ljn1650 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I recently read an interesting article by Natalie Lue on the Baggage Reclaim blog that really struck a chord with me: After The Whirlwind Romance - When You're Fast Forwarded | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue Basically,the concept is that a man is so smitten and so adoring of you that you allow him to rush you through the stages of dating and promises you the world, but when reality hits and the relationship becomes serious, he bails because he can't handle the reality of the commitment he has promised. I guess another term would be 'blowtorching' and then fading out.When you look back on the relationship, there are glaring red flags that you just didn't notice (or chose not to notice) at the time. What do you think motivates a man to do this? Insecurity? Haunted by previous bad experiences? Do you think he ever really cared about the woman or it was all just a fantasy? Have you ever experienced this with a man? Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I recently read an interesting article by Natalie Lue on the Baggage Reclaim blog that really struck a chord with me: After The Whirlwind Romance - When You're Fast Forwarded | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue Basically,the concept is that a man is so smitten and so adoring of you that you allow him to rush you through the stages of dating and promises you the world, but when reality hits and the relationship becomes serious, he bails because he can't handle the reality of the commitment he has promised. I guess another term would be 'blowtorching' and then fading out.When you look back on the relationship, there are glaring red flags that you just didn't notice (or chose not to notice) at the time. What do you think motivates a man to do this? Insecurity? Haunted by previous bad experiences? Do you think he ever really cared about the woman or it was all just a fantasy? Have you ever experienced this with a man? I'm guilty of this. I did this really bad with my GF. I fast-forwarded her so hard we blew through all the dating and courtship and started looking for an apartment together after a couple months. It's interesting to read that there's actually a name for what I was doing "fast-forwarding". We've been together for less than six months and we're already talking about marriage. 1st date = first kiss 2nd date = discussion of exclusivity, sex 3 weeks = "I love you" 2 months = looking for apartment together 4 months = discussions of marriage But now to defend my fast-forwarding... I never cooled off. We love each other more every day. Rushing things did open up a bunch of problems most couples don't get into until a few years like discussions of our sexual history, the domestic issues of cohabitation, shared finances etc. But we worked through those things during the early months and now it seems to be smooth sailing. It was actually a blessing getting those types of problems out of the way before we became deeply entrenched in the relationship. As for why I "fast-forwarded" the relationship... There was certainly a pedestal or fantasy involved. I was smitten with her for 10+ years before we started dating, so I had already decided in my heart that I wanted to have a LTR with her. Also insecurity plays a big role. I felt she was a very "hot commodity" and I wanted to have her all to myself. I didn't want to risk losing her to someone else, so subconsciously I was always rushing to commit more and more, with the notion that the faster things go, the less likely you will be to lose them. So yes insecurity is a part of it, but part of it is also knowing that you have a good thing and wanting to hold on to it. But I absolutely care about her and still love her just as much as I did from the start. Whirlwind romances do have a high probability of burning out, but when they last it's a foundation for a long lasting and passionate relationship. I would never want anything but a whirlwind romance. Everything else grows with time, but the initial excitement and passion still hasn't left our relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 Yes, this has happened to me. Turned out he was much more interested in the fantasy of a relationship than the reality of one. Crashed and burned pretty quickly too. And you know what? He's done it again since we split up. He likes the thrill but gets bored quickly and needs a lot of validation from different women. No thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I used to fast-forward. Now I go too slow. Eventually I will get it right. Or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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