt okay doing so.

 

Are there any unspoken rules about this kind of thing? I don't want to move too fast, but at the same time having complete privacy and cuddling sounds pretty amazing. Much more amazing than a loud restaurant or bar.

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I guess I should mentioned the fact that I haven't had sex in a year so if I DO go over to his house, I might not have the willpower I'd have otherwise. That may help you answer this question. :D

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Since you met him for dinner already and have a good idea of what he's all about, it's okay........the number one rule is to go by your intuition.

 

You would not want to meet someone at their home on a first date because you are not able to form a good impression until you have met face-to-face.

 

Edit: try to wait at least three dates for sex.......maybe you should not go to his house, lol

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Versacehottie
So my second date is coming up with a guy I meet online and I'm wondering if it's too soon to go to his house. Our first date was dinner and drinks and usually I don't kiss on the first date because the comfort level isn't there, but things really felt good with this guy. We'd talked so much prior to meeting that I felt okay doing so.

 

Are there any unspoken rules about this kind of thing? I don't want to move too fast, but at the same time having complete privacy and cuddling sounds pretty amazing. Much more amazing than a loud restaurant or bar.

 

No there are no unspoken rules. I would say if you don't want to move too fast then going to his house would not send that message. If you are wavering about sex/not having sex there at his place if it gets too heated, you will feel like a tease. I would err on side of getting to know him better elsewhere first. Why the rush? Especially if you like him and can see this turning into something special. Don't you really want to get to know what his intentions are about this. Not through his words. Through his actions. No judgement. I'm just trying to help you make this come out good for you. It's great to be excited about someone but if it is too easy for them so many people, get excitement misconstrued with desperation. I know several relationships that have worked out when people slept together 1st or 2nd date, but many more that haven't. It's not just the sex. It's the build up, which is what you do normally on dates between 1 and when you do sleep with him that helps you bond.

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If you screw him on the second date don't be surprised if he doesn't ask you out a 3rd time. I mean, he might but your chances decrease exponentially.

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I don't think there's any rules to dating or when you have sex the first time. I've always heard that the average amount of dates before sex is 3-4. In my dating post divorce over a period of years, I'd say 3 dates was my average with plenty of first date sex as well. One of the first night sex gals I dated for over a year too.

 

 

I agree that there shouldn't be a rush to have sex either. If you go to his house, it all likelihood, you going to be rocking on his bed that night. :) So, it's your choice if you want to do that or consider have a second date so you have another opportunity to get to know him better before it leads to sex.

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MixedUpChick
Much more amazing than a loud restaurant or bar.

 

There are plenty of other date activities you can do that don't involve loud restaurants or bars. Why don't you do one of those instead of tempting yourself (unless you know you won't regret it if/when you don't hear from him again).

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I'm made of some pretty strong and resilient stuff, OP...

 

...and I wouldn't go to his place for a "second date", after meeting him in a public place for the first "date".

 

 

 

Do with that, what you will...and, best of luck to you...

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mystikmind2005

I don't really know what a third or 4th or fifth date sex will prove compared to second date sex?

 

There is one advantage to second date sex tho - you can find out sooner if he is just using you and be on your way, whereas the longer you leave it, the more attached you get and the larger is the disappointment.

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abby_tx,

The very fact that you are asking the question here says that you're unsure, so don't do it.

 

There are plenty of other activities you can do that don't involve loud bars, picnic in the park, bowling, museum, art gallery, movies, etc , etc, so I'd stick to those for the moment.:)

 

Good luck x

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I don't really know what a third or 4th or fifth date sex will prove compared to second date sex?

 

There is one advantage to second date sex tho - you can find out sooner if he is just using you and be on your way, whereas the longer you leave it, the more attached you get and the larger is the disappointment.

 

 

There's a lot of truth to this post. What if you find out he rocks a very small penis and pops after two or three pumps? What if he's horrific in bed or has ED? At date 2, you won't have anything invested and vanishing from his life will be that much easier. :)

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mystikmind2005
There's a lot of truth to this post. What if you find out he rocks a very small penis and pops after two or three pumps? What if he's horrific in bed or has ED? At date 2, you won't have anything invested and vanishing from his life will be that much easier. :)

 

Not quite what i meant but yes, even superficial things can slowly gnaw away at a relationship and eventually bring it down even though you originally thought you, your relationship and your higher principles were far bigger than that.

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Going to someone's house usually is translated as sex.

 

If you don't want sex, just tell him in advance. Else he may interpret going to his place as leading him on.

 

I remember I had a guy over my place on the first date once. I didn't want to have sex with him, he didn't push it, but clearly it was a deal breaker for him, because he turned from hot to lukewarm afterwards, and faded soon after.

