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Those who do OLD, does this bug you?


catlady11

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This annoys me and I don't know if I should lighten up or not. If I should tell me lol.

 

I get guys that message me and the first thing they'll message is something like "hey sweetie!" or along those lines and that's it. It's a turn-off to have someone I don't even know use a term of endearment like that.

 

I'm messaging a guy now and his first message to me was about a paragraph long and thoughtful and made me want to message him back. After that first message all his messages are short and he never asks me anything about myself (basic questions to get to know someone) and it's like pulling teeth. How difficult can it be to have give and take with another person? Maybe he's better in person. It actually feels like WORK messaging some guys because they don't know how to do the basic give and take.

 

Should I say something? If so, what? I'm not asking for an essay when they message me but sheesh lol.

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Just wait until someone with a brain messages you...ignore the flakes, users, losers, whiners, crazies, nut cases, liars, and basement dwellers.

 

 

....it may take you a while...but C'est la vie

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I tend to stop messaging them if they don't ask questions.

 

Isn't that a basic tenant of dating? Getting to know someone?

 

If it feels like pulling teeth—stop.

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I ignore full-stop all the "Hey!" "Hey cutie!" "How are you tonight?" "Hi" "You're hot!" and similar short, one word/liner first messages. They probably message 100 women a day that way, and we women receive 100 of them too. No effort at all. Save your own energy for a guy who writes you a tailored message.

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I ignore full-stop all the "Hey!" "Hey cutie!" "How are you tonight?" "Hi" "You're hot!" and similar short, one word/liner first messages. They probably message 100 women a day that way, and we women receive 100 of them too. No effort at all. Save your own energy for a guy who writes you a tailored message.

 

I second this. I would ignore those messages. It's like, WHYYYY???

 

I mean, do people really think putting in that kind of minimal effort nets results? Please.

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I immediately block the ones who right away say "hey cutie" or things like that.

 

In my profile on both the top and bottom of the page I put that I am looking for someone local. You would not believe how many messages I get from guys who are definitely not local. They'll even message me and ask if 45 minutes away is local enough. So I put in my profile that if you need to message me to ask if you're local you're probably not. Or else they ask if I'll make an exception.

 

The one guy I'm messaging started out great but I don't know what his deal is. I know he's replying from his phone and he's working 6 days a week but still. What's ironic is that he's written a book (it's on Amazon, got good reviews) so he must know how to write lol.

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Ruby Slippers

A general rule in dating, whether online or not, is not to bother with a guy who doesn't make it easy and fun to date him, including messaging, communicating, dating, and all the rest.

 

The guys worth getting to know will make it very easy on you to get to know them. Anything less is a waste of your time.

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You should also consider that a guy may not want to go back and forth being pen pals before actually meeting you. He really should ask you out already in this case or have moved the conversation to the phone at least.

 

I do a great deal of OLD and I find that it is best not to be too wordy before meeting up with someone. First date is not as exciting if you have already answered all of the good questions. I believe guys really screw themselves up many times by saying too much too soon and not being careful about what they say. "Hey, cutie" is a great example of this. When in doubt, say less.

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Women do it too.

 

When I was doing OLD I didn't get as many messages as women get but I still got frequent messages. I would say about half of them were of the hiya handsome one-line variety.

 

I'm not annoyed easily but I wasn't impressed either. Still, I would read the profile and if it was awesome I might respond. Otherwise just ignore.

 

I didn't like the long letters either.

 

A short, funny message with a question was the best way to get me to respond.

Edited by Jj66
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I tend to stop messaging them if they don't ask questions.

 

Isn't that a basic tenant of dating? Getting to know someone?

 

If it feels like pulling teeth—stop.

 

That's because these dudes AREN'T trying to get to know you.

 

Online dating has degraded dating into what is now the "hookup culture." It is such a cesspool of garbage and for the life of me I don't understand why amazing women are even on these sites anymore.

 

I'm not going to say ALL guys, but an extremely high percentage and the vast majority of guys with these online profiles aren't looking to be in relationships. They don't care about who you are, you're just another body to try and bang.

 

I had a couple online profiles up months ago and after reading this (Replace Tinder with any online dating site you're a member of):

 

Tinder and Hookup-Culture Promotion | Vanity Fair

 

I completely deleted every profile I had, scrubbed the internet clean, and have zero intention of going back.

 

They're not looking to put effort into you, most of them don't even read your profile. "Hey sweetie" is their bait. For every one who is like "Oh gross" there are three others going, "Awwwww" and there he has it. Another body, hook-line-sinker.

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That's because these dudes AREN'T trying to get to know you.

 

Online dating has degraded dating into what is now the "hookup culture." It is such a cesspool of garbage and for the life of me I don't understand why amazing women are even on these sites anymore.

 

I'm not going to say ALL guys, but an extremely high percentage and the vast majority of guys with these online profiles aren't looking to be in relationships. They don't care about who you are, you're just another body to try and bang.

 

I had a couple online profiles up months ago and after reading this (Replace Tinder with any online dating site you're a member of):

 

Tinder and Hookup-Culture Promotion | Vanity Fair

 

I completely deleted every profile I had, scrubbed the internet clean, and have zero intention of going back.

 

They're not looking to put effort into you, most of them don't even read your profile. "Hey sweetie" is their bait. For every one who is like "Oh gross" there are three others going, "Awwwww" and there he has it. Another body, hook-line-sinker.

