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Why did this happen with my boyfriend? Do you believe he really did have work?


veronicalawrence

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veronicalawrence

I've known this guy for quite some months now. Everything seems to be going great between us. We have good connection, can be at ease around each other, talk and laugh about everything and have fun. I believe we are quite serious about each other as he has asked me before what my goals are for the future, and his. He has included me in those goals and said what he wants. We've had the serious talk, about children, our views on marriage and the list goes on. We see each other at least 3 times a week and usually the weekend, and recently he said he wants to see me even more. He will text me a lot during the day and night and will call me as well. Usually if I last minute ask him to do something, he will come and join. He works a lot and I still don't exactly understand what he does, but he is basically a banker for a real estate company and has to travel a lot. He's currently been dealing with some deals in other countries with a lot of money. Hundreds of thousands, almost millions. According to him. So often, when we're together, he is on his phone with his "bosses". He seems very serious about me and the relationship but these are some random issues I have, which I have not addressed yet to him. We've been dating for a little over 2 months now.

 

 

-At first, he would take me to places that were at least 20 minutes drive away, and takes me to the movies a lot. I sort of questioned this, but he would say that he loves the place. Lately he's been taking me to places that are closer, and much busier. -When we're out and having dinner, he will usually look around the room a lot(not sure if this is a sign of a controlling man or..)

-He's 10 years older than me. -He's told me he's apparently not married, nor have had children before.

-Apparently lives with a sibling. Haven't met a friend/family member yet. This also could be due the fact we are of different cultures and both sort of nervous.

-When we spoke about our views on sex, he at one point said that he dislikes to have sex with a woman he's not emotionally/attracted to, because it's such a drain on him.

-The other night was the first time we slept together and he booked a hotel for me, because I brought up the fact I didn't want to interfere with his sister and he agreed. I started to get my period straight after we slept together and he was really concerned for me, made sure we went to the shops and got everything. Really caring about it all. Then, when we went out for dinner.. He was talking about how previous women he has been with doesn't understand his work, and how he constantly has to travel. So I told him how I felt, and that I would be respectful of it, just like how I would hope he would do the same for my work. After we got back to the hotel, he got a call from his boss and said he had to be in another country(driving distance) by the morning so he ended up dropping me home. I thought it was slightly odd. Besides that, we had a good night, and our communication is great. He told me that he is so glad we met, complimented me, etc.

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LoveRefreshed

One thing that you may be asking between the lines, or at least presented it that way, that is explicitly missing...

 

 

 

 

Meet his sister.

 

 

Taking you out of town (avoiding people he knows), looking around a busy room (for people he knows), could be a sign that he has a relationship already.

 

 

Otherwise, it seems normal dating.. take a girl to the places you really like and out of your town is a way to make it different for her than what maybe her last dates have been.

 

 

The work could really be work. Deals involving hundres of thousands of dollars would require dedicated people willing to make it a priority... leaving the country in a rush may be necessary. However, I have flown a lot internationally, and typically those flights have specific times and departure and rarely leave in the middle of the night. I'd be cautious about this line.

 

 

Other than that, you have only known him for 2 and half months. Hard to say about his honesty.

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veronicalawrence

Thank you. I meant to say, that he brought me home around 11ish because he had to be up early in the morning to drive.

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veronicalawrence,

You need to meet this "sister".

 

IMO if a guy thinks I'm good enough to sleep with, then I'm good enough to meet his family. :)

 

Ask to meet her and see what he says ..........

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Q

veronicalawrence,

You need to meet this "sister".

1

IMO if a guy thinks I'm good enough to sleep with, then I'm good enough to meet his family. :)

 

Ask to meet her and see what he says ..........

 

I agree.

 

What people are saying here veronica ... is that he may not be living with his *sister* at all .... he may be living with his WIFE.

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I don't believe he lives with a *sister* he lives with a girlfriend or a wife. I also don't believe he travels that much for work either. It's an excuse to disappear for a few days. If I were you I'd ask the name of the company he works for and look it up. I would also be curious to see his passport.

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Actually, if it were me, I would not bother with investigating his company, etc.

