Jump to content

I completely give up.


cessna

Recommended Posts

I have had enough with trying to find a woman for a while now but tonight is the night that I finally give up for good.

 

I can't be bothered to deal with the endless flakey girls, the endless ghosting and the endless games.

 

I just don't care anymore. I'm not bothered about marriage and having kids so at least I don't have that too worry about. It just seems that dating in this day and age had become such a chore, nothing about it is even remotely enjoyable.

 

I can't think of one girl since I've been single that hasn't given me the run around. Who hasn't made me chase and who, eventually, hasn't ended up ignoring me and vanishing off the face of the earth.

 

The idea of love just seems like such a waste of time to me now. I just want to concentrate on doing stuff that I enjoy from this point on.

 

Rant over.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
I just want to concentrate on doing stuff that I enjoy from this point on.

 

Good idea!

 

If a woman happens to come into your life who is worth taking a chance on, great.

 

If not, you are living a life you enjoy.

 

There's no reason to make yourself miserable just to try to force something to work.

  • Like 7
Link to post
Share on other sites

Taking time for yourself & doing what will enable you to enjoy life is the best course.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
ChicagoSparty

Be happy on your own first. Then finding a girl to be happy with is easier. And if that doesn't happen, it won't matter...you'll be fine on your own.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Exactly my thinking. I'm not saying it won't ever happen. I'm just saying that I give up trying.

 

There's more important things to life than a relationship.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
ChicagoSparty

There is something to be said for letting go of desire. Something about, if you tightly grip a handful of sand, it will slip through your fingers.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
UltimaWeapon
I have had enough with trying to find a woman for a while now but tonight is the night that I finally give up for good.

 

I can't be bothered to deal with the endless flakey girls, the endless ghosting and the endless games.

 

I just don't care anymore. I'm not bothered about marriage and having kids so at least I don't have that too worry about. It just seems that dating in this day and age had become such a chore, nothing about it is even remotely enjoyable.

 

I can't think of one girl since I've been single that hasn't given me the run around. Who hasn't made me chase and who, eventually, hasn't ended up ignoring me and vanishing off the face of the earth.

 

The idea of love just seems like such a waste of time to me now. I just want to concentrate on doing stuff that I enjoy from this point on.

 

Rant over.

 

 

This is exactly how I feel after my most recent situation lolol..you hit the nail on the head. I just can't be bothered anymore.

 

I think it also has to deal with the age of the woman you are going for

 

I am 24 and I am dealing with girls in their young 20's....you cant expect them to be serious or anything at this point..

 

I was in a 4.5 year relationship at one point too so I have seen both sides- being in a Long term relationship- and being single for a while...

 

Both have their pro's and con's but since that relationship ended- all the girls I have associated with, started seeing, or was with have just played games, push - pull tactics, they want you than they don't, they play games, they lead you on

 

I can't take it anymore man

Link to post
Share on other sites

Life is very enjoyable with that mentality.

 

No need to pressure yourself into finding a significant other or worse yet base your happiness around it. Just let things happen organically. You may even find people are more attracted to you when you are free from the crippling burden of expectation.

 

Cheers!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I have had enough with trying to find a woman for a while now but tonight is the night that I finally give up for good.

 

I can't be bothered to deal with the endless flakey girls, the endless ghosting and the endless games.

 

I just don't care anymore. I'm not bothered about marriage and having kids so at least I don't have that too worry about. It just seems that dating in this day and age had become such a chore, nothing about it is even remotely enjoyable.

 

I can't think of one girl since I've been single that hasn't given me the run around. Who hasn't made me chase and who, eventually, hasn't ended up ignoring me and vanishing off the face of the earth.

 

The idea of love just seems like such a waste of time to me now. I just want to concentrate on doing stuff that I enjoy from this point on.

 

Rant over.

 

I agree man. Coming from an abrupt end of my 7 year relationship, and the surroundings being way different than the last time I dated girls, everything seems very alien to me.

 

I work 8 hours a day and travel 2 hours a day. I don't want to also have to go to a bar for 4 more hours just to 'find' someone, who is probably shallow anyway cause guess what! They are in a bar to party, not to find a committed relationship.

 

I join a dating site that takes into account how serious you are about relationships. Take one advice from me. NEVER GO ON A DATING SITE AS A MALE. It's like playing soccer solo, uphill vs a team of 11 with your goal being twice as big. Females get 1000 messages without even touching the website. They can wear a hat that covers 75% of their face, and people will still talk to them. Males have to carefully craft 5 sharp recent photos, come up with a story that is not too clingy, and not too uninterested, tailored especially for her and SHE WILL NOT RESPOND. So you have to move on and do all this ALL OVER AGAIN.

