Ghosted

[kizik15]

Ever had this happen to you? Someone who supposedly loves you just stops talking to you?

 

Well, it's happening to me now. So selfish and immature. The only positive thing about it is that it allows you to realize that the person is just a crappy human.

 

She's a coward who runs away from her problems. The love I thought was real was obviously just one-sided. I know she's never going to contact me or apologize, and I'm sure that's for the best.

[Gaeta]

Yes several times and I don't care to count.

 

The worse one was after 6 months dating.

 

Yes it's the coward way out.

[mystikmind2005]

There are worse things than ghosting....

 

The slow fade!

 

Had that happen too me after five months of what i thought was something wonderful. So i had to go through all that crap... you know how it goes,,, they become more busy, more excuses, less enthusiasm, rules changing, and I'm wondering how to turn things around, but the fade out winds down the opportunity like a self forefilling relationship destroyer.

 

In the end i wish she had just Ghosted rather than do that.

[Amalyn]

Yup. I've been ghosted and had the slow fade pulled on me numerous times. It's incredibly cowardly. I dated a guy for almost 4 months and he pulled the slow fade.

[kizik15]

Now that I think about it... this girl pulled the slow fade on me. Started fading last Tuesday night.. fade complete as of yesterday. So hurtful and lame. I sit here wondering what I did wrong. I will never know. It's impossible not to take this personally.

 

And I know she is never going to contact me again.

 

How do we stop from obsessing about what changed?

[mystikmind2005]

Now that I think about it... this girl pulled the slow fade on me. Started fading last Tuesday night.. fade complete as of yesterday. So hurtful and lame. I sit here wondering what I did wrong. I will never know. It's impossible not to take this personally.

 

And I know she is never going to contact me again.

 

How do we stop from obsessing about what changed?

 

All you can do is learn from your mistakes (if you made any). Realize that you are who you are and there will be someone out there who will love you for who you are but that this person was not the one. And be glad you found out their flaky now rather than later - after a wedding and kids!!!

[lino]

Now that I think about it... this girl pulled the slow fade on me. Started fading last Tuesday night.. fade complete as of yesterday. So hurtful and lame. I sit here wondering what I did wrong. I will never know. It's impossible not to take this personally.

 

And I know she is never going to contact me again.

 

How do we stop from obsessing about what changed?

 

She met another guy.

 

You probably did nothing wrong, just that in her eyes, the guy she met is of higher value.

[Iron Bubba]

Ever had this happen to you? Someone who supposedly loves you just stops talking to you?

 

Well, it's happening to me now. So selfish and immature. The only positive thing about it is that it allows you to realize that the person is just a crappy human.

 

She's a coward who runs away from her problems. The love I thought was real was obviously just one-sided. I know she's never going to contact me or apologize, and I'm sure that's for the best.

 

running away from problems is not necessarily cowardice.

 

Sometimes it is the absolute ONLY thing you can do when you know you're correct, and did nothing wrong, but nobody else will listen to you no matter what you say or do.

 

People tend to become afraid because the people around them are just imbeciles and don't care about how you feel and when you challenge them, those imbeciles will only react with vitriol because no matter what you say or do that proves them wrong, they will never understand you under any event.

 

So sometimes the only thing you can do is run away and keep to yourself.

[kizik15]

All you can do is learn from your mistakes (if you made any). Realize that you are who you are and there will be someone out there who will love you for who you are but that this person was not the one. And be glad you found out their flaky now rather than later - after a wedding and kids!!!

Thanks for this.

 

She did not meet another guy. I would be more cautious before you start asserting things about which you are uninformed.

 

We were in an exclusive relationship for over 3 months. She slowly began distancing herself and sending shorter responses before emotionally going away completely. I am in a state of total pain, denial, and worthlessness. She was so emotionally immature that she could not even treat me like a human being, despite all I have done for her and care for her. I am not sure I have ever been treated so callously by a woman before.

[katiegrl]

There are worse things than ghosting....

 

The slow fade!

 

Had that happen too me after five months of what i thought was something wonderful. So i had to go through all that crap... you know how it goes,,, they become more busy, more excuses, less enthusiasm, rules changing, and I'm wondering how to turn things around, but the fade out winds down the opportunity like a self forefilling relationship destroyer.

 

In the end i wish she had just Ghosted rather than do that.

 

 

This happened to me with my first boyfriend. After like three months, he started fading (just like the above)...but instead of "wondering how to turn it around," I did NOTHING and allowed him to fade.

 

 

Did not say one word, in fact *I* pulled back myself! I left him alone, was not around to take all his calls (on the rare occasion he "would" call), became "busy" myself and not so available..... basically pulling my own fade in response to HIS fade...and a few weeks later he came back strong....and we were together FOUR YEARS after that....

 

 

I flipped the script on him and whatever was freaking him out or causing him to fade went POOF and he started pursuing me again... and like I said four years together after that. (I eventually ended it).

 

 

I think the mistake many women (and men ) make is when their partner starts fading...they start twisting themselves around trying to "fix" things and "get" him interested again, and it ends up just pushing him away further.

 

 

Say nothing, leave him alone, PULL YOUR OWN FADE (in response to his fade), and you never know....he may start wondering about YOU and missing YOU, and realize a relationship with you won't be so god awful (i.e. suffocating/stifling/cramping his style) after all....and he will start pursuing you again.

