michellew Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Slept with someone I've been dating for first time last night (4th date) and he hasn't texted or called today. We've had a great time over the past couple of weeks. I put my guard down and definitely didn't see this coming at all. Link to post Share on other sites
xcupid Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 This is what happens when a woman sleeps with a guy too soon, sorry to say. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Were you in constant conversation every day leading up to last night? Did you establish exclusivity? Link to post Share on other sites
Author michellew Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 This is what happens when a woman sleeps with a guy too soon, sorry to say. No, actually it's not. I slept with my ex-fiancé the first night we met and we ended up being together for 4 years and are still good friends. On the other hand, I've waited months before sleeping with someone and we broke up soon after. If this guy was just out for sex, it wouldn't matter if I waited 4 dates or 20 dates. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 No, actually it's not. I slept with my ex-fiancé the first night we met and we ended up being together for 4 years and are still good friends. On the other hand, I've waited months before sleeping with someone and we broke up soon after. If this guy was just out for sex, it wouldn't matter if I waited 4 dates or 20 dates. If he was just looking for sex, he would've given up before 20 dates. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author michellew Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 Were you in constant conversation every day leading up to last night? Did you establish exclusivity? Yes. He texted daily and even called just to talk at times between dates. We have a blast and laugh the whole time we're together. It honestly just felt very right and natural. No exclusivity talk, but I didn't think he'd bail either. Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Sex freaks dudes out sometimes. Seriously, just lay back in the cut and wait it out. In all honesty, he's probably just worried your going to be a stage 5 clinger. You're gonna have to fake it, but act like it isn't a big deal. Once he sees you aren't gonna be crazy, the game will be on again... Promise! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Sex freaks dudes out sometimes. Seriously, just lay back in the cut and wait it out. In all honesty, he's probably just worried your going to be a stage 5 clinger. You're gonna have to fake it, but act like it isn't a big deal. Once he sees you aren't gonna be crazy, the game will be on again... Promise! Agreed. Just lay low, respond positively if/when he contacts you, don't mention the silence. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Amalyn Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 This is what happens when a woman sleeps with a guy too soon, sorry to say. This is not always true. I was with my ex for 4 years and we slept together the first time our second date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author michellew Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 Sex freaks dudes out sometimes. Seriously, just lay back in the cut and wait it out. In all honesty, he's probably just worried your going to be a stage 5 clinger. You're gonna have to fake it, but act like it isn't a big deal. Once he sees you aren't gonna be crazy, the game will be on again... Promise! Crap. I just now gave in and texted him first... Me: Hello Him: Hey little biscuit Me: How was your day? Him: Good, but I slept way too much Me: Have you been sleeping all day? lol Silence. He now thinks I'm a stage 5 clinger I'm sure. Going out with my friends now and will try not to think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Ugh, jerk move I know, but it's just the craziest feeling for a guy. You gotta understand that we have no control over whether or not you get pregnant (evolution didn't factor in birth control and condoms for us) and it's like a MASSIVE panic attack the next day because of that lack of control. It's more than likely if you're cool, his motions will settle and everything will back to normal. If you bug him, it'll make it worse. Mark my words. You just chill and everything will be back on soon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 This is not always true. I was with my ex for 4 years and we slept together the first time our second date. I slept with my ex on the first night we met (not even a date!) and we lasted nearly 5 years. Another ex was the third or fourth, lasting almost three years. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Crap. I just now gave in and texted him first... Me: Hello Him: Hey little biscuit Me: How was your day? Him: Good, but I slept way too much Me: Have you been sleeping all day? lol Silence. He now thinks I'm a stage 5 clinger I'm sure. Going out with my friends now and will try not to think about it. Turn your phone off. He was probably exhausted from last night and slept a ton. Chill. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Amalyn Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I slept with my ex on the first night we met (not even a date!) and we lasted nearly 5 years. Another ex was the third or fourth, lasting almost three years. That's the thing about guys... They are all different. If a guy likes you and wants a relationship, it honestly doesn't matter when you sleep with him. He will still be there afterwards. If he's only looking for sex, it wouldn't of mattered when you slept with him because he'd still "hit it and quit it". 7 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I slept with my ex on the first night we met (not even a date!) and we lasted nearly 5 years. Another ex was the third or fourth, lasting almost three years. And I should add: The first night guy, I didn't expect it to go anywhere so I behaved as such. There was no needy, clingy, "oh god I made a mistake I never do that I swear!" kinda stuff. And with the other, at the time I wasn't sure how into him I was, so again I was a little distant and aloof. With both of these I'm sure they woulda run screaming if I'd acted differently, like God forbid, I cared. