Girl I work with asked me out..

[na49]

Yesterday a girl at work asked for my number. I gave it to her, and she was texting me a lot. She texted me this morning, before, and after work. She seems to have a lot in common with me, and asked if I'd ever want to go on a date with her. I didn't commit fully, but said we "probably could at some point". I want to get to know her better at work before meeting outside of work (I know that's probably @ss backwards). That's how I've made friends at work to this point though. I don't think I should rush things with her just because she's interested.

 

Then there's the whole "I work with her" thing that makes me feel like this is a losing battle. She asked if I'd ever date someone I worked with, and I told her I'd need to think about it. I think I'd like to have her as a friend, if nothing else at the moment because I need friends, and she seems really cool.

 

I guess I just need some opinions on what I should do/thoughts on the situation. I don't remember having these questions when it came to my ex, so it's my first time dealing with this.

[Popsicle]

I think you should go for it.

 

I've seen these situations happen before dozens of times.

 

Girl goes for guy. Guy acts apprehensive for whatever reason and holds back. Girl eventually gets tired of it and moves on. Guy is in shock that she dumped him and scurries to try to show her how much he really likes her now that she's gone. Girl is over it. Guy regrets.

 

He should just go for it from the get go if he likes her.

 

If you don't like her, then give her the "let's just be friends" speech and let that be that.

Edited August 3, 2015 by Popsicle

[SammySammy]

Make sure it's not against your company's policies first.

 

If not, I would still advise caution.

 

I've done it. My company didn't have a policy against employees dating. It was cool at first, but the breakup was brutal. Half of the company taking my side. Half of the company taking her side.

 

There's a reason that saying "don't dip your pen in company ink" exists. It can make for a very uncomfortable workplace for everyone if things don't go well.

[madjac74]

I think you are taking the right approach na49. Never mix business and pleasure. It is so dangerous these days. She could get pissed at you and fake a sexual harassment claim. Maybe if you are young and working a fast food job or something, then it might be worth it. But a corporate job or high paying union job....noooo way!

[hakim]

Yesterday a girl at work asked for my number. I gave it to her, and she was texting me a lot. She texted me this morning, before, and after work. She seems to have a lot in common with me, and asked if I'd ever want to go on a date with her. I didn't commit fully, but said we "probably could at some point". I want to get to know her better at work before meeting outside of work (I know that's probably @ss backwards). That's how I've made friends at work to this point though. I don't think I should rush things with her just because she's interested.

 

Then there's the whole "I work with her" thing that makes me feel like this is a losing battle. She asked if I'd ever date someone I worked with, and I told her I'd need to think about it. I think I'd like to have her as a friend, if nothing else at the moment because I need friends, and she seems really cool.

 

I guess I just need some opinions on what I should do/thoughts on the situation. I don't remember having these questions when it came to my ex, so it's my first time dealing with this.

 

 

Ultimately it's your choice, but I wouldn't date someone I worked with.

[d0nnivain]

Is this a job or career? If it's a job, date anybody you want. If it's a career, think about what happens if you don't click (awkward but survivable) and what happens if you date & then break up (how do you continue working)

 

 

I don't' think your strategy of get to know her at work before deciding to date is a good one. At best she will feel friend zoned by you. At worst by the time you work up to it, she'll be dating somebody else. So either go on the date or tell her that you changed your mind & don't want to date people you work with

[na49]

Yeah, I should have clarified. I'm 21, and it's a job at a supermarket. It's a summer job, and a part time job when I go back to school next month. I've been talking to people and learned that other people here are dating/have dated.

 

Do you think she's coming on too fast with everything? She barely knows me, and she's asking me if I'd date people at work, and all of that? Is that normal? I have no idea. I'd hate to lose her, because she has so much in common with me. This really could be exactly what I need right now. I enjoy texting her a lot, and she lives a little closer to me than my ex did.

[fitnessfan365]

Dude, if it's a summer job who cares? I mean it'd be one thing if it was your long term career, or even a regular full time job. Then I'd say that no woman is worth the paycheck. But you're leaving in a month to start back up at school.

 

The best part about this for you is that you don't have to do any guesswork. You know that she finds you attractive and wants to go out w-you. Since you have things in common w-her, I say just cut to the chase and ask her out on a date. If anything the universe is acting in your favor having this happen when you're about to leave anyways.

Edited August 3, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[na49]

Dude, if it's a summer job who cares? I mean it'd be one thing if it was your long term career, or even a regular full time job. Then I'd say that no woman is worth the paycheck. But you're leaving in a month to start back up at school.

