Jump to content

I should decide this evening..


High Voltage

Recommended Posts

High Voltage

.. to freeze things out or just try to get things back to normal.

 

So, i met a girl i have been speaking to for 10 days online.

 

The date was fantastic unlike i was thinking it was going to be. since the beginning the feeling and the electricity were there, hugged each other and quickly the virtuality was broken easily. never felt comfortable with a girl i met online like i was with her the other day..

 

after a very quick chat, she took my hand, was smiling all the time was enjoying listening to me, and we were touching each other from time to time... Actually, i didn't expected things were going to be good like that.

 

During our conversation, she told me that she was upset about her dad bringing some friend she does not know to her house and this thing was pissing her off. told her that it's OK but she replied that No, it's not and that her dad never did that before.. well i was like "Ok maybe it's just not important.."

 

After a nice date, we hugged each other and she took the train.

 

To be honest when i left the train station, i was satisfied about my "performance" and said to my self that i nailed this date!

 

I went after to buy some shoes, called her when i arrived there to help me choose but she was taking a shower, called her after and we started to talk and asked her how was the date, she replied " Good good!" and then she told me she was still upset about her dad and asked her to forget about it and then she gave an aggressive reply telling me that "i was making things worse and what i said is not going to fix things" i said "Ok ok", we talked for one minute and she said we call each other after bye! when i was getting ready to sleep, she called me but she was too silent ( still upset ). She is the kind of girls who speaks too slowly and often silent, but the other night she was more silent, i asked her if she is still mad at her dad and said Yes..well the girl was too silent, "i told her i dont know how i can help..never seen you in such situations and i don't know if talking about this will help", so we better talk about something else, she said "yes.." we were silent for some seconds and then i told her that i don't know how to react in such situations.. we talked for fews seconds and she said good night.

 

The next morning, texted her wishing her good luck for a conference call she was going to have, the evening she sent a message on WhatsApp telling me that it was postponed and the she was at home, after seeing her message replied back to..quick chat, big lines:

 

Me "How are things ? Better?"

Her : "No.."

Me: "i Hope they will get better"

 

After.. i went to sleep since we were silent with no messages after.

 

Today, no sign.

 

So now, i'm thinking of disappearing and freeze things out since i think i was too involved and i believe i ended up dominated since i was too comfortable with her the other day when we met.

 

The strange thing is that the other day, we felt so conformable and i was feeling the electricity and the feeling were there..

 

Any ideas ? is it a good idea to disappear completely from the ring or should i call her now and talk to her ?

 

Thank you for reading. : )

Link to post
Share on other sites

You had one date with this woman & you are ready to "freeze her out" because she hasn't responded to you today. Geesh. Pressure much?

 

Calm down. People have lives. You are not a priority to her yet, nor should you be. Give her at least a week to respond.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You had a date, after the date you called her, she was in the shower, so you called her AGAIN to ask about how the date was?

 

Way too much too soon, very insecure with the questions about how the date was, you're extremely needy/clingy and it shows, nothing will push a girl away faster than a guy who acts as you do.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
High Voltage
You had a date, after the date you called her, she was in the shower, so you called her AGAIN to ask about how the date was?

 

Way too much too soon, very insecure with the questions about how the date was, you're extremely needy/clingy and it shows, nothing will push a girl away faster than a guy who acts as you do.

 

Man believe me, i had not the attention to be a needy guy.. i know the effects of being so. But after that date, i thought things were good and everything went so well that a continuation for this will be..

 

Didnt ask because i was insecure.. asked a random question just to create the conversation, didnt give her the impression i was being insecure.

 

I hope this silence is not the result of that question, i really hope so..

 

What option left for guys now ? did i really mess things up ? I was trying to be normal, honest, ME.. with her.

 

Thank you..

Link to post
Share on other sites

Did you want another date with her? If so, you should have asked her that rather than ask how the date you already had was for her! That's pretty lame.

 

As for her business with her dad, sounds like she laid a lot on you and expected empathy, at least. If nothing else, let her vent. But asking her to forget about it? Probably not a good move.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Telling a women how to feel about something is a kiss of death.

 

Gauging how to respond to a tenuous topic is an artform. Doesnt matter how trivial the issue may seem to your rational mind. It's important to her...

 

In your situation I would say the ball is mostly in her field. If you like her you can attempt to schedule a 2nd date. Should be easy to tell where you stand based on her response.

