2 years later and it still bothers me

[Jame22]

I dated a girl for a couple of months and I really liked her but things went south.

 

Long story short, she wanted to be friends after she dumped me but I wanted no part of it. Instead of walking away peacefully I said some really crazy and mean sh*t and pretty much burned the bridge. Would it be okay to send a quick apology message to her? something along the lines of "Hey_____! I still feel bad about some of that crazy stuff I wrote a long time ago. I'd like to be cool again, if not I understand."

 

It's been 2 years and I still can't get over it. I wrote some things way out of character for me. It's been complete NC since then. I don't want to date her or or anything but I at least want a bridge.

 

Good idea or not? I just can't get over this and I'm thinking maybe It's time to do something about it.

[LoveRefreshed]

I dated a girl for a couple of months and I really liked her but things went south.

 

Long story short, she wanted to be friends after she dumped me but I wanted no part of it. Instead of walking away peacefully I said some really crazy and mean sh*t and pretty much burned the bridge. Would it be okay to send a quick apology message to her? something along the lines of "Hey_____! I still feel bad about some of that crazy stuff I wrote a long time ago. I'd like to be cool again, if not I understand."

 

It's been 2 years and I still can't get over it. I wrote some things way out of character for me. It's been complete NC since then. I don't want to date her or or anything but I at least want a bridge.

 

Good idea or not? I just can't get over this and I'm thinking maybe It's time to do something about it.

 

Why go necromancin man? Just let it go. You want her to say it's cool so you can forgive yourself. I know I've said a lot of **** I regretted later, but in the end, just forget and move on.

 

If you run into her again by chance, sure, it wouldn't hurt to give an apology, but don't make it a big deal. After 2 years, I doubt she cares what you said.

[smackie9]

I agree if you run into her, it would be the right thing to do the apology in person. As for seeking a friendship, don't bother...it won't sit right with her.

 

After 2 years, she's forgotten about you or made sure she forgot about you.

[Chief Wiggum]

I dated a girl for a couple of months and I really liked her but things went south.

 

Long story short, she wanted to be friends after she dumped me but I wanted no part of it. Instead of walking away peacefully I said some really crazy and mean sh*t and pretty much burned the bridge. Would it be okay to send a quick apology message to her? something along the lines of "Hey_____! I still feel bad about some of that crazy stuff I wrote a long time ago. I'd like to be cool again, if not I understand."

 

It's been 2 years and I still can't get over it. I wrote some things way out of character for me. It's been complete NC since then. I don't want to date her or or anything but I at least want a bridge.

 

Good idea or not? I just can't get over this and I'm thinking maybe It's time to do something about it.

 

After two years? Hell naw, you crazy cookie!

 

It's unfortunate that you still hold feelings for her (feelings which she most definitely does not have for you in return), but messaging her is probably the worst thing you can do to yourself. You need to accept and learn from what happened, and move on. Seriously.

[Gaeta]

If you need it then do it. People's answer to everything is 'let it go'. Yes sometimes it's better but in certain cases when it's been a long time and you are eaten by guilt then offering an apology will free you and maybe, who know, bring her some peace of mind too.

 

It's a nice gesture. I have had apologies after 10 years and I was touched by it and I am glad it brought the guy some peace.

[Gaeta]

After two years? Hell naw, you crazy cookie!

 

It's unfortunate that you still hold feelings for her (feelings which she most definitely does not have for you in return), but messaging her is probably the worst thing you can do to yourself. You need to accept and learn from what happened, and move on. Seriously.

 

He doesn't have feelings for her !!!! and he's not trying to revive anything. He is feeling guilty for cruel things he said. He wants to offer an apology without expecting anything in return.

[Gary S]

Well if you keep talking like this, you surely won't get over it. Why don't you try dating other women?

[HereNorThere]

I have relationships from 15 years ago that still haunt me from time to time, so I can totally relate. However, there's no reason to go open up old wounds again. To me, it seems like you are looking for closure, but there's really no such thing as closure in a lot of these cases. Instead, you'd be better off seeking acceptance.

