got left out in cold-rejected

[nickprior]

new and updated

 

So this girl from my apartment complex(she lives across and two doors down) is real cute.

 

I've always wanted to talk to her but was to nervous

 

Ended up talking to her a few times outside when we both had our dogs out or I was coming in from outside as she had her dog out

 

a few mornings agp I got the courage to knock on her door and asked her for coffee. She said yes and we scheduled for sunday. I told her id stop by in the afternoon. she said thats perfect

 

i stopped by twice today and knocked and she didnt answer, but she is home. (she had just brought her dog in from outside)

 

im basically embarassed and feel like crap

 

why would someone do this?

 

its gonna be so awkward when i see her again

 

i know i made a thread about ditching her , but that was nerves, i had a weird feeling this would happen and it did

 

the only thing i can thinkis she thinks im creepy

 

Friday night she had her dog out and i had taken my garbage to the dumpster and when i came back i saw her talking to a few people

 

im afraid she thinks i wait till she goes outside and i do to talk to her. which isnt true at all.

 

 

what the hell do i say to her next time i see her?

 

do i just ignore her? should i say something like "hey i stopped by sunday, thought we were gonna go out?"

 

do you think she thinks im creepy?

[nickprior]

i didnt schedule a certain time if that matetrs

[Learningtowalkagain]

Next time you see her smile, say hi, and be on your way. If she wants anything more than that she'll initiate more conversation.

 

Quite honestly I think you're being paranoid.

 

I talked to a girl at work, she said she'd call me over the weekend (I knew she wouldn't). Saw her a few weeks later, smiled, said hi and tried to go about my way. She stopped and talked to me for 10 minutes. 3 months later we were dating.

[PogoStick]

Of course it matters. Without a time it's not really a date/meeting.

[katiegrl]

OP, please please don't go knocking on her door anymore.

 

It's three times now you did this ....yes I am sure she thinks you are creepy.

 

Unless a girl invites you over, showing up unannounced is rude and imposing. What if she had another guy over?

 

I don't blame her for not answering the second and third time ... I would not have either.

 

I don't know why she agreed to coffee. Probably didn't know how to say no, and figured she would just avoid you. Sorry.

 

She was probably mortified when you went knocking on her door again and chose not to answer it. You didn't even have a time scheduled. What if she had just gotten out of the shower? Or had another guy over?

 

You need to think of these things.

 

Next time, when you like a girl, get her number and call her asking her for coffee or wherever.

 

No showing up at her door unexpectedly.

Edited August 2, 2015 by katiegrl

[nickprior]

OP, please please don't go knocking on her door anymore.

 

It's three times now you did this ....yes I am sure she thinks you are creepy.

 

Unless a girl invites you over, showing up unannounced is rude and imposing. What if she had another guy over?

 

I don't blame her for not answering the second and third time ... I would not have either.

 

I don't know why she agreed to coffee. Probably didn't know how to say no, and figured she would just avoid you. Sorry.

 

She was probably mortified when you went knocking on her door again and chose not to answer it. You didn't even have a time scheduled. What if she had just gotten out of the shower? Or had another guy over?

 

You need to think of these things.

 

Next time, when you like a girl, get her number and call her asking her for coffee or wherever.

 

No showing up at her door unexpectedly.

 

i didnt show up unexpectedly

 

i told her id be by sunday afternoon

[katiegrl]

i didnt show up unexpectedly

 

i told her id be by sunday afternoon

 

Was there a time set? No. You should have taken her number and then called her to confirm the time you would stop by. Common courtesy, respect for her privacy and basic etiquette dictates you do this.

 

Obviously she was busy when you decided to just show up, so she did not answer the door. She may have felt you were imposing on her time, her space. I would have.

 

Next time (not with her, this ship has sailed), get a girl's phone number and call her on the phone. Ask her out for a specific day and TIME.

 

Then meet her at that specific time.

 

Don't just say you'll stop by Sunday, that sounds too casual and open-ended.

 

I am a girl, I am telling you what we like, what we respond to. And it's not a guy we hardly know just showing up at our door willy nilly whenever he feels like it.

Edited August 3, 2015 by katiegrl

[preraph]

I'm sorry it turned out that way. I mean, I suppose she could have been in the shower or whatever and not even heard her, so when you do see her, you should definitely say confidently, "Hey, I knocked on your door that day and guess I missed you.) And just see what she says.

 

Unfortunately there are a lot of women out there who have a hard time saying no and will go this route (avoidance) instead. I wouldn't knock on her door again, but I would tell her casually and confidentally (not like you're hurt) you came by and see what she says. But if she then doesn't apologize and suggest another time, give up.

[ExpatInItaly]

Was there a time set? No. You should have taken her number and then called her to confirm the time you would stop by. Common courtesy, respect for her privacy and basic etiquette dictates you do this.

 

Obviously she was busy when you decided to just show up, so she did not answer the door. She may have felt you were imposing on her time, her space. I would have.

 

Next time (not with her, this ship has sailed), get a girl's phone number and call her on the phone. Ask her out for a specific day and TIME.

 

Then meet her at that specific time.

 

Don't just say you'll stop by Sunday, that sounds too casual and open-ended.

I am a girl, I am telling you what we like, what we respond to. And it's not a guy we hardly know just showing up at our door willy nilly whenever he feels like it.

 

I have to agree. OP, I am a woman too and while I don't think you have bad intentions at all, the way you're going about it could put many women off. She probably felt very put on the spot when you showed up at her door a couple days ago. Yes, the mature thing would have been to decline if she wasn't interested. But the reality is that many of us have difficulty being direct.

 

Simply say hello to her the next time you see her. I don't think you need to say anything about coming by. Next time, as for the woman's number instead. Build a little rapport first. Stopping by at any random time on a given day isn't specific enough.

[Gary S]

- Next time when you are talking to a girl, get her phone number, then call her later for a date.

 

- If you don't have a time, you don't have a date.

 

- You ask a girl once - if she's a no-show, you move on to the next one. Don't be a stalker.

[nickprior]

so i was dumb not setting a time?

[xcupid]

so i was dumb not setting a time?

 

 

Not the best way to have a date, that's for sure. Good advice in this thread.

[ExpatInItaly]

so i was dumb not setting a time?

 

Pretty much.

 

And also for not getting her number. Showing up at her door isn't the way to go about it.

[mortensorchid]

Situation is sticky to begin with. You live in the same building so you truly have no "apart time". I would just say hello the next time you see her and keep walking.

[nickprior]

turns out she did this to another guy here

 

he asked her out she said yes

 

he went to her door and she didnt answer

[ExpatInItaly]

turns out she did this to another guy here

 

he asked her out she said yes

 

he went to her door and she didnt answer

 

That's not a surprise.

 

It's not a great way to set up a date. I really don't like people coming by without knowing what time to expect them. Sounds like the guys in your area need to learn some new tactics.