highseas Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 How many of you feel or fear that you may never experience true, passionate, caring love, the kind that is the stuff of deep bonds and poetry and love songs? How many of you have ever watched a romantic movie or heard a love song (which ones?) that is so moving and deep and unconditional as to make you teary and you feel that nothing you have ever experienced can compare? Do you feel or fear that you may live to old age and--despite some more or less "successful" relationships--never experience that kind of feeling? And how old are you? If you're in your teens and 20s I suppose it's ok. But what if you're approaching middle age and this is happening? Well, I ask because sometimes I do feel that I may just "fall through the cracks". It just may not--or may never--happen to me in life, and I will just go muddling through it without finding true love? It's such a depressing thought. I put some effort into it--asking ladies out in person or online and as another poster put it, Love with a capital L is hard to find. And what happens if you simply don't find it (or it doesn't find you?) I think my other areas of life are pretty well developed already--career, finances, friendships. But the dating/romance department is still pretty underdeveloped, and has been so for sometime, and who knows, it looks to stay that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Seems like a wasted life to me. I couldn't imagine not being in love my whole life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Strongrunner Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I think finding love sometimes takes some work. On the other hand it always happens when you least expect it! My first serious love happened when I was 24, I met him at work. Initially it was just friends and then it developed into love, we were together for 15 years before he died last year and left me with 2 amazing sons. I thought that was it for me, I will never find love again. But I started a new job 2 years later in a company with only 2 male colleagues and yes guess what, I fell in love again! I wasn't looking for it, I just met the right person. I don't fall easily by the way, I have dated but just never found that connection until I was 24. My sister has been trying to find love for years (in her 30's) and started joining clubs and associations to meet like minded people. That is where it happened she met a great guy at a book club and is now head over heels. I think you need to put yourself in the right place. Not bars and clubs but with like minded people for a start. Then stop looking and it will happen! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cessna Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Seems like a wasted life to me. I couldn't imagine not being in love my whole life. Seems a little patronising that view. As if my life has less meaning than yours because I'm not in love and I don't see myself falling in love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
emerald86 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Seems like a wasted life to me. I couldn't imagine not being in love my whole life. I know there are some people who believe this, but I personally don't see it as a wasted life. I'm in my mid-20s and I've never been in love, but I feel like I would be okay even if I were to never fall in love. I just feel like life has so much to offer that I'd be happy even if I were to never find true love. All the things I can do, people I can meet, hobbies I can take up--there's just so much excitement out there! But maybe I say this because I'm still quite young, who knows. Even though I've never been in love, I'm currently infatuated with someone and I feel like he's adding more happiness to my life--even more than I had previously. I feel like true love should do the same--add to what you already have in your life. I feel it's important to be comfortable in your own skin first. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I don't think you're alone. I know that, at this point, I'm not sure what love is. I have longed for someone, but is that love? Is that just lust? Or loneliness? Of all the literature, idioms and songs in the world, you can tell you're not the only one. As one saying goes "It's better to love and lost than to never have loved at all".. if someone can make that comparison, then you would know that it's possible to never have loved at all. As I've gotten older, the queen song "Somebody to love" to me has taken on the meaning that it's hard to find someone for you to love. (When I was younger, I thought it was more like a loneliness and where is my love to why can't I fall in love with all of these people I've dated) Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Happiness is meant to be shared; sorrow never is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii51 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Happiness is meant to be shared; sorrow never is. But the ones who love you with share in that as well. @OP.. do you love yourself? meaning: do you take care of yourself? have hobbies? look at your self and what you've accomplished and are proud? do you challenge yourself? stick up for yourself? Just curious, cause I know a lot of people who speak of wanting love, to be in it and share, but they don't love themselves. they don't take care of themselves and they don't enjoy life in the privacy of their own minds.. i dunno, just ramblings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Vyliss Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I've been in love many times and right now I'm falling in love again... and I wouldn't say I'm someone who falls in love easily either. I do think that people who have never fallen in love are scared to actually fall. I have this belief that anyone can technically "fall in love" with anyone provided their hearts are open to it. So why have you not? Being in love is about forming true/close intimate connections with people. Maybe you're not opening yourself enough, and because you're guarded, it makes other people guarded too when they're around you. I find people who doesn't want to connect on any intimate level will always keep people at a distance that prevents "love" to happen. Here's something to think about: * How often do you share your fears, hopes and dreams with people? * How often do you allow yourself to be vulnerable and truly say what you feel and think * How often do you talk about tough moments in your life with others? Such as moments when you were let down, felt scared, felt abandoned etc? When you open the doors to these kind of conversations, that's when true love can come through. It's also why love can be the greatest source for happiness and also the greatest source for pain. The fear is you could be rejected and that **** hurts cos it's the real you they're rejecting. Someone said you need to love yourself first before you can love someone else. I don't know, there's plenty of people who have low self-esteems and feel they don't deserve love... and yet they are falling in love and finding love everyday. It's because they opened up to someone and that person saw them truly for who they were, connected on those deep levels and fell in love with them. Just something to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author highseas Posted August 22, 2015 Author Share Posted August 22, 2015 (edited) To answer some of your questions about loving myself: I think it is true that have some self-esteem issues. A couple of people that I've opened up to said that I need to love myself first, etc. I do have accomplishments. I would say I do quite well for myself in terms of careers and the regular things. I have some hobbies also. I