 

Are you out there meeting new people and doing new things or are you sitting around thinking about the past? Sometimes no matter how painful things are, you have to let them go without much resolution. Why? Because NO ONE is worth your peace of mind, ever.

 

Get out there and make new memories with new people and enjoy yourself.

[Gaeta]

Are we reading the same thread???

 

He didn't say he's not over this relationship or he still has feelings for her.

 

He feels guilt over nasty things he said to her that were not true and only meant to hurt her !! That's the part he wants to apologize for.

 

For all we know maybe what he told her really hurt this girl and she's been harboring insecurities since. His apology would be relieving both of them.

 

One of my ex said something to me during a fight that was so cruel that 12 years later it's still crossing my mind sometimes. If he apologized today, after 12 years it would make me feel better to know he didn't think those cruel things about me.

 

We're not made of stone, when hurtful things are said to us we carry them for a long time. She may still be carrying this as he is.

[Gary S]

But Gaeta, he said he's been thinking about her for two years?

[HereNorThere]

Are we reading the same thread???

 

He didn't say he's not over this relationship or he still has feelings for her.

 

He feels guilt over nasty things he said to her that were not true and only meant to hurt her !! That's the part he wants to apologize for.

 

For all we know maybe what he told her really hurt this girl and she's been harboring insecurities since. His apology would be relieving both of them.

 

One of my ex said something to me during a fight that was so cruel that 12 years later it's still crossing my mind sometimes. If he apologized today, after 12 years it would make me feel better to know he didn't think those cruel things about me.

 

We're not made of stone, when hurtful things are said to us we carry them for a long time. She may still be carrying this as he is.

 

 

I think what most people are getting at is that, yeah, he wants to apologize for saying those mean things, but more than likely, he also wants to reopen the door a little bit (even if he hasn't admitted that to himself.) There's a reason why he said those mean things in the first place. She ended it and he wasn't ready to. My spidey senses tell me that he wouldn't just be able to send one letter apologizing and really feel any better. Of course I could be wrong, but I've made this same mistake before when contacting an ex.

[Gaeta]

But Gaeta, he said he's been thinking about her for two years?

 

The things he said to her are haunting him still after 2 years.

 

Read his post again.

[Gaeta]

I think what most people are getting at is that, yeah, he wants to apologize for saying those mean things, but more than likely, he also wants to reopen the door a little bit (even if he hasn't admitted that to himself.) There's a reason why he said those mean things in the first place. She ended it and he wasn't ready to. My spidey senses tell me that he wouldn't just be able to send one letter apologizing and really feel any better. Of course I could be wrong, but I've made this same mistake before when contacting an ex.

 

I think he is very clear why he wants to apologize and he even says he is not looking to revive anything with her. It's an anonymous forum, if he wanted to revive something between them I think he would say it.

[Satu]

If you feel the need to apologise, do so.

 

But you have to detach yourself from the result.

 

She might just tell you to eff off.

Edited August 3, 2015 by Satu

[HereNorThere]

I think he is very clear why he wants to apologize and he even says he is not looking to revive anything with her. It's an anonymous forum, if he wanted to revive something between them I think he would say it.

 

 

Humans aren't rational animals we are rationalizing animals. Like I said in my post, it may not even be something he has admitted to himself.

 

Of course I could be wrong, but I'm speaking from my own personal experience.

[LoveRefreshed]

For the first time, I think I fully agree with Gaeta. Many of you guys are reading between lines that aren't there, in my opinion.

 

I have felt awful about mean things I have said, a week later it will still cause uneasy feelings in my stomach when I thought about it. Two years, man, it's time to let it go.

 

I guess it wouldn't necessarily hurt to write the apology, and ease your guilt, and maybe she will like it. Just make sure you are fully honest and true to how you feel though, don't be doing it because you secretly harbor hope that it will rekindle a connection.

[TouchedByViolet]

Bad idea. Adults realize sometimes dumb and mean things are said during breakups. You probably just wish she hadn't dumped you and are hung up on that. She's not coming back and doesn't like you. Move on.

[Chief Wiggum]

He doesn't have feelings for her !!!! and he's not trying to revive anything. He is feeling guilty for cruel things he said. He wants to offer an apology without expecting anything in return.

