I'm on the verge of losing it

[Brooke42]

This is extremely frustrating and I don't understand. I met this guy and we hit it off. We texted every single day, talked on the phone, and have been out on 2 dates together. There's been some hard times, because I am a recent grad and still living at home with strict rules by my parents and he lives alone. It's hard to get out and see him and now I haven't seen him for 2 weeks. He has a very demanding job which takes up a lot of his time so the weekend is my only chance to see him. He's told me he likes me and even sees me as a girlfriend in the near future but that was back when we first started talking. Lately I havent heard from him as much but things have been normal. I now haven't heard from him in 2 days. I texted yesterday to see if he wanted to hang out and haven't heard anything at all yet today and it's getting ready to be night. The thing is that I've seen him on social media.. he was on insta and he updated his snapchat story. What could be the cause of this? I know he was with a friend yesterday but I'm not sure about today. Why would he be on social media but not take the time to talk to me? What's going on? Nothing out of the ordinary has happened things have been normal. Can someone explain why he might be doing this? It doesn't take more than 2 seconds to send a text. Why is he on social media but not returning my texts when everything was fine. It just makes no sense to me. I even sent him a text this morning and asked what was going on and still no answer. Everything was perfect.

[Learningtowalkagain]

First thing you should do is stop obsessing. Especially over what he does on social media.

 

Now take a deep breath.

 

You've only been on two dates. He could have had a change of heart or maybe he doesn't feel like seeing you this instant. Maybe he's a flake. Maybe he's trying to build attraction, which is definitely working.

 

You're looking for very specific answers but none of us knows him.

[stillafool]

Brooke, perhaps he needs some space. It hasn't even been 2 full days yet. He is online because he is more than likely looking to date other people as well. You two have only been on 2 dates so it isn't serious yet. I think you should calm down and keep yourself busy as well.

[Brooke42]

Thanks for your answer! The reason I was freaking out is because this behavior isn't like him. He swore he would never leave, ect. I feel like if you don't want to speak to someone ever again you should just tell them. So I'm not sure to take this as he's not interested or he needs space. I don't know why he would need space since I haven't seen him for two weeks. But if he didn't want to talk then why doesn't he just say so? Or am I supposed to think that he's just trying to figure out how he feels...I'm not sure what to do or think at this point.

[Brooke42]

Thanks! I'm just not sure what to think at this point. I sent him a message this morning and I just asked him why he hasn't talked to me. No reply yet. I'm not sure why he's acting like this as it's out of the ordinary. And I know it's not serious but it felt serious to me because of the things he would say to me. He really did like me and had plans to make me his girlfriend eventually. At least that's what he told me he wanted a few weeks ago.

[Vintage79]

He smells a clinger and is getting ready to run. Seriously - it's been 2 days and you're already starting to look like a stalker...

 

You're way too invested in this guy - it's pretty easy to pass on someone who can't really get out to see people - if I were him, I'd be seeking out other people to go have fun with, date, and all the rest - if you're there after everything else fails, sure - but in reality, your situation probably makes you the back-up option.

[Vintage79]

Thanks! I'm just not sure what to think at this point. I sent him a message this morning and I just asked him why he hasn't talked to me. No reply yet. I'm not sure why he's acting like this as it's out of the ordinary. And I know it's not serious but it felt serious to me because of the things he would say to me. He really did like me and had plans to make me his girlfriend eventually. At least that's what he told me he wanted a few weeks ago.

 

Aah - I hope the desperate moves are attempted humor...last time I checked, texting people asking them why they aren't responding isn't the best move...

[pidgeon1010]

You are in the dating phase. You should have no expectations about regular/constant communication. There could be a number of reasons why he hasn't reached out but whatever the reason may be, you shouldn't be obsessing about it. Don't put your eggs in one basket. Go out on dates with other guys because until he asks for exclusivity, you are both free to date anyone. Unfortunately, he doesn't owe you any explanations.