 

The best part about this for you is that you don't have to do any guesswork. You know that she finds you attractive and wants to go out w-you. Since you have things in common w-her, I say just cut to the chase and ask her out on a date. If anything the universe is acting in your favor having this happen when you're about to leave anyways.

 

I'm still going to be working when the semester starts too, so I'm not leaving next month.

[OldRover]

Yeah, I should have clarified. I'm 21, and it's a job at a supermarket. It's a summer job, and a part time job when I go back to school next month. I've been talking to people and learned that other people here are dating/have dated.

 

Do you think she's coming on too fast with everything? She barely knows me, and she's asking me if I'd date people at work, and all of that? Is that normal? I have no idea. I'd hate to lose her, because she has so much in common with me. This really could be exactly what I need right now. I enjoy texting her a lot, and she lives a little closer to me than my ex did.

 

Hell, 21 at a supermarket job... go for it and enjoy. This is a short term job, I wouldn't worry about it, go have fun!

[smackie9]

[d0nnivain]

Do you think she's coming on too fast with everything? She barely knows me, and she's asking me if I'd date people at work, and all of that? Is that normal? I have no idea. I'd hate to lose her, because she has so much in common with me. This really could be exactly what I need right now. I enjoy texting her a lot, and she lives a little closer to me than my ex did.

 

No it's not abnormal & while she is a bit more straightforward than many women her age, I simply think she's decisive & goal oriented. I see nothing fast about that.

 

 

If you like her & don't want to lose her, go on the date. If you do anything else you will lose her.

 

 

Calm down. Stop over thinking this & enjoy

[oberkeat]

Yesterday a girl at work asked for my number. I gave it to her, and she was texting me a lot. She texted me this morning, before, and after work. She seems to have a lot in common with me, and asked if I'd ever want to go on a date with her. I didn't commit fully, but said we "probably could at some point". I want to get to know her better at work before meeting outside of work (I know that's probably @ss backwards). That's how I've made friends at work to this point though. I don't think I should rush things with her just because she's interested.

 

Then there's the whole "I work with her" thing that makes me feel like this is a losing battle. She asked if I'd ever date someone I worked with, and I told her I'd need to think about it. I think I'd like to have her as a friend, if nothing else at the moment because I need friends, and she seems really cool.

 

I guess I just need some opinions on what I should do/thoughts on the situation. I don't remember having these questions when it came to my ex, so it's my first time dealing with this.

 

OP, it sounds like you're not that interested in her. She's been coming onto you real hard, but so far you've responded with apathetic and indifferent phrases like, "I'd need to think about it," or "maybe at some point." How flattering . If I were her, I'd quit wasting my time on you and move on to some guy who actually wants her number.

Edited August 3, 2015 by oberkeat

[Gary S]

What you are doing is rejecting her. Unless you look like Brad Pitt, when a woman asks you out, you go. Time to make a quick decision, it's now or never (if you haven't already blown it).

[oberkeat]

What you are doing is rejecting her. Unless you look like Brad Pitt, when a woman asks you out, you go. Time to make a quick decision, it's now or never (if you haven't already blown it).

 

If she has any self-esteem, she's probably already moved on. OP clearly isn't interested.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Nice to see a role-reversal for once

[na49]

 

This made me lol for some reason.

 

She has still been texting me a lot/seems interested. She came by to visit with another friend yesterday even though she was off. I wouldn't blame her for moving on if she does, because I definitely wasn't ready for all of this. A few nights ago, I'm crying over an email that my ex sent me on my birthday, now this.

[xcupid]

This made me lol for some reason.

 

She has still been texting me a lot/seems interested. She came by to visit with another friend yesterday even though she was off. I wouldn't blame her for moving on if she does, because I definitely wasn't ready for all of this. A few nights ago, I'm crying over an email that my ex sent me on my birthday, now this.

 

Seems like you're not completely over your ex yet, so you're probably not ready for dating - which could account for being cautious. Having said that, it might be worth dipping your toe into the water with this new girl. Just keep in mind that if you were dating her and you broke up, things could get awkward.

[na49]

Seems like you're not completely over your ex yet, so you're probably not ready for dating - which could account for being cautious. Having said that, it might be worth dipping your toe into the water with this new girl. Just keep in mind that if you were dating her and you broke up, things could get awkward.

 

That's fair. I'm probably not over her, and the way I know this (as if it isn't clear enough) is that if my ex came back tomorrow, I'd still take her back. This new girl wouldn't even be a question.

 

I agree that dipping my toe in the water with this girl could be worth it. I don't understand how I'm ever supposed to "get over my ex" without trying to see a new girl? Breaking up would make things awkward which is another reason I'm being cautious. I'd rather just have her as a friend at work for now.