 

Gaeta, let's be real. From the following:

 

- she wanted to be friends after she dumped me but I wanted no part of it

- It's been 2 years and I still can't get over it

- I don't want to date her or or anything but I at least want a bridge

- I just can't get over this and I'm thinking maybe It's time to do something about it

 

If they'd had a strong history together and he'd done/said some really mean things to a person who he once cared for, then yes, I can maybe understand how he'd still have some guilt.

 

But it's a girl he'd been seeing for just a couple of months. A girl he had the hots for (and probably still does), but didn't get the same feelings back. That bridge he mentions is just a false bridge of hope. Hope that things may turn out differently if he got back in contact with her.

[Vintage79]

If you feel the need to apologise, do so.

 

But you have to detach yourself from the result.

 

She might just tell you to eff off.

 

I doubt anyone would say eff off to a sincere apology that was nothing but a sincere apology (unless the recipient of the apology was a douche), but I would be prepared for no response...

 

If the OP has no expectations, other than saying sorry for being mean, I think it's fine to apologize - I kind of doubt, though, that he wants to apologize and has no expectations - my guess is he wants to try to reconnect in some way, which will undoubtedly be an epic failure...

[VengeanceGuidesMe]

No man, don't you call her and apologize.

 

She wanted you there because you're a great guy, you made her feel secure and happy, just not horny. The way life goes, you said some ****, and probably you feel bad, but probably about 1/3rd of it was true.

 

She probably owes you a thank you as you made her question her own behavior. Or not, but really, who the eff cares what some random woman who rejected you thinks?

 

I am a huge fan of burning bridges bro. Burnt bridges don't need to be rebuilt, ever.

[Satu]

I doubt anyone would say eff off to a sincere apology that was nothing but a sincere apology (unless the recipient of the apology was a douche), but I would be prepared for no response...

 

If the OP has no expectations, other than saying sorry for being mean, I think it's fine to apologize - I kind of doubt, though, that he wants to apologize and has no expectations - my guess is he wants to try to reconnect in some way, which will undoubtedly be an epic failure...

 

I agree. An apology without expectations is ok.

[Jame22]

Well if you keep talking like this, you surely won't get over it. Why don't you try dating other women?

 

I have. I've been on at least 20 dates since them. I get 2nd and 3rd dates all the time but things seem to fizzle out after that. Also my job is a problem because I'm always on the move. I had one really good 2 month long relationship but that's about as successful as I've been and I handled that breakup perfectly.

Edited August 4, 2015 by Jame22

[Jame22]

Are you out there meeting new people and doing new things or are you sitting around thinking about the past? Sometimes no matter how painful things are, you have to let them go without much resolution. Why? Because NO ONE is worth your peace of mind, ever.

 

 

That's what I keep telling myself. But she won't go away..even when I'm happy she'll cross my occasionally mind. It really really sucks.

 

I'm traveling right now for work which is tough. I do go out and meet people occasionally. I'm far from "sitting on the couch and doing nothing" I've visited San Francisco, Austin, San Antonio, New Orleans, Orlando and Big Bend National Park all in one year. It's been fun but I can't say I'm happy.

[Jame22]

But Gaeta, he said he's been thinking about her for two years?

 

Not necessarily her but what I said. A relationship or even a friendship isn't possible. I just want my respect back, that's all.

[HereNorThere]

That's what I keep telling myself. But she won't go away..even when I'm happy she'll cross my occasionally mind. It really really sucks.

 

I'm traveling right now for work which is tough. I do go out and meet people occasionally. I'm far from "sitting on the couch and doing nothing" I've visited San Francisco, Austin, San Antonio, New Orleans, Orlando and Big Bend National Park all in one year. It's been fun but I can't say I'm happy.

 

 

I think as humans we have a tendency to romanticize past relationships a little more than we should. We always seem to remember the good parts and disregard the bad, especially if we weren't the ones to end it. Either way, what's done is done and you just have to focus on moving forward.

 

And chances are that if all of those other things aren't making you happy, she isn't going to either. It sounds to me like you need to speak with a professional about your depression.