[Gaeta]

Thanks! I'm just not sure what to think at this point. I sent him a message this morning and I just asked him why he hasn't talked to me. No reply yet. I'm not sure why he's acting like this as it's out of the ordinary. And I know it's not serious but it felt serious to me because of the things he would say to me. He really did like me and had plans to make me his girlfriend eventually. At least that's what he told me he wanted a few weeks ago.

 

Men say all kinds of things that they don't mean or sometimes they mean them but they change their mind not long after.

 

What this guy is doing is not uncommon, most men online will do this to you A LOT. You have to move on and not waste anytime trying to figure out why he lost interest, he just did.

 

Stop texting him, you're not gonna hear from him again. He just changed his mind.

[Vintage79]

Thanks for your answer! The reason I was freaking out is because this behavior isn't like him. He swore he would never leave, ect. I feel like if you don't want to speak to someone ever again you should just tell them. So I'm not sure to take this as he's not interested or he needs space. I don't know why he would need space since I haven't seen him for two weeks. But if he didn't want to talk then why doesn't he just say so? Or am I supposed to think that he's just trying to figure out how he feels...I'm not sure what to do or think at this point.

 

Why are you freaking out after only 2 dates - I doubt you're carrying his child. Stop obsessing - most people won't ever really connect - 1, 2, or 3 dates is about it. You'll be fine - find some other people to date, and if he's around and starts contacting you, do what you want...otherwise, let him be - if he were really interested, he'd say something.

 

If he's only gone out with you twice, he probably feels like he can either have sex with you, or not. If not, he's likely looking for someone he can do that with. Any kind of emotional connection takes way more than 2 dates to build...

[Brooke42]

He knew I was in this situation when he first started talking to me. I can't help the position I'm in. I just graduated college and finding a job has been so hard for me that I don't have an option to move out until I find one.

 

As far as being clingy goes, I never am. I always gave all my boyfriends all the freedom in the world and sometimes I wouldn't talk to them for days. I just like knowing that nothing is wrong and the fact that he hasn't talked to me like normal makes me think that something really is wrong. He was really serious about me, imean our personalities clicked to the point where he's said I have the best personality of anyone he's ever known, and we did talk about being in a relationship at some point.

 

I guess I'm freaking out because this has happened one other time to me, where the guy just stopped talking to me out of nowhere just like this current one. Except the difference is I slept with him too soon and that's probably why he stopped talking to me, whereas I haven't slept with this current guy because I didn't want to get used. I just don't get why this is happening. Literally the last thing he said to me before he quit talking had a smiley face in it. It makes no sens.

[Brooke42]

The thing is that we were talking for a month (just texting and phone calls) before either of us got a chance to actually go out for a date. There was emotional connection already established.

And the first time we hung out we did talk about sex, because I never wanted to take it too fast fearing he was only using me for that. However I don't think he was because I lived a good 30 mins from him and if he wanted to, there were plenty of girls in his town for him to do that with. He said he wanted to take the sex thing slow too, so we were on the same page with that...

[Gaeta]

As far as being clingy goes, I never am. I always gave all my boyfriends all the freedom in the world and sometimes I wouldn't talk to them for days. I just like knowing that nothing is wrong and the fact that he hasn't talked to me like normal makes me think that something really is wrong. He was really serious about me, imean our personalities clicked to the point where he's said I have the best personality of anyone he's ever known, and we did talk about being in a relationship at some point.

 

I guess I'm freaking out because this has happened one other time to me, where the guy just stopped talking to me out of nowhere just like this current one. Except the difference is I slept with him too soon and that's probably why he stopped talking to me, whereas I haven't slept with this current guy because I didn't want to get used. I just don't get why this is happening. Literally the last thing he said to me before he quit talking had a smiley face in it. It makes no sens.

 

It's the exact same thing.

 

Some leave you because you sleep with them too fast, others leave you because you don't sleep with them fast enough.