 

 

Good luck

Link to post
Share on other sites
What option left for guys now ? did i really mess things up ? I was trying to be normal, honest, ME.. with her.

..

 

You didn't mess anything up yet. Just be patient.

 

FWIW, I was a bit off put by you calling her about shoes. What kind of a person needs a relative stranger's opinion? If for some reason you had gone shoe shopping together I could see saying What do you think? but not calling

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Man believe me, i had not the attention to be a needy guy.. i know the effects of being so. But after that date, i thought things were good and everything went so well that a continuation for this will be.. .

 

Would be what?

 

It went well, let her be for a while, let her think about how great a time she had with you without you calling her.. twice, the same day.

 

Chill out, slow down, sit on your hands, don't give in to the urge to call so much. Going forward hopefully you won't make the same mistake.

 

With this one.. give her a few days to get back to you then reach out with a phone call, not a text.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Signs of desperation, neediness, and clinginess = run for the hills. Hopefully she gets back to you bud, but you're way too invested in this girl already, and you've done a lot of things to create a sour impression...there's a good chance you killed it and chased her away, but hopefully not...only time will tell - at least it was only one date, so it should be super easy to move on...

Link to post
Share on other sites

She is a Debbie downer. You had one date and she talks about how pissed she is about her dad...like really? Who wants to be with someone who grumbles about their problems, especially to someone they are suppose to be trying to attract. So not appropriate. She has no filter, and is high maintenance.....frickin run for the hills! She's a title wave of negativity!

Link to post
Share on other sites
She is a Debbie downer. You had one date and she talks about how pissed she is about her dad...like really? Who wants to be with someone who grumbles about their problems, especially to someone they are suppose to be trying to attract. So not appropriate. She has no filter, and is high maintenance.....frickin run for the hills! She's a title wave of negativity!

 

Maybe she felt comfortable with him and she was looking for support, it was just a matter of timing, her dad did something really screwed up and she thought this was a guy she could confide in, unfortunately he really didn't have any answers if anything he tried to downplay her feelings about it which was a big strike in of itself.

 

Too soon, way too soon to tell if she's always like this or it was just a matter of circumstance.

 

Although I'll agree with you that it's not really the best way to get into a first date but the Op sure didn't mind.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
High Voltage

Update:

Hey everyone, thanks for your replies.

 

After 2 days of disappearing, she wrote a message yesterday on WhatsApp :

Her : "I wanted to see you today, but been busy at work"

Me : 'It's ok, next time then. Hows work ?'

 

We had after a normal conversation, asked her how were things at her place and said that their parents are leaving tomorrow, after that very normal conversation.. I wished her good night at the end and went to sleep.

 

Whats next now ? I want to see her today after work but i should meet a friend of mine ( we already fixed the plan me and him )

 

Should i write her a texto today / call her ? / or just continue with this rythm ?

 

Thank you in advance. : )

Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree she's such a bummer laying out her problems and expecting you to have some kind sympathy and its not even about anything major to muster sympathy up for unless i read wrong shes just upset her dad brought someone to her house? I don't get how you're supposed to care about that, but yeah downplaying her feelings is a bad move.

 

But also I too think your needy calling to ask about shoes ? you're not in a relationship yet where you need to get her opinion on what you buy.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

don't cancel your plans for her. meet your friend today and tomorrow you can text her and try to make a proper second date suggesting a day and see how she will respond.

I would probably sound a bit shallow but I dont understand why people invest so much in a person that only met once. Why dont you date other people in the meantime? you would sound less eager and probably look more appealing at her eyes because you wont be available for her at all the time. I am not saying to play the hard to get but this girl is a stranger for you and vice versa plus i dont understand why she should expect sympathy from you for a personal situation when you barely know her. take it easy stop analyzing too much and go with the flow! :)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
High Voltage

 

But also I too think your needy calling to ask about shoes ? you're not in a relationship yet where you need to get her opinion on what you buy.

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

I'm conscious now that was a bad move.

 

Any ideas how to proceed now after the update posted ? : )

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
High Voltage
don't cancel your plans for her. meet your friend today and tomorrow you can text her and try to make a proper second date suggesting a day and see how she will respond.

