This should have been easy.

[Cinnimon]

Hello again. Some of you might have read my other thread entitled "ignoring gut feelings". This is an update and what I am feeling now that has brought me back here once again.

I'm not here to ask for help with him, rather to seek advice as to why I feel the way I do and how to stop it.

 

He called me last week and finally brought up the subject of the night I went and stayed with him, except for all he made comment about was how he remembered what I looked like in my nightgown. So I spoke up and said so you do remember that night because it's been 2 weeks and you haven't mentioned it once, as a matter of fact I was beginning to wonder if I had just made a mistake of doing what I did with you after feeling nothing but aloofness from you since it happened. He said well I am really sorry you felt that way, I actually thought the whole night was amazing but maybe I just show things differently than you do and after all you know what I have been through in the past, I have always been strong and then I got hurt.

I said what exactly does that mean? He said you know I really want to finish this conversation but I have to attend a meeting in about 5 minutes so can I call you this evening (this was about 2 pm) and I said yes, please do because I'd like to finish this conversation as well. He said okay talk to you tonight.

He has had a history of saying I'll call you later and then never does so I was uneasy about it and gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Evening comes, no call.

Next day comes, no call.

Next morning comes and I send him a text and say you know, obviously that conversation wasn't as important to you as it was for me so we don't need to continue it or any others for that matter.

He immediatly responds : WOW. Okay , sorry you feel that way.

 

That was last Wednesday and nothing since.

Here is what I think, he had been waiting for me to do exactly what I did.

He did not bother to ask why because he already knew.

 

Okay the reason why I am here:

I feel bad for ending it via text but I was angry and I keep telling myself it was okay to end it like I did because I showed him the same about of respect if not more than he had been showing me.

 

The fact that he hasn't said a word should tell me all I need to know, right?

I can't stop thinking about it.

[mrldii]

...I feel bad for ending it via text but I was angry and I keep telling myself it was okay to end it like I did because I showed him the same about of respect if not more than he had been showing me.

 

The fact that he hasn't said a word should tell me all I need to know, right?

I can't stop thinking about it.

 

But, you didn't end it by sending him an angry text.

 

You acknowledged, via an angry text, his ending of it when he chose, once again, to not deliver on his word.

 

 

 

What's the problem?

[Cinnimon]

I guess I just regret not just calling him and saying what I wanted to say rather than just cut it off.

I doubt it would have done nothing more than fall on deaf ears which is probably why I didn't call him, plus the fact that I was angry.

 

AND I think people that do things like that via text are just cowards who want to avoid being an adult and would hate it it were done to me but again I wasn't trying to avoid confrontation I was just really angry because my feelings were hurt and I felt like they were just being dismissed.

[Redhead14]

Hello again. Some of you might have read my other thread entitled "ignoring gut feelings". This is an update and what I am feeling now that has brought me back here once again.

I'm not here to ask for help with him, rather to seek advice as to why I feel the way I do and how to stop it.

 

He called me last week and finally brought up the subject of the night I went and stayed with him, except for all he made comment about was how he remembered what I looked like in my nightgown. So I spoke up and said so you do remember that night because it's been 2 weeks and you haven't mentioned it once, as a matter of fact I was beginning to wonder if I had just made a mistake of doing what I did with you after feeling nothing but aloofness from you since it happened. He said well I am really sorry you felt that way, I actually thought the whole night was amazing but maybe I just show things differently than you do and after all you know what I have been through in the past, I have always been strong and then I got hurt.

I said what exactly does that mean? He said you know I really want to finish this conversation but I have to attend a meeting in about 5 minutes so can I call you this evening (this was about 2 pm) and I said yes, please do because I'd like to finish this conversation as well. He said okay talk to you tonight.

He has had a history of saying I'll call you later and then never does so I was uneasy about it and gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Evening comes, no call.

Next day comes, no call.

Next morning comes and I send him a text and say you know, obviously that conversation wasn't as important to you as it was for me so we don't need to continue it or any others for that matter.

He immediatly responds : WOW. Okay , sorry you feel that way.

 

That was last Wednesday and nothing since.

Here is what I think, he had been waiting for me to do exactly what I did.

He did not bother to ask why because he already knew.

 

Okay the reason why I am here:

I feel bad for ending it via text but I was angry and I keep telling myself it was okay to end it like I did because I showed him the same about of respect if not more than he had been showing me.

 

The fact that he hasn't said a word should tell me all I need to know, right?

I can't stop thinking about it.

 

Listen, it doesn't really matter that you texted the break up, because as you said he knew it was coming and he didn't care enough to call you back to finish that conversation. He's not feeling bad about the text break up, so don't beat yourself up.

 

If you knew he loved you and might be blindsided by a break up, yes, text would have been completely inappropriate.

