Ellenlaura Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Ok so im 21yrs old and haven't had much experience with guys but recently I met this guy that lives 12hrs away a month ago, we have only met in real life twice but speak online. He has had previous mental health issues in the past and deals with a lot of stress from running a pub and not getting on with the bar maid, his also an ex soldier. the 1st 2 weeks he flirted all the time and even told me he was 100% about me, i know it seems to soon but his really mature and we are both over the stupid high school relationships. My only relationship lasted 3 months and all his have ended quickly aswel. His had a few bad ones and made mistakes in the past. I rung him 3 weeks ago and I said I was horny so he talked the whole time about being horny and I got kinda awkward and didn't know what to say. After that he wasn't really online much as there were a few pub events on for 2 weeks but since then his stopped flirting as much. He still contacts me 1st but not everyday and he usually just gives 1 word answers to everything although he is a busy guy. But last week he kept flirting in 1 of our convos and then on Thursday he sent me a pic and talked about being horny. This has really confused me and he seems like a guy who'd want long term. He did say all his relationships were bad. At the start he would message me at least 3 times a day but I told him to only do it once a day because I was busy, he was always worried that his flirting was to much and that he was hassling me. I was really ansure about weather I wanted long term at 1st and I told him it was because I wasn't over my ex yet but the other day I asked him if he was still interested and he said yeh. His the 1st decent guy I ever attracted, we want the exact same things so if this doesn't work out then I give up! I'm seein him next month and we have a date planned. Also he called the other day when he was driving through snow and he didn't have to do that. I'm thinking of letting it play out and then speaking to him. I may be moving there next year. Could he just be to stressed? Have I said something? What can I do about this? Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 I'd be careful due to the mental health past Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Welcome Ellenlaura, I must say all I see while reading your post is one red flag after another! #1, you're 21 so you're so young (please don't turn off because I said that, but it's important.) #2, 12 hrs away. WAY too far, I won't date any woman who is more than 7 miles (ten to fifteen minutes.) #3 mental health issues? seriously? at your age, do you need this? #4, he runs a pub...now this would work great for me if I was gay! If he hands out drinks freely to his lovers, I may turn... #5, he treats his barmaid badly, I would need her friendship and he killed that deal so that wipes out #4. Here it is, stranger to stranger: Your post speaks loudly about how intelligent you are and how much you want to make good choices in life. The truth: without saying OMG, this is a horrific post. You need to not only say no, but hell no! This guy is seeking young pretty blood (you), and honestly it's a little nauseating. Get away as fast as you can, he's a womanizer and you're his next victim. I can't tell you strongly enough how much I see danger in your post. For the love of all things good in this world, please stay away from this man and just don't talk to him ever again! Don't say goodbye. just don't ever talk to him! I wish you safety, Hugs! Ken 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Why would you call up a guy you barely know, tell him you're horny, and then wonder if he's the one just out for sex? Am I missing something? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Ellenlaura, You don't have a relationship of any kind with this guy, I'm sorry to say. All you have is a stranger who is using you for 'phone sex. Don't you think you deserve better than that? First of all dump this guy. Yes, dump him. Delete his number and block him. Then you need to sit down and think very hard about what sort of relationship you want with a guy. If you want long-term then put yourself in the market place as a long term proposition. That means not "showing the trailer before the movie", so to speak. Why would you tell some guy you hardly know that you are horny ?? That's telling him straight up that you want sex and are just out for a good time. If you want to be taken seriously then you need to come over as a smart, independent woman with skills and talents, who really likes herself. So do some work on your self-esteem and you'll start attracting a better class of guy. And don't date someone from the other side of the continent, that's just too far to make anything work logistically. Good luck x Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Once you told him you were horny you opened up a door you can't close. He thinks you are open sexually so he will be the exact same way with you. It would be a double standard if you were allowed to say those things and he wasn't. It sounds like you regret it because he is bringing it up more than you so now you are wondering if that is all he wants. Only time will tell. However, in future if you don't want things to get too sexual before you're sure of a guys feelings, don't engage in sex talk. Since you are in a long distance relationship with this guy and have only met him in person twice, I would suggest not putting high expectations on each other until it gets more serious. For now just enjoy