Friend said since I'm not his gf don't call after surgery...

[ThisisIt606]

I've posted about this guy before and so far all my worries have been for no reason. He has always followed up with what he said he would do.

 

My most recent post was regarding his upcoming surgery and his mom visiting with a one way ticket. Turns out she went to visit her other adult child for the day and my guy did ask me to hang out. We went to the pool, watched our fav tv show, talked , got intimate and talked some more.

 

He said he didn't want to leave but had to get home bc his mom forgot keys and couldn't get into apt ( more than valid). He said he was sad he couldn't see me for about 2 weeks while he was on his machine/ has to stay close to bed recovering with his mom there. I told him if he needed anything after she left I'd be happy to help.

 

After he said how he was sad we couldn't see each other for that time, I told him it would make seeing each other next all the more exciting/ better. He agreed and said it was something to look forward to. He also said he was looking forward to opening up my gift post surgery.

 

I plan to send a text early this evening (I told him I have my hobby after work and I don't want it to get too late) to wish him well/ will be thinking about him for his surgery tomorrow.i was also going to ask him what time it will be since he still hasn't been told/ the doc will call today.

 

Tomorrow, after the surgery I was planning to CALL early evening to see how he's doing, just a short convo. I'm half assuming he won't pick up/ sleeping so I'll leave a message.

 

My friend told me calling is " too much" and I'm not his gf and to be supportive but know my boundaries. She said if I call it's giving him nothing to " work for" as far as making me his gf.

 

While it's true we haven't had an official bf/gf talk, we've been dating consistently ( 2x a week) for 2 months as well as texting every day.

 

So I do feel close to him and do care about him. I think it would be such a jerk move not to call him after surgery. He describes it as a major surgery and is very anxious about it ( as I would be).

 

I'm just looking for the opinions of all of you regarding a call even if I'm not his gf. Too much? Or just the nice, considerate thing to do?

[jen1447]

Nice, considerate thing to do.

[Eternal Sunshine]

You are really over-thinking this.

 

Planing text/call times days in advance, imagining what he would do at the future time you call/text.

 

Don't invest so much so soon.

[Gaeta]

Non sense.

 

Dating 2 times a week for 2 months, if you don't call you will come across as inconsiderate. Maybe you haven't had the exclusivity discussion you and your guy but that's still 2 months of steady dating. After that much time there is no more 'let him chase you'. It's time you show who you truly are and if you are a caring woman than show it.

[dpn4u]

I've posted about this guy before and so far all my worries have been for no reason. He has always followed up with what he said he would do.

 

My most recent post was regarding his upcoming surgery and his mom visiting with a one way ticket. Turns out she went to visit her other adult child for the day and my guy did ask me to hang out. We went to the pool, watched our fav tv show, talked , got intimate and talked some more.

 

He said he didn't want to leave but had to get home bc his mom forgot keys and couldn't get into apt ( more than valid). He said he was sad he couldn't see me for about 2 weeks while he was on his machine/ has to stay close to bed recovering with his mom there. I told him if he needed anything after she left I'd be happy to help.

 

After he said how he was sad we couldn't see each other for that time, I told him it would make seeing each other next all the more exciting/ better. He agreed and said it was something to look forward to. He also said he was looking forward to opening up my gift post surgery.

 

I plan to send a text early this evening (I told him I have my hobby after work and I don't want it to get too late) to wish him well/ will be thinking about him for his surgery tomorrow.i was also going to ask him what time it will be since he still hasn't been told/ the doc will call today.

 

Tomorrow, after the surgery I was planning to CALL early evening to see how he's doing, just a short convo. I'm half assuming he won't pick up/ sleeping so I'll leave a message.

 

My friend told me calling is " too much" and I'm not his gf and to be supportive but know my boundaries. She said if I call it's giving him nothing to " work for" as far as making me his gf.

 

While it's true we haven't had an official bf/gf talk, we've been dating consistently ( 2x a week) for 2 months as well as texting every day.

 

So I do feel close to him and do care about him. I think it would be such a jerk move not to call him after surgery. He describes it as a major surgery and is very anxious about it ( as I would be).

 

I'm just looking for the opinions of all of you regarding a call even if I'm not his gf. Too much? Or just the nice, considerate thing to do?

