Had drinks w/childhood friend....interest???

[ChicagoSparty]

When it comes to women, I am usually pretty on top of it. I know what's up, I know how to read them, and I know how to get outcomes.

 

This one is strange, though....

 

I recently got in touch with a friend from middle school (FB, of course). We haven't seen each other in 25 years, and we live in different states, but we have a couple of close mutual friends. So, she has always come up in conversations. Anyway, I would always see her pop up on FB. Suuuuuuuper cute. Beautiful, really. And I remembered her as being streaky smart, cool, hip, etc.

 

So, I sent her a friend request. She immediately messaged me. Started chatting, exchanged #s. Started texting, and she said we needed to get together for drinks the next time I was in town (which is fairly often). Was going to be in her city last Saturday, and texted her the day before. She said she was super busy, but could try to be around. I told her not to worry about it and that we could get together the next time. She texted on Saturday and said she was free.

 

We met at a bar near her place. She looked amazing in a very understated way. Started talking, and it was total ease and comfort. We were both very different from other people we knew in school, and that sort of remained. We talked for a few hours, had a few drinks. It was a good time. At about 11:30, she had to leave, I had to leave, etc...but I didn't really want the night to end, so I asked her if she wanted to do anything else. She said something like, 'It's been 25 years since we've seen each other...we don't need to go crazy the first time we see each other'. Then we chatted a little bit more, and I said something about doing something else, and she said 'that's stuff we can do the 2nd time, or the 3rd time...'. And she kept giving me goodbye hugs....like 3 times in the last couple of minutes.

 

Obviously, there are more details here, but this is the gist to start off. Thoughts? Does this sound like just two old friends reuniting, or could there possibly be more?

[Ruby Slippers]

Sounds like she likes you! Take her out on a great date next time

[ChicagoSparty]

Sounds like she likes you! Take her out on a great date next time

 

I don't know. She's really hard to read. One thing that was odd was I offered to pick up the tab, and she insisted on paying for her half. I was like, 'I got it...it's not a big deal', and then she launched into some weird thing about how, if I paid, then this becomes a date. I said, 'No, it's just a friendly gesture'.

 

Then, I jokingly gave her a hard time about sending me home early. I said (I thought obviously joking), 'No, it's fine. I'll just go check into a hotel. I'm sure there's a good movie on TBS'. But then later, I wondered if it all came across as me trying to go home with her. I texted her an hour later and just said that it was a pleasure seeing her...no response until the next evening, with her saying she had fun. Then I said I hoped I didn't give the wrong impression at the end of the night. She responded 'no worries, have fun with your kids', which seemed to be short with some finality. No communication since.

[ChicagoSparty]

Any other thoughts on this?

 

I don't really want to read more into this than is there and then pull some idiotic move like asking her out on a date. I'm a little too old to be misreading social cues. If it were a woman I had just met, I would be able to piece this together easily. But since we already know each other, I can't tell if I'm mistaking ease and comfort with interest.

[GemmaUK]

My view is that was a friend reunion and she is a friendly person.

I wouldn't say she was interested.

[ChicagoSparty]

So, we have 1 'she's interested' and 1 'she's not interested'.

 

Hmmmmm

[smackie9]

Not interested. She was being softly apprehensive, with the "let's not rush into this, don't make this into a date..." etc. Her hand was up to tell you to back off. She knows you are interested or suspects it, and I bet she will be giving you excuses next time you are in town.

 

I have a feeling she wasn't actually busy, but someone told her or she thought, to check it out.

[Ruby Slippers]

It sounds to me as though you really like her, and are hence kind of overthinking it. I get the impression she can tell you're interested, but senses your hesitation, and maybe she's not sure about you yet. This kind of dynamic requires a delicate dance. If I were you, I'd ask her to get together again, but given that she has not clearly expressed romantic interest, I'd keep it a bit more casual. Invite her to do something fun rather than romantic, and when you see her again, test her interest by flirting. But don't be afraid to make it clear you're interested. Women like men who are straightforward with their interest and attraction, rather than those who pretend to be friends with secret hopes for more. The former is strong and confident; the latter is weak. If she doesn't reciprocate, fine, you've reconnected with an old friend and fired up your imagination and desire.

[empresario]

I usually file these type of threads under 'magic 8 ball requests'.

 

 

Try again later. Just kidding.

 

 

It sounds like she likes you, but regardless of what we say the only way to know is to schedule another date.

 

 

Good luck, let us know how it goes!

[ChicagoSparty]

Not interested. She was being softly apprehensive, with the "let's not rush into this, don't make this into a date..." etc. Her hand was up to tell you to back off. She knows you are interested or suspects it, and I bet she will be giving you excuses next time you are in town.

 

I have a feeling she wasn't actually busy, but someone told her or she thought, to check it out.

 

I'm inclined to agree....sorta.

 

Look, when it comes to women, I know my way around town. It's an easy game for me. If this had been a woman I had just met and we had an identical evening, I would have known without a doubt that there was serious interest.

