GF chatting with boys who are flirting

[Nez0r]

Hi,

 

I'm in a LDR for 8 months and everything has been pretty good so far. There's no doubt that she really loves me and we're planning a future together.

However, she has been sending me pictures of her chatting to other boys who are obviously flirting with her. Last time it happened was a few months ago, but I started thinking about it lately and I would like to hear your opinions about this;

She doesn't flirt back (from what I can see) and even tells them she has a boyfriend. But it's obvious that she likes the attention. For example, there was a guy flirting with her and she told him she has a boyfriend. He said he doesn't care and just continued flirting with her, and she kept talking to him normally as well.

After talking to them she usually tells me she is "scared" or something similar which is obviously bull****. I ask her why she just doesn't stop talking to him if she is "scared" and her answer to that is "I feel bad if I just ignore him.". Another example, a guy told her in a flirty way that he would like to kiss her, and she responded with that she would never do that because she has a boyfriend. I feel like she's trying to show me that she is a "loyal" girlfriend but at the same time she's also trying to make me feel jealous.

 

This has however happened only 2-3 times, that she sends me pictures of guys flirting with her, and last time was a couple of months ago. The reason why she stopped is probably because she realized that I don't react to it at all, as I'm not the jealous type or a needy person. You might think that I don't give her enough love and attention, but I do. And she's always telling me how sweet I am, and how loved she feels.

 

Would you be okay with it if your partner behaved like this? She continues talking to them even though it's 100% clear that they want her. There are other situations as well and I can really tell that she LOVES the attention she gets from boys. It feeds her ego and makes her feel wanted. What should I do? Should I talk to her about this, and how? Seeing as last time she did it was a few months ago, I am not quite sure how I should bring it up - OR if I should. This is the only thing that is bothering me, everything else with her is amazing.

 

Edit: I'm 19 she is 18.

Edited August 4, 2015 by Nez0r

[mystikmind2005]

Primarily of course, you just have to relax and trust her.

 

The only thing i can think of is the possibility she is testing how solid is the ground under her feet? For some reason (it could even be effects of past relationships) she may not be sure of your commitment to her and she wants to make you jealous to see how much you really want her?

[Qboro90]

You have absolutely every right to call her out on this. What she's doing is ridiculous. It's incredibly disrespectful and wildly immature. The fact that she's 18 helps explain some of it because she's just not mature enough to realize how messed up that is to do to your partner.

 

She's doing it because she's getting off on the attention. Because you're in an LdR she is getting the boyfriend treatment/flirtation/in person and chatting interaction as well as compliments with other guys because you're unable to see and be with her at the moment. I'm also going to say she's probably got a few of her own insecurity and past experience issues that she's gone through which have affected her development and behavior.

 

What you're doing is perfect. Do not give her the satisfaction she is looking for by reacting to these convos she shows you. She wants you to get angry, upset, jealous because it'll make her feel better about herself (girls are bizarre at her age lol). She's trying to show you "look... I'm hot and desireable and have guys chasing me... What r u gonna do about it".

 

What you should do is put her in her place. Next time she shows or brings up another convo with a guy flirting with her that's when you speak up in a way that's mature and embarrassing for her to hear you tell her.

 

Could say "listen, this is the 4th time you've gone out of your way to show me that you continue to entertain talking and leading on guys who you're fully aware have crushes on and like you. If you're that self absorbed where you need the ego boost and attention from any guy who compliments you then you're clearly not as mature as I originally thought. Spare me the excuse of "i feel bad ignoring them or telling them off" . You wanted a reaction out of me right? I don't know what kind of guys you've talked to or dated in the past but I'm not the type that's going to have my girlfriend who's supposed to devote her feelings, flirtation, and loyalty to me disrespect me like you've now done a number of times and then had the balls to rub it in my face. No thanks.

 

That's a haymaker to her ego and reality call.

 

The other route you can take is more of an ******* move. Fight fire with fire. You don't even have to talk to another girl. Just text yourself and edit it so it looks like a conversation between you and another girl, edit the name to become a females and boom, you've got you're own flirty girl crush that's chasing you around. See how she likes it being shown that.

[mystikmind2005]

You have absolutely every right to call her out on this. What she's doing is ridiculous. It's incredibly disrespectful and wildly immature. The fact that she's 18 helps explain some of it because she's just not mature enough to realize how messed up that is to do to your partner.

 

She's doing it because she's getting off on the attention. Because you're in an LdR she is getting the boyfriend treatment/flirtation/in person and chatting interaction as well as compliments with other guys because you're unable to see and be with her at the moment. I'm also going to say she's probably got a few of her own insecurity and past experience issues that she's gone through which have affected her development and behavior.

 

What you're doing is perfect. Do not give her the satisfaction she is looking for by reacting to these convos she shows you. She wants you to get angry, upset, jealous because it'll make her feel better about herself (girls are bizarre at her age lol). She's trying to show you "look... I'm hot and desireable and have guys chasing me... What r u gonna do about it".

 

What you should do is put her in her place. Next time she shows or brings up another convo with a guy flirting with her that's when you speak up in a way that's mature and embarrassing for her to hear you tell her.

 

Could say "listen, this is the 4th time you've gone out of your way to show me that you continue to entertain talking and leading on guys who you're fully aware have crushes on and like you. If you're that self absorbed where you need the ego boost and attention from any guy who compliments you then you're clearly not as mature as I originally thought. Spare me the excuse of "i feel bad ignoring them or telling them off" . You wanted a reaction out of me right? I don't know what kind of guys you've talked to or dated in the past but I'm not the type that's going to have my girlfriend who's supposed to devote her feelings, flirtation, and loyalty to me disrespect me like you've now done a number of times and then had the balls to rub it in my face. No thanks.

