HansonGirl Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 (edited) I know this guy in his 30's who comes off nice and polite. I found out however gradually that he basically dates a different girl every week. He is on Tinder and all the other websites. he'll go out with one girl Tuesday but a different girl Friday, and then he's back on Tinder looking for somebody else. And he has been doing this for a long time. He LOVES Tinder. And I hung out with him and others, he mentioned going on a date the previous week, but then he spied a girl while we were out and he was determined to get her number. And he adds a lot of these girls on Facebook or Instagram. Perhaps it is because I don't have that dating pattern myself or didn't know guys who do this, so I don't understand it, but I am simply wondering the reasons behind this. Is that very common? And a more thoughtful detailed answer than "he just wants to date around" is requested. clearly he wants to date around because that's what he's doing. I just find first dates to often be tedious and not that enjoyable. why would somebody willingly go through them again and again? Edited August 23, 2015 by HansonGirl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
johndoe2 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Well there are two reasons: 1) Most of the women he dates don't want to date him again, so he has to keep going out with new ones. I'm in this boat since most don't want second dates with me. 2) He is hoping for sex on first or second dates and, being impatient, failing to achieve this goal, gives up and looks for the next prospect. I assume it works for him at least occasionally, other wise he would probably stop doing it? Or perhaps he likes buying people dinner and it's his own weird kind of charity. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Isn't dating about meeting a variety of people and seeing who you get a long with or even just the fact of making multiple connections if you have no aspirations for a long term relationship? When I was single I went out with sometimes 3 or 4 women in a week. I was single and having fun!! johndoe just has a jaded angry view about guys who date a lot. Buying people dinner for charity? Maybe his dates pay for themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted August 23, 2015 Author Share Posted August 23, 2015 Isn't dating about meeting a variety of people and seeing who you get a long with or even just the fact of making multiple connections if you have no aspirations for a long term relationship? When I was single I went out with sometimes 3 or 4 women in a week. I was single and having fun!! johndoe just has a jaded angry view about guys who date a lot. Buying people dinner for charity? Maybe his dates pay for themselves. but how long did the period of dating a million people last? and honestly the reason i ask is because i am interested. but it makes me feel depressed because apparently he doesn't ask me out. Link to post Share on other sites
johndoe2 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 johndoe just has a jaded angry view about guys who date a lot. Buying people dinner for charity? Maybe his dates pay for themselves. Never said there was anything wrong with dating lots of women, including for sex. And the charity remark was a joke. People sometimes make those. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 but how long did the period of dating a million people last? and honestly the reason i ask is because i am interested. but it makes me feel depressed because apparently he doesn't ask me out. Personally for me, It got old fast and mostly it was just friendly and having people to spend time with. I am sorry that you are interested in him and going through his escapades from the sidelines. Maybe just ask him out on a friendly date and let him know you are there. Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 People sometimes make those. Sorry I forget they do that sometimes. My sarcasm never works on here much so I get uptight sometimes Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 I know this guy in his 30's who comes off nice and polite. I found out however gradually that he basically dates a different girl every week. He is on Tinder and all the other websites. he'll go out with one girl Tuesday but a different girl Friday, and then he's back on Tinder looking for somebody else. And he has been doing this for a long time. He LOVES Tinder. And I hung out with him and others, he mentioned going on a date the previous week, but then he spied a girl while we were out and he was determined to get her number. I guess, he is just is a guy with a sweet tooth in candy store, he gets high on the fact he can attract women to go out with him, but once he dates them, his eye is onto someone else who he thinks is different or better. One of the problems of "supermarket" dating, there is always someone new and more exciting just a click away. He may have been badly burnt in the past, so doesn't want to get involved at all with women, or he just never gets second dates, or he is just a guy that likes validation and as long as they validate him by accepting his offers of a date, he will continue to act in his way. He is NOT relationship material - stay away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 I know this guy in his 30's who comes off nice and polite. I found out however gradually that he basically dates a different girl every week. He is on Tinder and all the other websites. he'll go out with one girl