 

There were too many signs. Too much deep eye contact. Too much openness about desires, sex, etc. Too much physicality...3 goodbye hugs in just a few minutes? If I'm not interested in somebody, I give one hug at most...even if it's an old friend. Too much talk of future meeting (when I paid the tab, she said 'Fine...I'll pay next time)....saying at the end of the night that hanging out longer would be something that we would do 'on the 2nd time, or 3rd time'.

 

Like I said, if this were a new woman, it would be a done deal. But I'm not sure how much to read into any of this given that we knew each other when younger. It was extremely open and comfortable....but was it that way just because we knew each other 25 years ago?

[ChicagoSparty]

I should also add that I've had a few of these 'reunions' over the years. They have all ended up having something happening. Without exception. The set-up on this one was not really any different, but this girl is a bit more confusing.

 

I don't know. I'm not going to get all wrapped up in it...beyond this thread, anyway.

[candie13]

I think maybe you're used to more confirmation from women, when asking to hang out again.

 

Or maybe most girls you've dated were not that much of a challenge - most likely because you didn't really care about them.

 

Hum... tough one. You could try to keep very light contact with her - like text her something funny or witty a few days later, in reference to something you two talked about that night and leave it there, without pushing it. If she answers that, you can judge her interest level and plan your next move. If she's unenthusiastic, you can forget about it... but you'll never really know for sure if you're missing something out or not.

 

Or... you could keep it simple and casually ask her to have a bite the next time you're around her city - of course, that implies taking the risk of getting turned down. In which case, you will know for sure.

 

I'm with empresario on this one - try again later. for sure, if you stay put, she won't ask you out, hehe

[candie13]

I'm inclined to agree....sorta.

 

Look, when it comes to women, I know my way around town. It's an easy game for me. If this had been a woman I had just met and we had an identical evening, I would have known without a doubt that there was serious interest.

 

There were too many signs. Too much deep eye contact. Too much openness about desires, sex, etc. Too much physicality...3 goodbye hugs in just a few minutes? If I'm not interested in somebody, I give one hug at most...even if it's an old friend. Too much talk of future meeting (when I paid the tab, she said 'Fine...I'll pay next time)....saying at the end of the night that hanging out longer would be something that we would do 'on the 2nd time, or 3rd time'.

 

Like I said, if this were a new woman, it would be a done deal. But I'm not sure how much to read into any of this given that we knew each other when younger. It was extremely open and comfortable....but was it that way just because we knew each other 25 years ago?

 

Maybe it's confusing because you like this girl ?

 

or maybe you're simply a victim of your own success - you've had a lot of it with a certain type of women. Just not with this type of a woman, with the type to lust over your during the first date. The type to size you up and not give clear hints... It's good, finally a match for you. A different sort of a woman . I think it's more the unknown that's discomforting, for you... not necessarily the unknown behind her being interested or not. The unknown for you, as you're finally meeting a girl that's unpredictable and that you seem to like.

 

Cool stuff, tell us how this story unfolds .

[ChicagoSparty]

Maybe it's confusing because you like this girl ?

 

or maybe you're simply a victim of your own success - you've had a lot of it with a certain type of women. Just not with this type of a woman, with the type to lust over your during the first date. The type to size you up and not give clear hints... It's good, finally a match for you. A different sort of a woman . I think it's more the unknown that's discomforting, for you... not necessarily the unknown behind her being interested or not. The unknown for you, as you're finally meeting a girl that's unpredictable and that you seem to like.

 

Cool stuff, tell us how this story unfolds .

 

Haha, could be.

[Divasu]

if I paid, then this becomes a date.

 

I am inclined to believe that comment meant she did not view your get together as a 'date'. So, I'd say lukewarm interest at best.

 

Though I am sure you'd rather her interest level match yours at this juncture, I do not think all hope is lost in this case. I think there is some wiggle room to build interest here so don't throw in the towel just yet.

[ChicagoSparty]

I am inclined to believe that comment meant she did not view your get together as a 'date'. So, I'd say lukewarm interest at best.

 

Though I am sure you'd rather her interest level match yours at this juncture, I do not think all hope is lost in this case. I think there is some wiggle room to build interest here so don't throw in the towel just yet.

 

I didn't view the get-together as a date either. I was sort of surprised by that comment. I just said, 'It's not a date. People pick up tabs. It's just a friendly gesture'. I didn't really understand what brought her to think or say that.

 

As far as my interest level....regardless of what it is, I'm a very good card player, and I rarely tip my hand. Even a little. If I expressed interest in her, it was vague at most.

[Divasu]

I didn't view the get-together as a date either. I was sort of surprised by that comment. I just said, 'It's not a date. People pick up tabs. It's just a friendly gesture'. I didn't really understand what brought her to think or say that.

 

Women typically offer to pay for one of two reasons, either she doesn't want you to construe the get together as a 'date', or, she is just being considerate and wants to chip in.

 

That has been the case when I have been on the receiving end. It's nice that you paid for her meal, and it sounds like you both had a nice time together.

