Philosopher Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Over the past three weeks I have been dating this girl I met from an online dating site. So far I have been on four dates with her and all the dates have all gone very well. She has even come over to my apartment. From the second date onwards there has been lot of touching, holding hands, kissing, etc, quite a bit of which she initiated. Up until the last date last week, she was generally pretty quick at replying to my texts and would usually reply to texts within an hour and return my phone calls. The thing is however, since the last date last week she generally has become a lot slower at replying to my texts and sometimes does not reply at all. For example on Friday I texted her early in the morning and she did not reply at all. However when I sent a text later that day in the evening she replied quite quickly and we had quite a good text conversation after that. Therefore I am getting a bit concerned she might be trying to fade me out. However I do know that she has been pretty busy over the last few days. This weekend she was out of the country and she was busy with a couple of work events at the end of last week. Therefore it could be that her slow texting is due to her being busy instead. I have not yet arranged another date with her since the end of the last date as I know she is busy until next week, however she did mention during the last date it would good if she could come round and cook me dinner as I cooked her dinner last time she was over. I am planning to call her up tomorrow evening to arrange something. Is this girl still interested in me and is her being slow in replying to my texts due to her being busy, or is she trying to fade me out? If she is becoming less interested, what can I do to rekindle her interest? Link to post Share on other sites
kizik15 Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 One word: ignore. Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Ahh, the slow fade. It's a conflict-avoidant's super weapon. Maybe, but she could also be testing you. Maybe she just wants to know that you're going to give her space. Just maintain your value and don't let her see you sweat. If you're getting ditched, so be it. Don't let her make a chump out of you by pursuing her and feeding her ego. To get a girl, you gotta be willing to lose a girl, ya know. Link to post Share on other sites
hakim Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 You're probably asphyxiating/smothering her. Generally women will being to lose interest when the guy is showing signs of insecurity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Philosopher Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 You're probably asphyxiating/smothering her. Generally women will being to lose interest when the guy is showing signs of insecurity. In what way am I asphyxiating or smothering her? Link to post Share on other sites
hakim Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 In what way am I asphyxiating or smothering her? Look here, a girl who is interested in a guy is going to make it very simple for him. The fact that she's going awol some times and taking time to answer your texts is a but worrying. I wouldn't contact her until she contacts you, and when she does you can just ask her out then. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I think she's fading or is losing interest. I don't have ANY patience with women I'm dating being poor communicators. To take hours and hours or a full day to return a text is BS in my mind. EVERYONE has their phones glued to them. To simply NOT reply to a text? Oh, HELL NO! You shouldn't of texted her again if she failed to reply to one of your texts. Personally, you need to step back and put her in the "plan b" pile and keep dating new girls to find as a "plan A" girl. If she vanishes, you know how she felt. I certainly would let her instigate all the communication for a while and then NOT be available to her. Yes, it's a bit of a game but sometimes people need to experience what they are providing to others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Over the past three weeks I have been dating this girl I met from an online dating site. So far I have been on four dates with her and all the dates have all gone very well. She has even come over to my apartment. From the second date onwards there has been lot of touching, holding hands, kissing, etc, quite a bit of which she initiated. Up until the last date last week, she was generally pretty quick at replying to my texts and would usually reply to texts within an hour and return my phone calls. The thing is however, since the last date last week she generally has become a lot slower at replying to my texts and sometimes does not reply at all. For example on Friday I texted her early in the morning and she did not reply at all. However when I sent a text later that day in the evening she replied quite quickly and we had quite a good text conversation after that. Therefore I am getting a bit concerned she might be trying to fade me out. However I do know that she has been pretty busy over the last few days. This weekend she was out of the country and she was busy with a couple of work events at the end of last week. Therefore it could be that her slow texting is due to her being busy instead. I have not yet arranged another date with her since the end of the last date as I know she is busy until next week, however she did mention during the last date it would good if she could come round and cook me dinner as I cooked her dinner last time she was over. I am planning to call her up tomorrow evening to arrange something. Is this girl still interested in me and is her being slow in replying to my texts due to her being busy, or is she trying to fade me out? If she is becoming less interested, what can I do to rekindle her interest? I think you are jumping the gun in assuming she is fading. She's been out of the country and had work commitments. That could easily lead to a lag in texting. See what happens when you plan your next date. Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I don't think she's fading you out, especially since she asked if she could come over and cook you dinner. She genuinely might just have had a busy couple of weeks with work, it happens. I'd be careful about texting anyone early on in the day. Chances are they're at work and/or their mind is occupied with other things so flirting and texting back and forth isn't high on their priority list at that time. She probably was showing you that early texts like that are not practical for her with her job and when she was finished later that night you saw she was able to talk. Another tip. Phone calls man, phone calls. If you want to skip the "omg it's been 18 minutes since I texted her and she hasn't replied, wtf is going on?!" Mentality , there is an easy fix. When she texts you saying hi just tell her "hey I'm a bit swamped at work today, you gonna be around later? I can call you after 530". Phone calls accomplish in 5 minutes what texting can sometimes take hours/days to achieve. It also will allow you to gauge her tone of voice instead of reading her texts and trying to figure out her mood. Call her! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 I'd stay away from texting, it's a poor form of communication. Just call her for a date when she's available. Dating is a processes, you just have to take it one date at a time until you make it to relationship territory at two months. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CTRL C Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 However I do know that she has been pretty busy over the last few days. This weekend she was out of the country and she was busy with a couple of work events at the end of last week. Therefore it could be that her slow texting is due to her being busy instead. Yes, it probably is. She has a career and a life outside of her phone that she has to give attention to. Is this girl still interested in me and is her being slow in replying to my texts due to her being busy, or is she trying to fade me out? If she is becoming less interested, what can I do to rekindle her interest? Why don't you ask her? Mention that you've missed the long conversations you used to have. Personally, as a 20-something myself I think we put WAY too much stock into texting. Our generation has become prone to nitpicking and overanalyzing minutiae of technology etiquette. Instead of eagerly anticipating time we spend with other people, we're debating over how long it takes to send a text. If you want to talk to her then call her. If you really want to keep things rolling, then do it in person and not in pixels. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Amalyn Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Personally, as a 20-something myself I think we put WAY too much stock into texting. Our generation has become prone to nitpicking and overanalyzing minutiae of technology etiquette. Instead of eagerly anticipating time we spend with other people, we're debating over how long it takes to send a text. If you want to talk to her then call her. If you really want to keep things rolling, then do it in person and not in pixels. I'm beginning to hate texting for this very reason. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Another tip. Phone calls man, phone calls. If you want to skip the "omg it's been 18 minutes since I texted her and she hasn't replied, wtf is going on?!" Mentality , there is an easy fix. When she texts you saying hi just tell her "hey I'm a bit swamped at work today, you gonna be around later? I can call you after 530". Phone calls accomplish in 5 minutes what texting can sometimes take hours/days to achieve. It also will allow you to gauge her tone of voice instead of reading her texts and trying to figure out her mood. Call her! While I agree phone calls are the first choice in communicating, the calls or phone messages can also be ignored as easily as a text and can cause the same anxiety while you're waiting and waiting and waiting for the call to be returned.. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Secret chick tip: if we like you and we're excited about you, we text back likably and excitedly, and we initiate texts, and we're prompt. If we're not so much, then not so much. This doesn't have to mean it's all over but you should listen to the signals and take them for what they're worth. To salvage, don't respond to a fade vibe with a desperation vibe or turning up the intensity of anything, that'll only make her fade more. Be dignified, and the dignified thing to do if someone is blowing you off is back it down. She might actually respect you for that, but you also have to accept that she might take it as "good, I can fade easily now." If that's the case, take it as so be it. But you won't impress her by scurrying around trying to get her attention when she doesn't want to give it. The only caveat here is the early in the morning thing ....what was up with that? If I got a non-emergency text at 4 am from my lifelong soulmate I'd probably blow them up for sh*tting all over my prime sleepy time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
tumblingdice Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Pick up the phone and call. So many things can go wrong with texts. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 ^ Nah, texts are perfectly fine. If she doesn't particularly want to hear from you, seeing an incoming call from you will be worse than an incoming text. Link to post Share on other sites