don't have a ton of friends, but the friends I have tend to be close. I tend to be reserved, but do open up to a handful of friends (nearly all of them male; I think I only have one really close female friend; I'm male). But in the romance department things don't look good at all, and have never looked good. I have dated quite a few women but none really worked out or advanced to the high level. Sometime I feel that I would go through life without ever being in love, or be loved a woman that I love, and that is kind of depressing because I feel that in most other areas of life, I have most of what I want or need. I also feel that this loveless feeling is perhaps affecting my career in the sense that I lack drive and motivation and feel down constantly. It also doesn't help matters that most of my close friends are faraway. Edited August 22, 2015 by highseas 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii51 Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Well starting with you is definitely the wise choice- You are the common denominator between you and... every woman in existence. When you've been on dates in the past, are they fun? are you both laughing- is she laughing? not that you have to stick our and be some all around amazing charismatic guy, but you should stick out in your own regard (which I'm sure you do). Ever try angling your search toward women who into the same hobbies you are. Or maybe reach out to some male friends and do some group stuff. A lot of the issues with meeting someone of the opposite sex go out the window when you're in a group. There's no real ice-breaking involved, just have a good time and be yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author highseas Posted August 29, 2015 Author Share Posted August 29, 2015 (edited) Thank you for the responses again. I've been going through these feelings on a regular basis, sometimes better than the others. I still don't quite know how to "start with myself" or let love begin from within exactly. As I mentioned, I have a good career, making decent income, have my own house, car, and friends, live comfortably, and have some hobbies, but no romance has ever flourished. I mean EVER. I'm moving into the late 30s now and looking all the way back to high school and beyond, all I see are failures in romance, accompanied by quite good progress in other areas of life. So in that sense, I have somehow managed to do well despite it all, but have failed utterly in romance. I am not handsome, but probably a 6 or 7 depending on who sees me I guess. I have reached out to women--not often, but I have, and it's mostly rejections. The few dates that come once in a blue moon end soon after. I think women see me as lacking in sparks and wit and fun and confidence (and I never understand how uneducated guys with no jobs or anything have "confidence" and are attracting women left and right). I am boring to women, it appears. This whole situation, to me, is made even worst by the fact that I used to think when younger I didn't have enough of accomplishment, enough money, my own place, or stuff like that. Now I have it all (not rich or anything, but very comfortable financially) and I am still not making it with women. And all of this is really too embarrassing to admit to anyone but a couple of my closest friends. It seems like I don't register on any woman's radar screen at all. Once in a LONG while a woman seems to show interest and things never come to anything. I don't know where I'm going with this exactly, but I guess it's a place for me to admit this failure anonymously and hopefully get some perspectives. I feel that I can no longer carry on life like this, being alone, for the next 5, 10, 30 years, when I will have become old and frail. I feel that I can barely function emotionally. I just want a woman I love to love me back. That is all. Edited August 29, 2015 by highseas Link to post Share on other sites
SawtoothMars Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 I have reached out to women--not often, but I have, and it's mostly rejections. The few dates that come once in a blue moon end soon after. I think women see me as lacking in sparks and wit and fun and confidence (and I never understand how uneducated guys with no jobs or anything have "confidence" and are attracting women left and right). I am boring to women, it appears. This whole situation, to me, is made even worst by the fact that I used to think when younger I didn't have enough of accomplishment, enough money, my own place, or stuff like that. Now I have it all (not rich or anything, but very comfortable financially) and I am still not making it with women. And all of this is really too embarrassing to admit to anyone but a couple of my closest friends. It seems like I don't register on any woman's radar screen at all. Once in a LONG while a woman seems to show interest and things never come to anything. I don't know where I'm going with this exactly, but I guess it's a place for me to admit this failure anonymously and hopefully get some perspectives. I feel that I can no longer carry on life like this, being alone, for the next 5, 10, 30 years, when I will have become old and frail. I feel that I can barely function emotionally. I just want a woman I love to love me back. That is all. All I can say to you is that you have to believe it can happen before it does. Link to post Share on other sites
mrnova Posted August 29, 2015 Share Posted August 29, 2015 Seems a little patronising that view. As if my life has less meaning than yours because I'm not in love and I don't see myself falling in love. I agree 100%. Same goes with the people that get married and have kids. Somehow in their minds they think they are better than people are better than single people without kids. Like it is some big accomplishment(SP). Link to post Share on other sites
WonderKid Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 I know what it's like to love my family and friends. And myself. That's all the love I needed to experience. To meet a stranger and love eventually, that's just a bonus. Whether that happens doesn't matter to me. It'll take a lot for me to love someone like that. I don't really believe in it. I've seen and experienced so much betrayal, deceit, artificiality, that it is finding a needle in a haystack. Some people don't want to find the needle they just want to burn the haystack lol Im not willing to rush into that. It's too mentally heavy at this age of my life. I am only 25. And I think I have been putting too much energy into something that isn't and won't benefit my life. Link to post Share on other sites
SoftViolin Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 OP, so I am going to say something you might not like: so what if "love" and marriage never happens to you? What if, as you say, in 30 years you are frail and alone? Does that mean your life counted for nothing? And moreover, if that will happen, do you want to spend the next 30 years neglecting all the good things in your life and concentrating on the fact that you don't have a "love" in your life? You are a person living on this earth. You have relatives, friends, you touch people's lives on a daily basis. Concentrate on that, on the impact - which even if tiny on the scale of universe - matters to someone. Go out, meet people, volunteer for causes, make a career change if it's getting dull. But really learning to be OK with yourself, with just being by yourself is so tough, but necessary for any healthy relationship in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted August 30, 2015 Share Posted August 30, 2015 If you don't find love then you don't find love. What can we do? Link to post Share on other sites
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