[ChicagoSparty]

Guess I'm not sure what the next move, if any, should be.

 

We live in different states, so if we are to get together, it would be because I came into her city on my way to go see my kids (they live an hour away). So, getting together with her would be a concerted effort to see her...which takes any sort of 'casual' element out of it.

[ChicagoSparty]

After having thought about this a bit, I kinda feel like giving her a call and maybe clearing things up a bit.

 

I guess I was interested in her in more of a curious way before meeting up (maybe she was too...who knows?), but had no intentions or motives when we met up. I think I became more interested in her as the night went on, but I don't think I did anything to express it. She was super open, candid, honest etc, and made a few mentions of us hanging out more, but who knows what that really means, and I don't feel like speculating.

 

But we were, and quickly established that we still are, friends...and that is what is important. Because of how easily we could talk to each other, I wouldn't feel weird just calling her to chat and saying, 'Look, things got a little wonky at the end of the night, and I didn't want there to be confusion about my intentions....blah blah blah'. We are very similar and have similar stories, in a town where most people did not live the lives we did. I get her, she gets me. To me, that's really what matters. Not going to eff around and screw up having a good friend over something like desire.

 

Anyway, thinking of just talking to her about it rather than have unnecessary tension and uncertainty. Is that the dumbest idea ever???

[smackie9]

I would just leave it, because no one really knows what she is thinking and it could make things awkward. Keep mysterious, and ask her to hang out next time you are in town. Don't over think this!

[ChicagoSparty]

I would just leave it, because no one really knows what she is thinking and it could make things awkward. Keep mysterious, and ask her to hang out next time you are in town. Don't over think this!

 

That's the problem with posting on this forum...people respond in different ways and then you end up overthinking it.

 

Normally, I would do just as you said. But now I'm second-guessing myself. And as well as things went when we were hanging out, something about the way we parted and her virtual radio-silence since then is making me think she may have gotten the wrong impression. I don't know.

[ChicagoSparty]

Update:

 

Well, not much of one. I sent her a quick, light text several days after we hung out. No response, although it has only been a day.

 

Seems weird. There's nothing I did to really express obvious interest....I was just playing along. She was the super open one, she was the one who talked about doing other stuff together, she was the one who was all huggy. Seems odd to just disappear.

 

I mean, if your intention was simply to be friends, and the other person didn't really do anything to make you feel like they wanted more than that, would you then flake on them? That doesn't seem like a 'friend' thing to do. Could she have had other motives for meeting up? For instance, she expressed that she was interested in getting remarried. I'm not dead set against getting remarried, but I'm cool on it.

 

(*also, because I see it here a lot....the text I sent was just a feeler and was not a question that required a response. HOWEVER, I would think that by 40 years of age, a person can infer that if somebody else takes the time to reach out to them, it's kinda disrespectful to just ignore it. Especially when it's somebody you already know)

 

Thoughts on this? It all seems very odd and incongruent.

[BlueIris]

You’re right- she’s smart. Smart people don’t jump into a pool until they are sure that it’s clean deep and warm. Slow down and see if you two actually like and enjoy the 25-year-older versions of yourselves. You two have friends in common, too. Another good reason to not get too impulsive.

 

 

 

(Go Green, except when it's Go Blue- haha )

[ChicagoSparty]

You’re right- she’s smart. Smart people don’t jump into a pool until they are sure that it’s clean deep and warm. Slow down and see if you two actually like and enjoy the 25-year-older versions of yourselves. You two have friends in common, too. Another good reason to not get too impulsive.

 

 

 

(Go Green, except when it's Go Blue- haha )

 

Thanks for keeping it civil on the Green/Blue front, haha

 

I don't know. I mean, judging by how at ease we were and how well we get along...well, I can't speak for her, but I like the 25 year older version of her. Even just as a friend. We have a lot in common...life stuff, not favorite band or color. We have been through lives not ordinary for where we're from. It seems that we get each other.

 

Now, if it were a date, and a date with a woman I didn't already know, I would have said it was successful. But it wasn't, and she wasn't, so any assumption of what she walked away with would be just that...totally assumptive.

 

I guess I don't know if I reach out again at some point, or just take it for what it appears to be, which is....well, I don't really know I guess.

[BlueIris]

Thanks for keeping it civil on the Green/Blue front, haha

 

I don't know. I mean, judging by how at ease we were and how well we get along...well, I can't speak for her, but I like the 25 year older version of her. Even just as a friend. We have a lot in common...life stuff, not favorite band or color. We have been through lives not ordinary for where we're from. It seems that we get each other.

 

Now, if it were a date, and a date with a woman I didn't already know, I would have said it was successful. But it wasn't, and she wasn't, so any assumption of what she walked away with would be just that...totally assumptive.

 

I guess I don't know if I reach out again at some point, or just take it for what it appears to be, which is....well, I don't really know I guess.

 

Nope. Don't know. Just keep being wonderful you and go slowly. Frankly we never REALLY know what another person thinks and feels anyway...