 

I agree with you about the hook up culture but women are a part of it as well. Many women just want somebody to bang as well. Nothing wrong with it from either gender as long as people are honest and upfront about their intentions. The state of dating these days is the fault of both men and women.

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I ignore full-stop all the "Hey!" "Hey cutie!" "How are you tonight?" "Hi" "You're hot!" and similar short, one word/liner first messages. They probably message 100 women a day that way, and we women receive 100 of them too. No effort at all. Save your own energy for a guy who writes you a tailored message.

 

Yes, this exactly. I don't need a long message but I appreciate at least a few lines that show the guy looked at my profile and took a few seconds to come up with something. I just deleted my Plenty of Fish account because all I was getting was the hey type message. I have been having a lot more success with OkCupid.

 

With that said, I also write my profile with some quirky or interesting things that allow guys to easily come up with a unique message. Try not to have a generic or too short profile that leaves them unsure of what to say.

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Just wait until someone with a brain messages you...ignore the flakes, users, losers, whiners, crazies, nut cases, liars, and basement dwellers.

 

 

....it may take you a while...but C'est la vie

 

 

Add SCAMMERS to the list as well.

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When I did OLD, I was never annoyed by the one-word or one-line messages, but that's probably no surprise coming from me, the one-line queen.

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That's because these dudes AREN'T trying to get to know you.

 

Online dating has degraded dating into what is now the "hookup culture." It is such a cesspool of garbage and for the life of me I don't understand why amazing women are even on these sites anymore.

 

I'm not going to say ALL guys, but an extremely high percentage and the vast majority of guys with these online profiles aren't looking to be in relationships. They don't care about who you are, you're just another body to try and bang.

 

I had a couple online profiles up months ago and after reading this (Replace Tinder with any online dating site you're a member of):

 

Tinder and Hookup-Culture Promotion | Vanity Fair

 

I completely deleted every profile I had, scrubbed the internet clean, and have zero intention of going back.

 

They're not looking to put effort into you, most of them don't even read your profile. "Hey sweetie" is their bait. For every one who is like "Oh gross" there are three others going, "Awwwww" and there he has it. Another body, hook-line-sinker.

 

As someone who's always tried to chase a real relationship.. that kinda breaks my heart to be honest... I think I need a drink...

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Michelle ma Belle

Yep, this all sounds oddly familiar.

 

I guess I'm glad to hear I wasn't alone...?

 

Regardless, the longer you do the OLD the less tolerant you become with all the bullsh*t but unfortunately, this is how dating is done anymore :/

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When I did OLD, I was never annoyed by the one-word or one-line messages, but that's probably no surprise coming from me, the one-line queen.

I like the way that fitted in one line...at least on my browser and monitor

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Thats why I read their profiles.

 

If their profile just says

 

"I am a really great guy - if you want to get to know me just ask"

 

I end up sitting there thinking "ask you about what - what can I talk to you about?" There is nothing for me to start a conversation with and nothing for me to try and talk to them about.

 

If their profile has some quirky comments, some details about them and they seem like the sort of person I would get on with then I have something to go on.

 

We ALL have a responsibility to make an effort. It shouldn't just be laid down on one person.

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I mean, do people really think putting in that kind of minimal effort nets results? Please.
The two prevailing strategies on OLD are: Low Volume / High Effort messages and High Volume / Low Effort messages. What works for one person may not work for another. The high volume strategy certainly yields some success. If it did not, no one would be using it.

 

While I've never gone the "Hey cutie" route, I've found that mass messages worked better for me than carefully tailored messages to a select few. Once I received a response to my initial message, the second message would be well crafted.

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impatiently_patient

Well, guys like myself who once made a concerted effort to construct articulate, personalized, intelligent, & inquisitive messages gave up after the hundredth non-response.

 

Enjoy your retards, ladies. You reap what you sow.

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As I guy I constantly get this from women too. Heck, I don't think I've ever received a message from a woman that was longer than 3 lines. That didn't even equal 3 sentences. xD

Yet when I write a custom tailored message to their profile, guys like myself are then instantly accused of writing a copy / paste message.

Go figure, but this seems more like the "damned if you do / damned if you don't" mentality. :rolleyes:

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I see this complaint all the time, yet in my experience, sending messages to 600+ women, they don't respond to the detailed or one small paragraph messages either, so I don't know what the hell women want anymore.

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Well, guys like myself who once made a concerted effort to construct articulate, personalized, intelligent, & inquisitive messages gave up after the hundredth non-response.

 

Enjoy your retards, ladies. You reap what you sow.

 

100% this. Why would I take the time when it results in a non response, or even worse when they respond to a paragraph with 4 Words... And you are thinking wow, great effort. Way to give it your almost.

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The two prevailing strategies on OLD are: Low Volume / High Effort messages and High Volume / Low Effort messages. What works for one person may not work for another. The high volume strategy certainly yields some success. If it did not, no one would be using it.

Yeah, it yields more success for guys looking to get laid. Nobody is going to reply to those unless they are also looking for the same thing. And guys who do that are in an incredibly saturated market so their chances of success are low, and very much dependent on their looks/pics.

 

The low volume/high effort approach always worked very well for me. But then I had good pics and a great profile which 99% of guys don't. It's actually pretty easy to get into the top 1% of profiles because the bar is set so low.

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