 

Learn from this. Stay alone and enjoy it. Do whatever the hell you want. Take no prisoners. If I learnt anything from this, is that the only one I can trust is me and that I should not be dealing with this ****.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

If you're a young-un, nice rant but you'll be back in the game before you can spit.

 

 

Come back to me in five or ten years and state you 'completely give up' and have the stats to back it up. Then I'll start to believe. For now, yeah I get it; it's frustrating and the battle between reproductive urges and abject failures is getting on your last nerve. BTDT, many times. Things work out. The vast majority of people, even outliers like myself, go on to have at least some healthy and/or satisfying relationships at some point in their life. Your time will come. For now, rant away. It's good for the soul.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Chéri: Nothing is easy in life and that includes finding love. No one built relationships, career, personal accomplishments, on *I give up*

 

If you want something you have to work for it no matter the obstacles. There is no universe law that will drop a mate on your lap just cause you deserve it.

 

To those who say just live your life and if you don't meet anyone well at least you'll be happy. To those I say 'meh...'. Yes for a while but we all need to love and be loved in return. Makes me role my eyes when I hear that because I've just had 11 years of sleeping alone, showing at every event on my own, going home to an empty house, having no special one to call when I need comfort. It sucks and no amount of money, security, friends and bling bling can replace having someone to love and be loved in return.

 

So dust yourself, take a deep breath and carry on with your search. No one will do it for you.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Good call cessna.

 

Letting Go of Attachment to Outcomes

 

Practice letting things be. That doesn’t mean you can’t actively work to create a different tomorrow. It just means you make peace with the moment as it is, without worrying that something’s wrong with you or your life, and then operate from a place of acceptance.

 

 

Question your attachment.If you’re attached to a specific outcome—a dream job, the perfect relationship—you may be indulging an illusion about some day when everything will be lined up for happiness. No moment will ever be worthier of your joy than now because that’s all there ever is.

 

 

Release the need to know. Life entails uncertainty, no matter how strong your intention. Obsessing about tomorrow wastes your life because there will always be a tomorrow on the horizon. There are no guarantees about how it will play out. Just know it hinges on how well you live today.

 

 

 

In other words, cessna, stop your searching. It's a futile waste of energy. Live in the present, be happy in the present. When you stop being attached to the outcome (like having a relationship)...you will find that the very thing you've been searching for (and not obtaining) will present itself to you in abundance!!

 

It's funny how that works...but if you believe it...it will become true for you. Law of positivity and law of detachment among other spiritual laws of success.

 

--Deepak Chopra

 

Good luck!

Edited by katiegrl
Link to post
Share on other sites
When you stop being attached to the outcome (like having a relationship)...you will find that the very thing you've been searching for (and not obtaining) will present itself to you in abundance!!
This is a kind thought, katie, but things don't always work that way. He may not have relationship for many years.

 

Funny that you made this thread today, cessna. I was going through/thinking the exact same thing. Recently I had been trying online dating after a breakup, to no avail. Today I happened to google how online dating is for men, and many to all of them reported having sent hundreds of messages - well-crafted, personal messages to women - only to be ignored.

 

These guys are good-looking, have good careers - good, solid dudes on paper. Yet they were running in to the same thing I am.

 

Oh, I know, some Lothario is going to jump on here saying how he has major success on OLD, and our profiles must just suck or something. Come at me bro. You're probably like that loveweary guy or something.

 

Anyway. I was going through all my failed relationships since being a teenager. All of them women who left me. And I have been nothing but a good, supportive, fun BF to all of them my whole life. And I made a decision today.

 

I'm done. I give up. All this suffering in the name of love, since I was a teenager. And each time, I swore I'd never date again. I lost my faith in love. Then regained it again when another girl came along. Only to lose it again when I was dumped.

 

Same guy is going to say at this point - "bro. Who's the common denominator in all this? YOU." I get it. The other common denominator is the modern young woman, swinging from branches, claiming she wants commitment, until she gets bored.

 

I don't want to love any more. I have made peace with the fact that that means no sex. I'm really, really tired of being hurt. I know this is a bit beyond your thread here about dating, but it totally spoke to me.

 

So, barring some amazing Meet Cute in life, I'm hanging up my junk, and my heart now. The latter has given me nothing but pain since a very early age.

 

OD

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
fitnessfan365

In my experience, the longer you talk with a woman before meeting, the more likely you're going to be flaked on.