 

Ask to meet his *sister*, and if he starts in with excuses, just flat out ask him if he is married, or in another relationship. Gauge his response carefully. You'll know if he's lying.

 

His *boss* who calls at 11:00 pm at night or whenever is most likely his wife too.

Edited by katiegrl
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This whole thing sounds off. Are you sure its his boss he talks to? What kinda convos do they have at 11p? I mean geez is he like an international drug smuggler or something? Mysterious traveling and you don't understand it?

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How old is he?

 

Do you know his family name? Company name?

 

Have you ever heard the "boss" voice? Male or female?

 

Have you googled him? Social networks?

 

The guy sounds like he has live-in gf or wife. I'd be very suspicious.

 

My ex was talking to his "bosses" secretly about "million dollar deals", and had a "neurotic roommate".

Guess what? The "neurotic roommate" was his live-in gf, trying to kick him out because he was using her for money (haven't paid rent in months). The "boss" was his mommy, who he was calling constantly for money (he was unemployed from 2 years). His late night "work meetings " we're his AA meetings (he was alcoholic, out of control). On the outside, he was a decent looking guy, nice clothes, people told me he's a little shy... I knew the truth after moving in with him, which was not a fast-to-serious, but a money con.

 

Sharing this story just to give you an idea... In your case he's probably just a married man :(

 

I've known this guy for quite some months now. Everything seems to be going great between us. We have good connection, can be at ease around each other, talk and laugh about everything and have fun. I believe we are quite serious about each other as he has asked me before what my goals are for the future, and his. He has included me in those goals and said what he wants. We've had the serious talk, about children, our views on marriage and the list goes on. We see each other at least 3 times a week and usually the weekend, and recently he said he wants to see me even more. He will text me a lot during the day and night and will call me as well. Usually if I last minute ask him to do something, he will come and join. He works a lot and I still don't exactly understand what he does, but he is basically a banker for a real estate company and has to travel a lot. He's currently been dealing with some deals in other countries with a lot of money. Hundreds of thousands, almost millions. According to him. So often, when we're together, he is on his phone with his "bosses". He seems very serious about me and the relationship but these are some random issues I have, which I have not addressed yet to him. We've been dating for a little over 2 months now.

 

 

-At first, he would take me to places that were at least 20 minutes drive away, and takes me to the movies a lot. I sort of questioned this, but he would say that he loves the place. Lately he's been taking me to places that are closer, and much busier. -When we're out and having dinner, he will usually look around the room a lot(not sure if this is a sign of a controlling man or..)

-He's 10 years older than me. -He's told me he's apparently not married, nor have had children before.

-Apparently lives with a sibling. Haven't met a friend/family member yet. This also could be due the fact we are of different cultures and both sort of nervous.

-When we spoke about our views on sex, he at one point said that he dislikes to have sex with a woman he's not emotionally/attracted to, because it's such a drain on him.

-The other night was the first time we slept together and he booked a hotel for me, because I brought up the fact I didn't want to interfere with his sister and he agreed. I started to get my period straight after we slept together and he was really concerned for me, made sure we went to the shops and got everything. Really caring about it all. Then, when we went out for dinner.. He was talking about how previous women he has been with doesn't understand his work, and how he constantly has to travel. So I told him how I felt, and that I would be respectful of it, just like how I would hope he would do the same for my work. After we got back to the hotel, he got a call from his boss and said he had to be in another country(driving distance) by the morning so he ended up dropping me home. I thought it was slightly odd. Besides that, we had a good night, and our communication is great. He told me that he is so glad we met, complimented me, etc.

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He's married or in a relationship IMO. His behavior is VERY suspicious and he's feeding you a load of baloney. Trust your gut on this one.

 

 

Check him out on social media, check him out on LinkedIn (business connections). Time to meet his "family" - especially his "sister."