 

Brooke: You did nothing wrong. This happens all the time.

 

Also, a man that wants you as his girlfriend will ASK you to be his girlfriend, he's not going to to say 'oh soon I want you as my girlfriend' that's a lot of BS to make you feel secure and probably to get the panties off of you.

 

Don't believe what men are telling you, just believe their actions.

 

This man used to talk to you every day. Now he's ignoring your text and he's all over the place on social media.

 

He's done, and if he gets back to you tell him to F-off.

[katiegrl]

 

As far as being clingy goes, I never am. .

 

 

Texting him asking him why he is not talking to you, is clingy....and a major turn off for guys. So please stop doing that.

 

 

Like the others have said, it's only been two days, calm down....seriously.

 

 

You are gonna scare this guy off....or turn him off, if you haven't already.

 

 

Relax!

[pteromom]

Also, a man that wants you as his girlfriend will ASK you to be his girlfriend, he's not going to to say 'oh soon I want you as my girlfriend' that's a lot of BS to make you feel secure and probably to get the panties off of you.

 

 

This! If he knows you well enough that he knows he will want you as a gf EVENTUALLY, then he would just lock it down now.

 

He's showing no enthusiasm for you.

 

Don't settle for that.

 

If a guy is excited about you, he will text you, he will call you, he will see you, and he will make time for you in his life, even if he has a busy life.

[pteromom]

I once had a guy on the first date tell me about all the awesome things we were going to do together in the future, from camping to seeing his cabin to meeting his parents, etc. etc. Looking back now, that's crazy, but I was 24 at the time and I thought it meant he really really liked me.

 

I never saw him again after that date.

 

Some guys just like saying things. Means nothing unless there is action with it.

[Vintage79]

The thing is that we were talking for a month (just texting and phone calls) before either of us got a chance to actually go out for a date. There was emotional connection already established.

And the first time we hung out we did talk about sex, because I never wanted to take it too fast fearing he was only using me for that. However I don't think he was because I lived a good 30 mins from him and if he wanted to, there were plenty of girls in his town for him to do that with. He said he wanted to take the sex thing slow too, so we were on the same page with that...

 

As an FYI - texting does not create an emotional connection...have you dated before?

 

So, let me get this straight:

 

His interest isn't there:

1. You chatted for months before ever seeing each other

2. After seeing you twice, he stops responding to you

 

You're scaring him off:

1. You're acting like 2 dates = relationship

2. You start bugging him via text with no response from you

3. You ask him why he isn't responding to your messages

 

If there ever was a chance - and it sounds questionable, I think you've effectively killed the opportunity. It's hard to say move on, as truthfully, there's nothing to move on from, other than a pair of pretty basic sounding dates...

[Brooke42]

Ya'll are right.

 

But he was backing up his words with actions up until the night he just stopped texting me back. I feel like you can't lose feelings for someone in a matter of seconds. He never said he didn't like me anymore or that he felt differently, he just stopped talking to me.

 

He was a perfect gentleman on both dates. He wouldn't let me pay for anything, opened my car door, held the door open for me and everything. I have some issues from being abused in the past so I probably didn't act very grateful for those things. It just makes me uncomfortable when people do nice things for me and I told them that; he still did them anyway. But it has been weeks since our first date and it didn't seem to bother him very much.

 

As far as saying things he didn't mean, he upheld everything he said up until the night he stopped replying. Then I saw him post a snapchat story the whole weekend. He went out of town the whole weekend and I never heard from him once, and everytime he usually went out he always checked in. I don't know who he was with or what he was doing the whole time he was gone. But it's now Monday and I haven't heard from him since Friday evening. Doesn't make any sense to post updates when he knows I would see them and figure out he wasn't texting me back...

[Zippy2000]

Reminds me of my ex girlfriend. We dated for a year but she called it quits and when she did she mentioned how sometimes she didnt know where I was or we were n`t like a couple.