 

He's not responding, he didn't call to finish that conversation, he doesn't care. Neither should you. Go no contact. Focus on yourself and your needs and get out and have some fun. Do anything to distract yourself. Clean closets, catch up on things you've letting hang. Go out and by yourself a nice new outfit. You deserve to be happy. Be happy with yourself. A woman doesn't need a man to be happy. A man should only enhance the happiness a woman already has for herself, not bring all of it to her.

[Cinnimon]

I know you are right Red and I have been going on with my life, trust me. I just can't seem to stop thinking about it and to be honest I just think wow, really you are not even going to say a word............

[Gaeta]

I know you are right Red and I have been going on with my life, trust me. I just can't seem to stop thinking about it and to be honest I just think wow, really you are not even going to say a word............

 

If calling him is what you need to close that chapter then do so.

 

I personally don't need that type of last conversation to find closure but I've notice my daughter (28) is always in dying need of it. Maybe because she is younger and full of fire. Even though I tell her to let it go, for her, to put it to rest she needs that last contact.

 

So if that's what you need go ahead and call him.

[Redhead14]

I know you are right Red and I have been going on with my life, trust me. I just can't seem to stop thinking about it and to be honest I just think wow, really you are not even going to say a word............

 

I understand where you are. The only way to stop thinking about it is to -- STOP THINKING ABOUT IT Seriously, just do it. You sound like a strong woman. If you are honest with yourself, are there any words from him that would make you feel better? Nothing he would say would help you. If anything, it would be worse to hear the actual words he might use. You know he's not actually going to step up to the plate. You knew it when you sent that text.

 

Let this fade. The pain will fade as well. Think of it this way, if you hear the words, it will be like being hit by a train. If you lived, every single bone would be broken and there would be even more damage to recover from and some you'd never recover from.

 

Go No Contact and stick with it.

[Cinnimon]

Gaeta, I want to but I can't see it doing any good. He's probably going to just bow up and say something to the fact that If I want to walk I can walk, that I know that he was hurt badly in the past and has a guard up.

That should have been my first red flag right there.

You've been hurt in the past and you are guarded, well isn't everyone? So why pretend like you are looking for a relationship if you can't be in a relationship?

[Gaeta]

I understand where you are. The only way to stop thinking about it is to -- STOP THINKING ABOUT IT Seriously, just do it. You sound like a strong woman. If you are honest with yourself, are there any words from him that would make you feel better? Nothing he would say would help you. If anything, it would be worse to hear the actual words he might use. You know he's not actually going to step up to the plate. You knew it when you sent that text.

 

Let this fade. The pain will fade as well. Think of it this way, if you hear the words, it will be like being hit by a train. If you lived, every single bone would be broken and there would be even more damage to recover from and some you'd never recover from.

 

Go No Contact and stick with it.

 

Some people need a full blown rejection to put things to rest. I don't think she needs him to step up to the plate. I think she needs a clear rejection and that will help her put this to rest.

 

I remember dating this man for a couple of months and things just faded away. I kept thinking about him and was filled of 'what if'. I contacted him and we had a nice conversation where he confirmed it was really over for him and no 'what if'. That was the confirmation I needed. From there I stopped thinking about him with no efforts.

 

There is no one-size-fits-all answer. OP knows herself, she needs that last confirmation to move on.

[Gaeta]

Gaeta, I want to but I can't see it doing any good. He's probably going to just bow up and say something to the fact that If I want to walk I can walk, that I know that he was hurt badly in the past and has a guard up.

That should have been my first red flag right there.

You've been hurt in the past and you are guarded, well isn't everyone? So why pretend like you are looking for a relationship if you can't be in a relationship?

 

Him telling you he's guarded because he's been hurt in the past IS your rejection.

 

You know it really means I don't want a relationship with YOU.

 

In a couple of months you'll see him head over heels with another woman with no guards up. You know that right?

[Cinnimon]

Him telling you he's guarded because he's been hurt in the past IS your rejection.

 

You know it really means I don't want a relationship with YOU.

 

In a couple of months you'll see him head over heels with another woman with no guards up. You know that right?

 

Ugh!! You are killing me, Gaeta!!

But yes, I have thought about that.

[Cinnimon]

Bottom line is you would hope that you were worth more than the slow fade and that one could just be honest with someone when time and emotion has been invested. BUT I guess I'm just learning the hard way that some people are just screwed up. Hell maybe I am one of them!

[smackie9]

This guy is gas-lighting you. Every time you confront him about HIS behavior, he has np avoiding and or turning it around on you for doing so, making you confused and feeling bad.

 

Dump this piece of crap.

 

Remember only date those who treat you the way you want to be treated.

[Cinnimon]

Samckie9, He is gone. My problem is getting him and the way he went about things out of my head.......