Stage5Clinger Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I really like a girl. We dated for a few weeks and she went cold. I'm still trying to figure out exactly why but she says our emotions are in two different places. Frankly I wanted a relationship and she wasn't ready. It's been a few weeks and she's still talking to me but insisting on friends. She really very much wants to be friends with me and we plan to still hangout just the two of us when she is free. She is very responsive to texts and snapchats. I have asked her out alot but she's been busy lately - but I think she is legit busy. She texts me first aometimes and seemed incredibly happy when I said we could be friends. Her last relationships sound like she was emotionally abused, rushed into relationships too fast, she's very shy, and has this emotional wall up that is hard to get into. My question is; if I play this right and be a good friend, show a better less needy side, and continue to get to know her through talking, could she eventually begin to see me as a mate rather than friend? When we "go out" again I plan to open doors for her, pay for things, and just continue to be "a man" in her life even if I'm not her man. Definitely hoping for another shot at some point although verbally she's adamant about being friends for now. I also don't know if I should be open about the fact I'm dating other women. I dont want to drive her away or seem less interested bc I have other women in my life. How should I approach that topic if she asks? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stage5Clinger Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 (edited) Deleted.......... Deleted... Edited August 1, 2015 by Stage5Clinger Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Bad idea! Don't pay for her... You should stop thing so much to her via text. If she is truly busy give her time to do what she needs to do and let her ask you to hang out. Even from your post you sound desperate to be its this girl so I can inky imagine how it comes across to her. Move on and actually date other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stage5Clinger Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 Just sucks when I give my everything to someone ans they say whoa no thanks. I still text her frequently. I know it's against every code but when you're in love it's not about games. I want her in my life forever. Link to post Share on other sites
TSElliot Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 Google "Friend to Girlfriend" What you're doing is only making it worse! OMG stop! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stage5Clinger Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 Yeah it's time to give this one up. Sucks you guys when you stick yoir neck out give your everything to someone who finda you repulsive for thinking they are great. Oh well going no contact plenty more fish in the sea. She is just too immature for a relationship I've determined. Still stings to get rejected though regardless of the reason! I thought I found someone special that time.. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Hooked......... Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XL5eGEDteN8 Tip: the friends zone by skyy john Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 The friend zone is bull****. The friend zone is a term for a self induced position by dudes who constantly hope that one day, the girl is going to change her mind about you. You want her to change her mind about you? The last thing you do is zone yourself. You tell her, with as much confidence and swag you can, staring her straight in the eyes. "I'm wildly attracted to you and because of this, we can't be friends. I will always want to tear your clothes off and have my way, and I can't control that. I'm sorry, but if you change your mind about what you want, you know how to get a hold of me" Or, if you want to be more of a dick, you can say "Sorry, but I have enough friends" And then you do it, you go NC. Sorry man, don't subject yourself to a broken heart. It's not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 My question is; if I play this right and be a good friend, show a better less needy side, and continue to get to know her through talking, could she eventually begin to see me as a mate rather than friend? No. Not likely. She's got you in the friendzone and she's trying to turn you into one of her girlfriends. If you dont' want to be neutered down like that, do not accept friendship with her. You want to be her man, not her girl. When we "go out" again I plan to open doors for her, pay for things, and just continue to be "a man" in her life even if I'm not her man. Definitely hoping for another shot at some point although verbally she's adamant about being friends for now. Don't take her out and don't pay unless you honestly don't mind parting with your money. This, IMO, is a very bad investment on your part. She is going to continue to withdraw and you are going to continue to pursue until something snaps and your feelings get hurt. Save yourself a whole lot of heartache and angst--drop her off and go find a woman who wants to be your woman and wants you to be her man. I also don't know if I should be open about the fact I'm dating other women. I dont want to drive her away or seem less interested bc I have other women in my life. How should I approach that topic if she asks? Yes, be completely open about that. She's your friend, not your woman. Friends tell each other about who they're dating. Also, limit your contact with her until you've gotten to a state of indifference with her. Trust me--she will either change her tune and discuss revisiting relationship status with you or she will bounce and stay gone--which is also doing you a huge favor because she's not interested in being who you need for her to be. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Just sucks when I give my everything to someone ans they say whoa no thanks. Don't do this unless they are also meeting you with the same measure of interest and intent. Think of it this way--a sponge cannot absorb when it is saturated. When you send a deluge by "giving my everything", she is saturated too quickly to absorb any more and stops. Now, she needs time to wring out. If your initial approach is to trickle, then the sponge stays thirsty and takes longer to absorb. Make sense? I still text her frequently. I know it's against every code but when you're in love it's not about games. I want her in my life forever. Time to stop texting frequently. You inundating her is turning her off. Quite frankly, you don't know her well enough to know whether or not she can go the distance of "forever". You've only been dating for a few weeks. Chances are, you're in love with the idea her to be and not really her. You may be quite infatuated, but it's not love because you haven't had a good 6 weeks with her. Chill. Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 Your situation reminds me of when I was younger. To but it bruntly. You have 2 chances with this girl........"Slim" and "none". When I was younger I asked this girl out. Great first date and got to know her but when I asked her for a second. She said we should just be friends. Fine! Move on! I said and yes I was initially felt sad and let down but a few days later she text me, and the day after and the next. So I reckoned she was telling the truth and be friends. I have some girls who say lets just stay friedns and never hear from them again. Fast forward 7 years! The girl who was texting me daily went through 3 boyfriends. I helped her through the bad times and one night one of her friends messaged me asking if I wanted to go back out with her!!!!! So, it took 7 years to get there and 3 boyfriends! Do you know what? I had dated other people then and Im glad I did. Although she was nice. She had chosen other people before me, and by the time she got round to me. I had already moved on. So thats my "lets be friends" summed up. She girls will say this not to let you feel down. If you think youve got a chance. Look at my case. It took her 7 years. Paying for dinner and opening doors!? Er, youre not her boyfriend so why offer her that privilage? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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