CTRL C Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 ^ Nah, texts are perfectly fine. If she doesn't particularly want to hear from you, seeing an incoming call from you will be worse than an incoming text. But that's assuming that she doesn't want to hear from him. Texts allow for exactly this sort of miscommunication that he's experiencing. They're good for quick messages but not as the foundation of communication in your relationship. They are fine, but phone calls are better. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 She's lost interest in you, simple. Unless a woman is well over 40, she will have her phone in her hand constantly either messaging on Facebook or whatever flavour of the month social media site. Taking a whole day to reply is simply lack of interest. Takes under a minute to write a message. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Philosopher Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 An update on the situation. Early this evening she texted me suggesting we should meet up on Wednesday. Great I thought. I replied saying Wednesday would be good and I asked her what idea she had her on mind for meeting up. However again she never replied and did not return my call This girl really is beginning to confuse me now . I think no contact may be the best course of action from now. If she gets back in contact and confirms the date, then great. If she does not contact me, then I will assume she is either not interested or is playing games. Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Wow, how rude to suggest getting together and then not to finalize the get together. Personally, if I were you I would move on if you don't hear from her again like you said. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 (edited) So let me get this straight. She contacted you tonight about Wed and then you responded. But then since she didn't respond right away, you also tried calling her too? Dude, you are acting way too needy. First there was Friday w-the double texting and now this. Since you've only known her for three weeks, she'll have other things in her life that are more of a priority. I mean you even said she's been out of the country, swamped w-work events, etc.. So stop freaking out when she doesn't respond back instantly. If anything she might actually be testing you now because you started to call and text her too much. Under no circumstance should you contact her again. No matter how long it takes, you need to wait for her to get back to you. Wow, how rude to suggest getting together and then not to finalize the get together. Personally, if I were you I would move on if you don't hear from her again like you said. Go back and read over what he wrote. I mean it would be one thing if he hadn't heard from her in days. Then I'd fully agree that she was being rude. However, this all happened tonight within the span of a few hours. Instead of letting her get back to him, he freaked out because she didn't respond instantly and then tried calling her on top of it. Since he's been acting needy as hell lately, it's probably causing her interest to go way down. Edited August 3, 2015 by fitnessfan365 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SawtoothMars Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 An update on the situation. Early this evening she texted me suggesting we should meet up on Wednesday. Great I thought. I replied saying Wednesday would be good and I asked her what idea she had her on mind for meeting up. However again she never replied and did not return my call This girl really is beginning to confuse me now . I think no contact may be the best course of action from now. If she gets back in contact and confirms the date, then great. If she does not contact me, then I will assume she is either not interested or is playing games. She said "let's meet up" and then you totally failed to take initiative! What you SHOULD have said was "Yes I have some time on Wednesday. I would like to go ________. If that works for you I will pick you up at _ PM." You basically just told her that you don't care enough to put any thought into a date in advance. Plus, you called her afterward like some insecure chump. Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Go back and read over what he wrote. I mean it would be one thing if he hadn't heard from her in days. Then I'd fully agree that she was being rude. However, this all happened tonight within the span of a few hours. Instead of letting her get back to him, he freaked out because she didn't respond instantly and then tried calling her on top of it. Since he's been acting needy as hell lately, it's probably causing her interest to go way down. Yeah, I did read it too quickly, the fact that he called after not getting a response to the text did come across as needy/desperate. My advice is the same though, for him to back off. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Early this evening she texted me suggesting we should meet up on Wednesday. Great I thought. I replied saying Wednesday would be good and I asked her what idea she had her on mind for meeting up. However again she never replied and did not return my call I agree with the others that you're coming across a bit needy. Did you call her tonight after she ignored your text? Either way, this woman is a bit flaky or rude or game playing. All three would be deal breakers for me. As Jen stated, if she was really into you, she would be replying in a timely manner, especially when she instigates and asks a question. To text and then vanish is BS. I ran into a few woman like this when I was last dating. I gave them one hall pass for poor communication. If they pulled it again, they never heard from me again and were flat ignored if they contacted me. Link to post Share on other sites
PapaG Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 From my experience, women hate neediness. This is a killer especially when you first start dating someone. Women love adventure, maybe things are becoming routine and boring for her. Figure out a way to bring some excitement to your next date, make sure you don't spend a lot of money either. Link to post Share on other sites
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