 

By planning to meet within 24-48 hrs of getting a number, you don't give her a chance to change her mind w-a grass is greener mentality or get bored with too much texting. But if you spend days or even weeks texting and beating around the bush before making plans, she'll come across a more assertive guy in the meantime. So when you decide to return to the world of OLD, try and make plans a lot sooner than you have been.

Edited by fitnessfan365
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
In my experience, the longer you talk with a woman before meeting, the more likely you're going to be flaked on.

 

By planning to meet within 24-48 hrs of getting a number, you don't give her a chance to change her mind w-a grass is greener mentality or get bored with too much texting. But if you spend days or even weeks texting and beating around the bush before making plans, she'll come across a more assertive guy in the meantime. So when you decide to return to the world of OLD, try and make plans a lot sooner than you have been.

 

That's precisely what I've been doing. I don't care for texting and I'm not looking for a texting buddy, I make that clear to them by asking them for a drink. Still got me nowhere.

 

I won't be returning to online dating. Twice without any dates is enough for me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
fitnessfan365
Twice without any dates is enough for me.

 

Oh come on man. Being flaked on twice is nothing. From your original post with you talking about the "endless games" it sounded like you were being flaked on left and right. However, if you're being this shaken by only two women that you didn't even know, you're giving up far too easily IMO.

 

I mean think back to other things you've done in life. When things didn't go as planned a few times did you just give up? Or did you stick with it and persevere?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Oh come on man. Being flaked on twice is nothing. From your original post with you talking about the "endless games" it sounded like you were being flaked on left and right. However, if you're being this shaken by only two women that you didn't even know, you're giving up far too easily IMO.

 

I mean think back to other things you've done in life. When things didn't go as planned a few times did you just give up? Or did you stick with it and persevere?

 

I agree.

 

 

A lot of very very sensitive people on this board IMO. They see rejection around every corner. Even something as minor as being flaked on by a complete stranger feels devastating.

 

 

They just can't risk it. Too painful.

 

 

Sad.

Link to post
Share on other sites
There is something to be said for letting go of desire. Something about, if you tightly grip a handful of sand, it will slip through your fingers.

 

If that's the case, why does it work like that?

Link to post
Share on other sites
I agree.

 

 

A lot of very very sensitive people on this board IMO. They see rejection around every corner. Even something as minor as being flaked on by a complete stranger feels devastating.

 

 

They just can't risk it. Too painful.

 

 

Sad.

 

Perhaps one needs to look at risk per se.

 

People take risks on the hope of success so before you jump you assess the possibilities of success and that allows you to make a decision.

 

Two scenarios

 

1: Tall, athletic brunette in a book shop: looking at her, chances are she is single, pretty much zero, even if one was comfortable to approaching random strangers the chance of success here would be extremely low: thus the risk is there but common logic says the chance of success if unlikely. Don't approach.

 

2: Less than pretty girl at a mutual friends party. Easier to determine if she is single, no date means likely single, common interest and even if one wasn't into approaching the risk would be substantially lower and the outcome more probable than in scenario 1.

 

Take all the emotion out of dating, look at it objectively, look at society, look around you, look at couples you do know and a few things become apparent, attraction has NOTHING to do with intangibles, its all tangible, money, physical attraction and what someone can offer.

 

As someone who spent 15 years thinking a nice personality and an athletic body was enough I can tell you it isn't.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Perhaps one needs to look at risk per se.

 

People take risks on the hope of success so before you jump you assess the possibilities of success and that allows you to make a decision.

 

Two scenarios

 

1: Tall, athletic brunette in a book shop: looking at her, chances are she is single, pretty much zero, even if one was comfortable to approaching random strangers the chance of success here would be extremely low: thus the risk is there but common logic says the chance of success if unlikely. Don't approach.

 

2: Less than pretty girl at a mutual friends party. Easier to determine if she is single, no date means likely single, common interest and even if one wasn't into approaching the risk would be substantially lower and the outcome more probable than in scenario 1.

 

Take all the emotion out of dating, look at it objectively, look at society, look around you, look at couples you do know and a few things become apparent, attraction has NOTHING to do with intangibles, its all tangible, money, physical attraction and what someone can offer.

 

As someone who spent 15 years thinking a nice personality and an athletic body was enough I can tell you it isn't.

 

ZA... Cmon now really? "Take all the emotion out of dating, look at it objectively". That's terrible advice and not the way to go about it. Has this tactic/mindset worked for you at all? Not being an ass but we know it hasn't. Perhaps emotionless dating is why you have been unsuccessful.