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Ugh, admittedly, I pulled dumb sheet like this when I was younger. I ALWAYS flipped out the next day. In nearly every instance, I went back to normal as soon as the panic was over. "Sex and murder are the same. Well, you say the same after both don't you? "Damn I got to get the hell out of here!" "What was I thinking!" - Dave Attell Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 That's the thing about guys... They are all different. If a guy likes you and wants a relationship, it honestly doesn't matter when you sleep with him. He will still be there afterwards. If he's only looking for sex, it wouldn't of mattered when you slept with him because he'd still "hit it and quit it". I don't agree. There are guys who are looking for a R who will be turned off by you sleeping with him too soon. My brothers are examples; they subconsciously push boundaries. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Amalyn Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I don't agree. There are guys who are looking for a R who will be turned off by you sleeping with him too soon. My brothers are examples; they subconsciously push boundaries. Oh.. Well, I'm not too sure I've ever encountered that. However, I will say that I don't normally hook up early into the relationship. That was one exception. Link to post Share on other sites
Author michellew Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 Turn your phone off. He was probably exhausted from last night and slept a ton. Chill. You're right. He does tire easily and is on a ton of meds (he shared this with me last night). The sex was pretty intense and lengthy; he really could have overexerted himself. I guess I should mention that he suffered a brain injury a couple of years ago. The more time I spend with him, the more apparent the after effects of this injury become. I'm wondering if his lack of after-sex etiquette has anything to do with this. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 (edited) If he was just looking for sex, he would've given up before 20 dates. Not necessarily. The challenge of getting a woman into bed often keeps a man interested and pursuing her. He may not even realize what's propelling him, until after deciding to trust him, she finally agrees to have sex. So they have sex and he wakes up and realizes he is not interested anymore! It's all a risk no matter how long a woman waits. OP I'm sorry but at least you found out what a douchebag he is after only four dates and not 20 ...when surely you would be more emotionally invested! Next! Edited August 2, 2015 by katiegrl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Not necessarily. The challenge of getting a woman into bed often keeps a man interested and pursuing her. He may not even realize what's propelling him, until after deciding to trust him, she finally agrees to have sex. So they have sex and he wakes up and realizes he is not interested anymore! It's all a risk no matter how long a woman waits. Okay, you know this anecdotal? Never mind just keep thinking what you think. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Okay, you know this anecdotal? Never mind just keep thinking what you think. Well I have five brothers, one of whom is a huge player so I am privy to some major info about guy behavior from them. But hey if you're not like that .....fabulous! Glad to hear it! But some (not all obviously) definitely are! I also had sex with my bf the first night we met...and we are still together - five years later! One size does not fit all darlin .... :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Not necessarily. The challenge of getting a woman into bed often keeps a man interested and pursuing her. He may not even realize what's propelling him, until after deciding to trust him, she finally agrees to have sex. So they have sex and he wakes up and realizes he is not interested anymore! It's all a risk no matter how long a woman waits. OP I'm sorry but at least you found out what a douchebag he is after only four dates and not 20 ...when surely you would be more emotionally invested! Next! I have to agree. Some people are all about the chase and that's that. However, I'm telling ya, a lot of us just freak out, especially when were younger. It's hard to describe, but I've done it sooooo many times. Lol, now I just plan out 2 or 3 text the next day to make sure that even if I'm freaking, it doesn't show. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veganpilot Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 My friend slept with her boyfriend on the first date and now, they have been dating for 3 years and planning to get married. So it doesn't apply to /every/ guy, I guess. But it depends on the context; Where did you meet him? Did you know each other before you dated or were you both friends? If you both had a strong foundation before, it will become less likely that he is pursuing you for sex. Dating sites and blind dates are risky though. You should not have shown you are more emotionally invested in the relationship or he will pull away. @Katiegrl: Is there any way of distinguishing a guy that is for real or wants a challenge to get a girl into bed? Link to post Share on other sites
Learningtowalkagain Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Don't know this guy but replying "hey little biscuit" is a good sign. He's being playful and laid back. You shouldn't have made the "sleeping all day" comment as now he may think you're smothering him by not talking to you. As a guy if I reply back I'm still interested on some level. You obviously like this guy, keep calm, don't over analyze everything, and try to go with the flow. Like others have said, I've slept with girls on first dates and been with them 3 years and have waited the 2 weeks to a month period and it didn't last much longer than that Link to post Share on other sites
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