 

 

So my second date is coming up with a guy I meet online and I'm wondering if it's too soon to go to his house. Our first date was dinner and drinks and usually I don't kiss on the first date because the comfort level isn't there, but things really felt good with this guy. We'd talked so much prior to meeting that I felt okay doing so.

 

Are there any unspoken rules about this kind of thing? I don't want to move too fast, but at the same time having complete privacy and cuddling sounds pretty amazing. Much more amazing than a loud restaurant or bar.

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I don't think this is true. If he's a player, he'll leave her anyway after having sex, being on date 2 or date 10. If he's relationship-oriented, also the exact time of the first sex will not change the things.

 

If you screw him on the second date don't be surprised if he doesn't ask you out a 3rd time. I mean, he might but your chances decrease exponentially.
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Oh boy been there done that. His house = sex 99% of the time. Mine also said we will just cuddle. LOL yea right. I went out with someone and the first date was dinner and watching a baseball game. Second date he asked me to his house for dinner. I like you hadn't had sex in awhile and ended up staying with him that night. Our "relationship" became a FWB, with him having no intentions of a relationship with me so after 4 months it ended with him going dark on me. I was starting to fall for him, and he wasn't into that and wanted a FWB. He is in a relationship now though.

 

I sometimes think if I didn't sleep with him on the 2nd date things might of been different for us, but it makes no difference now.

 

I say don't do it. Go out and get to know him better before going to his house.

 

.

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Oh boy been there done that. His house = sex 99% of the time. Mine also said we will just cuddle. LOL yea right.

 

Only if both of you are on board. I've had many early dates at my place or hers that didn't end up in bed. I don't think you need to pre-warn him, just don't allow it to go that far. But... if you have doubts about your own restraint and are sure you don't want to sleep with him yet, avoiding the opportunity may be more reliable than trying to keep your knees together.

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If you want to have sex with him, then not too soon.

If you don't want to have sex with him yet, then too soon.

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Versacehottie
I don't think this is true. If he's a player, he'll leave her anyway after having sex, being on date 2 or date 10. If he's relationship-oriented, also the exact time of the first sex will not change the things.

 

Really? No-Go, I love you but don't agree at all. Your statement presumes guys are either one or the other going into the dating period (Player or 100% Looking for Relationship). I think men (and most women too) are in the middle-ish, gray area. Wanting a relationship if it seems right to them. So they accumulate information along the dates that help them come to that conclusion: is this the right girl (or guy) for me to want a relationship with.

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If you screw him on the second date don't be surprised if he doesn't ask you out a 3rd time. I mean, he might but your chances decrease exponentially.

 

Well, if the guy KNOWS sleeping with her on date two is gonna kill his attraction, then maybe he doesn't need to invite her to his house so soon.

 

Remember, ladiez, men are setting you up to fail (/sarcasm).

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OP, what do you WANT to do?

 

Doing a house-bound date so soon usually does translate to "let's have sex." Do you WANT to have sex with this guy already? Are you ready to do so and then have him potentially drop out on you? Because that could happen. If you're OK with that and want to, then do so. Your eyes are open.

 

If you'd like to hold off on the sex for now, then yes, suggest a different venue.

 

I've had this go both ways. Holding off on a guy who only wants sex will get rid of them (good), but the opposite can happen, too. I was with a guy once who, on our second date, he invited me back to his place and swore up and down beforehand he didn't expect me to have sex with him yet. Granted, we'd started the date outside the house, and after a while he wanted to go back. Well true to his word, we went to his place, made out for a bit, got semi-nude, and then after a while we put our clothes back on and he took me back home. He didn't try and pull any kind of bait and switch. We ended up dating for a bit.

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As long as you are doing it for the right reasons. Be mindful of that.

 

You're female, you can get laid any time you want. You gotta look at your character, morals and integrity to find the answer. Today there's so much sex going on the public conscious has lowered the bar on what's acceptable deeper than the Titanic. Kinda sad.

 

Personally, I can go without sex. I went so long one time dating this beautiful woman, she called me at 2:30 AM one night crying over the phone to have sex with her. lol :lmao:

 

Sex is the easiest part of the relationship with a person (usually). It's the emotional part everyone has troubles with. Also, sex isn't the foundation of a strong relationship. Yeah, many will disagree, but it's only one part of a whole. A relationship built on Sex or codependence is gonna fail.

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I met my ex through OLD and our first meet-up was at a Starbucks. Within 10 minutes we took a drive (in his car) and he took me to his place. Had our first kiss in his bedroom a few hours later (he was playing me some songs on his guitar). I went back later that night to his house and watched a movie (nothing past second base lol). It really depends on YOUR comfort level and what kind of vibe you get. Listen to your gut.

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