 

You gave 2 scenarios and chose the less risky option. When in fact you can literally approach both and have better odds. If you don't even try or entertain the idea of going after both women then you have 1 option either it's 100% or 0 if she says yes or no. If you go after both women then even if one fails you still have the chances (no matter how slim they might be) with the other girl.

 

What if the athletic brunette is single? How would you have any idea about her background or who she is as a person simply by viewing her from a distance. That's crazy. What if she's actually the perfect girl for you and you hit it off and end up dating her for 5 years? What if by talking to her you realize you know someone in common or live in the same area...small world type situation and it opens her mind to going out and getting to know you more? Just looking at someone and saying "nah no shot she's single,not wasting my time" is a bs excuse and terribly way to approach dating sorry to say.

 

My current gf was wayyyyy out of my league when I first met her. I knew it but screw it, I wasn't dating her then so what's the worst that could happen by taking a shot? She'd continue to not date me? Oh well, my situation hasn't changed but at least I took a shot. Matter of fact I took a shot with her over the course of 5 years. Mind you that I dated other girls and enjoyed myself and wasn't harping over her during those 5 years but I'd revisit every now and then and see if she wanted to grab dinner or go out, etc. fast forward to 2011 and she finally said yes and we've been dating for 4 years and getting engaged this fall.

 

The girls you stand no chance with at first glance are the best freaking girls man. Gotta at least try.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
ZA... Cmon now really? "Take all the emotion out of dating, look at it objectively". That's terrible advice and not the way to go about it. Has this tactic/mindset worked for you at all? Not being an ass but we know it hasn't. Perhaps emotionless dating is why you have been unsuccessful.

 

You gave 2 scenarios and chose the less risky option. When in fact you can literally approach both and have better odds. If you don't even try or entertain the idea of going after both women then you have 1 option either it's 100% or 0 if she says yes or no. If you go after both women then even if one fails you still have the chances (no matter how slim they might be) with the other girl.

 

What if the athletic brunette is single? How would you have any idea about her background or who she is as a person simply by viewing her from a distance. That's crazy. What if she's actually the perfect girl for you and you hit it off and end up dating her for 5 years? What if by talking to her you realize you know someone in common or live in the same area...small world type situation and it opens her mind to going out and getting to know you more? Just looking at someone and saying "nah no shot she's single,not wasting my time" is a bs excuse and terribly way to approach dating sorry to say.

 

My current gf was wayyyyy out of my league when I first met her. I knew it but screw it, I wasn't dating her then so what's the worst that could happen by taking a shot? She'd continue to not date me? Oh well, my situation hasn't changed but at least I took a shot. Matter of fact I took a shot with her over the course of 5 years. Mind you that I dated other girls and enjoyed myself and wasn't harping over her during those 5 years but I'd revisit every now and then and see if she wanted to grab dinner or go out, etc. fast forward to 2011 and she finally said yes and we've been dating for 4 years and getting engaged this fall.

 

The girls you stand no chance with at first glance are the best freaking girls man. Gotta at least try.

 

Totally disagree with all of the above.

 

Take the emotion out of it and you find you relatively speaking feel less like **** when you get rejected because you never put any emotion or hope into it to begin with, that's called hedging your bets and looking after yourself first and foremost.

 

Nothing has worked for me and I am quite open to admit that.

 

My opinion is its not worth approaching people who are highly unlikely to be single, like shopping dating works the same, most of the best items are taken, at least where I live that holds true.

 

Again its playing the odds which are most likely to be in your favour, I mean I wouldn't bother approaching a party chick because I know I don't party so it would never work. Use logic to determine what has a chance and what doesn't.

 

Yes, that never worked for me either but for people who look better, have a better personality than me I maintain it could most definitely work.

 

PS: Glad you found a nice lady.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You're always gonna get rejected if you go into it with zero emotion and treat it like a business transaction. You already feel like **** so what's downside to actual showing some emotion/sincerity/humane like qualities while dating.

 

"Figure out best odds, go in and calculate comparability, get rejected, don't feel like **** about it" is basically what you're doing to yourself. Just going through the motions with a predetermined mindset of what the outcome will be because you've already told yourself what the girl is thinking and what she wants or doesn't want and you get turned down.

 

When are you going to just swallow up the self loathing, realize that your perceptions are majority incorrect or misread and just go with a "f*^% it" attitude towards it all?!

 

That girls a 10 so she's statistically probably not single and probably isn't as educated as I'd like my gf to be so not gonna go talk to her.

That girl looks like she's in her mid 30's so she's probably got tons of baggage or messed up in ththe head anyways , so not gonna approach her either.

That girl is young looking but she's not well spoken from what I overhear her saying on the phone. So not her.

