Wisecrack Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 (edited) I know you shouldn't but it is hard not to compare. Heck, why should one define their life by the woman in it? I guess I never thought I'd be where I am today. See I'm 25, with a year to go before I am a qualified physical therapist, not much of a social life due to study commitments and not being fond of drinking. I've exhausted all avenue's in terms of meeting woman. See the thing is I caught up with some close friends from a while back. The majority are in a relationship. A few of the guys continue to pull woman every weekend out. Then there is me. It doesn't help that they continue to be super inquisitive about whom I am seeing even if I am telling the truth of being single, they won't believe it. I've got this 'rep' as that super social guy, things happening in his life and living it up. I guess I've had a bad run with woman followed by this very long dry spell. Couple that with a study intensive medical degree and here I am, home early on a weekend night trying to hit the books but ending up on LL feeling sorry for myself. Heck my grades are barely holding up and here I am letting woman get the better of me. I guess I'm pouring my heart out in the hopes someone here has been in my shoes and has some advice? I am honestly struggling as it seems everyone else's life seems so much better than mine; that I've in a sense got nothing going for me. To finish it off, I feel like that guy that everyone who sees and knows thinks of as that happy, cheery go lucky guy but deep down he carries the burden of depression. Edited August 15, 2015 by Wisecrack Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 I am honestly struggling as it seems everyone else's life seems so much better than mine; that I've in a sense got nothing going for me. Seems is the operative word. Things that seem aren't necessarily the truth of the matter. Everyone has their hell that they're carrying on their backs. No one's life is better than anyone else's--they're just very adept at deflecting attention off of them and what is going on in their lives. To finish it off, I feel like that guy that everyone who sees and knows thinks of as that happy, cheery go lucky guy but deep down he carries the burden of depression. You should get treated for depression, not put up with it. Right now, you're going through an emotional famine because your focus is on getting your life and livelihood squared away. It's a season--and seasons change. Famine will give way to feast. Trust the process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Learningtowalkagain Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 25...really? Dude I'm 39 and a single father. All my friends are married. My last serious relationship (1 year) was January. Since then I've dated around and had casual sex but I'm not ready for another relationship because I'm still trying to focus on myself. Age is just a number. Lucky for me I look late 20's early 30's. Back to you, people also perceive me as the happy guy. Truth is I suffer from OCD/mild depression/PTSD. It took me a long time to accept I needed help with these issues. Now that I'm getting help (meds and therapy) I definitely feel like a different person. Some things you can do: Keep your ultimate goal in mind which is finishing your schooling. Women will always be around, don't blow your opportunity. STOP STOP STOP comparing yourself to other people. This is self destructive. My therapist beat it into my head that I do this too often. You're going to drive yourself crazy. One of my best friends is the alpha male type, good looking, funny, great personality, naturally draws people to him, georgeous awesome wife etc. I would often compare myself to him which was bad because we're totally different people. If you're struggling with meeting women or maintaining interest, read some self help books about women, improving yourself, and your behaviors. Put these things into action. Youtube has a ton of free stuff and there are a ton of resources on the internet too. So basically this help is out there for free. If you don't already, go to the gym. It'll help you look and feel better. Even if you're just doing small workouts still go. Build yourself up. In summary, stop being so hard on yourself. Relax a little. Enjoy life. You are not defined by the woman you're with. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Many guys don't come into their own in the dating world until their mid 20s. As an educated professional with a well respected and well paying career, your dating market value is going to be very good. And your chances of getting a quality woman is going to be a lot higher than your skirt chasing buddies picking up drunk party girls at bars. Hit the gym and get some visible muscle development. Update your wardrobe so you have some stylish, well-fitting clothes. Update your hair style to something contemporary and if you wear glasses, either get contacts or LASIK or at minimum, get a contemporary style of frames. Then if you continue to be social and have good interpersonal skills, you will soon be swim'n in women. Your buddies who were picking up drunk party girls at the bars have gathered all the fallen fruit. The good fruit still on the tree will be for your pickings now. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Right now, you're going through an emotional famine because your focus is on getting your life and livelihood squared away. It's a season--and seasons change. Famine will give way to feast. Trust the process. Very well said ^^^^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 (edited) I don't have any advice, just a 'me too' so you know you're not the only one who struggles with this. I'm 29, I look okay, I have a job, and am finishing a masters degree. But I haven't been in a relationship in five years. Although I've been on lots of dates with girls since my last relationship, none of them have wanted a relationship with me. I've tried almost everything to find a girlfriend, online dating, joining clubs, going to the gym, letting coworkers know I'm looking, but I have yet to find a girlfriend. All we can do is keep putting ourselves out there, try to keep a positive attitude so at least we don't look like this is bothering us, and hopefully one day our luck will change. Edited August 15, 2015 by oberkeat Link to post Share on other sites