Tuesday but a different girl Friday, and then he's back on Tinder looking for somebody else. And he has been doing this for a long time. He LOVES Tinder. And I hung out with him and others, he mentioned going on a date the previous week, but then he spied a girl while we were out and he was determined to get her number. And he adds a lot of these girls on Facebook or Instagram. Perhaps it is because I don't have that dating pattern myself or didn't know guys who do this, so I don't understand it, but I am simply wondering the reasons behind this. Is that very common? And a more thoughtful detailed answer than "he just wants to date around" is requested. clearly he wants to date around because that's what he's doing. I just find first dates to often be tedious and not that enjoyable. why would somebody willingly go through them again and again? Because they can. Some enjoy the ego boost from dating a lot of people, some enjoy the variety. Usually they are not looking for a commitment but just want to have fun. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 but how long did the period of dating a million people last? and honestly the reason i ask is because i am interested. but it makes me feel depressed because apparently he doesn't ask me out. Don't get involved with him. How would you feel if you went out, knowing he's got his eyes wide open for other options? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Don't get involved with him. How would you feel if you went out, knowing he's got his eyes wide open for other options? Agreed, he is NOT to be looked on as a challenge. DO NOT think that YOU will be the girl who is SO special that he will settle down with you. He is 30+, his MO will be well established - HE will break your heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 DO NOT think that YOU will be the girl who is SO special that he will settle down with you. . Why not?? Don't most people date a bunch of people until they settle down with someone? Isn't that the whole definition of settle? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Why not?? Don't most people date a bunch of people until they settle down with someone? Isn't that the whole definition of settle? Because this guy has been doing this one week dating for a LOONG time, he loves Tinder, and even when hanging out with the OP, his eyes were on stalks wandering if he he could some other girls number... Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 He likely does it because he can. One day he'll decide to stop and have a relationship with someone. Never seen in my life a player or promiscuous guy struggle to get a wife if he so chooses. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted August 23, 2015 Author Share Posted August 23, 2015 Because this guy has been doing this one week dating for a LOONG time, he loves Tinder, and even when hanging out with the OP, his eyes were on stalks wandering if he he could some other girls number... EXACTLY. and not only does he do that when we're hanging out together, he hasn't even asked me out (but that could be because he has to regularly see me, but I am not sure). I honestly was trying to be open minded in answering this question, but I did have in my head that it isn't your regular, ordinary guy. This is not like anything I've personally ever seen - there is almost a sportsman-like aspect to this guy- as if he is hunting for sport. I really got the impression that it's like, a compulsion for him. Like he's ADDICTED (is that possible?!?!) And I agree that it would be really REALLY ill-advised attempt to change him or whatever think he's gonna suddenly settle down. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 EXACTLY. and not only does he do that when we're out together, he hasn't even asked me out (but that could be because he has to regularly see me, but I am not sure). I honestly was trying to be open minded in answering this question, but I did have in my head that it isn't your regular, ordinary guy. This is not like anything I've personally ever seen - there is almost a sportsman-like aspect to this guy- as if he is hunting for sport. I really got the impression that it's like, a compulsion for him. Like he's ADDICTED (is that possible?!?!) And I agree that it would be really REALLY ill-advised attempt to change him or whatever think he's gonna suddenly settle down. He could quite possibly be addicted to Tinder and the validation he gets from setting up dates with lots of different women a few times a week. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted August 23, 2015 Author Share Posted August 23, 2015 He could quite possibly be addicted to Tinder and the validation he gets from setting up dates with lots of different women a few times a week. i know for instance if he gets up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, he'll go look at tinder. he mentioned that once. Is it saying something about the person that he needs validation from Tinder? PS: In my last post i mistyped, I meant "asked" instead of "answered" Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 i know for instance if he gets up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, he'll go look at tinder. he mentioned that once. He's addicted... Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Same reason people drink, smoke, have random sex. It's a way to fill the void. Something to keep you busy and entertained. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 He's probably very empty inside and addicted to Tinder. Maybe he doesn't ask you out because he knows you personally and that would make it too emotionally unpalatable to play his game (whatever it is). Or maybe he just isn't attracted to you? I dunno. If you are interested, ask him out. If he says yes, you would get to experience his game first hand. But like the others said, the most likely outcome if you get attached to him is heartache. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 (edited) Why would a guy do this? Why would a guy NOT do this? Obviously he's very talented with women. Dating a different woman every night of the week guarantees he's being laid by at least one of them every week. Clearly that's the kind of life style he wants: Massive Playboy. He has no commitment to any of them, and is free to see, and do, all these women. This is becoming the new norm in the new "Hookup Culture." If you're interested: Tinder and Hookup-Culture Promotion | Vanity Fair I think this used to be looked down upon more in the past, now it's the new norm. It's actually more common to see this kind of guy, than the kind of guy that only dates one person. It doesn't have anything to do with being "empty inside" or him having low self esteem, or anything else. Single dude is just living the life. Edited August 23, 2015 by KatZee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HansonGirl Posted August 23, 2015 Author Share Posted August 23, 2015 Why would a guy do this? Why would a guy NOT do this? Obviously he's very talented with women. Dating a different woman every night of the week guarantees he's being laid by at least one of them every week. Clearly that's the kind of life style he wants: Massive Playboy. He has no commitment to any of them, and is free to see, and do, all these women. This is becoming the new norm in the new "Hookup Culture." If you're interested: Tinder and Hookup-Culture Promotion | Vanity Fair I think this used to be looked down upon more in the past, now it's the new norm. It's actually more common to see this kind of guy, than the kind of guy that only dates one person. It doesn't have anything to do with being "empty inside" or him having low self esteem, or anything else. Single dude is just living the life. omg how depressing. Link to post Share on other sites
walkingonair Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 I know this guy in his 30's who comes off nice and polite. I found out however gradually that he basically dates a different girl every week. He is on Tinder and all the other websites. he'll go out with one girl Tuesday but a different girl Friday, and then he's back on Tinder looking for somebody else. And he has been doing this for a long time. He LOVES Tinder. And I hung out with him and others, he mentioned going on a date the previous week, but then he spied a girl while we were out and he was determined to get her number. And he adds a lot of these girls on Facebook or Instagram. Perhaps it is because I don't have that dating pattern myself or didn't know guys who do this, so I don't understand it, but I am simply wondering the reasons behind this. Is that very common? And a more thoughtful detailed answer than "he just wants to date around" is requested. clearly he wants to date around because that's what he's doing. I just find first dates to often be tedious and not that enjoyable. why would somebody willingly go through them again and again? He's doing this because he don't want a long term relationship and has low self esteem. He needs to feed his ego and going on dates and sleeping with women and knowing that they like him feeds his ego and makes him feel good. Best not to date a guy like that if you want something serious.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Well there are two reasons: 1) Most of the women he dates don't want to date him again, so he has to keep going out with new ones. I'm in this boat since most don't want second dates with me. 2) He is hoping for sex on first or second dates and, being impatient, failing to achieve this goal, gives up and looks for the next prospect. I assume it works for him at least occasionally, other wise he would probably stop doing it? Or perhaps he likes buying people dinner and it's his own weird kind of charity. 3). Unsure his past history but if he recently ended a marriage/LTR he may not want something serious and is more interested in meeting new people and seeing what out there. 4) if it's a lot of one and fines maybe he is being more picky in who he dates or maybe he is expecting a kiss at minimum on a first date and if it doesn't happen he moves on. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 i know for instance if he gets up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, he'll go look at tinder. he mentioned that once. Is it saying something about the person that he needs validation from Tinder? PS: In my last post i mistyped, I meant "asked" instead of "answered" I think he looks at you as a friend only. You know his past. If he had little luck in dating then found tinder and it seemed yo work for him. Something has happened in the online dating world that didn't happen pre-online.... People tend to be more shallow and picky with online dating hoping to find this dream relationship everyone dreams about. Thus with the initial dates they tend to find faults with them and sees grass greener in the next match. Thus passing over perfectly acceptable people to at least date a few times. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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