 

Don't you get tired of that? If nothing you've done has worked then everything you've thought has to be wrong by your logic right?

 

Can't do that because I'm not into bars. Won't online date because the girls here are gross or stupid or carry baggage and people think it's weird if you meet from online. Not gonna try that because it's pointless. I'm not doing that because i tried it once a few years ago and it didn't work. She was ok but didn't do this so I don't want to waste my time seeing her again. Not going to approach a woman randomly. Not who I am. Not into friends setting me up on dates. Friend sets you up on a date and the model whose trying to help you and build confidence and a better look isn't your type and it wouldn't work out anyways. Dude... I'm exhausted just going through that. You've been gifted every piece of advice possible, walked through approaching women, first dates, self confidence, self improvement, etc.

 

Screw it and try every trick in the book. Or just focus on work and become a millionaire and build yourself the ideal robot gf.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
I have had enough with trying to find a woman for a while now but tonight is the night that I finally give up for good.

 

I can't be bothered to deal with the endless flakey girls, the endless ghosting and the endless games.

 

I just don't care anymore. I'm not bothered about marriage and having kids so at least I don't have that too worry about. It just seems that dating in this day and age had become such a chore, nothing about it is even remotely enjoyable.

 

I can't think of one girl since I've been single that hasn't given me the run around. Who hasn't made me chase and who, eventually, hasn't ended up ignoring me and vanishing off the face of the earth.

 

The idea of love just seems like such a waste of time to me now. I just want to concentrate on doing stuff that I enjoy from this point on.

 

Rant over.

I understand that although with me I've not given up on dating as such, just dating sites.

 

 

And I'm only interested in women now who show an interest in me.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
You're always gonna get rejected if you go into it with zero emotion and treat it like a business transaction. You already feel like **** so what's downside to actual showing some emotion/sincerity/humane like qualities while dating.

 

"Figure out best odds, go in and calculate comparability, get rejected, don't feel like **** about it" is basically what you're doing to yourself. Just going through the motions with a predetermined mindset of what the outcome will be because you've already told yourself what the girl is thinking and what she wants or doesn't want and you get turned down.

 

When are you going to just swallow up the self loathing, realize that your perceptions are majority incorrect or misread and just go with a "f*^% it" attitude towards it all?!

 

That girls a 10 so she's statistically probably not single and probably isn't as educated as I'd like my gf to be so not gonna go talk to her.

That girl looks like she's in her mid 30's so she's probably got tons of baggage or messed up in ththe head anyways , so not gonna approach her either.

That girl is young looking but she's not well spoken from what I overhear her saying on the phone. So not her.

 

Don't you get tired of that? If nothing you've done has worked then everything you've thought has to be wrong by your logic right?

 

Can't do that because I'm not into bars. Won't online date because the girls here are gross or stupid or carry baggage and people think it's weird if you meet from online. Not gonna try that because it's pointless. I'm not doing that because i tried it once a few years ago and it didn't work. She was ok but didn't do this so I don't want to waste my time seeing her again. Not going to approach a woman randomly. Not who I am. Not into friends setting me up on dates. Friend sets you up on a date and the model whose trying to help you and build confidence and a better look isn't your type and it wouldn't work out anyways. Dude... I'm exhausted just going through that. You've been gifted every piece of advice possible, walked through approaching women, first dates, self confidence, self improvement, etc.

 

Screw it and try every trick in the book. Or just focus on work and become a millionaire and build yourself the ideal robot gf.

 

Thanks for that.

 

I am just simply tired of trying with nothing to show for it at all. I realty did try with the last one, she dumped me a friend never mind a bf, that pretty much tells me a lot about myself and that's where the self loathing comes from.

 

Before anyone gives up on anything they need to assess if they should give up and that means looking at things objectively, yes that word again.

 

My advice to people is always this, be the best person you can be and hopefully that's enough and for many people it does work, look at yourself, nice fiancé.

 

For others like me the best we can be is never good enough for what we ultimately want. Every person this friend has introduced me to has not worked, even the last one where I had more in common than with anyone else I have ever met. There is no good story to tell there, had ONE shown some interest then perhaps I would be inclined to keep trying.

 

Do yourself a favour and put yourself in my shoes, would you honestly want to keep opening yourself up to more rejection when its all you have ever faced.

 

That's why people give up because they simply cannot take anymore rejection, they cannot take more of being stamped into the ground like chewing gum.

 

Perhaps my perceptions are wrong, they may well be but my perceptions are created by my experience and until/if I have better experiences those perceptions will remain.

 

Its a horrible thought that the only people who find you attractive are grotesque. You try and live what they particular thought.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...