 

That's a haymaker to her ego and reality call.

 

The other route you can take is more of an ******* move. Fight fire with fire. You don't even have to talk to another girl. Just text yourself and edit it so it looks like a conversation between you and another girl, edit the name to become a females and boom, you've got you're own flirty girl crush that's chasing you around. See how she likes it being shown that.

 

 

Harsh! lol

 

This is even more harsh... take a picture having sex with a prostitute, send it to your GF and say "well at least i told her i have a GF"

[d0nnivain]

I don't understand how you can take a picture of somebody flirting with you. Please explain.

 

 

She's an 18 year old girl who is enjoying attention from local boys. It may be a substitute or an ego boost since her BF is long distance. Have you met IRL? If you have not, this doesn't bode well. You may have the title of BF but until that distance is closed & you meet, you are more of a fantasy then a reality

[giblesp]

I wouldn't plan a future with this one dude.

[Nez0r]

You have absolutely every right to call her out on this. What she's doing is ridiculous. It's incredibly disrespectful and wildly immature. The fact that she's 18 helps explain some of it because she's just not mature enough to realize how messed up that is to do to your partner.

 

She's doing it because she's getting off on the attention. Because you're in an LdR she is getting the boyfriend treatment/flirtation/in person and chatting interaction as well as compliments with other guys because you're unable to see and be with her at the moment. I'm also going to say she's probably got a few of her own insecurity and past experience issues that she's gone through which have affected her development and behavior.

 

What you're doing is perfect. Do not give her the satisfaction she is looking for by reacting to these convos she shows you. She wants you to get angry, upset, jealous because it'll make her feel better about herself (girls are bizarre at her age lol). She's trying to show you "look... I'm hot and desireable and have guys chasing me... What r u gonna do about it".

 

What you should do is put her in her place. Next time she shows or brings up another convo with a guy flirting with her that's when you speak up in a way that's mature and embarrassing for her to hear you tell her.

 

Could say "listen, this is the 4th time you've gone out of your way to show me that you continue to entertain talking and leading on guys who you're fully aware have crushes on and like you. If you're that self absorbed where you need the ego boost and attention from any guy who compliments you then you're clearly not as mature as I originally thought. Spare me the excuse of "i feel bad ignoring them or telling them off" . You wanted a reaction out of me right? I don't know what kind of guys you've talked to or dated in the past but I'm not the type that's going to have my girlfriend who's supposed to devote her feelings, flirtation, and loyalty to me disrespect me like you've now done a number of times and then had the balls to rub it in my face. No thanks.

 

That's a haymaker to her ego and reality call.

 

The other route you can take is more of an ******* move. Fight fire with fire. You don't even have to talk to another girl. Just text yourself and edit it so it looks like a conversation between you and another girl, edit the name to become a females and boom, you've got you're own flirty girl crush that's chasing you around. See how she likes it being shown that.

Thanks for the advice. If she does it again I'll surely talk to her about it. I should have done this earlier, but this is my first relationship so I didn't realize back then how wrong it is of her to do that. Any advice on how I could bring this up? As I said she hasn't been doing this for a while so I'm not sure how bring it up, or IF it's even a good idea.

I don't understand how you can take a picture of somebody flirting with you. Please explain.

 

 

She's an 18 year old girl who is enjoying attention from local boys. It may be a substitute or an ego boost since her BF is long distance. Have you met IRL? If you have not, this doesn't bode well. You may have the title of BF but until that distance is closed & you meet, you are more of a fantasy then a reality

They're flirting with her through text. She takes a screenshot of the conversation and sends it to me.

We have met IRL multiple times and next meeting will be in a month.

[d0nnivain]

They're flirting with her through text. She takes a screenshot of the conversation and sends it to me.

We have met IRL multiple times and next meeting will be in a month.

 

OK. That makes more sense.

 

While it's not ideal, I'm going to tell you the same thing I tell everybody on here. If your SO isn't responding to the flirting there is nothing you can do to change the third party's behavior. By sending you these screen shots your GF is at least trying to be transparent.

 

Most women, especially younger women, are socialized not to be confrontational. They reject somebody by failing to engage but will rarely stand up for themselves & point blank tell a guy to knock it off. On some level the attention is also flattering to her.

 

If you can't handle it, you can't handle it but you will at best an uphill battle to get her to be more confrontational & direct with these guys. Your only solace is she's not hiding it.

[SawtoothMars]

Thanks for the advice. If she does it again I'll surely talk to her about it. I should have done this earlier, but this is my first relationship so I didn't realize back then how wrong it is of her to do that. Any advice on how I could bring this up? As I said she hasn't been doing this for a while so I'm not sure how bring it up, or IF it's even a good idea.

They're flirting with her through text. She takes a screenshot of the conversation and sends it to me.

We have met IRL multiple times and next meeting will be in a month.

 

If I could go back and give myself any 1 piece of advice at age 19... it's that showing your jealous is a good thing if not done in a controlling fashion.

 

I would not pretend like it doesn't bother you if it does. I also would not pick a fight over it and make it very clear where my boundaries are.

[Gary S]

You have a woman who needs lots of attention and does not have enough good sense to ignore these guys who are hitting on her. Plus, she gets a kick out of rubbing it your face. She's not the catch of the day.