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I've known this guy for quite some months now. Everything seems to be going great between us. We have good connection, can be at ease around each other, talk and laugh about everything and have fun. I believe we are quite serious about each other as he has asked me before what my goals are for the future, and his. He has included me in those goals and said what he wants. We've had the serious talk, about children, our views on marriage and the list goes on. We see each other at least 3 times a week and usually the weekend, and recently he said he wants to see me even more. He will text me a lot during the day and night and will call me as well. Usually if I last minute ask him to do something, he will come and join. He works a lot and I still don't exactly understand what he does, but he is basically a banker for a real estate company and has to travel a lot. He's currently been dealing with some deals in other countries with a lot of money. Hundreds of thousands, almost millions. According to him. So often, when we're together, he is on his phone with his "bosses". He seems very serious about me and the relationship but these are some random issues I have, which I have not addressed yet to him. We've been dating for a little over 2 months now.

 

 

-At first, he would take me to places that were at least 20 minutes drive away, and takes me to the movies a lot. I sort of questioned this, but he would say that he loves the place. Lately he's been taking me to places that are closer, and much busier. -When we're out and having dinner, he will usually look around the room a lot(not sure if this is a sign of a controlling man or..)

-He's 10 years older than me. -He's told me he's apparently not married, nor have had children before.

-Apparently lives with a sibling. Haven't met a friend/family member yet. This also could be due the fact we are of different cultures and both sort of nervous.

-When we spoke about our views on sex, he at one point said that he dislikes to have sex with a woman he's not emotionally/attracted to, because it's such a drain on him.

-The other night was the first time we slept together and he booked a hotel for me, because I brought up the fact I didn't want to interfere with his sister and he agreed. I started to get my period straight after we slept together and he was really concerned for me, made sure we went to the shops and got everything. Really caring about it all. Then, when we went out for dinner.. He was talking about how previous women he has been with doesn't understand his work, and how he constantly has to travel. So I told him how I felt, and that I would be respectful of it, just like how I would hope he would do the same for my work. After we got back to the hotel, he got a call from his boss and said he had to be in another country(driving distance) by the morning so he ended up dropping me home. I thought it was slightly odd. Besides that, we had a good night, and our communication is great. He told me that he is so glad we met, complimented me, etc.

 

Everything seems to be going great between us -- except for the fact that you are here and expressing doubts.

 

He told me that he is so glad we met, complimented me, -- Sure, why wouldn't he say that? You're a great person and attractive. It doesn't mean he's in love with you.

 

It's only been two months and things are progressing a little too rapidly in my book. You shouldn't be spending so much time together at this point. I start creating a little space if I were you in order to be able to observe him objectively. When you are "too" close to a situation, that's hard to do.

 

After we got back to the hotel, he got a call from his boss and said he had to be in another country(driving distance) by the morning so he ended up dropping me home -- I don't find this odd, I find it telling. You got your period and his "boss" called and he had to run off?

 

"He was talking about how previous women he has been with doesn't understand his work," -- previous women couldn't deal with it either. How many previous women were there? If this guy is so dedicated to his job, he's not able to meet the needs of a woman anyway and history is proving that.

 

I'd find a way to get clarity at least about what he does for a living and what that really requires. Even if his job is so demanding, could you really live with the situation if the relationship continues to the point of commitment?

 

And a guy who travels as much as he does, likely has a girl in every port. Be wary of this one.

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After we got back to the hotel, he got a call from his boss and said he had to be in another country(driving distance) by the morning so he ended up dropping me home. I thought it was slightly odd. Besides that, we had a good night, and our communication is great. He told me that he is so glad we met, complimented me, etc.

 

How convenient that his boss called so you could not spend the entire night together at the hotel. I also bet you he did not reserve the hotel room for the entire night.

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How convenient that his boss called so you could not spend the entire night together at the hotel. I also bet you he did not reserve the hotel room for the entire night.

 

There aren't very many with hourly rates anymore and, if this one did, I hope she'd be smart enough to "see" that and say "wtf". If this guy is the big wig he claims to be, he will have chosen something nice and put it down as a business expense :)

 

It is strange though that he didn't just tell her to stay there and enjoy it herself . . . unless he took her home in order to bring someone else who wasn't having her period there later . . .

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usernametaken

Ask to meet the sister at his place.

 

If he balks, he's married and/or has a live-in girlfriend.