 

She texts me so much, I feel like she thinks that I'm as interested in her, as she is in me. Should I tell her this isn't the case? or just leave it be for now?

[RebelWithoutACause]

Don't take her flirting seriously. People who come on too strong before they even know you are only doing it for the attention, ego boost and validation, not because they have any genuine interest in you.

 

Keep your distance, don't reply to all of her messages, don't flirt back and hopefully once she stops getting a response from you she'll leave you alone.

 

Or of course you can get all caught up in this, start believing she's all into you, fall for her, at which point she'll go completely cold, distant and ultimately disappear without an explanation. This is how this story goes. You need to learn to weed out the attention whores from those who genuinely like you.

[na49]

Don't take her flirting seriously. People who come on too strong before they even know you are only doing it for the attention, ego boost and validation, not because they have any genuine interest in you.

 

Keep your distance, don't reply to all of her messages, don't flirt back and hopefully once she stops getting a response from you she'll leave you alone.

 

Or of course you can get all caught up in this, start believing she's all into you, fall for her, at which point she'll go completely cold, distant and ultimately disappear without an explanation. This is how this story goes. You need to learn to weed out the attention whores from those who genuinely like you.

 

I'm happy you said this because I honestly believe it's the case. I couldn't understand how she is so into me without having a face to face conversation with me really. She's moved way too quickly, and honestly turned me off. When she asked me if I was single, I told her I was. Then I asked if she was and she said "sadly". This seemed like a major red flag to me because it means she's someone who NEEDS to have a boyfriend.

 

Do you think it'd be a bad idea to talk to her at work still? I probably wouldn't be able to tell her off, because that'd make things just as awkward.

[RebelWithoutACause]

I'm happy you said this because I honestly believe it's the case. I couldn't understand how she is so into me without having a face to face conversation with me really. She's moved way too quickly, and honestly turned me off. When she asked me if I was single, I told her I was. Then I asked if she was and she said "sadly". This seemed like a major red flag to me because it means she's someone who NEEDS to have a boyfriend.

 

Do you think it'd be a bad idea to talk to her at work still? I probably wouldn't be able to tell her off, because that'd make things just as awkward.

 

Limit your communication with her, don't reply to all her texts and if you do be polite but short. Try to act as normal as possible at work. Don't flirt but also don't get "mean". Keep a distance and see how things proceed. Hopefully she'll go away once she gets the hint.

[dpn4u]

Make sure it's not against your company's policies first.

 

If not, I would still advise caution.

 

I've done it. My company didn't have a policy against employees dating. It was cool at first, but the breakup was brutal. Half of the company taking my side. Half of the company taking her side.

 

There's a reason that saying "don't dip your pen in company ink" exists. It can make for a very uncomfortable workplace for everyone if things don't go well.

 

Agree on all points with an addition. You both need to agree up front that if it turns out to not work out that you will stay on good terms. If you don't think you can handle that, don't do it.

 

I did this once, we hung out a few times over a month had lots of AWESOME sex, then she got distant. I straight up told her that if she wants to end it I am ok with that lets be friends. Guess what, we were still thick as thieves after that conversation. I'm not gonna lie, I still had a crush. However I had to swallow those feelings for the good of both of us and realize that if its not meant to be, we work together, move on. We are still good friends 10 years later.

 

If you can do this, go for it! If you can't, don't. Be realistic don't fall in love, and never ever tell anyone at work about it.

Edited August 4, 2015 by dpn4u

[na49]

She's made it known to a lot of people that she is interested in me, and is very social/talkative. The complete opposite of me, and actually made me feel uncomfortable with how many people she told. If this is how it is with her just being interested, I think that being with her would be even worse. (and a breakup would be worse than that).

 

I tried not to be mean when turning her down, but she is persistent. I'd really just like her as someone to talk to at work. I am not interested in hanging out with her out of work. She asked me if I'm working tomorrow, and I'm off. I don't feel like seeing her though.

 

Is there any easy way to basically tell her that I'm just interested in seeing her at work right now?

[Riptide91]

While I still think you should just go on one date with her, if you're really not interested at all just let her know you aren't looking to date right now as you got out of a relationship a little while ago (she doesn't need to know how long ago). That's an easy way to let her know that you don't want to date because of how you feel and not something pertaining to her. The old "it's me, not you" scenario. Meanwhile, I'm over here trying to judge if the girl I met a couple weeks ago is actually interested in me. I still say go on the date for fun, doesn't have to be serious. It's good to get out. Good luck buddy!