 

Your friend is being silly. If you are concerned call. Everyone (I mean EVERYONE) likes to know that they matter to others. The more the merrier. Call, ask if they are ok and offer your services for anything. Stuff as mundane as picking up a gallon of milk at the grocery store can really be helpful.

[d0nnivain]

By calling after surgery you are showing human compassion & caring for another human being. Those qualities are not defined by your status as BF/GF. Do not listen to your friend. Call this guy after his surgery AND send a get well card. By doing so you have a better change of ending up in a good healthy relationship while your friend & her stingy uncaring spirit will more than likely end up alone.

[Toodaloo]

Your friend is an idiot.

 

Call him.

[ThisisIt606]

Thanks everyone, I will definitely call after his surgery. I told him I would call anyways, seems so cold hearted not to pick up the phone to check in on him.

 

I also included a get well card in my gift that he has but has yet to open.

 

My friends reasoning was since I don't call now, don't do anything different. But people don't exactly get surgery every day so this calls for ramping it up s bit and showing I care, which I truly do.

 

Since his mom is living in his apartment for now and he's far away by transit I will just let him know again that I'm happy to help with anything that he needs after she leaves.

[mrldii]

OP, by your friend's *logic*, if any of his male friends check in to see how he's doing after his surgery, they are tumbling out of the closet.

 

As another poster indicated, you are waaaaaay over-thinking this whole thing; people call/see one another all the time after surgeries, whether they've been dating/knowing/working together for weeks/months/years.

 

I suspect your angst is really over, "We've been dating for 'x' amount of time and have seen each other 'x' number of times...don't you think he should be calling me his girlfriend, by now?!?", and you're using his surgery, your gift-giving, and his mother's visit (a perfect time to 'meet the family' - a sure sign a guy's serious) to try to ferret out the truth / force him to step up to the plate and commit to being exclusive with you and hurry-up-and-affix-the-label-already-would-ya???

 

The sooner he publicly designates that you're his "girlfriend", the sooner you'll be designated his "fiancee" and the sooner you can be designated his "wife".

 

 

Best of luck to you...

[Gary S]

I'm an advocate of playing hard to get, but only to a point.....when someone is down and out, you be nice and help them..... give him a call, I'm sure he'll appreciate it. After all, it's not as if you are talking about buying him a new car

[ThisisIt606]

I ended up texting in the afternoon (happened to catch him right as he was going home) saying I hope it went well and hope he can get a lots of rest. We chatted for a bit and he told me had to get settled in at home.

 

He texted me again soon after saying; "Just opened my gift you're awesome! thanks so much"

 

me: "hahah just something small, you're welcome!"

 

him: "small but great, not unlike some I know ;)"

 

me: "lol well i'm glad you like it"

 

I CALLED when I was getting out of work and left a message.

 

He texted back a little while later and we talked some more. He said he slept for most of the afternoon.

 

I'd like to see him, but don't want to invite myself over while his mom is there. Is it best to check in via text every day to see how he's feeling? Or let him contact me when he wants to?

 

When we last saw each other he said he was sad we "couldn't do this" (as we were cuddling) until 2 weeks. As he was leaving he said he'd "I'll see you soon".

 

I'm not not sure how to let him know I'd like to see him without being overbearing and inviting myself over with his mom there.

Edited August 5, 2015 by ThisisIt606

[Gaeta]

Don't talk about seeing him. You are being over eager. Let him get over his surgery. You can survive 1-2 weeks without seeing him.

 

I don't know what kind of surgery he had but when I got my last surgery and my mom came over to take care of me that was because I could not take care of myself on my own. I would not want any new boyfriend to see me like this. I was not feeling my best, I was not looking my best, and I was on pain killers. It's not fun.

[Popsicle]

Call him for sure. He will want you too.

[ThisisIt606]

Don't talk about seeing him. You are being over eager. Let him get over his surgery. You can survive 1-2 weeks without seeing him.

 

I don't know what kind of surgery he had but when I got my last surgery and my mom came over to take care of me that was because I could not take care of myself on my own. I would not want any new boyfriend to see me like this. I was not feeling my best, I was not looking my best, and I was on pain killers. It's not fun.

 

Yeah, I agree... I would feel awkward about asking to go over anyways. He knows it's a bit inconvenient because of the distance too. I'll just wait it out and when he's feeling better he can make the plans.