 

 

That's what happened in my case anyway....

 

 

I have NEVER been flat out ghosted though...where they just what, disappear altogether never to be seen or heard from again? That would suck.

Edited August 5, 2015 by katiegrl

[mystikmind2005]

This happened to me with my first boyfriend. After like three months, he started fading (just like the above)...but instead of "wondering how to turn it around," I did NOTHING and allowed him to fade.

 

 

Did not say one word, in fact *I* pulled back myself! I left him alone, was not around to take all his calls (on the rare occasion he "would" call), became "busy" myself and not so available..... basically pulling my own fade in response to HIS fade...and a few weeks later he came back strong....and we were together FOUR YEARS after that....

 

 

I flipped the script on him and whatever was freaking him out or causing him to fade went POOF and he started pursuing me again... and like I said four years together after that. (I eventually ended it).

 

 

I think the mistake many women (and men ) make is when their partner starts fading...they start twisting themselves around trying to "fix" things and "get" him interested again, and it ends up just pushing him away further.

 

 

Say nothing, leave him alone, PULL YOUR OWN FADE (in response to his fade), and you never know....he may start wondering about YOU and missing YOU, and realize a relationship with you won't be so god awful (i.e. suffocating/stifling/cramping his style) after all....and he will start pursuing you again.

 

 

That's what happened in my case anyway....

 

 

I have NEVER been flat out ghosted though...where they just what, disappear altogether never to be seen or heard from again? That would suck.

 

Good advice, very hard to do though! But on the other hand, do you really want to keep someone if you have to use tactics and reverse psychology?

 

I am of the opinion that i should not have to convince someone to want to be with me, because it is not a solid foundation on which to build a relationship. That person should want to be with me....

 

So if a person starts becoming flaky, really, the wisest option is to just tell them to go away,,, (next them).

[Cinnimon]

I've been faded on. Sent messages asking what happened, saying how I felt. Fell on deaf ears. Made me feel 100 times worse when I wasn't even acknowledged. I regret saying a word. I should have just let them go without a word.

[Amalyn]

I can usually sense when someone is starting to pull a fade. At that point, I usually back off as well. No sense pursuing someone who isn't all in.

[mystikmind2005]

I can usually sense when someone is starting to pull a fade. At that point, I usually back off as well. No sense pursuing someone who isn't all in.

 

Correct!!

 

The Hollywood propaganda would have us think we should pursue the person of our desire and somehow in the end that person realizes your the one...... I mean i do generally try to be positive in life, but in this case, it just makes me want to puke! seriously!!

[katiegrl]

Good advice, very hard to do though! But on the other hand, do you really want to keep someone if you have to use tactics and reverse psychology?

 

I am of the opinion that i should not have to convince someone to want to be with me, because it is not a solid foundation on which to build a relationship. That person should want to be with me....

 

So if a person starts becoming flaky, really, the wisest option is to just tell them to go away,,, (next them).

 

Actually, for me, I did not pull back as a *tactic* or strategy, it was just my natural instinct .....when a man pulls back (or appears to fade), then I follow his lead and just do the same.

 

In my case, he did not pull back because he lost interest, he pulled back because, after three months, our relationship was heading into the next level, and getting more serious, and it freaked him out a bit....and all he needed was a bit of space to sort out his feelings.

 

So my pulling back and "fading" on him, gave him the space to do that ..he realized how much he missed me ..... and remember we were together four years after that! And he never "faded" again.

 

I think when a guy starts to fade, a common misconception a lot of women make is that he lost interest. When often times, it's just his response to the relationship going to the next level, which may cause him a little ambivalence.....which confuses him so he backs off.

 

The mistake women make is that instead of pulling back herself, she starts freaking, looking for answers so she starts chasing, which is the absolute worst thing she could do -- it only pushes him away further!

 

Just leave him alone, do your own thing, maintain your independence, and like I said, HE will start wondering about you, missing you, and after some time, will start pursuing again.

 

I am not ruling out those cases where the guy HAS lost interest though and doing the fade because he's too much of a coward to end it the proper way.

 

But if a woman has good instincts, she should be able to tell the difference.

 

In any event, like I said, pulling back in response to HIM pulling back is always the best thing to do...

 

If you want to just next him, that's fine too! If he wants you back, he knows where to find you!

Edited August 5, 2015 by katiegrl

[katiegrl]

Good advice, very hard to do though! But on the other hand, do you really want to keep someone if you have to use tactics and reverse psychology?

 

***I am of the opinion that i should not have to convince someone to want to be with me, because it is not a solid foundation on which to build a relationship. That person should want to be with me.... ***

 

So if a person starts becoming flaky, really, the wisest option is to just tell them to go away,,, (next them).

 

Secondly paragraph -- that's the whole point of why it's so important to just pull back. You are NOT trying to *convince* him to be with you, you are not trying to *fix* anything, you are sending him the message that you have a life, and you are perfectly capable of being happy in your life with or WITHOUT him!

 

That is a really important message to send and often times it's just what he needs to "hear" in order to realize you are the girl for him and you can proceed to the next level.

 

So often though, women do the exact opposite, and start calling, texting, seeking reassurance which freaks him out more, suffocates him .....which causes him to disappear for good.

 

Then in her mind, suddenly he becomes this horrible douchebag who "used" her blah blah. Ugh.

Edited August 5, 2015 by katiegrl