getting know each other and have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellenlaura Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Welcome Ellenlaura, I must say all I see while reading your post is one red flag after another! #1, you're 21 so you're so young (please don't turn off because I said that, but it's important.) #2, 12 hrs away. WAY too far, I won't date any woman who is more than 7 miles (ten to fifteen minutes.) #3 mental health issues? seriously? at your age, do you need this? #4, he runs a pub...now this would work great for me if I was gay! If he hands out drinks freely to his lovers, I may turn... #5, he treats his barmaid badly, I would need her friendship and he killed that deal so that wipes out #4. Here it is, stranger to stranger: Your post speaks loudly about how intelligent you are and how much you want to make good choices in life. The truth: without saying OMG, this is a horrific post. You need to not only say no, but hell no! This guy is seeking young pretty blood (you), and honestly it's a little nauseating. Get away as fast as you can, he's a womanizer and you're his next victim. I can't tell you strongly enough how much I see danger in your post. For the love of all things good in this world, please stay away from this man and just don't talk to him ever again! Don't say goodbye. just don't ever talk to him! I wish you safety, Hugs! Ken 1st off you don't even know why he doesn't get along with her, and 2nd Ive had mental health issues aswel, Thankyou for everything else though I'll certainly take this onboard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellenlaura Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Why would you call up a guy you barely know, tell him you're horny, and then wonder if he's the one just out for sex? Am I missing something? He started it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellenlaura Posted August 16, 2015 Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 Once you told him you were horny you opened up a door you can't close. He thinks you are open sexually so he will be the exact same way with you. It would be a double standard if you were allowed to say those things and he wasn't. It sounds like you regret it because he is bringing it up more than you so now you are wondering if that is all he wants. Only time will tell. However, in future if you don't want things to get too sexual before you're sure of a guys feelings, don't engage in sex talk. Since you are in a long distance relationship with this guy and have only met him in person twice, I would suggest not putting high expectations on each other until it gets more serious. For now just enjoy getting know each other and have fun. Thanks I just wanna stop things from being awkward, maybe it will be easier when I actually see him. Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted August 16, 2015 Share Posted August 16, 2015 Thanks I just wanna stop things from being awkward, maybe it will be easier when I actually see him. I think it is understandable that things might get a little awkward in the being of a long distance relationship when so much of your interaction isn't in person, just give it time. Hopefully things get easier when you see him again. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellenlaura Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 Welcome Ellenlaura, I must say all I see while reading your post is one red flag after another! #1, you're 21 so you're so young (please don't turn off because I said that, but it's important.) #2, 12 hrs away. WAY too far, I won't date any woman who is more than 7 miles (ten to fifteen minutes.) #3 mental health issues? seriously? at your age, do you need this? #4, he runs a pub...now this would work great for me if I was gay! If he hands out drinks freely to his lovers, I may turn... #5, he treats his barmaid badly, I would need her friendship and he killed that deal so that wipes out #4. Here it is, stranger to stranger: Your post speaks loudly about how intelligent you are and how much you want to make good choices in life. The truth: without saying OMG, this is a horrific post. You need to not only say no, but hell no! This guy is seeking young pretty blood (you), and honestly it's a little nauseating. Get away as fast as you can, he's a womanizer and you're his next victim. I can't tell you strongly enough how much I see danger in your post. For the love of all things good in this world, please stay away from this man and just don't talk to him ever again! Don't say goodbye. just don't ever talk to him! I wish you safety, Hugs! Ken I know 21 is young but guys keep losing interest in me and I'm at a prime age so the older I get the harder it will be to find someone. Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted August 17, 2015 Share Posted August 17, 2015 I know 21 is young but guys keep losing interest in me and I'm at a prime age so the older I get the harder it will be to find someone. No, not for another 10 years or so. A couple years out of college, grad school time will be your prime. Don't sell now because your market value will actually go up in about 5 to 8 years. You'll know yourself better, have better character judgement skills, more experience, know your body better and the most important part is that you'll attract more quality guys. Guys that give a crap aren't really interested in young, young girls because they're fickle. Trust me, I'm an Internet cat. I know these things. Link to post Share on other sites
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