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There aren't very many with hourly rates anymore and, if this one did, I hope she'd be smart enough to "see" that and say "wtf". If this guy is the big wig he claims to be, he will have chosen something nice and put it down as a business expense :)

 

It is strange though that he didn't just tell her to stay there and enjoy it herself . . . unless he took her home in order to bring someone else who wasn't having her period there later . . .

 

Good thinking.

 

I think it's weird too that he did not offer her to stay there the night, enjoy the spa and the free breakfast.

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Good thinking.

 

I think it's weird too that he did not offer her to stay there the night, enjoy the spa and the free breakfast.

 

He took her home so HE could go back, hit the bar, enjoy the spa, a nice message and the free breakfast in the morn.

 

veronica, the more I think about this, the more I think he sounds like a huge sleaze.

 

Married or not, he is a player and Redhead could be right, a girl in every port.

 

Please don't be naive about this. He senses your naivete making you the perfect *mistress*.

 

The other women were not happy about his *travel" because they realized he was full of shyt, a player and a douchebag.

 

Don't be *that* girl that*understands* him, ugh.

 

Dump him. You deserve better.

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I would be *really* suspicious of this type of behavior.

 

I agree.

 

Have you emtor hung out with any of his friends, been to his home, met his sister?

 

Have you ever Googled him? If he works for a company where he is doing real estate million dollar deals, surely there will be information about him on the internet and/or his company. I'd suggest that you ask him more questions about his job, not in an accusatory or suspicious way, but I can't imagine dating someone, especially someone who claims to have a job that requires all of this international travel and million dollar deals, yet I don't really know what it is...:confused:

 

Obviously you're asking because your own intuition feels like something is off. Dig! Not to be cynical but I immediately thought he might be involved in something illegal and God forbid he actually is and you're tied up with him unaware and oblivious of this.Conversely, he could live with his SO and be cheating so has told you all this stuff about him always having to leave when his "boss" calls, always having to travel out of the country, takes you to dates 20 minutes away from where you all live and lives with his "sister" as an excuse so that you never come to his home and he has enough space to leave on a whim and has less chance of being seen with you and being caught so that he can conduct his double life.

Edited by MissBee
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Basically what everyone else has mentioned. I know you havent met his family or friends but have you seen any social media of his to see if he is and does what he says he does? Hes probably married with kids. Ask to meet his sister and his family. If he puts up any fight whatsoever you have your answer.

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I do hear a voice and usually it does sound like a male.

 

It would be nice if you answered all of our questions.

 

Do you know the name of the company he works for?

Have you been to his place?

Has he been to your place?

Have you met anyone of his family or him meeting yours?

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Lois_Griffin

LOL. "Sister" my ass.

 

Not too long ago I read a story of a cheating slime who told his unsuspecting girlfriend that his wife had run off on him and left him to raise their children and he was getting a divorce. He claimed the woman living in his house was his 'nanny.'

 

It was his wife.

 

Yeah. Some dirt bags will sink extremely low for a little strange on the side.

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kismetkismet

There's no need to be rude people.. She's struggling in her relationship and asking for help because she senses something wrong and you're all being very unsympathetic. You can tell her there's something suspicious about it without also making her feel like an idiot. Having feelings for someone is HARD! It's easy for people on the outside of the relationship to see things objectively, but remember how much love can trick you and stop being dickish.

 

Veronica.. It does sound a bit odd. The main thing is that you're having a bad gut reaction to what is going on, and his behaviour is skittish and difficult to understand. I agree with everyone that you should ask to meet his sister. It's the easiest way to find out more details without going on a paranoid rampage. Does he spend the night with you very often?

 

(I'm obviously not talking to all posters in this thread, just pointing out that everyone here is struggling already and there's no reason to be rude)

Edited by kismetkismet
note in brackets
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LoveRefreshed

A good dose of cynicism is healthy and prudent in this situation.

 

There are a lot of burnt women in this thread, I can read some anger in so many of your posts that it's obvious you are projecting your history onto this situation. Many of you talk like it's conclusive that he is cheating without consideration that he may be being honest.

 

I just mentioned to meet the sister to put that hypothesis to bed. If that is truly his sister, then there is nothing else that suggest this man is "A player with a woman in every port"... Some of you really just think every man whom has a busy schedule is a dirty cheating bastard. What a shame.

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