I would probably sound a bit shallow but I dont understand why people invest so much in a person that only met once. Why dont you date other people in the meantime? you would sound less eager and probably look more appealing at her eyes because you wont be available for her at all the time. I am not saying to play the hard to get but this girl is a stranger for you and vice versa plus i dont understand why she should expect sympathy from you for a personal situation when you barely know her. take it easy stop analyzing too much and go with the flow! :)

 

Thank you a lot for your nice message. I agree i'm investing too much time in this situation and too much mental effort.. Yesterday i was thinking about that when i was at café waiting for a friend.. i was wondering if i was too much implied in this situation and giving too much importance that i have been dominated.. I think it's just a fear of rejection mixed with a desire of being with her.. Disappearing for 2 days without giving a sign was a good idea.. this move gave me some time to think about it and i came up with the conclusion that i was too much investing and i had to back up.. and the result was that she came back writing me.. To be honest, i valid your opinions, she's some one "spoilt" ( dont know if it's the right traduction from Frensh ) and acting like a baby ( her rythm of talking, expressions, etc..) but i'm still attracted to her...

 

There are other girls around but something about this girl makes me having more interest..maybe it's just the fear of losing the game or maybe i like her being different from others.. time will tell

 

Thank you a lot again for your reply and your time..

 

I should think about how to proceed with her now.. any ideas ? : )

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Thank you a lot for your nice message. I agree i'm investing too much time in this situation and too much mental effort.. Yesterday i was thinking about that when i was at café waiting for a friend.. i was wondering if i was too much implied in this situation and giving too much importance that i have been dominated.. I think it's just a fear of rejection mixed with a desire of being with her.. Disappearing for 2 days without giving a sign was a good idea.. this move gave me some time to think about it and i came up with the conclusion that i was too much investing and i had to back up.. and the result was that she came back writing me.. To be honest, i valid your opinions, she's some one "spoilt" ( dont know if it's the right traduction from Frensh ) and acting like a baby ( her rythm of talking, expressions, etc..) but i'm still attracted to her...

 

There are other girls around but something about this girl makes me having more interest..maybe it's just the fear of losing the game or maybe i like her being different from others.. time will tell

 

Thank you a lot again for your reply and your time..

 

I should think about how to proceed with her now.. any ideas ? : )

 

i know how you feel. it is easy in paper but so hard to put it in action but you need to try.

I should suggest you to go back online and start chatting with other people first of all. she is not your GF hence you can still do whatever you want. plus this will distract you mentally from the situation with her.

 

then tomorrow.. or maybe you can wait until the week end passes send a text message with a proper plan. like going out for a drink/dinner/movie ect for a certain day and see what she tells you. if she flake you then au revoir!!

if someone is not excited to see you especially in the beginning means that they are not so into you so why waste your time with them? :)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
High Voltage

Update:

 

Sorry but i think i had to post this before taking some wrong moves.

 

Resume : Met a girl, nice date, some wrong moves and being in some sort a needy by calling her just after, a boring strange conversation on phone about her problems with her dad / her being silent.. good night / good night. The day after very short conversation after a texto i sent the morning wishing her good luck for the conf call. i then decided to disappear and back up and it worked : she texted me after two days telling me that she wanted to see me but she has been busy with her work, the evening normal conversation..

 

Today No sign and this evening i'm wondering whether i should call her talk to her or just wait she initiates again.

 

Sorry guys if i keep bothering with you this but i think this is a very important part of the game and i don't wanna make some bad moves or give the impression i'm a desperate needy guy.

 

Should i call or wait again ? for people suggesting me to talk to other meanwhile, i'm doing so, i just don't want to lose that game with this one..

 

Thanks

Link to post
Share on other sites

Call her now and ask her for a date for tomorrow night. if she gives you excuses or take a million years to even answer your call, get out while you can.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know how the conversation about her Dad came about but it sounds like she was telling you something that was pretty important to her. You didn't know how to react (and quite frankly didn't sound all that interested) and so you pretty much shut her down. Since then, she has been wary of you and conversations have been strained. It sounds like you are not the kind of guy who she can share things with. It might be that it was too soon for her to bring any problems into the arena but if as a woman you are looking for emotional and physical intimacy, then being able to talk to the guy about something bothering you matters.

 

She may have brought this up too soon. Regardless, it's a big deal to her and you couldn't deal with it. It may benefit you to become more emotionally aware but if you don't want to get involved in anything like that, then this girl is not the one for you. Most women will want to share emotionally though, so maybe there is something to learn from this experience.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...