sportygirl89 Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 You cannot be the only single person you know. Hang out with them. I know my church has a singles group through church. I don't often think about being single with them. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 I guess I'm pouring my heart out in the hopes someone here has been in my shoes and has some advice? I am honestly struggling as it seems everyone else's life seems so much better than mine; that I've in a sense got nothing going for me. I went through the same thing my first year in graduate school. Got along well with people but it seemed that all the women I met were coupled. Add to that no money, no car -- being young and single seemed to be a total waste of time. Right now, you're going through an emotional famine because your focus is on getting your life and livelihood squared away. It's a season--and seasons change. Famine will give way to feast. Trust the process. This is what I should have done but I didn't. When you are young, you want everything to be resolved NOW, but emotional maturity and satisfaction is a marathon, not a sprint. You have time now to really think about and lay the foundation for what you want your life to be physically (health/fitness), professionally, spiritually, financially, and leisurely (hobbies/interests). Take everything in baby steps and be patient with yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Do you have no family around OP? I have no partner, friends have all been off on holidays and with their families lately and I have no family at all except for my brother who is on the other side of the world. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Heh, back during those years I celebrated it. I've got old movies I took where I'd have 30-40 people out to the house and put on a spread and they'd be drinking, talking, playing volleyball in the pool, kids roaming around the property and, yup, I'd be the only single person there, the host. That's how I dealt with it. During those years, not only was I single, I wasn't really dating that much and was still a virgin. All my friends were married. Still, good times. We make of life what we want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Wisecrack. I am there. Everyone thinks my life is so wonderful but in all honest truth I am lonely. Really lonely. I have wonderful friends and family but I am the only person in my social circles who is not married and doesn't have children. It sucks. So what am I doing about it? Well when I feel down in the dumps I concentrate on getting up off of my backside and trying to make life better. It might be going out and getting fitter. I might shop for some books to learn something new. I might just go and get some chocolate bars and give them out to random strangers. Your 25. A heck of a lot younger than I am. Never mind what everyone else is doing concentrate on you. Make your goal to get higher marks in your next assessment or to go over those topics you have been struggling with and really get to grips with them. Concentrate on making time to have fun and do things you enjoy. The rest will all fall into place eventually but right now you have bigger things to worry about than what everyone else is doing. Concentrate on what you are doing instead. When you do go out talk to women and get to know them. That way you are less likely to get hurt and you will also have practice ready for when you do want to date again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wisecrack Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Thanks for the kind words guys. I guess I shouldn't have had a couple drinks and let it all out. I'm still feeling heaviness inside of me but yes, I will keep my goal in my eyes in front of me and see the bigger picture. I guess it is just that hard to think when at the end of the day, everyone goes home to someone except you. Heck some of my friends already have a child on the way and it feels like they're getting on with their life. But yes. Comparing will kill. I've just got to keep on track with my own life and judge me for myself. I hope. Link to post Share on other sites
cookiemonster26 Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 I know you shouldn't but it is hard not to compare. Heck, why should one define their life by the woman in it? I guess I never thought I'd be where I am today. See I'm 25, with a year to go before I am a qualified physical therapist, not much of a social life due to study commitments and not being fond of drinking. I've exhausted all avenue's in terms of meeting woman. See the thing is I caught up with some close friends from a while back. The majority are in a relationship. A few of the guys continue to pull woman every weekend out. Then there is me. It doesn't help that they continue to be super inquisitive about whom I am seeing even if I am telling the truth of being single, they won't believe it. I've got this 'rep' as that super social guy, things happening in his life and living it up. I guess I've had a bad run with woman followed by this very long dry spell. Couple that with a study intensive medical degree and here I am, home early on a weekend night trying to hit the books but ending up on LL feeling sorry for myself. Heck my grades are barely holding up and here I am letting woman get the better of me. I guess I'm pouring my heart out in the hopes someone here has been in my shoes and has some advice? I am honestly struggling as it seems everyone else's life seems so much better than mine; that I've in a sense got nothing going for me. To finish it off, I feel like that guy that everyone who sees and knows thinks of as that happy, cheery go lucky guy but deep down he carries the burden of depression. I am also 25 and kind of feel the same way, you arent tbe only one, i think dating just isnt what it used to be. No body wants to commit, everyone plays mind games, but it seems like you have so much going on for you. I bet there are tons of women who would want to be with you, you jist havent met them yet, but you will Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Until they're all married, you're not the last single one "left." Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 When you are young, you want everything to be resolved NOW, but emotional maturity and satisfaction is a marathon, not a sprint. ^^^^This. Right. Here. Link to post Share on other sites
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