 

I had no idea at the time until she gave me the final relationship end talk. It wasnt like for days or weeks. She wanted more and I had no idea.

 

Maybe you should talk to him what you both want in the future. Any relationship where there is no direction won`t last.

 

Also checking up on social media doesnt help. Lead your own life and do wat makes you happy and in turn when he misses you. He`ll reach out. If you keep on messaging and asking where he is. This is unattractive and shows you are an insecure individual. Give him space and let him come to you.

[BluEyeL]

He's just not that into you.

[Zippy2000]

But it's now Monday and I haven't heard from him since Friday evening. Doesn't make any sense to post updates when he knows I would see them and figure out he wasn't texting me back...

 

Whoa! Slow down. Its only been 3 days! Geesh!!

[Gaeta]

He was a perfect gentleman on both dates. He wouldn't let me pay for anything, opened my car door, held the door open for me and everything. I have some issues from being abused in the past so I probably didn't act very grateful for those things. It just makes me uncomfortable when people do nice things for me and I told them that; he still did them anyway. But it has been weeks since our first date and it didn't seem to bother him very much..

 

I don't know how many times I will have to repeat it for you to understand but I am willing to repeat it over and over.

 

Brooke: this happens all the time. I had it done to me, most women had it done to them. Yes the guy is all nice and gentleman and he promises the moon and 2-3-4 dates later POOF he's gone!

 

Once, after 3 great dates, a man told me he told his daughter all about me and was looking forward to introduce me to her. I never heard from him again after that! It happens!

 

You did not do anything wrong.

[Brooke42]

Imean I didn't think I did anything wrong. It's pretty cowardly for someone to literally stop in mid conversation and never talk to you again without any type of reason or explanation. That would be wrong to do to anyone.

 

And I've never acted like this before. I really liked the guy a lot and it just bothers me not knowing what I did or what's going on in his head. It's hard to know what the right move is to make. People get into online relationships all the time. We didn't meet online, but we did text constantly and I think it's very possible for people to establish connections that way. Words can resonate with people. And you can get to know someone very well through their words. That's what happened with us. We had that emotional connection before we ever even started going on dates. It just doesn't make any sense for him to be acting this way when we are literally perfect together. The first time we went out, our waiter told us we were the funniest couple he had seen. I just don't get why he would be doing this.

[ExpatInItaly]

Ya'll are right.

 

But he was backing up his words with actions up until the night he just stopped texting me back. I feel like you can't lose feelings for someone in a matter of seconds. He never said he didn't like me anymore or that he felt differently, he just stopped talking to me.

 

He was a perfect gentleman on both dates. He wouldn't let me pay for anything, opened my car door, held the door open for me and everything. I have some issues from being abused in the past so I probably didn't act very grateful for those things. It just makes me uncomfortable when people do nice things for me and I told them that; he still did them anyway. But it has been weeks since our first date and it didn't seem to bother him very much.

 

As far as saying things he didn't mean, he upheld everything he said up until the night he stopped replying. Then I saw him post a snapchat story the whole weekend. He went out of town the whole weekend and I never heard from him once, and everytime he usually went out he always checked in. I don't know who he was with or what he was doing the whole time he was gone. But it's now Monday and I haven't heard from him since Friday evening. Doesn't make any sense to post updates when he knows I would see them and figure out he wasn't texting me back...

 

He only met you for two dates. And it many weeks have passed since the last one. You didn't have enough time to see if he was backing up his words with actions. OP, to be blunt, do you not see the contradiction here?

 

Unfortunately, this type of thing happens all the time. He talked the talk, but didn't walk the walk. Two dates was simply not enough time spent together (in person) to judge if he was upholding his actions.

 

You shouldn't feel that you are freaking out over this. No, it's not fun and it hurts. But your reaction indicates you got too attached too soon without seeing if he would actually do the things he said.

[fred123]

can i ask how did you guys meet? if it wasn't online?