Guy re-appeared after months then disappeared again

[venusinlibra]

I met a hot guy back in January and we really hit it off and had a lot in common. I tried to pace things and let him do most of the chasing. He said he was "ready" for a relationship. I told him that I was raised to take the guy's lead and didn't really know how to chase. He kept bringing up another date that I had went on after our first date, but before our second. He was clearly jealous and later on, admitted it. I was fed up with his behavior and started ignoring him.

 

There was silence for three days and then he started calling and texting constantly, even though I ignored him. I finally answered and he said he'd been waiting to hear from me and thought I didn't want to date again. I said I thought the same, reminded him that I didn't chase, and said I was keeping my options open. Then he said we could be friends and claimed our senses of humor were different. I was relieved to be "friends", and we opened up more. He refused to close the romantic relationship possibility door between us and kept acting like a boyfriend, alternating between saying we're " just friends", encouraging me to date others, then getting jealous when I did meet other men. He said that Anerican women (he's from a Latin country) don't want a nice guy and they like you better when you ignore them.

 

I got fed up, ignored him and moved on with life. I even had other boyfriends, but occasionally thought of him and what could have been. Six months later and three days after I became single again (after a brief but bad relationship), he popped back up.

 

He admitted he had thought of me the entire time and had been scared to reach out and didn't expect to hear back from me, thinking I'd gotten married. He said he was jealous of the guy who was my ex boyfriend. We had a date and that's when he found out just how bad the last relationship was, and he wanted to beat up the other guy. (My ex was jailed for what he did to me.) On our date, he took me out to get a manicure and paid for it and our dinner too. He went on and on about what a great mom I would be. He said I need to heal from my recent surgery and deal with that other guy, claiming he wasn't ready for relationship either but might be after I get everything sorted out. We messed around, but he wouldn't have sex with me. We have been a little flirty since then with me initiating. We recently became Facebook friends and two different women have posted about being with him, two different Sundays in a row. Based on his Facebook history, this has never happened. Other men have commented on my cute photos, but he has not even liked the pics. I can't help but wonder if he is trying to make me jealous and chase him. I don't know why he thougt of me all of these months, reached out to me (which he admitted was hard and scary), only to pull back and talk to other women. Thoughts? I know today is hard day for him because it's the birthday of a close family member who had passed (he doesn't know that I know this), and we kind of bonded early on because we lost the same relative suddenly and know what it's like.

 

Any opinions and/or advice would be appreciated.

Edited August 16, 2015 by venusinlibra

[La.Primavera]

Bad communication and jealousy is a terrible mix for a relationship. It results in lots of game playing, confusion and hurt feelings, especially when you involve social media. It sounds like you have been through a lot recently. I think you should reconsider getting involved with this guy again. It doesn't sound like it is going to make you happy in the long run. Do whatever feels right for you.